Katawa Shoujo - Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

[Trivun]

Nice work. ^_^
Certainly made brightened up my day a bit, even if I am about to go to sleep soon. I like how you have been filling in the spaces where Hisao isn't around. Has been working pretty well so far.
Worth the wait, though I kinda have to say I was hoping for its release this past friday, as it was my birthday. XD
Guess I'm a bit childish like that.

Anyway, I look forward to your next installment, just don't overload yourself. =D

Ah, my apologies on the timing, and a very happy belated birthday to you! I hope this serves as a nice enough late present for you

Thanks also for the comment on my space-filling. I was actually a bit more uncertain originally about it, even though dialogue has always been my strongest writing skill. When I write original fiction, I tend to write characters then build plot around them, so the dialogue flows naturally as to what they would say (rather than what I want them to say). So with Hanako, I struggled a bit at first, only really giving her dialogue from the original game and writing little original dialogue, focusing on her thought process instead, since I had a bit of difficulty trying to seperate the actual character from what I wanted the character to be like.

Now I'm getting more used to her though, and by thinking about how she would react I'm also learning more about her, so it's getting easier to write what she would say, not what I want her to say, and thus staying more true to Hanako's character without sacrificing writing quality. Thus, I'm getting a bit more adventurous, adding more bits where Hanako isn't part of the game narrative and adding more conversations where Hisao isn't around, or isn't listening. To be honest, that's the main problem I've seen in a few otherwise good fanfics that don't follow the original arc, characters acting OOC because of the author's own writing style. Still, 90%, eh? Should probably change that law to "90% = shit, 8% = okay, and 2% = fucking A..." ;D

 

[Trivun]

Next chapter's up!

Spoiler: Act Two - Chapter Three: The Hatter, the Hare and the Mouse

When I arrive at breakfast this morning, Lilly is already present. I usually try to get to breakfast early, to avoid the stares, but today I decided to turn up a bit later than normal. Maybe it's a sign of my new-found resolve to open myself up a bit more. I wonder what my therapist will say when I see her this weekend? Our session last weekend was cancelled because of the festival, but we have another meeting scheduled for Sunday, not that I ever look forward to them, but there's not much that can be done about it.

?H-hi, Lilly,? I say quietly as I approach with some food, trying not to disturb her too much. She looks quite deep in thought. It's still not as late as it could be, and the cafeteria is still pretty quiet.

?Ah, is that Hanako??

?Y... yes. Are y-you okay??

?I'm fine,? she replies, smiling. ?It's nice to find you here this late.? It's not much later, but she still notices. Her watch is one of those that actually tells you the time.

?I... I decided t-to be a bit... later...? I stammer. ?I s-slept in a little.?

?That's quite alright, Hanako. Actually, I wanted to catch you before you went to class this morning.?

?O-oh??

?I met Hisao here this morning. It seems he couldn't sleep and decided to eat early.?

What did he say to her about yesterday, I wonder? For that matter, I wonder why he didn't decide to go running, if he was up that early? I guess Emi would have been targeting him, I've seen her speaking to him a few times since she bumped into him in the corridor and knocked him down. Not to mention the looks she's given him in the corridor, whether he noticed or not. Given his heart, I suspect the Head Nurse asked her to keep an eye on him.

?I was wondering, Hanako, if you'd be up for a little tea party tonight, in my room? It's been quite a while since the last time...?

I'm certainly up for that, tea parties with Lilly are always nice. But I'm also certain that she has more than that in mind... ?S-sure...?

?That's good to hear. I also wanted to ask, if you said yes... How would you feel about inviting Hisao along??

She must have brought it up with him before, after dropping that comment about seeing him earlier. I can't refuse now. Then again, I'm not sure I want to say no. I am a bit annoyed at Lilly's obvious attempts to play matchmaker, though. Still, it might be nice to have Hisao along for an evening tea party.

?Um... I g-guess... that would b-be okay... with m-me...?

?Excellent. I'll let him know then.? You say that, Lilly, but you've obviously already asked him, and he's clearly already said yes. I can't blame Lilly for the little white lie though, so I let it slide and begin to eat my breakfast. Who knows, maybe this evening will be rather enjoyable...

The day carries on as normal. I turn up to classes, though I don't get a chance to speak to Hisao at any point. He doesn't join us in the tea room for lunch today either, being dragged away by Emi to eat on the roof with herself and Rin. My guess is that she wants to monitor what he's eating, since I saw the Nurse giving him funny looks in the corridors over the past few days. If it helps his condition though, I have no complaints. I keep my head down and work on the day's problems, eat with Lilly, make my way back to my dorm room after the lectures finish, and read some more. The sun is already low in the sky, casting an orange glow on Yamaku, when I change into my nightgown, join a pyjama-clad Lilly in her room, and sit down to prepare the tea and wait for Hisao.

It's not very long before he arrives, a knock on the door signalling his presence.

?Is that you, Hisao?? Lilly calls. ?The door is open, you can come in.?

The door opens rather slowly as a familiar face peers around the corner. I watch him as he takes in the quaint, antiquated look of the room, gazing at every piece of furniture and every defining aspect of Lilly's decorative style, before turning to the pair of us. I am fully conscious of how my scars are that bit more visible in my nightgown, even when I bought them specifically to keep as much of my body hidden as possible. I'm also quite shy at Hisao seeing me in this and nothing more, adding to my sudden need to be hidden. Old habits kick in and I tense up, shoulders forward and hands hidden between my legs, my head pointing down even though my eyes look up at Hisao's face. I smile briefly, just a shadow of a thing, pleased that he could come after all despite my insecurities.

?There's no point in you standing in the doorway, Hisao.? Sometimes I wonder if Lilly really is blind, or just a very good actress, but that's not fair to her. To cope with her lack of sight she has trained her other senses remarkably well. Especially if she could tell that Hisao hadn't come into the room properly yet. Maybe she guessed from not hearing the door close? She speaks again as Hisao enters.

?My my, I'm afraid this really is a small room for the three of us. Would you like to take a seat??

Hisao walks over to the low table and sits on the floor with Lilly and I. As he approaches I see his eyes dart towards Lilly, pointing downwards... Does he think I didn't notice just what he was looking at? I feel bad for my friend, guilty at my smile, but I manage to stifle the giggle at Hisao's natural male tendencies before he notices me watching him.

?Well now, how about some tea. Hanako, could you please pour?? It would be my pleasure, Lilly.

?S... sure. Hi... sao... would... would you... would you like...? I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so much more nervous now than I have at any point since my very first meeting with Hisao, back in the library that afternoon. I still feel exposed in my flimsy nightgown, even if it is too big for me. It's harder to interact here with Hisao too, in a more casual environment yet with Lilly present (possibly scrutinising my every move in her own attempts to help me). And in the back of my mind, I know that soon enough I'm going to withdraw even more than usual, a particular date approaching fast. Hisao hasn't been here for that in previous years, and I don't know yet what he'll make of it. It worries me...

He comes to my rescue here, though. ?I would love some tea. Do you need a hand??

?N... no, I'm fine...? It's true, I'm okay with pouring the tea. I'm just stammering even more than I normally do. I am grateful to him. ?Thank you.?

I can see Lilly smiling with her head in my direction, even though I try not to make eye contact with her. For Hisao's benefit, of course, rather than Lilly's.

?Been a tiring day?? he asks me.

?Y... yeah.? If I'd been able to speak to him earlier then he'd already know, especially given my anticipation of this evening building up during the day and making me focus less on other equally important tasks. I actually struggled for once with the problems set in class today! I put this to the back of my mind, and pour the tea without incident. Almost without incident.

I gently clip the edge of a cup with the teapot, a 'cling' sound clearly audible despite the subtleness of the collision. In my nervousness I can't help but gasp slightly, even though my rational mind knows there's nothing to be worried over. Maybe I really want to impress Hisao at this point. I don't know why, but there's something about him that keeps driving me to get closer, to open myself up to him as I've never done with anyone but Lilly before.

?It's okay, Hanako. There's no need to be nervous.? Lilly's words are soothing and calm me down just a little. I'm still timid in my actions and attitude, but I continue pouring and manage to prepare three cups of tea for us without further hassle.

?Thank you, Hanako.?

?Yeah, thanks.?

?Y-you're welcome...? I reply to them both. As we all sip our tea, Hisao lets out a relaxed breath.

?This is nice, it's so different from any tea I had before...?

?Looks like you picked the right one, Hanako,? Lilly responds to Hisao's comment. ?You've done well, even if it was a bold move.?

I smile again at Hisao, deliberately and with much more emotion than earlier. ?I'm glad you like it...? I sip my own tea, feeling happier and more relaxed myself. When Lilly told me what she had planned this morning, I thought of a plan of sorts, confronting her with it at lunch while Hisao wasn't around. I asked if I could choose the tea we served based on how I saw Hisao, and what I felt he would like best. It was indeed a bold move, and Lilly knew that (well, I hope she did at least). I'm pleased that I made the right choice.

?So, Hisao, are you enjoying yourself?? Lilly's change of topic hardly bothers me. I'm simply content to discover I know Hisao a bit better than I previously thought I did.

?Yeah, it's relaxing. Almost like I'm not in the school any more. Do you do this often??

?Quite often, but not as often as we take tea in the school building.? That's a regular occurrence, only stopping when either Lilly or myself are busy or when something else comes up, whereas these evening tea parties might happen once a week, or even less, depending on circumstances.

Hisao moves to take another sip of tea, but quickly brings his cup back down from his lips. Looking inside briefly I can see that it's empty. ?That was delicious,? he says. ?Thank you, Hanako, Lilly.?

?You're welcome,? I reply without a single stammer.

?Yes, you're most welcome, Hisao,? says Lilly. ?It's nice to have a third person here.?

?Well,? he replies to us both, ?any time you need someone to fill that position, I'm always available. Always.? As he finishes speaking, Lilly moves her hand to her mouth in an attempt to hide a large yawn. She fails miserably to conceal it, but I don't blame her. I feel just the same way.

?Pardon me,? she says. ?I think I'm a little tired.?

?I think we're all a little tired,? I concur.

?My my, how astute tonight, Hanako.? I think Lilly is being playful in her teasing, but at the same time I'm happy she's noticing that I can take the initiative sometimes. This is as far as I go in tonight's exchanges though, at least for now. Baby steps, after all. The best way to change for the better is to do so over time, in moderation. I think I read that in a book somewhere. ?We really should head to bed,? Lilly continues. ?We all have class tomorrow.?

?Yeah,? Hisao agrees. ?I should go.?

?Thank you for your presence, Hisao,? says Lilly.

My own sentiments match those of Lilly perfectly. ?Th... thanks. You'll come again??

?Not even a whole army could stop me..? I smile at this, but again I'm reminded of that weird Kenji guy.

?I'm impressed by your determination, Hisao,? Lilly says. Surely she knows what Kenji comes out with more than I do? I've met the man once, whereas she shares classes with him every day. Hisao's determination is still pretty impressive though.

?Either way,? he says, ?you're right. We'd best get going.? Hisao stands and starts to walk to the door. As he approaches, I respond in kind, following him slightly. He must notice, as he stops and turns to look at me before he opens the door. ?Are you coming with me??

I blush, brighter than I could imagine possible, my entire face the same colour for the first time in ages. What does he think I'm trying to do, follow him all the way home? In a manner of speaking, that is. ?No... I... not... this room... isn't...?

?It's okay, I was only joking.? He smiles at me, brushing off the thought that I was actually stalking him.

?Oh... okay... good night...? I'm a little relieved, and my face turns a bit less red. My hot cheeks feel slightly less warm now.

?Good night, Hanako. Good night, Hisao.? I can fully understand her wanting us to leave soon. As we all agreed, we're all feeling pretty tired by now.

?Night all.? Hisao turns around again and leaves, holding the door open for me to pass through. I may be annoyed when people treat me like a glass vase wrapped in paper and cotton, but being smothering is one thing and being a gentleman is another. I whisper my thanks as the door to Lilly's room closes after us.

I'm just about to head down the hall and enter my own room when Hisao stops again and looks me right in the eyes. ?Hey, Hanako, you know, you don't have to be nervous around me or anything. I mean, we're friends, right??

If only it was as easy as that for me to stop being nervous. Something else I read a while ago was that habits take ten weeks of constant development to form, and I've had much more than ten weeks of keeping everyone I meet at bay. I don't want to be nervous around Hisao, but I can't be fixed overnight. I'm not so certain I can be fixed over months, either. Lord knows my various therapists have all tried. What he says about us being friends, though, that's new. It's something I can feel too, and I don't disagree with him, but it's a strange situation for me, to have another friend. However, I am glad. It's not been long, but yes, he's correct.

?R-right. We're... friends.?

?If you ever want to hang out or anything, just let me know. We still need to have that chess rematch, remember??

He remembered that? I could hardly forget, given how much I've been poring over the pages I copied from that chess book Yuuko lent me. I didn't think Hisao would be as eager, though. No matter, I'll beat him next time anyway. ?S-sure... b-but I don't think you'll win...?

He smiles, matching my own. ?It wouldn't be any fun if it was easy.?

I chuckle, just barely, but I also feel a yawn coming on, so I stifle my laugh as quickly as it begins. ?G-good night, Hisao...? With that, I walk across to my own door and disappear. I reach my bed, draw back the duvet and lie down, and fall asleep before I even hit the pillow...

 

[NoOne852]

Interesting developments in this chapter. My only critisism would be that the way Hanako chose the tea kinda felt a bit forced into the flow. I do like what you did with it, however, so don't take this as I don't like the idea.
Also, I have another question:
do you plan to write a session of Hanako with her therapist?

I'd imagine that would be a bit of a challenge as we don't know what the therapist is like and that it could very well be a different side of Hanako than what we have seen in Katawa Shoujo.

Was still a good read, and I like your take on Hanako's development (for lack of a better word). I look forward to the next chapter! =D

 

[Trivun]

Interesting developments in this chapter. My only critisism would be that the way Hanako chose the tea kinda felt a bit forced into the flow. I do like what you did with it, however, so don't take this as I don't like the idea.
Also, I have another question:
do you plan to write a session of Hanako with her therapist?

I'd imagine that would be a bit of a challenge as we don't know what the therapist is like and that it could very well be a different side of Hanako than what we have seen in Katawa Shoujo.

Was still a good read, and I like your take on Hanako's development (for lack of a better word). I look forward to the next chapter! =D

Awesome, thanks . With the tea, that was just how I read the passage from the game, but I guess different people will take different meanings from it. As for the therapy sessions, I just need to read ahead a bit in the VN first because I've somehow managed to confuse myself with regards to the days of the week (I know it's accurate so far and whatnot because of how I've followed the game, but I need to make sure I stick the therapy session in the right place and that it doesn't clash with the established canon - especially considering Hisao never mentions Hanako going to her sessions in the VN, even though other characters do confirm she has them).

I'll definitely write it, though, but I realise it may be awkward to reconcile people's own ideas with what I plan to write, and the fact that we never see the sessions will make things more difficult. However, on the KS forums there's a very good fanfic (now completed) that acts as a continuation of Hanako's arc following her neutral ending. It gets a bit dark and bleak as it carries on, but it's very well written, and the author included scenes with Hanako's therapist, making up their own OC to act as the therapist and interacting in a very believable way with Hanako. If possible I may use that as a reference, with that author's blessing, and have a better basis from which to write a believeable therapy session. I'd rather use a reference rather than anything from scratch, which I would still be capable of doing, simply because it would be more believable for Hanako's estabished character given what this writer has managed to come up with

 

[NoOne852]

Interesting developments in this chapter. My only critisism would be that the way Hanako chose the tea kinda felt a bit forced into the flow. I do like what you did with it, however, so don't take this as I don't like the idea.
Also, I have another question:
do you plan to write a session of Hanako with her therapist?

I'd imagine that would be a bit of a challenge as we don't know what the therapist is like and that it could very well be a different side of Hanako than what we have seen in Katawa Shoujo.

Was still a good read, and I like your take on Hanako's development (for lack of a better word). I look forward to the next chapter! =D

Awesome, thanks . With the tea, that was just how I read the passage from the game, but I guess different people will take different meanings from it. As for the therapy sessions, I just need to read ahead a bit in the VN first because I've somehow managed to confuse myself with regards to the days of the week (I know it's accurate so far and whatnot because of how I've followed the game, but I need to make sure I stick the therapy session in the right place and that it doesn't clash with the established canon - especially considering Hisao never mentions Hanako going to her sessions in the VN, even though other characters do confirm she has them).

I'll definitely write it, though, but I realise it may be awkward to reconcile people's own ideas with what I plan to write, and the fact that we never see the sessions will make things more difficult. However, on the KS forums there's a very good fanfic (now completed) that acts as a continuation of Hanako's arc following her neutral ending. It gets a bit dark and bleak as it carries on, but it's very well written, and the author included scenes with Hanako's therapist, making up their own OC to act as the therapist and interacting in a very believable way with Hanako. If possible I may use that as a reference, with that author's blessing, and have a better basis from which to write a believeable therapy session. I'd rather use a reference rather than anything from scratch, which I would still be capable of doing, simply because it would be more believable for Hanako's estabished character given what this writer has managed to come up with

Of course, having somewhere to draw from would be better then working from scratch in unfamiliar territory. And that was why I asked, its one thing to write unwritten dialogue, but an unseen side, rarely mentioned is an entirely different challenge. I say go for it, if you can get the author's approval, which, I am sure you won't have an issue with. ^_^

 

[Trivun]

I realise this is pretty quick, but I was in the mood to continue sooner rather than later. Next chapter will be within a reasonable time, then we finally start to move towards the next Act... Oh, and I realise that I screwed up the timing of when Hanako learns of Hisao's arrythmia, but it's a fanfiction. I'm allowed to take a few liberties here and there, right?

The chapter title is a reference, by the way, but it's not so obvious. See if you can figure it out. Bear in mind the theme of the chapter, and also Hanako's choice of reading material...

Spoiler: Act Two - Chapter Four: The Mirror

I choose not to tell Lilly about my plans.

I've thought long and hard about this. Waking up in the middle of the night, worrying about my friendship with Hisao, how I know about his heart and how he knows next to nothing about me and how I got my scars. It's not right that we should be getting closer and becoming friends when I can't even bring myself to tell him such basic facts about my life. Isn't that what friends do? They don't have secrets from each other.

Last night, I made my mind up. I decided I would tell Hisao how I lost my family and how I ended up at Yamaku. It's up to him whether he accepts me then or not. Besides, it might be good to finally tell someone other than Lilly. My therapist keeps asking me to open up to her, but I never do. I can't handle it. With Hisao, though, maybe I've managed to find someone I can truly be myself with.

The day starts out alright, even if Mutou-sensei's lecture is more boring than usual. I briefly see Lilly as she's leaving the female dorms, and we chat a little about mundane things and the tea party the previous night. However, I don't give away what I plan to do. I do see Hisao in class, but we don't get a moment to talk, and I realise that speaking here, with everyone else able to listen in (Misha especially), wouldn't be a good idea. I can't ask Hisao to talk somewhere else, though. If Misha were to spot me trying to be casual, or inconspicuous, while chatting to him, she'd immediately think something was up and come barging in with a smile on her face, her voice booming some assumption about our apparent status as a couple.

Instead, I decide to retreat as usual at lunchtime. I don't go to the tearoom today, instead visiting the library. Even Lilly's presence would be enough to put me off telling Hisao about my past. I want it to be just the two of us, and going to the library gives me time to think of a way to catch him alone somewhere.

As I settle down into my beanbag, I look at the cover of the book I've chosen this time. A man and his shadow. I almost feel as if I'm the shadow in that picture, but fighting for once to step away from the wall and become the person instead. It's a long, hard, road. One that I'm willing to take. I open the pages and begin to read. 'Dance Dance Dance' is the title, another work from Murakami. Every time I read his books I can sympathise with his themes, but it never gets any easier, trying to match my own issues with the underlying context of the words he writes. For me, the challenge is to overcome everything he writes about and break through the loneliness, but until now I've never quite been able to do so. Maybe I finally have a reason though, with Hisao's support.

?Hi, Hanako. How's it going?? Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear. Hisao's voice startles me a little and I look up at him as he flops down onto another of the beanbags opposite me.

?Hello, H-Hisao. I'm fine.? I'm actually very pleased to see him. Nobody else is here save Yuuko, and she's at the other end of the library busy with her work. This saves me from having to find a way of getting Hisao alone without it seeming contrived and awkward, which would almost certainly end up being the case. He looks surprised though, to see me smiling at him. I guess it's pretty rare that I do except in special situations. I usually look more frightened and nervous rather than happy.

?Good to hear. How's that book? I've heard it's a trip.? I didn't know Hisao was familiar with the works of Haruki Murakami. Then again, he's one of the country's more prolific and influential authors, so it's not too surprising that he would know the book, however briefly.

?I-it's good... I think... I've only j-just started it, so I d-don't really know.?

?Fair enough. Let me know how it goes, I may borrow it once you're done.?

?S-sure.? I wonder if he's read any of Murakami's other books? If so, what insight would that have given him regarding me? I read them because I can relate to the themes and characters, but what could Hisao have gained from the stories himself?

I turn back to the book, but I find myself unable to concentrate. This is too good an opportunity to speak to Hisao, and I can't let myself pass it up. However, I'm too nervous to begin speaking. I've never told anyone but Lilly what happened all that time ago ? even my therapist had to make do with the official reports and medical observations. Every time I look up I meet Hisao's eyes and duck down again, afraid to engage with him and begin the conversation that I so desperately want to have.

He's noticed it too. ?What's up? You look like a prairie dog on lookout.? An apt simile, I suppose.

?N-... it's nothing,? I reply with an air of evading the question.

?I've told you before, 'nothing' means 'something' when you say it like that.?

He has a point. And I do want to tell him. I wriggle around a little, fidgeting awkwardly and trying to screw up the courage to finally bare my soul to somebody.

?I... I was in an accident.? I've begun, so I guess I'd better finish.

?Accident? Just now? Are you alright?? Hisao's first reaction is understandable, but he doesn't realise what I'm trying to say. In response I shake my head, hair flying around as I move.

?N-no. When I was y-younger. When I... when I was...?

?It's alright, Hanako,? Hisao says. He's realised what I'm trying to do. ?You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to.?

I shake my head again as I sink a little into the beanbag. I have to do this. ?N-no. I want... I have to tell you.? As I tell the story of what happened, I gain a little strength with every word. It's hard, yes, but I've faced tougher times than this. I have to endure! I have to be strong and continue to the end.

?When I was young... I was in a fire. M-my house b-burned down, and I nearly... I nearly didn't make it. A-after that... I was alone...? As I speak I can feel the tears building in my eyes. I haven't told Hisao the whole truth. I can't stand remembering why I managed to survive. The coming days will be tougher, that date looming just a little more than a month or two away. It's better he knows the reasons now rather than later.

I feel a hand touching mine, and without looking down or wiping away the tears I know Hisao has reached across to comfort me. ?It's okay, Hanako. You don't have to keep going.?

?B-but... I have to...? Don't you see, Hisao? I need to do this.

?Why?? he asks. ?What brought this on??

I feel bad for the little white lie, but I don't want Hisao to know just how long I've been aware of his own secrets. ?L-last night Lilly t-told me about your heart... a-and I... I didn't think it was f-fair.?

?Fair?? He looks puzzled, a frown across his face, my hand still clutched in his.

?T-that I knew about you b-but you didn't know about me...?

He squeezes my hand a little, to reassure me. ?Don't be silly. But yes, I have a heart condition. What I didn't tell Lilly is that I had my first attack when a girl confessed to me.?

Confessed? As in a confession of love? I feel that sharp pang of jealousy again, just a little one, but present nonetheless. ?R-really??

?Really,? he replies. ?I haven't heard from her for a while though, so I guess it's all over. So now, we both know a little more about each other. But you don't have to talk about things if you don't want to.?

He still doesn't realise that I truly wanted to tell him what happened. I still do. But I realise that for now, enough has been said. Baby steps, after all. I can always bring the subject up again another time, but it's still early days, and I hate to be reminded of that day. I can't help but think of the recovery, those weeks that turned into months of sitting in a room alone, a completely sterile environment, only to be told that nothing could be done about my scars and to realise that my life would forever be blighted not only by my appearance, but by my isolation. The smell of the hospital, the white-washed walls, feeling sorry for the victims even worse than me in their sterile pods completely cut off from the world. Trying to return to my old life until everyone I knew and thought was my friend turned on me, showing their hatred not for who I once was, but for what I had become. Moving on to the orphanage, where I was finally treated with decency, until every child was taken home while parents passed me by without a second glance. My eventual arrival at Yamaku.

My memories flash by as we sit in silence. I know that one day I'll tell Hisao all of this, but for now I'm happy that he at least knows the basics. Maybe I can really move on someday.

?T-thank you, Hisao. I... I haven't told many people about this.?

?To be honest, I haven't told many people about my... circumstances, either.? It seems that Hisao and I are more alike than I first thought. I smile again, genuinely and full of warmth.

?T-then I won't tell a-anyone either.?

??Deal.? Hisao's hand still clasps mine, but quickly adjusts to form a handshake, one which I gladly match. As we shake hands, the warning bell sounds for the end of lunch. ?Well then, we'd better head back to class, eh??

?S-sure.? We walk back to the classroom in near silence, the quietness only broken when Hisao reveals he forgot to let me know something. Apparently Lilly wishes to speak to me later, after her class rep duties are complete. We slowly make our way back to lessons as the afternoon sun shines through the windows, illuminating my path forward.

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The classes drag on, as boring as they were this morning. At least I'm here though, not skipping again. I notice I've been cutting classes less since Hisao joined us. Maybe he's been a good influence on me? The clock ticks our lives away as the day continues, until the bell finally sounds for the end of school. I begin to head towards the tea room to meet with Lilly, curious as to what she wishes to discuss, before realising she's too busy today. I return to my room instead to wait for her.

A while later, a knock on my door drags me yet again from my continued reading. ?Hanako? It's Lilly. Can I come in??

?Y-yes...?

The door opens and Lilly walks in slowly, her cane tapping for any obstacles that could impede her progress. ?Hello, Hanako. I trust that Hisao was good enough to pass on my message this afternoon??

?Yes, he... he did. W-what was it y-you wanted to speak... about?? Even when I'm with Lilly I can't avoid stuttering. Maybe one day I'll overcome it, but until then...

?I just wanted to know how you were feeling. I was proud of you yesterday, you know.?

?T-thanks...?

She continues, ?How were things with Hisao today??

?They w-were... good. Um...? I pause, unsure of whether to continue.

?Yes??

?I... I...? Suddenly, in a quick burst, I tell her. ?We talked about my past today.?

For the first time in a while, Lilly looks shocked. Not in a bad way, but rather in the sense that she doesn't quite know what to say. ?W-what do you mean? Your past...??

?I t-told him what happened... how I got my s-scars...?

?Oh, Hanako, you didn't have to do that...? Lilly's reaction is just the same as Hisao's. I appreciate that they want to protect me, but they still don't understand. I can't come to terms with what happened if I can't tell anyone.

?I... I had t-to tell him... it wasn't right that... I knew a-about him and h-he didn't... about m-me...? The tears are returning, but I resolve to stay strong. I won't let myself cry. It doesn't matter that Lilly can't see me, I won't let any tears fall this time. ?He t-told me about his heart... his f-first heart attack...?

?Hanako...? She sighs a little. ?What did he say? Although I guess it's okay if he wanted to keep it private...?

?I... I think H-Hisao would be better off t-telling you...? I wouldn't feel right letting Lilly in on what he said, not when Hisao gave me that knowledge in confidence.

?I understand. Hanako, are you sure you're okay??

?Y-yes. I'm fine now.? I'm not lying. I feel strangely calm, despite the tears. It's as though a great weight was holding me down, and now it's gone. Like a new chapter has opened in my friendship with Hisao, a brand new story where finally we can be on the same level. As I consider this, Lilly and I chat a bit more about various topics, though I know she still worries about me even when we stop speaking about the day's events. Soon enough she leaves, and I prepare for bed. For once I sleep soundly, no nightmares despite what is still to come. My mind is clear.

 

[NoOne852]

A pleasent surprise to have here reguarding how quickly this one came. ^_^
I hate to just say the same things I've been saying, but you are retaining good form my friend! It seems you have really gotten into Hanako's character. That only brings a concern (even if it won't come around for some time still) of when you move to another character's route. I'm sure you get into it just as well, however, the initial transistion from Hanako to someone else could be difficult.

But that is sort of off subject. I do like how you're showing Hanako's thoughts of not wanting to be treated like glass. I think it helps support her character and helps show the unseen (but quite present) side of her.

Keep up the great work!

 

[Trivun]

A pleasent surprise to have here reguarding how quickly this one came. ^_^
I hate to just say the same things I've been saying, but you are retaining good form my friend! It seems you have really gotten into Hanako's character. That only brings a concern (even if it won't come around for some time still) of when you move to another character's route. I'm sure you get into it just as well, however, the initial transistion from Hanako to someone else could be difficult.

But that is sort of off subject. I do like how you're showing Hanako's thoughts of not wanting to be treated like glass. I think it helps support her character and helps show the unseen (but quite present) side of her.

Keep up the great work!

Thanks again . I just wonder as I post this though, did you understand what the title was a reference to this time? I want to see just how many people can guess what it refers to

 

[NoOne852]

A pleasent surprise to have here reguarding how quickly this one came. ^_^
I hate to just say the same things I've been saying, but you are retaining good form my friend! It seems you have really gotten into Hanako's character. That only brings a concern (even if it won't come around for some time still) of when you move to another character's route. I'm sure you get into it just as well, however, the initial transistion from Hanako to someone else could be difficult.

But that is sort of off subject. I do like how you're showing Hanako's thoughts of not wanting to be treated like glass. I think it helps support her character and helps show the unseen (but quite present) side of her.

Keep up the great work!

Thanks again . I just wonder as I post this though, did you understand what the title was a reference to this time? I want to see just how many people can guess what it refers to

If you mean by symbolism, then I assume it means how Hanako is reflecting on herself and her past.
If it is a reference to another work, then alas, I do not know. :/

 

[Trivun]

A pleasent surprise to have here reguarding how quickly this one came. ^_^
I hate to just say the same things I've been saying, but you are retaining good form my friend! It seems you have really gotten into Hanako's character. That only brings a concern (even if it won't come around for some time still) of when you move to another character's route. I'm sure you get into it just as well, however, the initial transistion from Hanako to someone else could be difficult.

But that is sort of off subject. I do like how you're showing Hanako's thoughts of not wanting to be treated like glass. I think it helps support her character and helps show the unseen (but quite present) side of her.

Keep up the great work!

Thanks again . I just wonder as I post this though, did you understand what the title was a reference to this time? I want to see just how many people can guess what it refers to

If you mean by symbolism, then I assume it means how Hanako is reflecting on herself and her past.
If it is a reference to another work, then alas, I do not know. :/

Hmmm, the symbolism is part of it, but it's more on how Hanako and Hisao are sort of mirrors of each other in her arc, at least in certain respects. It's also, however, a reference to the author that Hanako is reading - Haruki Murakami, a Japanese author well known fo his works regarding the themes of alienation and loneliness, which is also why his works are referenced in the VN as one of Hanako's usual favourites. The Mirror was the name of one of his stories, and I picked that rather than something else (like Dance Dance Dance, which she's reading, or 1Q84) because of the links to the symbolism

 

[NoOne852]

Oh you and your being clever.
I am not familiar with the author Haruji Murakami (other than what is referenced in KS), but it sounds like he has some pretty interesting works.

 

[Trivun]

Oh you and your being clever.
I am not familiar with the author Haruki Murakami (other than what is referenced in KS), but it sounds like he has some pretty interesting works.

Same here, I only heard of him through Katawa Shoujo, but I have to say that Hanako's arc has definitely made me interested in reading more of his stuff. Unfortunately I have a backlog at the moment (I'm a third of the way through the Myst Reader, I have the next Halo book on my list when it's released in the UK, a recent new release from Anthony Horowitz, Mogworld still to read, and then I've been planning to read A Game Of Thrones for ages - but I'll be adding Murakami to my list then ;D).

 

[NoOne852]

Same here, I only heard of him through Katawa Shoujo, but I have to say that Hanako's arc has definitely made me interested in reading more of his stuff. Unfortunately I have a backlog at the moment (I'm a third of the way through the Myst Reader, I have the next Halo book on my list when it's released in the UK, a recent new release from Anthony Horowitz, Mogworld still to read, and then I've been planning to read A Game Of Thrones for ages - but I'll be adding Murakami to my list then ;D).

I don't quite have a backlog, but I do need to get around to reading a book my friend got me (The Steampunk Bible). I'm not entirely sure where I would find any of his works other than the internet, because everything is there. XD

 

[Trivun]

First of all, apologies for the very late posting of this chapter. Stuff came up that gave me much less time to write this past month, and so Hanako's Story had to take the backseat temporaraily. Hopefully now I have time to write again, things will be much better in terms of update times, and hopefully this next chapter is good enough to make up for the recent lack of activity. On a more important note, I would like to thank Guest Poster of the Katawa Shoujo forums for his permission in using one of his original characters for this chapter. Miss Yumi does not belong to me and is the creation of Guest Poster, and I am very grateful to him for allowing me to use the character as I have done. I urge you all to check out Sisterhood, the work where Miss Yumi originates, and give him your support. It's definitely worth a read .

Spoiler: Act Two - Chapter Five: Not So Black And White

It's been two weeks since my last session with Miss Yumi. Two weeks as well since Hisao started at Yamaku. Last weekend was the festival, of course, so anything like therapy sessions and school activities were postponed to account for everyone being busy. As such, I've not had a chance to tell her about the recent... developments.

I'm still a bit anxious about seeing Miss Yumi now. Things became very awkward between us a while ago, just before Lilly came to live in the dorms here. I'd already seen Lilly around Yamaku but she used to live away from the school, with her sister Akira, so I didn't really know her then. I'd been having therapy for all my time here, but of all the therapists I'd seen Miss Yumi was the only one who really started to understand me. The only person I could bring myself to act naturally around. I still wouldn't open up to her properly, but we made so much more progress than I had ever done with anyone else. So naturally I thought that our professional relationship would progress into something closer to... well, to friendship.

The rejection hurt. I understood why she couldn't be my friend, her position as a therapist meant it would be, to use her own words, inappropriate. It wasn't that Miss Yumi didn't like me, nor that she didn't respect me, but simply that a friendship between us wouldn't ever be able to come to fruition. She told me then that ?a good therapist will never try to become your friend, and a good friend will never try to become your therapist.? I didn't want to believe her at first, and it seemed like all the good work we'd done was regressing, like we were back at the beginning with no hope of improvement. She took a break from work then, so I had some time to think about things, which did help. Eventually we managed to gain that level of understanding again, but it was tough.

Lilly was a godsend then. She moved into the dormitories, a year ago now, taking the room of a girl next door to me who had not long moved out. She reminded me a lot of a younger Miss Yumi, or perhaps Miss Yumi reminds me of a much older Lilly. We quickly became friends ? it helped that she was not only persistent, but also that Lilly couldn't see my scars. She did feel them eventually, after we became close and I began to open up to her a bit more. She asked my permission and I granted it, though with a great deal of reluctance. The shock on her face was very cleverly hidden, but I still sensed it there for a brief instant. Looking back, I don't think Lilly ever expected my scars to be as bad as they are, and she only felt the ones on my face and neck that time. Nevertheless, the presence of someone who I could call a real friend finally allowed me to move on from the embarrassment I suffered with my request to Miss Yumi.

It was months before we were back to normal, and even now I still regret it sometimes. Still, at least I know that she's only looking out for my best interests. It's hard, but I understand that she wants what's best for me, and will do everything she can to help me. That's all Miss Yumi wants. I still feel like the trust we had was broken, but maybe with more time, we can get it back...

I knock on the door to her office as always and wait for her reply. ?Come in, please.? I enter the familiar scene. The room is decorated in the traditional style, less like an office and more like a sitting room. The desk is in the corner, tucked away as if it has no business disturbing the old-fashioned tranquillity here. In the centre a low table, usually hidden in a cupboard, is arranged with a pair of zabuton, one on either side, for us to sit. A Go board is already on the table and Miss Yumi's desk has a tea set ready for the usual ritual.

Miss Yumi herself is sitting on one of the zabuton, looking up at me as I gently close the door behind me. She's never told me much about herself, especially not her age, but she's a small woman somewhere in her fifties, with grey hair in a tight bun, a violet blouse (apparently she likes the colour) and a long, pleated dark skirt. It's very different to my previous therapists, both men who (truth be told) slightly intimidated me. Not through their action, of course, but rather through the impression they each gave me during our meetings. When I started seeing Miss Yumi, I felt much happier, since the 'old grandmother' approach certainly put me more at ease. After she rejected my friendship last year I wondered for a while if she was simply putting on an act, but as I've grown more accustomed to our sessions I've come to realise that maybe Miss Yumi really is like that to everyone, and not just me.

Either way, I can't say I enjoy our sessions each week, but at the same time I don't dislike seeing her. At least the sessions help me in some small way.

As I walk across to the low table, Miss Yumi rises and joins me, bowing slightly just as I do. ?May I have the honour of getting you some tea, Miss Hanako?? she asks, the same words every week. I reply as I always do.

?I h-humbly accept, Miss Yumi.? She pours the tea and hands me a drinking bowl filled with sweet smelling liquid. As we sit, I sip gently from the bowl, savouring the taste, and place it to one side of the board, already prepared for our regular game. It's interesting that we play Go and not chess, but one of the very few things I've managed to find out about Miss Yumi during our sessions is that she happens to be something of an expert Go player. I get the feeling her reasons for not playing chess may have a little to do with skill, but more so something to do with my own feelings about the game. Nevertheless, it occasionally amuses me, the choice of our game, and indeed my usual pastime too. Black and white pieces fighting on a board in an endless struggle of wills. When really, as I've so often discovered (sometimes to my cost), nothing is ever so clearly defined after all.

?Well then, Miss Hanako,? she says, looking not at my scars, but into my eyes. ?Shall we begin??

?O-okay?.

We have an unspoken rule. Only the person whose turn it is may speak. I play as white, meaning that Miss Yumi starts first. Unlike in chess, the white player in Go takes the second turn rather than the beginning move.

?So, how have things been recently? It's been a while since our last visit.? She places her first stone near the centre of the board and waits patiently for my reply.

?I... um, I've been okay. H-how about you?? I ask from politeness more than actual curiosity. I know she won't tell me much, she never does. Miss Yumi is a therapist, after all, and a pretty poor one she'd make if she were to turn our sessions into discussions of her, rather than of me.

A brief pause as I carefully place my own first stone away from hers, in the top left corner quadrant. I don't expect to win, but just playing the game is enough. The amount of concentration I put in to playing, just like with chess, helps me take my mind off things.

?Things have been rather pleasant as of late. I trust you had a nice time last weekend??

She's referring to the festival, of course. She makes her next move and I respond with just a hint of hesitation. ?I... I didn't go. To the festival, I m-mean.?

?Really? That's a shame. I feel like you would have enjoyed meeting new people there.?

She isn't joking, though I wish she was. Ever since that day more than a year ago, Miss Yumi has done everything she can to encourage me, however subtly, to interact more with other people at Yamaku. She was more than a little pleased when I started hanging around with Lilly, and even more so when I told her about Akira and Yuuko too.

?I-I did see the fireworks... they were m-much better than last y-year...?

?Yes, I heard about the display last year. But where did you see them from, Miss Hanako?? Curiosity is clear in her voice, so I tell her.

?We w-went to the Shanghai... Me, Lilly and... someone else...? I don't know why I choose to refrain from mentioning Hisao by name. Possibly my nerves are simply too strong even here, in this calm setting with Miss Yumi opposite and the scent of tea drifting in the air.

She presses the subject though. ?Someone else? My my, could it be then that you've found a new friend? I'm very pleased for you Miss Hanako, if indeed that's the case.?

On her face is a smile, and looking at her I can tell it's genuine. Indeed, Miss Yumi appears to be positively beaming with delight at the prospect of me making a new friend. It's enough to inspire me to tell her a bit more.

?H-his name is Hisao N-Nakai... he just transferred to Yamaku a fortnight a-ago, and he... he came and spoke to m-me in the l-library... he seemed nice, so w-we invited him for t-tea, and he played chess w-with me during the festival...? I suddenly realise that I'm speaking more than I usually do in our meetings, and oddly enough I'm opening up to Miss Yumi a lot more than normal. It's my time now to place a stone, so I quickly shut up and take my turn. Already the board is looking to be in Miss Yumi's favour, her control steadily growing with each black stone that appears, but I've improved massively over time. She once told me to look for openings when playing defensively, and take advantage of opportunities as they arise. With Hisao, I'm certain I've done that.

?Miss Hanako, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you've made a new friend. It's as I said before. I think that, with time, and with the support of good friends, you will be able to heal emotionally. This Hisao Nakai sounds like a kind and decent young man, and I'm sure he'll be a great help in your journey.?

Hearing Miss Yumi's approval makes me feel glad. I was a little worried about what she may think of him, but now it seems there was nothing to be concerned about. Even so, I have a question for her, but it's one that I'm much too shy to ask. I can't even ask Lilly what her thoughts would be, for fear of the response and the attitude to my query. Not to mention, the reaction of Lilly feels the same way I do...

?Miss Yumi... I, um... D-did you ever feel like there was... something y-you wanted to know... something you wanted to ask, b-but you couldn't d-do it??

I quickly make my move so as to free the conversation for Miss Yumi to reply. By now I'm not as invested in the game, nor in the moves I make, wanting only for the conversation to continue without me needing to say much at all.

?Of course, Miss Hanako. I should think everyone feels that way sometimes. Though I suspect this may have something to do with yourself, correct?? She places another stone and captures an impressively large space, my lack of attention to the game clear for all to see.

?Y-yes, Miss Yumi.? I pause, uncertain of whether to continue. ?T-the thing is... Did you ever have... feelings, t-that you... weren't sure about??

I squirm a little in my seat, though I hope Miss Yumi didn't notice that. She gives no indication of whether or not she saw a thing, but as she ponders both her answer and her move I consider what would happen if I were to just get up and leave. I wouldn't do that out of respect and politeness, but it's not the first time I've had such thoughts.

?Hmmm... I think I can understand.? This time, she stops without placing a stone. The etiquette we both abide by prevents me from saying anything, as she thinks of something further to elaborate. ?Miss Hanako, I know that we decided not to return to that... unpleasantness last year. I was pleased to see you making such good friends then, with Miss Satou and her sister. And Miss Yuuko too. But there is something I have to say that I said back then too.?

I'm tempted to call out ?What? What did you say then?? But the silence lingers as I refrain from abandoning the rules we have abided by for so very long. Eventually, Miss Yumi speaks again.

?I told you then that the second most valuable gift you could give anyone was your friendship. I never said what the most valuable thing was.?

Another stone is placed and I can tell what she wants me to say. Her eyes are fixed on me, waiting for my response. ?I... I d-don't know what you m-mean...?

Miss Yumi shakes her head at me, almost as if she's disappointed. That I would tell even such a tiny white lie. I know exactly what she means. I make my move quickly to avoid the demand to respond, and Miss Yumi sighs a little before continuing.

?I'm certain you know what I'm talking about, Miss Hanako. But I can't force you to admit it to yourself, nor to me. In any case, I'm truly happy for you. If you think so highly of this boy, Mister Nakai, then I can rest assured that not only is your progress continuing well, but that you really are allowing yourself to open up a bit more. That can only be a good thing.?

I realise that there's more to tell. I know that I have to be more honest to Miss Yumi as well as to myself if I want these sessions to have any meaning, and to actually do some good. ?I... um, I... told him. About m-my scars...?

Saying it now, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But Miss Yumi knows how much it would have meant at the time, and how difficult it was for me to bare myself emotionally to Hisao, especially after just two weeks. It took much longer than that for me to tell Lilly, after all. Miss Yumi was spared, since she had already seen my notes from the doctors. Even then, she still wanted to hear it from my own lips. It took two months before I was ready to say a word to her on the subject.

It's her turn now. My last move was hardly a great one, but there's no way I can concentrate on the game any more. ?What was his reaction?? She places another piece and makes another capture.

?I... It was o-okay... he told me about h-his own...? I don't want to give away to Miss Yumi the exact reasons for Hisao being here, so I compromise a little. ?He t-told me why he was at Yamaku.? My words are deliberately vague, but thankfully she chooses not to press the subject. I didn't really expect her to anyway. My next stone goes down. It's already clear I've lost the game by now, just as I always do, but it hardly matters to me. Chess is more my thing, after all.

?So he accepted you just as you are. And more than that, he opened up to you in the same way that you did with him. A friendship like that is a rare gift indeed, Miss Hanako. All the more remarkable for the very short time you seem to have known him.?

She pauses without making a move on the board. ?It seems to me that you're nervous about showing your feelings, and that's something we've been struggling towards for the past year now. Not to mention Miss Satou's thoughts on the matter. Or, more likely perhaps, you aren't certain of your feelings yourself. Have you spoken to Miss Satou about any of this, Miss Hanako??

She finally chooses a space to place another stone, and grants me the chance to speak. ?N-not so much... I don't know how L-Lilly feels... I don't want t-to rock the boat...? I quickly make another move.

?If you don't say anything at all, then it doesn't help you in finding out how to proceed. Your choices, your feelings, matter a great deal, Miss Hanako. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Still, I can't force you to talk to Miss Satou if you aren't yet sure of yourself. All I ask is that you think about this discussion, and perhaps try to show a little more courage in pursuing what you want. Even if others are willing to allow you the freedom to do what you wish, you have to take advantage of the opportunity. I've said that before, yes??

With her final move, Miss Yumi has easily beaten me yet again. Sometimes I think that if we were playing chess, the results would be very different. But with the restriction lifted on our speech, I can make my last comments before I leave.

?Y-yes, you have... Miss Yumi. I'll... think about it.?

?Very well. I feel like we've made some large strides this past fortnight, even if I haven't seen you until now. We'll meet again same time next Sunday, yes??

?Y-yes, Miss Yumi.? We make our goodbyes, and I leave the room. As I walk back to the girls dormitory I start to take on board just what Miss Yumi was getting at near the end of our session. I doubt I'll be telling Lilly about my feelings, or rather, my potential feelings, anytime soon. It's not just the embarrassment, nor the fact that I barely know Hisao (and yet I feel like I can trust him after such a short time, just as Miss Yumi said). It's more the fear that Lilly may feel the same way. I know what I'm like, I know full well that if Lilly gave even the slightest hint of being interested in Hisao, I would never choose to pursue him. Assuming I had the courage to do so in the first place.

Something else that Miss Yumi and I didn't discuss, which will certainly be a topic of conversation in the next few sessions, is the fast approaching date that I always dread. Hisao has seen me at what passes for my best these past two weeks. He still has yet to see me at my worst. As I walk I try to keep my mind off the coming days, but I still continue to think about it despite my best efforts. I know that tonight, the nightmares will begin again.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

Stuff came up

A likely excuse!

I liked the new chapter. Nice and long and added a new part to the story. Keeping things fresh

 

[NoOne852]

First of all, apologies for the very late posting of this chapter. Stuff came up that gave me much less time to write this past month, and so Hanako's Story had to take the backseat temporaraily. Hopefully now I have time to write again, things will be much better in terms of update times, and hopefully this next chapter is good enough to make up for the recent lack of activity. On a more important note, I would like to thank Guest Poster of the Katawa Shoujo forums for his permission in using one of his original characters for this chapter. Miss Yumi does not belong to me and is the creation of Guest Poster, and I am very grateful to him for allowing me to use the character as I have done. I urge you all to check out Sisterhood, the work where Miss Yumi originates, and give him your support. It's definitely worth a read .

Spoiler: Act Two - Chapter Five: Not So Black And White

It's been two weeks since my last session with Miss Yumi. Two weeks as well since Hisao started at Yamaku. Last weekend was the festival, of course, so anything like therapy sessions and school activities were postponed to account for everyone being busy. As such, I've not had a chance to tell her about the recent... developments.

I'm still a bit anxious about seeing Miss Yumi now. Things became very awkward between us a while ago, just before Lilly came to live in the dorms here. I'd already seen Lilly around Yamaku but she used to live away from the school, with her sister Akira, so I didn't really know her then. I'd been having therapy for all my time here, but of all the therapists I'd seen Miss Yumi was the only one who really started to understand me. The only person I could bring myself to act naturally around. I still wouldn't open up to her properly, but we made so much more progress than I had ever done with anyone else. So naturally I thought that our professional relationship would progress into something closer to... well, to friendship.

The rejection hurt. I understood why she couldn't be my friend, her position as a therapist meant it would be, to use her own words, inappropriate. It wasn't that Miss Yumi didn't like me, nor that she didn't respect me, but simply that a friendship between us wouldn't ever be able to come to fruition. She told me then that ?a good therapist will never try to become your friend, and a good friend will never try to become your therapist.? I didn't want to believe her at first, and it seemed like all the good work we'd done was regressing, like we were back at the beginning with no hope of improvement. She took a break from work then, so I had some time to think about things, which did help. Eventually we managed to gain that level of understanding again, but it was tough.

Lilly was a godsend then. She moved into the dormitories, a year ago now, taking the room of a girl next door to me who had not long moved out. She reminded me a lot of a younger Miss Yumi, or perhaps Miss Yumi reminds me of a much older Lilly. We quickly became friends ? it helped that she was not only persistent, but also that Lilly couldn't see my scars. She did feel them eventually, after we became close and I began to open up to her a bit more. She asked my permission and I granted it, though with a great deal of reluctance. The shock on her face was very cleverly hidden, but I still sensed it there for a brief instant. Looking back, I don't think Lilly ever expected my scars to be as bad as they are, and she only felt the ones on my face and neck that time. Nevertheless, the presence of someone who I could call a real friend finally allowed me to move on from the embarrassment I suffered with my request to Miss Yumi.

It was months before we were back to normal, and even now I still regret it sometimes. Still, at least I know that she's only looking out for my best interests. It's hard, but I understand that she wants what's best for me, and will do everything she can to help me. That's all Miss Yumi wants. I still feel like the trust we had was broken, but maybe with more time, we can get it back...

I knock on the door to her office as always and wait for her reply. ?Come in, please.? I enter the familiar scene. The room is decorated in the traditional style, less like an office and more like a sitting room. The desk is in the corner, tucked away as if it has no business disturbing the old-fashioned tranquillity here. In the centre a low table, usually hidden in a cupboard, is arranged with a pair of zabuton, one on either side, for us to sit. A Go board is already on the table and Miss Yumi's desk has a tea set ready for the usual ritual.

Miss Yumi herself is sitting on one of the zabuton, looking up at me as I gently close the door behind me. She's never told me much about herself, especially not her age, but she's a small woman somewhere in her fifties, with grey hair in a tight bun, a violet blouse (apparently she likes the colour) and a long, pleated dark skirt. It's very different to my previous therapists, both men who (truth be told) slightly intimidated me. Not through their action, of course, but rather through the impression they each gave me during our meetings. When I started seeing Miss Yumi, I felt much happier, since the 'old grandmother' approach certainly put me more at ease. After she rejected my friendship last year I wondered for a while if she was simply putting on an act, but as I've grown more accustomed to our sessions I've come to realise that maybe Miss Yumi really is like that to everyone, and not just me.

Either way, I can't say I enjoy our sessions each week, but at the same time I don't dislike seeing her. At least the sessions help me in some small way.

As I walk across to the low table, Miss Yumi rises and joins me, bowing slightly just as I do. ?May I have the honour of getting you some tea, Miss Hanako?? she asks, the same words every week. I reply as I always do.

?I h-humbly accept, Miss Yumi.? She pours the tea and hands me a drinking bowl filled with sweet smelling liquid. As we sit, I sip gently from the bowl, savouring the taste, and place it to one side of the board, already prepared for our regular game. It's interesting that we play Go and not chess, but one of the very few things I've managed to find out about Miss Yumi during our sessions is that she happens to be something of an expert Go player. I get the feeling her reasons for not playing chess may have a little to do with skill, but more so something to do with my own feelings about the game. Nevertheless, it occasionally amuses me, the choice of our game, and indeed my usual pastime too. Black and white pieces fighting on a board in an endless struggle of wills. When really, as I've so often discovered (sometimes to my cost), nothing is ever so clearly defined after all.

?Well then, Miss Hanako,? she says, looking not at my scars, but into my eyes. ?Shall we begin??

?O-okay?.

We have an unspoken rule. Only the person whose turn it is may speak. I play as white, meaning that Miss Yumi starts first. Unlike in chess, the white player in Go takes the second turn rather than the beginning move.

?So, how have things been recently? It's been a while since our last visit.? She places her first stone near the centre of the board and waits patiently for my reply.

?I... um, I've been okay. H-how about you?? I ask from politeness more than actual curiosity. I know she won't tell me much, she never does. Miss Yumi is a therapist, after all, and a pretty poor one she'd make if she were to turn our sessions into discussions of her, rather than of me.

A brief pause as I carefully place my own first stone away from hers, in the top left corner quadrant. I don't expect to win, but just playing the game is enough. The amount of concentration I put in to playing, just like with chess, helps me take my mind off things.

?Things have been rather pleasant as of late. I trust you had a nice time last weekend??

She's referring to the festival, of course. She makes her next move and I respond with just a hint of hesitation. ?I... I didn't go. To the festival, I m-mean.?

?Really? That's a shame. I feel like you would have enjoyed meeting new people there.?

She isn't joking, though I wish she was. Ever since that day more than a year ago, Miss Yumi has done everything she can to encourage me, however subtly, to interact more with other people at Yamaku. She was more than a little pleased when I started hanging around with Lilly, and even more so when I told her about Akira and Yuuko too.

?I-I did see the fireworks... they were m-much better than last y-year...?

?Yes, I heard about the display last year. But where did you see them from, Miss Hanako?? Curiosity is clear in her voice, so I tell her.

?We w-went to the Shanghai... Me, Lilly and... someone else...? I don't know why I choose to refrain from mentioning Hisao by name. Possibly my nerves are simply too strong even here, in this calm setting with Miss Yumi opposite and the scent of tea drifting in the air.

She presses the subject though. ?Someone else? My my, could it be then that you've found a new friend? I'm very pleased for you Miss Hanako, if indeed that's the case.?

On her face is a smile, and looking at her I can tell it's genuine. Indeed, Miss Yumi appears to be positively beaming with delight at the prospect of me making a new friend. It's enough to inspire me to tell her a bit more.

?H-his name is Hisao N-Nakai... he just transferred to Yamaku a fortnight a-ago, and he... he came and spoke to m-me in the l-library... he seemed nice, so w-we invited him for t-tea, and he played chess w-with me during the festival...? I suddenly realise that I'm speaking more than I usually do in our meetings, and oddly enough I'm opening up to Miss Yumi a lot more than normal. It's my time now to place a stone, so I quickly shut up and take my turn. Already the board is looking to be in Miss Yumi's favour, her control steadily growing with each black stone that appears, but I've improved massively over time. She once told me to look for openings when playing defensively, and take advantage of opportunities as they arise. With Hisao, I'm certain I've done that.

?Miss Hanako, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you've made a new friend. It's as I said before. I think that, with time, and with the support of good friends, you will be able to heal emotionally. This Hisao Nakai sounds like a kind and decent young man, and I'm sure he'll be a great help in your journey.?

Hearing Miss Yumi's approval makes me feel glad. I was a little worried about what she may think of him, but now it seems there was nothing to be concerned about. Even so, I have a question for her, but it's one that I'm much too shy to ask. I can't even ask Lilly what her thoughts would be, for fear of the response and the attitude to my query. Not to mention, the reaction of Lilly feels the same way I do...

?Miss Yumi... I, um... D-did you ever feel like there was... something y-you wanted to know... something you wanted to ask, b-but you couldn't d-do it??

I quickly make my move so as to free the conversation for Miss Yumi to reply. By now I'm not as invested in the game, nor in the moves I make, wanting only for the conversation to continue without me needing to say much at all.

?Of course, Miss Hanako. I should think everyone feels that way sometimes. Though I suspect this may have something to do with yourself, correct?? She places another stone and captures an impressively large space, my lack of attention to the game clear for all to see.

?Y-yes, Miss Yumi.? I pause, uncertain of whether to continue. ?T-the thing is... Did you ever have... feelings, t-that you... weren't sure about??

I squirm a little in my seat, though I hope Miss Yumi didn't notice that. She gives no indication of whether or not she saw a thing, but as she ponders both her answer and her move I consider what would happen if I were to just get up and leave. I wouldn't do that out of respect and politeness, but it's not the first time I've had such thoughts.

?Hmmm... I think I can understand.? This time, she stops without placing a stone. The etiquette we both abide by prevents me from saying anything, as she thinks of something further to elaborate. ?Miss Hanako, I know that we decided not to return to that... unpleasantness last year. I was pleased to see you making such good friends then, with Miss Satou and her sister. And Miss Yuuko too. But there is something I have to say that I said back then too.?

I'm tempted to call out ?What? What did you say then?? But the silence lingers as I refrain from abandoning the rules we have abided by for so very long. Eventually, Miss Yumi speaks again.

?I told you then that the second most valuable gift you could give anyone was your friendship. I never said what the most valuable thing was.?

Another stone is placed and I can tell what she wants me to say. Her eyes are fixed on me, waiting for my response. ?I... I d-don't know what you m-mean...?

Miss Yumi shakes her head at me, almost as if she's disappointed. That I would tell even such a tiny white lie. I know exactly what she means. I make my move quickly to avoid the demand to respond, and Miss Yumi sighs a little before continuing.

?I'm certain you know what I'm talking about, Miss Hanako. But I can't force you to admit it to yourself, nor to me. In any case, I'm truly happy for you. If you think so highly of this boy, Mister Nakai, then I can rest assured that not only is your progress continuing well, but that you really are allowing yourself to open up a bit more. That can only be a good thing.?

I realise that there's more to tell. I know that I have to be more honest to Miss Yumi as well as to myself if I want these sessions to have any meaning, and to actually do some good. ?I... um, I... told him. About m-my scars...?

Saying it now, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But Miss Yumi knows how much it would have meant at the time, and how difficult it was for me to bare myself emotionally to Hisao, especially after just two weeks. It took much longer than that for me to tell Lilly, after all. Miss Yumi was spared, since she had already seen my notes from the doctors. Even then, she still wanted to hear it from my own lips. It took two months before I was ready to say a word to her on the subject.

It's her turn now. My last move was hardly a great one, but there's no way I can concentrate on the game any more. ?What was his reaction?? She places another piece and makes another capture.

?I... It was o-okay... he told me about h-his own...? I don't want to give away to Miss Yumi the exact reasons for Hisao being here, so I compromise a little. ?He t-told me why he was at Yamaku.? My words are deliberately vague, but thankfully she chooses not to press the subject. I didn't really expect her to anyway. My next stone goes down. It's already clear I've lost the game by now, just as I always do, but it hardly matters to me. Chess is more my thing, after all.

?So he accepted you just as you are. And more than that, he opened up to you in the same way that you did with him. A friendship like that is a rare gift indeed, Miss Hanako. All the more remarkable for the very short time you seem to have known him.?

She pauses without making a move on the board. ?It seems to me that you're nervous about showing your feelings, and that's something we've been struggling towards for the past year now. Not to mention Miss Satou's thoughts on the matter. Or, more likely perhaps, you aren't certain of your feelings yourself. Have you spoken to Miss Satou about any of this, Miss Hanako??

She finally chooses a space to place another stone, and grants me the chance to speak. ?N-not so much... I don't know how L-Lilly feels... I don't want t-to rock the boat...? I quickly make another move.

?If you don't say anything at all, then it doesn't help you in finding out how to proceed. Your choices, your feelings, matter a great deal, Miss Hanako. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Still, I can't force you to talk to Miss Satou if you aren't yet sure of yourself. All I ask is that you think about this discussion, and perhaps try to show a little more courage in pursuing what you want. Even if others are willing to allow you the freedom to do what you wish, you have to take advantage of the opportunity. I've said that before, yes??

With her final move, Miss Yumi has easily beaten me yet again. Sometimes I think that if we were playing chess, the results would be very different. But with the restriction lifted on our speech, I can make my last comments before I leave.

?Y-yes, you have... Miss Yumi. I'll... think about it.?

?Very well. I feel like we've made some large strides this past fortnight, even if I haven't seen you until now. We'll meet again same time next Sunday, yes??

?Y-yes, Miss Yumi.? We make our goodbyes, and I leave the room. As I walk back to the girls dormitory I start to take on board just what Miss Yumi was getting at near the end of our session. I doubt I'll be telling Lilly about my feelings, or rather, my potential feelings, anytime soon. It's not just the embarrassment, nor the fact that I barely know Hisao (and yet I feel like I can trust him after such a short time, just as Miss Yumi said). It's more the fear that Lilly may feel the same way. I know what I'm like, I know full well that if Lilly gave even the slightest hint of being interested in Hisao, I would never choose to pursue him. Assuming I had the courage to do so in the first place.

Something else that Miss Yumi and I didn't discuss, which will certainly be a topic of conversation in the next few sessions, is the fast approaching date that I always dread. Hisao has seen me at what passes for my best these past two weeks. He still has yet to see me at my worst. As I walk I try to keep my mind off the coming days, but I still continue to think about it despite my best efforts. I know that tonight, the nightmares will begin again.

Interesting read, and I think you captured both characters pretty well (I've read most of 'Sisterhood' at this point). I do like how you tied this into the story as well, great work as usual.
Can't wait for your next update! =D

 

[Trivun]

Stuff came up

A likely excuse!

I liked the new chapter. Nice and long and added a new part to the story. Keeping things fresh

Thank you And well done on your score on your anatomy exam

Interesting read, and I think you captured both characters pretty well (I've read most of 'Sisterhood' at this point). I do like how you tied this into the story as well, great work as usual.
Can't wait for your next update! =D

Thank you also, and thanks for your comment on Miss Yumi . That was one of my chief worries, that I wouldn't have stayed close enough to the character despite my own best effors, but Guest Poster did comment on the KS forums when I posted this yesterday and he agreed that there were no real concerns, so approval from both you and the actual character's creator certainly helps me rest a little easier now

 

[Trivun]

Apologies again for the delay, but hopefully the start of Act Three will be worth the wait

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter One: King's Gambit Accepted

It's been a few weeks now since I told Hisao about my scars. Every day brings us closer to the bad times, but even now I can't bring myself to tell him any more. I wonder sometimes if it's because I'm scared of his reaction, or because I'm still ashamed of feeling that way?

Miss Yumi is never much help around now. She tries, of course, and we discussed it during our last few sessions, but truth be told I'm surprised I've never had a breakdown during them. The nearer we get to that date, the harder it becomes for me, and the more closed off I become ? as if it were possible for me to be more so. Anything that can take my mind off things will help now. There's still some time to go though, so I won't worry as much now as I will later. Until then, I'll seize anything to keep me occupied.

In a way, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Hisao and I have continued playing chess, with regular matches over lunch, but as the days have gone by and the troubles have edged nearer I've been losing myself more and more in the game. Miss Yumi noted last week, in fact, that I seem to be focusing more on our Go matches, and indeed I've been getting that bit better, though still nowhere near her level. At least Hisao is someone I can beat. ?Mate.?

?Again... what does that make this? 3-2?? Hisao sighs and knocks his king over in defeat. A common sight now, even if he has won the occasional game. Rare, but still...

?S-stalemates don't count.? Which makes it one-nil to me.

?Damn. You're getting better at this every day.? I don't think so. Really, I was always pretty good. Our first game though, I think that I might have just been glad to have someone new to play with, and as a result didn't focus as much on the moves I was making. Which meant making plenty of rookie mistakes and falling back on my old defensive play style. Miss Yumi told me during one of our Go games that I should look for opportunities when playing defensively, and then take advantage of them. When I first played chess with Hisao, I regressed to the type of strategy I'd always relied on, missing those moments, and losing pretty badly. Now, I've returned to that more developed style, giving me more options and more ruses to use. Just one mistake from Hisao now is enough to turn the tide of the whole match, and I've gotten good at manipulating the board to create those opportunities. It's something I wish I could do away from the game, but I'm just not that type of person, I guess.

?Fancy another game?? Hisao asks, eagerness in his eyes. I wish I could, but I have some work to get done. It's not important and can definitely wait, but I know won't feel up to it later. If things are as bad as last year, locking myself in my room and skipping classes (and I'm certain they will be), then the more work I do now the better. Less to catch up on when I've recovered.

?I... I have to finish my homework...?

?Oh,? he says, sighing a little. ?Well, I'll see you tomorrow then.?

I point at the teapot and cups on the table, still to be cleared away. ?But... what about this...?

?Don't worry about that,I've got it.?

?Oh... okay...? I'm kind of glad I don't have to clean up, but it would have been nice to spend just a moment more with Hisao. Well, I guess it can't be helped. I have no more excuses to stay. ?S-see you.?

?Later.?

I leave as Hisao continues clearing up the mess. Almost as soon as the door closes I notice Lilly walking towards the tearoom, her cane tapping against the side of the wall and on the floor ahead of her. ?Lilly??

?Ah, Hanako, is that you? I was just on my way to find you and Hisao. I wondered if you would care to take a trip to the Shanghai with me??

?Um...? I pause briefly. I need to get this work done, but visiting the Shanghai would be fun, not to mention another excuse to keep my mind off things. ?I... I was going t-to get some work... finished...?

She realises my intentions straight away. ?You want to be prepared?? Her voice is low, as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear. Lilly's the only person aside from Miss Yumi and the Nurse who knows the reason for my situation around this time. Not even Akira knows to the extent that Lilly does, and even then Lilly isn't aware of the full story. She edges around the topic, not wanting to cause any undue pressure, but with that simple comment she's already shown her awareness of my reasons for working so hard.

?I... um, I was... I wanted to...?

?It's alright, Hanako. I understand. I won't bring it up if you don't want me to.?

?No, that's not... I just wanted t-to get it out of the way... if I miss classes again...? I've been pretty good recently, to be fair. Since opening up that time to Hisao, I've attended most of my lectures. Mutou-sensei has given his usual silent nod towards my leaving for each group project, but even then I've stayed, working alone, or more rarely with Hisao (provided he hasn't been snatched away by Shizune and Misha).

?That's fine, Hanako. It was just a suggestion, but if you feel like getting ready for later...?

?No! I-I want to... I can put it off j-just a l-little bit...?

?Are you quite sure??

?I... I'm sure...? I'm not lying. The prospect of going to the Shanghai is more tempting than work. If I need to catch up later then so be it. Maybe I could use school work as makeshift therapy when I'm hiding away from the world, though somehow I doubt it will have any effect. As I consider this, the door opens again and a familiar figure walks into the corridor. Lilly's head turns towards the sound.

?Ah, Hisao...? I say to him. It's a little bit of a surprise that he's finished cleaning up so quickly, but more so I'm a little worried he may have heard part of the conversation, despite the closed door. If he did, he makes no signs of understanding what Lilly and I were discussing.

?Oh my, Hisao is here as well?? Presumably she was expecting to have to search for him, or ask me where he might be. It's lucky for her then that Hisao was with me anyway.

?Afternoon, Lilly,? he says. ?What's up??

?I was hoping,? she replies, ?now that I've finished with my class representative duties for the day, that I might have the two of you accompany me for tea at the Shanghai. It would be nice to enjoy ourselves outside of the school, for a change.?

?I'd be up for it. I think Hanako had work to do, though...?? Hisao turns to me, as if to ask if I've changed my mind on the notes and exercises still to complete.

?I-it's... not all that much...? I say. It's interesting that I haven't stammered anywhere near as much since meeting Hisao, but as the dark days draw closer my speech is getting worse again.

?Wonderful. It seems that we're all decided then.? Lilly clasps her hands together and, taking up her cane again, turns to leave, Hisao and I following in her wake.

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Given the time of day, the road to town is almost deserted. I don't need to hide my face anywhere near as much as usual, though I still hold on close to Lilly. It's not too long before we reach the traditionally styled wooden doors of the Shanghai. We enter to see an almost deserted scene ? just how I like it. Lilly takes her arm back from mine for a brief moment to retract her cane, as Yuuko pops up from her usual hidey-hole.

?Welcome to the Shanghai! May I take your order?? She bows as always, even though she doesn't need to. Societal conventions aside, she knows us, and we're informal enough that the bow is unnecessary. Well, to everyone except Yuuko.

?Just tea, please,? says Lilly. ?Hanako, Hisao??

?I'll have a slice of pie and some coffee,? Hisao responds. That sounds nice, but I'm not exactly hungry, and I prefer tea to coffee anyway.

?Just... t-tea... please...?

?Coming right up. Please take any seat you wish, and I'll be back shortly.? With that, Yuuko stumbles across to the counter, a smile and a nod accompanying her, as the three of us walk to the nearest window seats available. I don't hide away for once this time, instead choosing to ignore the world around me. Part of it is increased confidence, perhaps due to Hisao's influence? The other part is that keeping my mind off the days to come means I'm focusing that bit less on what the people around me think. The one good thing to come out of everything, I suppose.

As we sit down, Hisao looks across the table with concern. ?Are you okay, Lilly? You look tired.? She lowers her head with embarrassment written all over her face.

?Class representative work can be very tiring, considering that it often means dealing with the Student Council. Very tiring indeed.?

It doesn't take a genius to work out that by ?Student Council?, what Lilly means is ?her aggressive cousin and the loudest girl in Japan?. I'm a little curious about the work though, I must admit. Particularly how other people deal with it. ?How... do the other representatives go?? I say quietly.

?Better than I, but not by much. Shizune is a harsh taskmaster no matter whom she deals with.? Sometimes I've wondered if the workload for Lilly is that bit higher, simply because of spite. Then again, it's not really hatred between Lilly and Shizune, more just a petty rivalry. Like a sibling thing, except between cousins instead. I wouldn't claim to know the details anyway, just that the pair aren't exactly best friends.

?It doesn't sound like you particularly relish the job,? Hisao says. ?Why do you do it in the first place, if it's that bad??

?Being a class representative is enjoyable, and I can deal with the responsibility well enough. It's just that the people involved are sometimes...? She doesn't continue, but I can guess what Lilly was going to say next. Whatever it was, it would be slightly out of character for her. Not to mention the kind of thing you don't generally hear in public, especially a place as nice and quiet as the Shanghai.

With the break in conversation, I take the chance to leave for the restroom without causing a stir. I need it anyway, but I could also do with the time alone. I tend to stay out of Shizune discussions, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter. Thinking certain thoughts is one thing, but I'm not the kind of person to get actively involved in the dispute, even if it's nothing more than talking behind Shizune's back - I had enough of that happening to me after I got my scars.

My intended disappearance doesn't go unnoticed, however, as I rise from my seat. ?Hanako?? calls Lilly, turning in my general direction. She must have heard the chair moving back, or felt me next to her as I stood up.

?I'll... be back in a bit.? Avoiding any further questions, I leave and make my way to the restroom.

While I'm away from the others, I think about anything I can to keep my mind busy. I think about Shizune and the student council, about Mutou-sensei's lecture today, about the chess games, and even about more mundane things, like the mural on the wall near the dormitories. I was never one for art, but I still think it looks nice, if odd. When I finally return to the table, I find that Yuuko has already been and gone, and waste no time in drinking my tea. We talk about mundane topics as we rest, the conversation turning from the student council to our respective reading choices ? far more interesting in my view.

?Hey Hanako,? Hisao asks. ?I was just wondering... aside from chess and reading, do you have any hobbies or things you like doing??

I pause, shocked at the question. What's brought this on? Why does Hisao want to know more about my interests? I steal a glance at Lilly, but she wears the same faint smile she had during our previous conversation. She's giving nothing away. Hesitantly, I reply.

?Um... I guess... I like singing a l-little. I'm okay with c-computers as well, but I... don't use them all that much.? Next to me, Lilly nods. She already knows this much, and a little more too. I suppose I've always kind of liked jazz, however strange that may seem. I don't own any albums or go to listen to it, but I've occasionally borrowed CDs and a player from Akira or (on very rare occasions) used the computer in the library to listen. I don't say any of this to Hisao though, more out of nerves than a desire to withhold information. ?W-what about... y-y...?

?Me?? I nod at Hisao's comment, confirming his thoughts. ?There's chess,? he says, ?obviously, but also... hmm... there was soccer as well, though I can't really do that anymore. Reading, which I picked up in hospital... um...? It's starting to get a bit more awkward now. Maybe going down this path wasn't the best option after all. Lilly takes the opportunity to interject.

?It sounds as if you've picked up quite a few things since your accident.? I retreat into myself again, as always, trying subconsciously to avoid dealing with the situation, whereas Lilly tackles it head on to regain control of the circumstances. Not for control's sake, but for mine. Even so, I guess she and Shizune are more alike than either would care to admit.

As she finishes, a soft melody comes from Lilly's pocket. ?Sorry...? she says, answering her phone.

?I-it's okay...? She walks a short distance away so as not to disturb Hisao and I.

?Must be nice to be popular.? I smile at Hisao's comment, but say nothing. I'd rather not talk right now. ?It's nice and peaceful here,? he continues, eyes closed in rest. ?I wonder what it'd be like to have grown up somewhere like this, rather than in the city.?

This slip of information is enough to pique my interest, despite my wishes to stay quiet. ?Y-you come from the city??

Hisao's eyes flicker open as he responds. ?Yeah. You could say I was a city kid through and through.?

?I-It sounds like a lot changed...?

?It did. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it all, though. It's a bit of a culture shock, in more ways than one. You must've gone through something like this when you first arrived at Yamaku, right? I'd imagine most new students would.?

?N-not really...? I look away, a little unnerved. I'm not really sure how much to give away, how much to say to Hisao. It's true that I did feel something similar when I first came to Yamaku, but in a way I was also relieved. Finally, I would be among people whose situations were somewhat similar to my own. It wasn't long before I realised how naive I was being. Cliques and groups are as much a part of Yamaku as they are any other school. It didn't matter that there were other people here who had scars, or who had suffered through incidents like mine. They already had their friendships and groups that I wasn't a part of, and the formative years that I'd spent in the orphanage hadn't exactly helped my confidence or social skills. I ended up falling back to my old habits, just like when playing chess against Hisao that first time. It would be silly to say I'd improved over the past few years. Not by much, at any rate.

Before Hisao can probe any further, we overhear Lilly's conversation in the background. ?But can't we deal with that on Monday? The fallout has hardly settled from the last... I understand. I'll try to talk her down. You know what she's like when she gets locked onto an idea... Yes, thank you. I'll talk to you later, then. Goodbye.?

She closes her phone and returns to us, but chooses not to sit down. Her face is positioned in our general direction, as if she can hear us breathing or something. I wonder what she was talking about, and who with, but before I can ask the question Hisao cuts in first.

?Need to go??

?Unfortunately. Class representative work calls once again.? That explains that, then.

?I-I can come with you.? I've had fun, but being alone with Hisao would be a bit too much at the moment, after the conversation we sort-of just had.

?It's alright, Hanako. I'll just be going straight to the Student Council. There's no need to spoil a fine evening on my account. Besides, if you were to accompany me on my way back to the school, who would keep our poor Hisao company??

As Lilly speaks I notice the hints of a very mischievous smile start to form on her lips. Her eyes are on me, even though she can't see me. She knows that I don't want to stay, and she's doing it anyway, damn her. I wonder how much she knows of my possible feelings in that regard? For Hisao, or not, either way she must know more than she's letting on. Otherwise, why have me stay here? I couldn't even go quietly with her, Lilly's hearing is too good, and she's not stupid. I give up.

?Okay...? My voice is timid as ever.

?I can join you for tea again later tonight, if you'd like. I may well need it.? I agree to meet her later, passing Lilly her cane, and she leaves enough money (despite Hisao's protestations) to pay her share of the tea and meal, before saying her goodbyes to Yuuko and the pair of us. As she heads out the door, I glance at Hisao, acutely aware of the silence between us. This is almost as bad as if he were asking more questions about my past. I want to open up to him, but the closer we get to that day, the harder it becomes.

?Want to order something else to keep us going?? he asks, filling the quiet. ?We haven't had much of a dinner, after all.? That's something I can definitely get behind, and I nod with enthusiasm. Hisao looks across to Yuuko, who takes the hint and hurries over.

?Would you like something else??

?I'll just have a sandwich special and a hot chocolate,? says Hisao. ?Bit late for coffee by now. Hanako??

?I-I'll... have the same...? I'm not massively hungry, but something to eat would still be good, and I'm not picky. Yuuko nods to us both and delivers another low bow, before turning on her heel and heading to the counter to prepare our order. Hisao and I sit in silence until she returns, bringing food and drink together with a smile. As Hisao begins to eat, I watch him, and start to fidget just a little.

?Not hungry?? I guess he noticed me. I shake my head to show him how wrong he is.

?I-it's not that.?

?Aw,? he replies. ?I was all ready to have your share too.? I can't help but let a tiny smile creep out, but my heart isn't in it. As I study his face, I notice that there's something a little... off.

?You looked... t-troubled. I-is something... w-wrong??

Hisao pauses for a second or two. ?We're friends, right?? His comment catches me off guard, but in a way he's right. I hope we are, at least...

?Friends...? I hesitate, and wonder what I should say, before deciding to just come right out and be honest. Well, not totally honest, at least about my feelings... ?I-I think t-that we are...?

He seems rather relieved. ?I see...?

I hope he's relieved, at any rate. His actions, his tone, and his posture, all suggest so, but the words don't match up. Why did Lilly have to leave? I don't know how to deal with this situation. ?A-am I wrong? S-sorry, I-I...?

?No, it's just... hearing confirmation of that from you is reassuring.? That's definitely a relief, at least for me, but he could have been a bit more direct. It would have been so much easier for me then! Hisao continues, ?To pick up on what you said earlier: since coming to Yamaku, I've been a bit uneasy about how I should relate with others.? He chuckles a little before picking up his mug. I can't tell him, but Hisao's feelings are nothing new to me. I guess he's figured that out already. Except in my case, it's more than just unease. It's not as if Hisao has to see a therapist like I do, after all.

My thoughts are disturbed suddenly, as a cry of pain comes from the boy opposite me. ?Ouch! That's hot...?

I giggle a little, thinking that maybe I should have at least told him that. Oh well, no time like the present. ?Th-that's why... That's why I haven't eaten yet. I-I was waiting... for my drink to cool down first.? Fortunately Hisao doesn't seem to be annoyed at me for holding back the information. Not openly anyway.

?I guess I'll wait, then.? He puts his mug back down and we both start to laugh, softly and quietly. It's a little bizarre, but there's not much else we can do really. I don't feel like talking, and I think Hisao has figured that out by now. We don't say anything else as we finally finish our little meal, pay Yuuko the bill, and start the journey back to Yamaku.

When we finally get back to the campus, and the space between the male and female dormitories, the day's events catch up and I let out a little yawn, one I try (and fail) to stifle in front of Hisao. ?I'd better be off to my room, then,? he says. ?See you tomorrow, Hanako.?

?G-good night...? We both turn and walk towards our respective buildings, as I realise that I probably won't be having that tea meeting with Lilly that we agreed on. I'm not so sure she'll be back from her Council work anyway, if Shizune is involved again. Before I get too far away, though, I stop and turn back to face Hisao, watching as he leaves. Tonight was fun. It helped me keep my mind occupied, at least for a while, and although I wasn't exactly engaged in the conversation it was nice to learn a bit more about my new friend.

As I stop, Hisao also turns to look back at me, and I give a little wave, a rare and genuine smile upon my face. He smiles and waves back, before turning for the last time and walking away. I follow suit and begin the climb to my room, no doubt for the sole purpose of falling onto my bed and going straight to sleep. I'm scared, to be completely honest. I know tonight will be no different to every other night for the past few weeks, with nightmares and self-doubt racking my mind as I try to rest. What was a useful distraction earlier will have no effect when I'm asleep, and no matter what I do I can't focus on anything else again. I've been trying the relaxation techniques my therapist explained, and I've tried reading chess books before I sleep to give myself something else to think about, but it's no good at all. I reach my bed, undress and fall back onto the pillows. Morning takes a long time coming.

 

[NoOne852]

Apologies again for the delay, but hopefully the start of Act Three will be worth the wait

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter One: King's Gambit Accepted

It's been a few weeks now since I told Hisao about my scars. Every day brings us closer to the bad times, but even now I can't bring myself to tell him any more. I wonder sometimes if it's because I'm scared of his reaction, or because I'm still ashamed of feeling that way?

Miss Yumi is never much help around now. She tries, of course, and we discussed it during our last few sessions, but truth be told I'm surprised I've never had a breakdown during them. The nearer we get to that date, the harder it becomes for me, and the more closed off I become ? as if it were possible for me to be more so. Anything that can take my mind off things will help now. There's still some time to go though, so I won't worry as much now as I will later. Until then, I'll seize anything to keep me occupied.

In a way, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Hisao and I have continued playing chess, with regular matches over lunch, but as the days have gone by and the troubles have edged nearer I've been losing myself more and more in the game. Miss Yumi noted last week, in fact, that I seem to be focusing more on our Go matches, and indeed I've been getting that bit better, though still nowhere near her level. At least Hisao is someone I can beat. ?Mate.?

?Again... what does that make this? 3-2?? Hisao sighs and knocks his king over in defeat. A common sight now, even if he has won the occasional game. Rare, but still...

?S-stalemates don't count.? Which makes it one-nil to me.

?Damn. You're getting better at this every day.? I don't think so. Really, I was always pretty good. Our first game though, I think that I might have just been glad to have someone new to play with, and as a result didn't focus as much on the moves I was making. Which meant making plenty of rookie mistakes and falling back on my old defensive play style. Miss Yumi told me during one of our Go games that I should look for opportunities when playing defensively, and then take advantage of them. When I first played chess with Hisao, I regressed to the type of strategy I'd always relied on, missing those moments, and losing pretty badly. Now, I've returned to that more developed style, giving me more options and more ruses to use. Just one mistake from Hisao now is enough to turn the tide of the whole match, and I've gotten good at manipulating the board to create those opportunities. It's something I wish I could do away from the game, but I'm just not that type of person, I guess.

?Fancy another game?? Hisao asks, eagerness in his eyes. I wish I could, but I have some work to get done. It's not important and can definitely wait, but I know won't feel up to it later. If things are as bad as last year, locking myself in my room and skipping classes (and I'm certain they will be), then the more work I do now the better. Less to catch up on when I've recovered.

?I... I have to finish my homework...?

?Oh,? he says, sighing a little. ?Well, I'll see you tomorrow then.?

I point at the teapot and cups on the table, still to be cleared away. ?But... what about this...?

?Don't worry about that,I've got it.?

?Oh... okay...? I'm kind of glad I don't have to clean up, but it would have been nice to spend just a moment more with Hisao. Well, I guess it can't be helped. I have no more excuses to stay. ?S-see you.?

?Later.?

I leave as Hisao continues clearing up the mess. Almost as soon as the door closes I notice Lilly walking towards the tearoom, her cane tapping against the side of the wall and on the floor ahead of her. ?Lilly??

?Ah, Hanako, is that you? I was just on my way to find you and Hisao. I wondered if you would care to take a trip to the Shanghai with me??

?Um...? I pause briefly. I need to get this work done, but visiting the Shanghai would be fun, not to mention another excuse to keep my mind off things. ?I... I was going t-to get some work... finished...?

She realises my intentions straight away. ?You want to be prepared?? Her voice is low, as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear. Lilly's the only person aside from Miss Yumi and the Nurse who knows the reason for my situation around this time. Not even Akira knows to the extent that Lilly does, and even then Lilly isn't aware of the full story. She edges around the topic, not wanting to cause any undue pressure, but with that simple comment she's already shown her awareness of my reasons for working so hard.

?I... um, I was... I wanted to...?

?It's alright, Hanako. I understand. I won't bring it up if you don't want me to.?

?No, that's not... I just wanted t-to get it out of the way... if I miss classes again...? I've been pretty good recently, to be fair. Since opening up that time to Hisao, I've attended most of my lectures. Mutou-sensei has given his usual silent nod towards my leaving for each group project, but even then I've stayed, working alone, or more rarely with Hisao (provided he hasn't been snatched away by Shizune and Misha).

?That's fine, Hanako. It was just a suggestion, but if you feel like getting ready for later...?

?No! I-I want to... I can put it off j-just a l-little bit...?

?Are you quite sure??

?I... I'm sure...? I'm not lying. The prospect of going to the Shanghai is more tempting than work. If I need to catch up later then so be it. Maybe I could use school work as makeshift therapy when I'm hiding away from the world, though somehow I doubt it will have any effect. As I consider this, the door opens again and a familiar figure walks into the corridor. Lilly's head turns towards the sound.

?Ah, Hisao...? I say to him. It's a little bit of a surprise that he's finished cleaning up so quickly, but more so I'm a little worried he may have heard part of the conversation, despite the closed door. If he did, he makes no signs of understanding what Lilly and I were discussing.

?Oh my, Hisao is here as well?? Presumably she was expecting to have to search for him, or ask me where he might be. It's lucky for her then that Hisao was with me anyway.

?Afternoon, Lilly,? he says. ?What's up??

?I was hoping,? she replies, ?now that I've finished with my class representative duties for the day, that I might have the two of you accompany me for tea at the Shanghai. It would be nice to enjoy ourselves outside of the school, for a change.?

?I'd be up for it. I think Hanako had work to do, though...?? Hisao turns to me, as if to ask if I've changed my mind on the notes and exercises still to complete.

?I-it's... not all that much...? I say. It's interesting that I haven't stammered anywhere near as much since meeting Hisao, but as the dark days draw closer my speech is getting worse again.

?Wonderful. It seems that we're all decided then.? Lilly clasps her hands together and, taking up her cane again, turns to leave, Hisao and I following in her wake.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Given the time of day, the road to town is almost deserted. I don't need to hide my face anywhere near as much as usual, though I still hold on close to Lilly. It's not too long before we reach the traditionally styled wooden doors of the Shanghai. We enter to see an almost deserted scene ? just how I like it. Lilly takes her arm back from mine for a brief moment to retract her cane, as Yuuko pops up from her usual hidey-hole.

?Welcome to the Shanghai! May I take your order?? She bows as always, even though she doesn't need to. Societal conventions aside, she knows us, and we're informal enough that the bow is unnecessary. Well, to everyone except Yuuko.

?Just tea, please,? says Lilly. ?Hanako, Hisao??

?I'll have a slice of pie and some coffee,? Hisao responds. That sounds nice, but I'm not exactly hungry, and I prefer tea to coffee anyway.

?Just... t-tea... please...?

?Coming right up. Please take any seat you wish, and I'll be back shortly.? With that, Yuuko stumbles across to the counter, a smile and a nod accompanying her, as the three of us walk to the nearest window seats available. I don't hide away for once this time, instead choosing to ignore the world around me. Part of it is increased confidence, perhaps due to Hisao's influence? The other part is that keeping my mind off the days to come means I'm focusing that bit less on what the people around me think. The one good thing to come out of everything, I suppose.

As we sit down, Hisao looks across the table with concern. ?Are you okay, Lilly? You look tired.? She lowers her head with embarrassment written all over her face.

?Class representative work can be very tiring, considering that it often means dealing with the Student Council. Very tiring indeed.?

It doesn't take a genius to work out that by ?Student Council?, what Lilly means is ?her aggressive cousin and the loudest girl in Japan?. I'm a little curious about the work though, I must admit. Particularly how other people deal with it. ?How... do the other representatives go?? I say quietly.

?Better than I, but not by much. Shizune is a harsh taskmaster no matter whom she deals with.? Sometimes I've wondered if the workload for Lilly is that bit higher, simply because of spite. Then again, it's not really hatred between Lilly and Shizune, more just a petty rivalry. Like a sibling thing, except between cousins instead. I wouldn't claim to know the details anyway, just that the pair aren't exactly best friends.

?It doesn't sound like you particularly relish the job,? Hisao says. ?Why do you do it in the first place, if it's that bad??

?Being a class representative is enjoyable, and I can deal with the responsibility well enough. It's just that the people involved are sometimes...? She doesn't continue, but I can guess what Lilly was going to say next. Whatever it was, it would be slightly out of character for her. Not to mention the kind of thing you don't generally hear in public, especially a place as nice and quiet as the Shanghai.

With the break in conversation, I take the chance to leave for the restroom without causing a stir. I need it anyway, but I could also do with the time alone. I tend to stay out of Shizune discussions, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter. Thinking certain thoughts is one thing, but I'm not the kind of person to get actively involved in the dispute, even if it's nothing more than talking behind Shizune's back - I had enough of that happening to me after I got my scars.

My intended disappearance doesn't go unnoticed, however, as I rise from my seat. ?Hanako?? calls Lilly, turning in my general direction. She must have heard the chair moving back, or felt me next to her as I stood up.

?I'll... be back in a bit.? Avoiding any further questions, I leave and make my way to the restroom.

While I'm away from the others, I think about anything I can to keep my mind busy. I think about Shizune and the student council, about Mutou-sensei's lecture today, about the chess games, and even about more mundane things, like the mural on the wall near the dormitories. I was never one for art, but I still think it looks nice, if odd. When I finally return to the table, I find that Yuuko has already been and gone, and waste no time in drinking my tea. We talk about mundane topics as we rest, the conversation turning from the student council to our respective reading choices ? far more interesting in my view.

?Hey Hanako,? Hisao asks. ?I was just wondering... aside from chess and reading, do you have any hobbies or things you like doing??

I pause, shocked at the question. What's brought this on? Why does Hisao want to know more about my interests? I steal a glance at Lilly, but she wears the same faint smile she had during our previous conversation. She's giving nothing away. Hesitantly, I reply.

?Um... I guess... I like singing a l-little. I'm okay with c-computers as well, but I... don't use them all that much.? Next to me, Lilly nods. She already knows this much, and a little more too. I suppose I've always kind of liked jazz, however strange that may seem. I don't own any albums or go to listen to it, but I've occasionally borrowed CDs and a player from Akira or (on very rare occasions) used the computer in the library to listen. I don't say any of this to Hisao though, more out of nerves than a desire to withhold information. ?W-what about... y-y...?

?Me?? I nod at Hisao's comment, confirming his thoughts. ?There's chess,? he says, ?obviously, but also... hmm... there was soccer as well, though I can't really do that anymore. Reading, which I picked up in hospital... um...? It's starting to get a bit more awkward now. Maybe going down this path wasn't the best option after all. Lilly takes the opportunity to interject.

?It sounds as if you've picked up quite a few things since your accident.? I retreat into myself again, as always, trying subconsciously to avoid dealing with the situation, whereas Lilly tackles it head on to regain control of the circumstances. Not for control's sake, but for mine. Even so, I guess she and Shizune are more alike than either would care to admit.

As she finishes, a soft melody comes from Lilly's pocket. ?Sorry...? she says, answering her phone.

?I-it's okay...? She walks a short distance away so as not to disturb Hisao and I.

?Must be nice to be popular.? I smile at Hisao's comment, but say nothing. I'd rather not talk right now. ?It's nice and peaceful here,? he continues, eyes closed in rest. ?I wonder what it'd be like to have grown up somewhere like this, rather than in the city.?

This slip of information is enough to pique my interest, despite my wishes to stay quiet. ?Y-you come from the city??

Hisao's eyes flicker open as he responds. ?Yeah. You could say I was a city kid through and through.?

?I-It sounds like a lot changed...?

?It did. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it all, though. It's a bit of a culture shock, in more ways than one. You must've gone through something like this when you first arrived at Yamaku, right? I'd imagine most new students would.?

?N-not really...? I look away, a little unnerved. I'm not really sure how much to give away, how much to say to Hisao. It's true that I did feel something similar when I first came to Yamaku, but in a way I was also relieved. Finally, I would be among people whose situations were somewhat similar to my own. It wasn't long before I realised how naive I was being. Cliques and groups are as much a part of Yamaku as they are any other school. It didn't matter that there were other people here who had scars, or who had suffered through incidents like mine. They already had their friendships and groups that I wasn't a part of, and the formative years that I'd spent in the orphanage hadn't exactly helped my confidence or social skills. I ended up falling back to my old habits, just like when playing chess against Hisao that first time. It would be silly to say I'd improved over the past few years. Not by much, at any rate.

Before Hisao can probe any further, we overhear Lilly's conversation in the background. ?But can't we deal with that on Monday? The fallout has hardly settled from the last... I understand. I'll try to talk her down. You know what she's like when she gets locked onto an idea... Yes, thank you. I'll talk to you later, then. Goodbye.?

She closes her phone and returns to us, but chooses not to sit down. Her face is positioned in our general direction, as if she can hear us breathing or something. I wonder what she was talking about, and who with, but before I can ask the question Hisao cuts in first.

?Need to go??

?Unfortunately. Class representative work calls once again.? That explains that, then.

?I-I can come with you.? I've had fun, but being alone with Hisao would be a bit too much at the moment, after the conversation we sort-of just had.

?It's alright, Hanako. I'll just be going straight to the Student Council. There's no need to spoil a fine evening on my account. Besides, if you were to accompany me on my way back to the school, who would keep our poor Hisao company??

As Lilly speaks I notice the hints of a very mischievous smile start to form on her lips. Her eyes are on me, even though she can't see me. She knows that I don't want to stay, and she's doing it anyway, damn her. I wonder how much she knows of my possible feelings in that regard? For Hisao, or not, either way she must know more than she's letting on. Otherwise, why have me stay here? I couldn't even go quietly with her, Lilly's hearing is too good, and she's not stupid. I give up.

?Okay...? My voice is timid as ever.

?I can join you for tea again later tonight, if you'd like. I may well need it.? I agree to meet her later, passing Lilly her cane, and she leaves enough money (despite Hisao's protestations) to pay her share of the tea and meal, before saying her goodbyes to Yuuko and the pair of us. As she heads out the door, I glance at Hisao, acutely aware of the silence between us. This is almost as bad as if he were asking more questions about my past. I want to open up to him, but the closer we get to that day, the harder it becomes.

?Want to order something else to keep us going?? he asks, filling the quiet. ?We haven't had much of a dinner, after all.? That's something I can definitely get behind, and I nod with enthusiasm. Hisao looks across to Yuuko, who takes the hint and hurries over.

?Would you like something else??

?I'll just have a sandwich special and a hot chocolate,? says Hisao. ?Bit late for coffee by now. Hanako??

?I-I'll... have the same...? I'm not massively hungry, but something to eat would still be good, and I'm not picky. Yuuko nods to us both and delivers another low bow, before turning on her heel and heading to the counter to prepare our order. Hisao and I sit in silence until she returns, bringing food and drink together with a smile. As Hisao begins to eat, I watch him, and start to fidget just a little.

?Not hungry?? I guess he noticed me. I shake my head to show him how wrong he is.

?I-it's not that.?

?Aw,? he replies. ?I was all ready to have your share too.? I can't help but let a tiny smile creep out, but my heart isn't in it. As I study his face, I notice that there's something a little... off.

?You looked... t-troubled. I-is something... w-wrong??

Hisao pauses for a second or two. ?We're friends, right?? His comment catches me off guard, but in a way he's right. I hope we are, at least...

?Friends...? I hesitate, and wonder what I should say, before deciding to just come right out and be honest. Well, not totally honest, at least about my feelings... ?I-I think t-that we are...?

He seems rather relieved. ?I see...?

I hope he's relieved, at any rate. His actions, his tone, and his posture, all suggest so, but the words don't match up. Why did Lilly have to leave? I don't know how to deal with this situation. ?A-am I wrong? S-sorry, I-I...?

?No, it's just... hearing confirmation of that from you is reassuring.? That's definitely a relief, at least for me, but he could have been a bit more direct. It would have been so much easier for me then! Hisao continues, ?To pick up on what you said earlier: since coming to Yamaku, I've been a bit uneasy about how I should relate with others.? He chuckles a little before picking up his mug. I can't tell him, but Hisao's feelings are nothing new to me. I guess he's figured that out already. Except in my case, it's more than just unease. It's not as if Hisao has to see a therapist like I do, after all.

My thoughts are disturbed suddenly, as a cry of pain comes from the boy opposite me. ?Ouch! That's hot...?

I giggle a little, thinking that maybe I should have at least told him that. Oh well, no time like the present. ?Th-that's why... That's why I haven't eaten yet. I-I was waiting... for my drink to cool down first.? Fortunately Hisao doesn't seem to be annoyed at me for holding back the information. Not openly anyway.

?I guess I'll wait, then.? He puts his mug back down and we both start to laugh, softly and quietly. It's a little bizarre, but there's not much else we can do really. I don't feel like talking, and I think Hisao has figured that out by now. We don't say anything else as we finally finish our little meal, pay Yuuko the bill, and start the journey back to Yamaku.

When we finally get back to the campus, and the space between the male and female dormitories, the day's events catch up and I let out a little yawn, one I try (and fail) to stifle in front of Hisao. ?I'd better be off to my room, then,? he says. ?See you tomorrow, Hanako.?

?G-good night...? We both turn and walk towards our respective buildings, as I realise that I probably won't be having that tea meeting with Lilly that we agreed on. I'm not so sure she'll be back from her Council work anyway, if Shizune is involved again. Before I get too far away, though, I stop and turn back to face Hisao, watching as he leaves. Tonight was fun. It helped me keep my mind occupied, at least for a while, and although I wasn't exactly engaged in the conversation it was nice to learn a bit more about my new friend.

As I stop, Hisao also turns to look back at me, and I give a little wave, a rare and genuine smile upon my face. He smiles and waves back, before turning for the last time and walking away. I follow suit and begin the climb to my room, no doubt for the sole purpose of falling onto my bed and going straight to sleep. I'm scared, to be completely honest. I know tonight will be no different to every other night for the past few weeks, with nightmares and self-doubt racking my mind as I try to rest. What was a useful distraction earlier will have no effect when I'm asleep, and no matter what I do I can't focus on anything else again. I've been trying the relaxation techniques my therapist explained, and I've tried reading chess books before I sleep to give myself something else to think about, but it's no good at all. I reach my bed, undress and fall back onto the pillows. Morning takes a long time coming.

Wait, what about the end of act 2? I don't recall getting there, or are you doing acts seperate from the novel?(Though, my memory is a bit fuzzy on what events occured when in the story now)

That being said, I think you are getting into "the date" well. You're showing it heavy on her mind and her trying to overcome it, or at least distract herself from it anyway, without it interrupting the story. Kudos, and such praise. =D

 

[Trivun]

Apologies again for the delay, but hopefully the start of Act Three will be worth the wait

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter One: King's Gambit Accepted

It's been a few weeks now since I told Hisao about my scars. Every day brings us closer to the bad times, but even now I can't bring myself to tell him any more. I wonder sometimes if it's because I'm scared of his reaction, or because I'm still ashamed of feeling that way?

Miss Yumi is never much help around now. She tries, of course, and we discussed it during our last few sessions, but truth be told I'm surprised I've never had a breakdown during them. The nearer we get to that date, the harder it becomes for me, and the more closed off I become ? as if it were possible for me to be more so. Anything that can take my mind off things will help now. There's still some time to go though, so I won't worry as much now as I will later. Until then, I'll seize anything to keep me occupied.

In a way, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Hisao and I have continued playing chess, with regular matches over lunch, but as the days have gone by and the troubles have edged nearer I've been losing myself more and more in the game. Miss Yumi noted last week, in fact, that I seem to be focusing more on our Go matches, and indeed I've been getting that bit better, though still nowhere near her level. At least Hisao is someone I can beat. ?Mate.?

?Again... what does that make this? 3-2?? Hisao sighs and knocks his king over in defeat. A common sight now, even if he has won the occasional game. Rare, but still...

?S-stalemates don't count.? Which makes it one-nil to me.

?Damn. You're getting better at this every day.? I don't think so. Really, I was always pretty good. Our first game though, I think that I might have just been glad to have someone new to play with, and as a result didn't focus as much on the moves I was making. Which meant making plenty of rookie mistakes and falling back on my old defensive play style. Miss Yumi told me during one of our Go games that I should look for opportunities when playing defensively, and then take advantage of them. When I first played chess with Hisao, I regressed to the type of strategy I'd always relied on, missing those moments, and losing pretty badly. Now, I've returned to that more developed style, giving me more options and more ruses to use. Just one mistake from Hisao now is enough to turn the tide of the whole match, and I've gotten good at manipulating the board to create those opportunities. It's something I wish I could do away from the game, but I'm just not that type of person, I guess.

?Fancy another game?? Hisao asks, eagerness in his eyes. I wish I could, but I have some work to get done. It's not important and can definitely wait, but I know won't feel up to it later. If things are as bad as last year, locking myself in my room and skipping classes (and I'm certain they will be), then the more work I do now the better. Less to catch up on when I've recovered.

?I... I have to finish my homework...?

?Oh,? he says, sighing a little. ?Well, I'll see you tomorrow then.?

I point at the teapot and cups on the table, still to be cleared away. ?But... what about this...?

?Don't worry about that,I've got it.?

?Oh... okay...? I'm kind of glad I don't have to clean up, but it would have been nice to spend just a moment more with Hisao. Well, I guess it can't be helped. I have no more excuses to stay. ?S-see you.?

?Later.?

I leave as Hisao continues clearing up the mess. Almost as soon as the door closes I notice Lilly walking towards the tearoom, her cane tapping against the side of the wall and on the floor ahead of her. ?Lilly??

?Ah, Hanako, is that you? I was just on my way to find you and Hisao. I wondered if you would care to take a trip to the Shanghai with me??

?Um...? I pause briefly. I need to get this work done, but visiting the Shanghai would be fun, not to mention another excuse to keep my mind off things. ?I... I was going t-to get some work... finished...?

She realises my intentions straight away. ?You want to be prepared?? Her voice is low, as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear. Lilly's the only person aside from Miss Yumi and the Nurse who knows the reason for my situation around this time. Not even Akira knows to the extent that Lilly does, and even then Lilly isn't aware of the full story. She edges around the topic, not wanting to cause any undue pressure, but with that simple comment she's already shown her awareness of my reasons for working so hard.

?I... um, I was... I wanted to...?

?It's alright, Hanako. I understand. I won't bring it up if you don't want me to.?

?No, that's not... I just wanted t-to get it out of the way... if I miss classes again...? I've been pretty good recently, to be fair. Since opening up that time to Hisao, I've attended most of my lectures. Mutou-sensei has given his usual silent nod towards my leaving for each group project, but even then I've stayed, working alone, or more rarely with Hisao (provided he hasn't been snatched away by Shizune and Misha).

?That's fine, Hanako. It was just a suggestion, but if you feel like getting ready for later...?

?No! I-I want to... I can put it off j-just a l-little bit...?

?Are you quite sure??

?I... I'm sure...? I'm not lying. The prospect of going to the Shanghai is more tempting than work. If I need to catch up later then so be it. Maybe I could use school work as makeshift therapy when I'm hiding away from the world, though somehow I doubt it will have any effect. As I consider this, the door opens again and a familiar figure walks into the corridor. Lilly's head turns towards the sound.

?Ah, Hisao...? I say to him. It's a little bit of a surprise that he's finished cleaning up so quickly, but more so I'm a little worried he may have heard part of the conversation, despite the closed door. If he did, he makes no signs of understanding what Lilly and I were discussing.

?Oh my, Hisao is here as well?? Presumably she was expecting to have to search for him, or ask me where he might be. It's lucky for her then that Hisao was with me anyway.

?Afternoon, Lilly,? he says. ?What's up??

?I was hoping,? she replies, ?now that I've finished with my class representative duties for the day, that I might have the two of you accompany me for tea at the Shanghai. It would be nice to enjoy ourselves outside of the school, for a change.?

?I'd be up for it. I think Hanako had work to do, though...?? Hisao turns to me, as if to ask if I've changed my mind on the notes and exercises still to complete.

?I-it's... not all that much...? I say. It's interesting that I haven't stammered anywhere near as much since meeting Hisao, but as the dark days draw closer my speech is getting worse again.

?Wonderful. It seems that we're all decided then.? Lilly clasps her hands together and, taking up her cane again, turns to leave, Hisao and I following in her wake.

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Given the time of day, the road to town is almost deserted. I don't need to hide my face anywhere near as much as usual, though I still hold on close to Lilly. It's not too long before we reach the traditionally styled wooden doors of the Shanghai. We enter to see an almost deserted scene ? just how I like it. Lilly takes her arm back from mine for a brief moment to retract her cane, as Yuuko pops up from her usual hidey-hole.

?Welcome to the Shanghai! May I take your order?? She bows as always, even though she doesn't need to. Societal conventions aside, she knows us, and we're informal enough that the bow is unnecessary. Well, to everyone except Yuuko.

?Just tea, please,? says Lilly. ?Hanako, Hisao??

?I'll have a slice of pie and some coffee,? Hisao responds. That sounds nice, but I'm not exactly hungry, and I prefer tea to coffee anyway.

?Just... t-tea... please...?

?Coming right up. Please take any seat you wish, and I'll be back shortly.? With that, Yuuko stumbles across to the counter, a smile and a nod accompanying her, as the three of us walk to the nearest window seats available. I don't hide away for once this time, instead choosing to ignore the world around me. Part of it is increased confidence, perhaps due to Hisao's influence? The other part is that keeping my mind off the days to come means I'm focusing that bit less on what the people around me think. The one good thing to come out of everything, I suppose.

As we sit down, Hisao looks across the table with concern. ?Are you okay, Lilly? You look tired.? She lowers her head with embarrassment written all over her face.

?Class representative work can be very tiring, considering that it often means dealing with the Student Council. Very tiring indeed.?

It doesn't take a genius to work out that by ?Student Council?, what Lilly means is ?her aggressive cousin and the loudest girl in Japan?. I'm a little curious about the work though, I must admit. Particularly how other people deal with it. ?How... do the other representatives go?? I say quietly.

?Better than I, but not by much. Shizune is a harsh taskmaster no matter whom she deals with.? Sometimes I've wondered if the workload for Lilly is that bit higher, simply because of spite. Then again, it's not really hatred between Lilly and Shizune, more just a petty rivalry. Like a sibling thing, except between cousins instead. I wouldn't claim to know the details anyway, just that the pair aren't exactly best friends.

?It doesn't sound like you particularly relish the job,? Hisao says. ?Why do you do it in the first place, if it's that bad??

?Being a class representative is enjoyable, and I can deal with the responsibility well enough. It's just that the people involved are sometimes...? She doesn't continue, but I can guess what Lilly was going to say next. Whatever it was, it would be slightly out of character for her. Not to mention the kind of thing you don't generally hear in public, especially a place as nice and quiet as the Shanghai.

With the break in conversation, I take the chance to leave for the restroom without causing a stir. I need it anyway, but I could also do with the time alone. I tend to stay out of Shizune discussions, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter. Thinking certain thoughts is one thing, but I'm not the kind of person to get actively involved in the dispute, even if it's nothing more than talking behind Shizune's back - I had enough of that happening to me after I got my scars.

My intended disappearance doesn't go unnoticed, however, as I rise from my seat. ?Hanako?? calls Lilly, turning in my general direction. She must have heard the chair moving back, or felt me next to her as I stood up.

?I'll... be back in a bit.? Avoiding any further questions, I leave and make my way to the restroom.

While I'm away from the others, I think about anything I can to keep my mind busy. I think about Shizune and the student council, about Mutou-sensei's lecture today, about the chess games, and even about more mundane things, like the mural on the wall near the dormitories. I was never one for art, but I still think it looks nice, if odd. When I finally return to the table, I find that Yuuko has already been and gone, and waste no time in drinking my tea. We talk about mundane topics as we rest, the conversation turning from the student council to our respective reading choices ? far more interesting in my view.

?Hey Hanako,? Hisao asks. ?I was just wondering... aside from chess and reading, do you have any hobbies or things you like doing??

I pause, shocked at the question. What's brought this on? Why does Hisao want to know more about my interests? I steal a glance at Lilly, but she wears the same faint smile she had during our previous conversation. She's giving nothing away. Hesitantly, I reply.

?Um... I guess... I like singing a l-little. I'm okay with c-computers as well, but I... don't use them all that much.? Next to me, Lilly nods. She already knows this much, and a little more too. I suppose I've always kind of liked jazz, however strange that may seem. I don't own any albums or go to listen to it, but I've occasionally borrowed CDs and a player from Akira or (on very rare occasions) used the computer in the library to listen. I don't say any of this to Hisao though, more out of nerves than a desire to withhold information. ?W-what about... y-y...?

?Me?? I nod at Hisao's comment, confirming his thoughts. ?There's chess,? he says, ?obviously, but also... hmm... there was soccer as well, though I can't really do that anymore. Reading, which I picked up in hospital... um...? It's starting to get a bit more awkward now. Maybe going down this path wasn't the best option after all. Lilly takes the opportunity to interject.

?It sounds as if you've picked up quite a few things since your accident.? I retreat into myself again, as always, trying subconsciously to avoid dealing with the situation, whereas Lilly tackles it head on to regain control of the circumstances. Not for control's sake, but for mine. Even so, I guess she and Shizune are more alike than either would care to admit.

As she finishes, a soft melody comes from Lilly's pocket. ?Sorry...? she says, answering her phone.

?I-it's okay...? She walks a short distance away so as not to disturb Hisao and I.

?Must be nice to be popular.? I smile at Hisao's comment, but say nothing. I'd rather not talk right now. ?It's nice and peaceful here,? he continues, eyes closed in rest. ?I wonder what it'd be like to have grown up somewhere like this, rather than in the city.?

This slip of information is enough to pique my interest, despite my wishes to stay quiet. ?Y-you come from the city??

Hisao's eyes flicker open as he responds. ?Yeah. You could say I was a city kid through and through.?

?I-It sounds like a lot changed...?

?It did. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it all, though. It's a bit of a culture shock, in more ways than one. You must've gone through something like this when you first arrived at Yamaku, right? I'd imagine most new students would.?

?N-not really...? I look away, a little unnerved. I'm not really sure how much to give away, how much to say to Hisao. It's true that I did feel something similar when I first came to Yamaku, but in a way I was also relieved. Finally, I would be among people whose situations were somewhat similar to my own. It wasn't long before I realised how naive I was being. Cliques and groups are as much a part of Yamaku as they are any other school. It didn't matter that there were other people here who had scars, or who had suffered through incidents like mine. They already had their friendships and groups that I wasn't a part of, and the formative years that I'd spent in the orphanage hadn't exactly helped my confidence or social skills. I ended up falling back to my old habits, just like when playing chess against Hisao that first time. It would be silly to say I'd improved over the past few years. Not by much, at any rate.

Before Hisao can probe any further, we overhear Lilly's conversation in the background. ?But can't we deal with that on Monday? The fallout has hardly settled from the last... I understand. I'll try to talk her down. You know what she's like when she gets locked onto an idea... Yes, thank you. I'll talk to you later, then. Goodbye.?

She closes her phone and returns to us, but chooses not to sit down. Her face is positioned in our general direction, as if she can hear us breathing or something. I wonder what she was talking about, and who with, but before I can ask the question Hisao cuts in first.

?Need to go??

?Unfortunately. Class representative work calls once again.? That explains that, then.

?I-I can come with you.? I've had fun, but being alone with Hisao would be a bit too much at the moment, after the conversation we sort-of just had.

?It's alright, Hanako. I'll just be going straight to the Student Council. There's no need to spoil a fine evening on my account. Besides, if you were to accompany me on my way back to the school, who would keep our poor Hisao company??

As Lilly speaks I notice the hints of a very mischievous smile start to form on her lips. Her eyes are on me, even though she can't see me. She knows that I don't want to stay, and she's doing it anyway, damn her. I wonder how much she knows of my possible feelings in that regard? For Hisao, or not, either way she must know more than she's letting on. Otherwise, why have me stay here? I couldn't even go quietly with her, Lilly's hearing is too good, and she's not stupid. I give up.

?Okay...? My voice is timid as ever.

?I can join you for tea again later tonight, if you'd like. I may well need it.? I agree to meet her later, passing Lilly her cane, and she leaves enough money (despite Hisao's protestations) to pay her share of the tea and meal, before saying her goodbyes to Yuuko and the pair of us. As she heads out the door, I glance at Hisao, acutely aware of the silence between us. This is almost as bad as if he were asking more questions about my past. I want to open up to him, but the closer we get to that day, the harder it becomes.

?Want to order something else to keep us going?? he asks, filling the quiet. ?We haven't had much of a dinner, after all.? That's something I can definitely get behind, and I nod with enthusiasm. Hisao looks across to Yuuko, who takes the hint and hurries over.

?Would you like something else??

?I'll just have a sandwich special and a hot chocolate,? says Hisao. ?Bit late for coffee by now. Hanako??

?I-I'll... have the same...? I'm not massively hungry, but something to eat would still be good, and I'm not picky. Yuuko nods to us both and delivers another low bow, before turning on her heel and heading to the counter to prepare our order. Hisao and I sit in silence until she returns, bringing food and drink together with a smile. As Hisao begins to eat, I watch him, and start to fidget just a little.

?Not hungry?? I guess he noticed me. I shake my head to show him how wrong he is.

?I-it's not that.?

?Aw,? he replies. ?I was all ready to have your share too.? I can't help but let a tiny smile creep out, but my heart isn't in it. As I study his face, I notice that there's something a little... off.

?You looked... t-troubled. I-is something... w-wrong??

Hisao pauses for a second or two. ?We're friends, right?? His comment catches me off guard, but in a way he's right. I hope we are, at least...

?Friends...? I hesitate, and wonder what I should say, before deciding to just come right out and be honest. Well, not totally honest, at least about my feelings... ?I-I think t-that we are...?

He seems rather relieved. ?I see...?

I hope he's relieved, at any rate. His actions, his tone, and his posture, all suggest so, but the words don't match up. Why did Lilly have to leave? I don't know how to deal with this situation. ?A-am I wrong? S-sorry, I-I...?

?No, it's just... hearing confirmation of that from you is reassuring.? That's definitely a relief, at least for me, but he could have been a bit more direct. It would have been so much easier for me then! Hisao continues, ?To pick up on what you said earlier: since coming to Yamaku, I've been a bit uneasy about how I should relate with others.? He chuckles a little before picking up his mug. I can't tell him, but Hisao's feelings are nothing new to me. I guess he's figured that out already. Except in my case, it's more than just unease. It's not as if Hisao has to see a therapist like I do, after all.

My thoughts are disturbed suddenly, as a cry of pain comes from the boy opposite me. ?Ouch! That's hot...?

I giggle a little, thinking that maybe I should have at least told him that. Oh well, no time like the present. ?Th-that's why... That's why I haven't eaten yet. I-I was waiting... for my drink to cool down first.? Fortunately Hisao doesn't seem to be annoyed at me for holding back the information. Not openly anyway.

?I guess I'll wait, then.? He puts his mug back down and we both start to laugh, softly and quietly. It's a little bizarre, but there's not much else we can do really. I don't feel like talking, and I think Hisao has figured that out by now. We don't say anything else as we finally finish our little meal, pay Yuuko the bill, and start the journey back to Yamaku.

When we finally get back to the campus, and the space between the male and female dormitories, the day's events catch up and I let out a little yawn, one I try (and fail) to stifle in front of Hisao. ?I'd better be off to my room, then,? he says. ?See you tomorrow, Hanako.?

?G-good night...? We both turn and walk towards our respective buildings, as I realise that I probably won't be having that tea meeting with Lilly that we agreed on. I'm not so sure she'll be back from her Council work anyway, if Shizune is involved again. Before I get too far away, though, I stop and turn back to face Hisao, watching as he leaves. Tonight was fun. It helped me keep my mind occupied, at least for a while, and although I wasn't exactly engaged in the conversation it was nice to learn a bit more about my new friend.

As I stop, Hisao also turns to look back at me, and I give a little wave, a rare and genuine smile upon my face. He smiles and waves back, before turning for the last time and walking away. I follow suit and begin the climb to my room, no doubt for the sole purpose of falling onto my bed and going straight to sleep. I'm scared, to be completely honest. I know tonight will be no different to every other night for the past few weeks, with nightmares and self-doubt racking my mind as I try to rest. What was a useful distraction earlier will have no effect when I'm asleep, and no matter what I do I can't focus on anything else again. I've been trying the relaxation techniques my therapist explained, and I've tried reading chess books before I sleep to give myself something else to think about, but it's no good at all. I reach my bed, undress and fall back onto the pillows. Morning takes a long time coming.

Wait, what about the end of act 2? I don't recall getting there, or are you doing acts seperate from the novel?(Though, my memory is a bit fuzzy on what events occured when in the story now)

That being said, I think you are getting into "the date" well. You're showing it heavy on her mind and her trying to overcome it, or at least distract herself from it anyway, without it interrupting the story. Kudos, and such praise. =D

Haha, don't worry, I've been following the game (replaying as I write) and nothing's been missed - the end of Act Two is the stuff that happens in my own 'Act 2 Chapter 4', i.e. in 'The Mirror', and then in the game it skips ahead a bit in time by a few weeks to speed things up when Act 3 begins, which is what I've written here. I simply added a therapy session again in between the two. But yeah, nothing's been missed so far xD.

And thanks for the praise regarding my approach to 'the date' . That might be a bit tougher for me to write well from now onwards, so encouragement at this point is something I do really appreciate, so cheers for that!