Jimquisition: Mass Effect 3: A Gay Erotic Love Story

[Helmholtz Watson]

*stands up, begins slow clap*
Bravo, sir. Bravo

Agreed. And let us all thank the gods for Jim Sterling. ^^

I never really understood what the deal was about Bioware and their over-the-top-commitment to straight relationships. Femshep boning Lizard-Men is alright, but Lesbians are unholy?

Actually, it isn't Bioware's fault. They tried to have homosexual options in ME1 (the code is still in there, half done) but the guy who did the motion capture for Male Shep (some sort of Underwear model, I believe?) threw a hissy fit about anything "gay" being associated with him and threatened to not let them use his face for Shepard if they made it possible for Male Shep to be gay.

Unable to have gay Male Shep, Bioware removed Ashley from Femshep's options to make things fair.

They tried again in ME2 (again, the options are in the code, but unfinished) but hit the same wall from Mr. Underpants model.

However, since ME3 is the last game with Shepard in it, they no longer have to give a fuck about pissing Mr. Underpants off. Hence the gay options in ME3.

If I had my way my femshep would be whoring herself out to just about everyone on the normandy. She's already banged Liara and Garrus. lol

My Femshep is actually pretty specific about only dating one girl at a time (she's gay - Liara, Kelly, and (hopefully) Tali... or maybe Liara again, I can't decide).

However, my Male Shep is a total slut. Too bad you're only allowed to sleep with one crew member per game (unlike, say, Dragon Age) because, if he could, my Male Shep would work his way through every female crew member and half of the men too.

I played my Male Shep as my male DA:O character and managed to sleep with all four romancable party members before the end. I ended with Morrigan because he and she fit so well together. Also, it was hilarious when Leliana suspected I was cheating on her. I kept her happy on total bullshit while continuing to sleep with Morrigan. My Male Shep/Hero of Fereldin is a total Renegade bastard. ^^ I love him.

yeah its completely a "hissy fit" if you are uncomfortable doing something that isn't part of your sexuality. /sarcasm

 

[Rainboq]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

It is very graphic satire that I didn't choose to finish listening to because I don't need those kind of images in my head.-snip-

Well why not? Homosexuality never hurt anyone in and of itself.

 

[i64ever]

There had to be a better way to make this point.

 

[shado_temple]

Why do I feel like something to this effect (heh) is going to show up in mainstream media?

I can see the headlines now:

"Game Makers Pushing Gay Agenda"
"Liberal Activists Corrupting Young Children through Games"
"Mass Erotica 3?"

Oh, and if they use this video as ammunition, I will disown you, Jim.

 

[Tanakh]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

Well, from my experience teens teens that don't want to have anything remotely gay around are just afraid of it crawling in and truning them on. Nothing wrong about it, at 16 it would have perturbed me to go to the gym or a sauna with a gay friend, heck, last time i went with a bunch of friends to a gay dace club (i love to dance and gays sure do know how to) one of them kept himself out of the bathroom because he was sure all the guys would "check out his tool", that insured hilarity for the night, and he ended up going to a dark lonly alley after we went out.

 

[Risingblade]

I didn't even know this point had to be made...

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

It is very graphic satire that I didn't choose to finish listening to because I don't need those kind of images in my head.-snip-

Well why not? Homosexuality never hurt anyone in and of itself.

....because I don't like the graphic idea of somebodies penis in my head, nor do I want to picture gay sex.

Also, your comment about history is silly, perhaps well intended, but also wrong. Just look at US prisons to see where people have become victims.

 

[Thyunda]

*stands up, begins slow clap*
Bravo, sir. Bravo

Agreed. And let us all thank the gods for Jim Sterling. ^^

I never really understood what the deal was about Bioware and their over-the-top-commitment to straight relationships. Femshep boning Lizard-Men is alright, but Lesbians are unholy?

Actually, it isn't Bioware's fault. They tried to have homosexual options in ME1 (the code is still in there, half done) but the guy who did the motion capture for Male Shep (some sort of Underwear model, I believe?) threw a hissy fit about anything "gay" being associated with him and threatened to not let them use his face for Shepard if they made it possible for Male Shep to be gay.

Unable to have gay Male Shep, Bioware removed Ashley from Femshep's options to make things fair.

They tried again in ME2 (again, the options are in the code, but unfinished) but hit the same wall from Mr. Underpants model.

However, since ME3 is the last game with Shepard in it, they no longer have to give a fuck about pissing Mr. Underpants off. Hence the gay options in ME3.

If I had my way my femshep would be whoring herself out to just about everyone on the normandy. She's already banged Liara and Garrus. lol

My Femshep is actually pretty specific about only dating one girl at a time (she's gay - Liara, Kelly, and (hopefully) Tali... or maybe Liara again, I can't decide).

However, my Male Shep is a total slut. Too bad you're only allowed to sleep with one crew member per game (unlike, say, Dragon Age) because, if he could, my Male Shep would work his way through every female crew member and half of the men too.

I played my Male Shep as my male DA:O character and managed to sleep with all four romancable party members before the end. I ended with Morrigan because he and she fit so well together. Also, it was hilarious when Leliana suspected I was cheating on her. I kept her happy on total bullshit while continuing to sleep with Morrigan. My Male Shep/Hero of Fereldin is a total Renegade bastard. ^^ I love him.

yeah its completely a "hissy fit" if you are uncomfortable doing something that isn't part of your sexuality. /sarcasm

Except he's not doing something. A virtual man that looks like him is doing that something.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

It is very graphic satire that I didn't choose to finish listening to because I don't need those kind of images in my head.

I didn't mean puking in the literal sense, obviously.

Get them out! Out of my head. ARrrrrrrrgh!

You do realise, this was the joke?

 

[Souplex]

Dr. Mordin Solus recommends avoiding fellatio with Garrus: dextro-amino acids can cause an allergic reaction in Shepard's body. Also, watch out for chafing.

Thanks for nearly making me laugh loudly at work, Jim.

He also recommends against it with Thane as it can leave you tripping balls.

All the gayness in that story made me gay.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

*stands up, begins slow clap*
Bravo, sir. Bravo

Agreed. And let us all thank the gods for Jim Sterling. ^^

I never really understood what the deal was about Bioware and their over-the-top-commitment to straight relationships. Femshep boning Lizard-Men is alright, but Lesbians are unholy?

Actually, it isn't Bioware's fault. They tried to have homosexual options in ME1 (the code is still in there, half done) but the guy who did the motion capture for Male Shep (some sort of Underwear model, I believe?) threw a hissy fit about anything "gay" being associated with him and threatened to not let them use his face for Shepard if they made it possible for Male Shep to be gay.

Unable to have gay Male Shep, Bioware removed Ashley from Femshep's options to make things fair.

They tried again in ME2 (again, the options are in the code, but unfinished) but hit the same wall from Mr. Underpants model.

However, since ME3 is the last game with Shepard in it, they no longer have to give a fuck about pissing Mr. Underpants off. Hence the gay options in ME3.

If I had my way my femshep would be whoring herself out to just about everyone on the normandy. She's already banged Liara and Garrus. lol

My Femshep is actually pretty specific about only dating one girl at a time (she's gay - Liara, Kelly, and (hopefully) Tali... or maybe Liara again, I can't decide).

However, my Male Shep is a total slut. Too bad you're only allowed to sleep with one crew member per game (unlike, say, Dragon Age) because, if he could, my Male Shep would work his way through every female crew member and half of the men too.

I played my Male Shep as my male DA:O character and managed to sleep with all four romancable party members before the end. I ended with Morrigan because he and she fit so well together. Also, it was hilarious when Leliana suspected I was cheating on her. I kept her happy on total bullshit while continuing to sleep with Morrigan. My Male Shep/Hero of Fereldin is a total Renegade bastard. ^^ I love him.

yeah its completely a "hissy fit" if you are uncomfortable doing something that isn't part of your sexuality. /sarcasm

Except he's not doing something. A virtual man that looks like him is doing that something.

He still has a right to decide how he is depicted, people don't have to agree with his choice, but they should respect it.

 

[Tanakh]

And yes, Garrus, that voice makes my pants tingly. The pain is worth it

Ahh, the all important voice. Went to amateur singing classes and did try runs with female friends and gay friends perfecting the tone to score casual sex with girls, and totally worth it
Not that hard either, now i listen to some of the songs of leonard cohen (the old cohen, not the young one) to get it right before a club/party.

And yeah, i understand i am being too hard on retconning, but it's something i dislike a lot.

 

[Rainboq]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

It is very graphic satire that I didn't choose to finish listening to because I don't need those kind of images in my head.-snip-

Well why not? Homosexuality never hurt anyone in and of itself.

....because I don't like the graphic idea of somebodies penis in my head, nor do I want to picture gay sex.

Also, your comment about history is silly, perhaps well intended, but also wrong. Just look at US prisons to see where people have become victims.

That's rape, not homosexuality. Homosexuality is simply being attracted to another of the same sex, how one acts based on that has nothing to do with homosexuality itself, but rather the individuals past experiences.

And why not, what's wrong with a phallus?

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

It is very graphic satire that I didn't choose to finish listening to because I don't need those kind of images in my head.

I didn't mean puking in the literal sense, obviously.

Get them out! Out of my head. ARrrrrrrrgh!

You do realise, this was the joke?

yep, doesn't change my desire to not hear it.

 

[Rainboq]

this was disgusting....I think..I think I'm going to puke

Can't stomach a little homo eroticism?

OT: That was pure genius, take a bow good sir!

I'm not gay, so I don't want to hear some gay fanfict.

Its satire, its not actual gay slash. That's hardly a reason, does it physically disturb you, or just emotionally?

Well, from my experience teens teens that don't want to have anything remotely gay around are just afraid of it crawling in and truning them on. Nothing wrong about it, at 16 it would have perturbed me to go to the gym or a sauna with a gay friend, heck, last time i went with a bunch of friends to a gay dace club (i love to dance and gays sure do know how to) one of them kept himself out of the bathroom because he was sure all the guys would "check out his tool", that insured hilarity for the night, and he ended up going to a dark lonly alley after we went out.

XD That sounds like an epic night.

 

[katsabas]

Thanks Jim, you just made me ill to think of milkshakes. From the comments and the vid I think I grasp the message but I think it could be summed up with a shorter video. I really wanted to see how it all ended though.

 

[Xanthious]

I am not particulary trilled by a gay shepard, my problem is that it feels like retconning.

Realizing I'm cutting your whole rant just to bash on this one staement but I have to. This is a BS argument for several reasons.
1. A lot of people will START at ME3, and a game should, while taking it's legacy in account, try and be a stand alone work. Anyone starting at 3 have no history to "betray" by playing GayShep
2. You can play ME1 and 2 with the intention of being GayShep, but not finding a suitable partner. RPG options 4 the win.
3. People come out as gay in every period of their lives. He could have been in the closet or just bi-sexual untill now. Again, roleplay.
4 I can play as the SAME Sheppard but with different faces and different personality in all three games. They let me fuck up my own history if I want to, why on earth would that freedome not be extended to sexuality.
5 it's a friggin OPTION! If it messes with YOUR Sheppard, he can be as straight as you want to. I wanna give it to Garrus up the arse, why would you care if I do that?

Well if we accomodatd your Shepard then what about the people that want to be able to bugger livestock with their Shepard? Are they not as important as the gay crowd? What about the people out there that want a pedo Shepard? Do we accommodate them too and maybe throw a couple little boys on the ship? These are all just options after all.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Oh my god that was so funny.

Well played Mr Sterling, well played.

snip

Erm you do know bestiality and pedophilia are taboo because the other party is not capable of being consensual.

They have no relation to homosexuality at all...which is sex between two consenting adults of the same sex.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

That's rape, not homosexuality. Homosexuality is simply being attracted to another of the same sex, how one acts based on that has nothing to do with homosexuality itself, but rather the individuals past experiences.

And why not, what's wrong with a phallus?

You made a sweeping generalization that homosexuality has never hurt anybody, I called bs because it has(i.e. people have committed crimes because of it). Now I'm not saying that all homosexuals are bad people(because their not) just that it is ignorant of you to say that no homosexual has ever hurt anybody because their homosexual.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

I think it was masterful, how far he was willing to go, into the material, to make the point of how ridiculous it is for a game to turn a person gay--to turn all players of it gay, because of its mighty gayness.