Is roleplay sex okay?

[Aurgelmir]

Okay, so here's the story.

I have a female friend whom I chat with online. We've known each other for quite sometime, we've talked on the phone, we've seen what the other one looks like, but we have never met in person. She has a boyfriend, I am single. We like to do roleplay in a private online chat room where we make our own characters and they interact with each other and stuff. It's a lot of fun to me and we've done that for a while, but assuming you read the title I think you'll know where this is going. So it's gotten to the point where one of my characters is veeeeery close to having sex with her character (They are a couple). The argument is that since we're just roleplaying and its our 'characters' having sex not us, then she's technically not cheating on her boyfriend and it's ok. But I still have a niggling little doubt in the back of my head saying that this is wrong.

So can roleplay sex be labeled under real sex or not?

As you said its the characters.
Point two, she would be cheating, not you.
Point three, what is her thoughts on it?

Personally I would be a bit annoyed if my girlfriend was getting it on Cyb0r style with another dude, role playing or not I think.

 

[Outright Villainy]

This is just... odd.

Okay, so you're agonising over this, because you know it doesn't sit quite right. But why is it important to do it? If it's just role playing, why would it matter to pretend a character you made did the nasty? It seems like a lot of risk for no reward.

Maybe I just don't understand the appeal of cybering...

 

[DazZ.]

I honestly wouldn't care if my woman was roleplaying sexual encounters with someone online. Not just because she'd only get horny and come find me when shes done, but I find it ludicrusly weird thing to get anal about. Nothings happening, everythings fine and it's just a bit of fun. So long as she was open about it with me I wouldn't worry at all.

So basically my opinion is echoing the "tell him" vibe, I seem to be in the minority but as long as I was informed I wouldn't give a shit.

Then again I'm blissfully ignorant about how much this sort of connection could possibally mean to someone.

 

[Trolldor]

Ask the boyfriend. There we go problem solved

This. If I was the boyfriend in question, it would be cheating, but that is just my opinion.

No, not "this". Not "problem solved".


Is this girl intellectually incapable of making the decision for herself?

Different people have different sets of morals and different boundaries.

The girl is making the decision for herself, however the facts influencing this decision may or may not include the wishes or desires of her partner in her relationship.
Say she asks him, he says he's not ok with her doing something like that.
She can choose then to do it anyway regardless of his wishes, or not to do it because of that.
If the guy says he's not ok with that he's not 'forcing' her to not do anything, he is expressing his disapproval of it, and since relationships go both ways there will probably be some consequences for her for doing something he strongly feels is not acceptable in a partner.

So she asks, he says no don't do it, she does it anyway, which to the boyfriend pretty much means she doesn't care about him or their relationship which makes the relationship not worth pursuing and he dumps her. Good for him, she wasn't what he was looking for in a long term partner, and if she wanted to do sex rp'ing so badly then someone who didn't want her doing that with other people probably wasn't what she wanted long term either.

But for the OP I have to say, if you're uncomfortable with it, don't do it, same with real sex. If you think it is violating personal morals or is just a bad situation don't do it. If she wants to and you want to, cool. If her boyfriend doesn't want to but she wants to anyway and you're not ok with that then just refuse. If her boyfriend doesn't want her to and she doesn't want to because of that, good. If her boyfriend is fine with it, she's fine with it, and you're fine with it, also good.
As to your second post, if she lies to him about it, and lies to you about it and you're not ok with that (as your post seems to indicate) stop interacting with her. If you trust her and believe her to not do something like that and she tells you it's ok and you're ok with it, go ahead, if you find out she lied later... well she'll have to deal with the consequences.

Everything I read just says "She isn't allowed to make her own decision"

Morality has nothing to do with it. Firstly, the guy is reading too much in to the whole thing, and secondly it's the girl's decision to make. Not her boyfriend's. He doesn't own her, he doesn't control her, his opinion on the matter is utterly irrelevant. She can tell him or she can not. It's just fucking roleplay.
It's not like she's going around banging homeless men without protection.

 

[Trolldor]

Do you use condums in roleplay sex?
Hell... don't asnwer that... I have no idea if it's good or bad...

Helps prevent roleplay AIDS.

 

[Woodsey]

Ask the boyfriend. There we go problem solved

Yes, ask him...

... bahahahahaha! No, just don't.

If you want to do it (I'm not going to pretend I understand this - I thought you meant kinky maids outfits and stuff but whatever) then do it.

 

[Gaiseric]

Ask the boyfriend. There we go problem solved

Living up to your name.

Agreed 100%. Communication can solve this problem real quick.

 

[Valdus]

I thought the problem here was being TOO connected and some people are apparently too insecure to realize the difference between loving-relationship connected and RP-friend-fun-that-involves-characters-having-an-intimate-relationship connected.

There is a difference. Do you also RP your character going to the toilet in great detail? Theres plenty of elements that RP'ers skim over so why is Cybersex accepted?

Call me old-fashioned but I would call it iffy when two people want to describe, in detail, a vivid sexual scene between two characters created by themselves. And while some people try to make their characters seperate not everyone does. In my experience more and more people just create characters that are just themselves or themselves with a minor tweek in their mannerisms. Even if you don't it doesn't mean the person on the other end is the same way.

it's different from porn because you don't interact with porn. It doesn't matter if I watch a specific porn video once or 100 times it's still the same. Even if I play a pornographic game the events may unfold in different ways but it's sex scenes in it still play out the same.

But doing it with another person enables different ways and methods. It allows them to change on the spot to accommidate your needs and vice versa. What's more, unlike games or videos you have a very good reason to believe that your actions are getting someone else off. Would you be happy with a GF who you know for a fact sexual taunts and teases a male friend of hers? What about stripping naked in front of him? If they're not actually having sex them whats the problem? If the is a problem then were does the line end?

You have to draw a line somewhere between "pornograhy" and "cheating", and for me (and probably a lot of other people) that line is when you start interacting with the person on the other side of the screen.

 

[Slash Dementia]

I'd take that as cheating, no matter in which way you put it. Even if you're not doing anything physically, you're wanting to mentally, and even if you don't mean it. It's a built relationship with another person and it's gone up to the point where their avatars are going to "have sex." It's a sort of betrayal because you found another person to be closely attached to.

Ask the boyfriend--that is, if you know him. And as for the hypothetical question of her saying that her boyfriend is okay with it, even when it's not, then it's up to you. You might hurt their relationship. So, just to keep it safe: don't do it. Find someone else, built up a relationship with a girl who's single--online or not.

 

[Roganzar]

Ask the boyfriend. There we go problem solved

Yup. That.

 

[Cali0602]

My CO once told me "...if you have to think for more than 3 seconds about IF you should do something, don't do it."

If you're taking more than 3 seconds to determine HOW to do it, that's a different story...

 

[BeerTent]

I thought the problem here was being TOO connected and some people are apparently too insecure to realize the difference between loving-relationship connected and RP-friend-fun-that-involves-characters-having-an-intimate-relationship connected.

[...]
it's different from porn because you don't interact with porn. It doesn't matter if I watch a specific porn video once or 100 times it's still the same. Even if I play a pornographic game the events may unfold in different ways but it's sex scenes in it still play out the same.
[...]

I still don't buy it. You could just as easily put "rping" under a game. The only difference between a flash game and this is that it's now multiplayer over the internet. You don't know this person unless this person chooses to tell you this information, and even then it could be a lie. You don't know. Hell, the boyfriend could be a lie.

I could see everyone's concern about this if the girl in question is within reach, say next door or in the other room. But if she's far away in another province/state... Then just make sure it's okay with her and yourself. Again, the worst of this is that the boyfriend asks her to stop, and the best is that he gets a damn good night of fucking.

then i envy your disconnect with humanity.
Have a nice day.

Apparently we're disconnected from all of humanity, Randomfox. Want to burn an orphanage or something? Watch a crowd from a distance and sigh?

Hey, if we can't stick with the rest of humanity, we gotta at least stick together... Makes me wonder why we don't have our own conventions or some shit.

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

So can roleplay sex be labeled under real sex or not?

First of all, how detailed do you plan to RP the sex? Making out, walking to the bedroom, and then fade to black? You're fine.

If you're talking about a play-by-play, then you've moved on to cybering with RP characters. That's pretty much internet phone sex.

Yup... pretty much this.

The only thing you can really do would be to make sure the boyfriend's ok with it

 

[TheTaco007]

She wouldn't be "roleplaying" with you if she didn't want to have sex with you. She did this intentionally, so she WANTS to cheat on her boyfriend. Whether you let her or not, is up to you.