I was all keen on getting married eventually, till I got to my mid 20's when I've noticed other people's marraige and relationships and their experiences with the court system. I've never seen one marraige that's NOT fallen appart after 10 years, the only exception has been my folks', and they were married at 17 and 18.
The more I read and observe, the more I realize that in my opinion, it has nothing to offer men. Men are still expected to still have the "traditional role"; be the main provider, you know, fix stuff around the house, change a tire in the rain, have a job that is equal to or better than the wife's, etc. But there's all these new rules and expectations about the 'new man' that I bet most of the guys here aren't aware of, let alone consulted.
But I'm sure you guys have heard on a number of occasions, mostly being spoken down to with a finger pointed at you (or someone else on a talk show while channel surfing)... "What makes you think you deserve a good woman?".
And hearing this stuff made me think "wait, men aren't allowed to have expectations of their wives". We have it drilled into our heads that we can't ask a potential mate to do anything because it's sexist and we're trying to control them. But it made me think "well.. what do women offer to get themselves a good husband?" We still have our traditional roles, but it's basicly suicide to ask for a "traditional woman". Like expecting some roles filled around the house like I'd have to fill. If I'm expected to be a handy man and change a tire or the oil when I'm not at work for example (which I don't mind doing, I like doing that stuff to save money), why can't I expect some of the traditional roles in return? A real partnership.
And no, I can hear some of you thinking "well he wants a slave" and bunch of other sneering remarks. That's BS. I could become a house-husband if there was such a situation, but I don't see many women sticking with men who have a lower status job than they do, let alone husbands that don't have a job! I don't give a shit if a wife works, but we guys seem to be willing to walk into a one-sided contract with marriage without asking anything return, asking "why are YOU worth it?"
On divorce, its really a killing field for men. You might think I'm completely off base with the above statements, but usually those kinds of people just roll their eyes and smirk until they end up in a bitter divorce, and can't understand why they have to pay alimony to their wife who's been working since they got married. Basicly, once you're married, money and children belong to women in the eyes of the court.
did you know:
-more than 2/3 of women are the ones that file for divorce in the US. The most common reason is "mutual differences" or just no-fault divorces. Abuse and infedilty are much lower on the list
-your wife can have her own job and income and still recieve alimony from you
-in most states, your wife can cheat on you, and can still get the house, kids, and years of your money
-55% of married women cheat while 60% of married men cheat (Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy in 2002)
-In many states, it is illegal for you to take a lower paying job if you are paying alimony
-you still have to continue paying alimony if your wife remarries.
-in some states like california, dating and living with a single mother for a certain amount of time can end up with you paying child support
I'm not risking something like that, especially when I'm looking to head into a high paid career track down the line, but you guys, the best advice is to sit with your girl and TALK about what you expect each other to do.. do your negotiating before you're married, and don't assume things will work themselves out, you will be a LOT better off.
You guys need to know what your needs are and do your best to find a girl to meet them because no one else is going to give a damn about YOUR needs and wants, because after that, its all about the family as it should.. you, if you're a husband, is in last place.
your opinions? (and no, this is not a flame thread)
The more I read and observe, the more I realize that in my opinion, it has nothing to offer men. Men are still expected to still have the "traditional role"; be the main provider, you know, fix stuff around the house, change a tire in the rain, have a job that is equal to or better than the wife's, etc. But there's all these new rules and expectations about the 'new man' that I bet most of the guys here aren't aware of, let alone consulted.
But I'm sure you guys have heard on a number of occasions, mostly being spoken down to with a finger pointed at you (or someone else on a talk show while channel surfing)... "What makes you think you deserve a good woman?".
And hearing this stuff made me think "wait, men aren't allowed to have expectations of their wives". We have it drilled into our heads that we can't ask a potential mate to do anything because it's sexist and we're trying to control them. But it made me think "well.. what do women offer to get themselves a good husband?" We still have our traditional roles, but it's basicly suicide to ask for a "traditional woman". Like expecting some roles filled around the house like I'd have to fill. If I'm expected to be a handy man and change a tire or the oil when I'm not at work for example (which I don't mind doing, I like doing that stuff to save money), why can't I expect some of the traditional roles in return? A real partnership.
And no, I can hear some of you thinking "well he wants a slave" and bunch of other sneering remarks. That's BS. I could become a house-husband if there was such a situation, but I don't see many women sticking with men who have a lower status job than they do, let alone husbands that don't have a job! I don't give a shit if a wife works, but we guys seem to be willing to walk into a one-sided contract with marriage without asking anything return, asking "why are YOU worth it?"
On divorce, its really a killing field for men. You might think I'm completely off base with the above statements, but usually those kinds of people just roll their eyes and smirk until they end up in a bitter divorce, and can't understand why they have to pay alimony to their wife who's been working since they got married. Basicly, once you're married, money and children belong to women in the eyes of the court.
did you know:
-more than 2/3 of women are the ones that file for divorce in the US. The most common reason is "mutual differences" or just no-fault divorces. Abuse and infedilty are much lower on the list
-your wife can have her own job and income and still recieve alimony from you
-in most states, your wife can cheat on you, and can still get the house, kids, and years of your money
-55% of married women cheat while 60% of married men cheat (Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy in 2002)
-In many states, it is illegal for you to take a lower paying job if you are paying alimony
-you still have to continue paying alimony if your wife remarries.
-in some states like california, dating and living with a single mother for a certain amount of time can end up with you paying child support
I'm not risking something like that, especially when I'm looking to head into a high paid career track down the line, but you guys, the best advice is to sit with your girl and TALK about what you expect each other to do.. do your negotiating before you're married, and don't assume things will work themselves out, you will be a LOT better off.
You guys need to know what your needs are and do your best to find a girl to meet them because no one else is going to give a damn about YOUR needs and wants, because after that, its all about the family as it should.. you, if you're a husband, is in last place.
your opinions? (and no, this is not a flame thread)
