Katawa Shoujo - Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

[Trivun]

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Four: Flanking

I don't feel any better when I return to my room. As soon as I arrived at the infirmary a message was sent to Miss Yumi, and she arrived not long after Hisao left. Maybe they even passed each other in the corridor, I don't know. Two worlds colliding? In any case, she sat with me for a few hours, gently coaxing me out of my catatonic state while the Nurse watched. She even brought a Go set along, though by the time I felt fit enough to play we had nothing to say to each other. I don't want to talk about this morning.

Now I'm lying on my side in my room, all alone. The door is unlocked but I don't have the strength to get up and lock it. My eyes are closed so tight not a single teardrop can escape. I just want to be left here by myself, but blessed solitude is a hard won gift here.

"Hello, Hanako." Lilly's voice rings through my ears, while next to her I can just about hear someone else putting something down. I can guess who it is, and Lilly's next words confirm it. "Hisao told me about what happened today... are you alright?"

I should think the answer would be obvious, but I can't bring myself to say it to her. My eyes open just a little as I reply. "I... I'm okay..." As I turn my head slightly I see the frown on Hisao's face, quickly masked by a deliberately neutral expression. Can he not bear letting me see his concern? I can't understand why. It's not as if I'm any good to him, nor Lilly. Not worth worrying about. "S-sorry... f-for making you w-worry." R-really... I'm f-fine now..."

I close my eyes again and listen to Hisao's response. "I said it before, right? You don't need to be sorry for this." There wasn't a need for this in the first place. No need for you to bother with helping me.

"Hisao's right. We... I... shouldn't have hidden something like a birthday celebration from you." Please don't say it. I shiver a touch and shy away from the words. There's no point, Lilly.

She crouches and brings her head closer to mine. "I'm the one who should be sorry, Hanako." No. Don't say that, don't you dare. Why even waste your time with me?

I stare at her, the way I hate others doing so to me. The irony isn't lost on me but right now I don't care. I can't help but be amazed that after all this they still care about me. They're fools for doing so, but at least I have someone here now. It won't help me but at least I have someone to miss me. I find the strength to pull myself up and twist my body around, bringing myself slowly into a sitting position.

Next to me, Lilly feels the movement on my mattress and sits down, taking my left hand in hers as she sits on my right.

"Lilly," Hisao says, "if you want me to go..."

I don't. For once I have people here for me. I still feel conflicted but between not deserving help right now and still wanting it, I don't want Hisao to leave. "I don't... want that..." I manage to say. I glance up briefly to see their reactions, and am met with faces filled with surprise. Hisao mumbles "Okay..." and sits at the desk.

I look back at Lilly, her blank eyes resting on me, as close to seeing me as she can get, and I know something is wrong. Why else would they be here, making so much effort to comfort me? All I want is to be alone, and yet I wanted Hisao here. Why? It makes no sense even to me. My thoughts are disjointed, my feelings all over the place but always converging on a single point. My loss, and my tragedy.

My fears are confirmed when Lilly next speaks. "Hanako, I'm afraid I have some bad news." She pauses and my face falls. "My aunt has fallen ill, so I need to return to my family for a time."

She's leaving? "Your... family... You mean in Scotland, right?" She has to go to Scotland? She won't be here... I'll have no-one but Hisao. Which is about as useful as having them both, really. I'd only be pushing them both away again for the next few weeks anyway.

"That's right. Akira and I will be leaving Saturday."

"S-so you're going away?" I don't want her to leave, and yet it's better for me if she does. She won't be knocking on my door each day filled with useless worry that I'm not worthy of. My mind is torn and I can't say or do a single thing to show it.

"I won't be gone for long. Probably only a week or two. I'll be back before you know it, and Hisao will be here, right?" I don't want him here, that's the problem. He's wasting his time on me and I'm a fool for thinking anything could come of it. I'm not worth his time in the first place.

"That's right, I'm not going anywhere." Such a fool...

"I-is your aunt going to be alright?" No reason I can't show concern for others, people who should probably get it more than me.

"I'm not sure," comes Lilly's response. I can't help but feel just a tiny bit better for the distraction in my mind, something else for me to hold onto as a barrier against the demons in the dark. It only makes me feel more guilty, though, but in a different way. We all stay silent for a few moments, before the quiet is broken by Hisao.

"Anyway, we were thinking that it would be a good idea to have a going-away party for Lilly, and it could double as... yeah..."

Don't say it. Don't send me back into that state. Don't break me yet again, please, Hisao. After all you've done for me, no matter how stupidly, I don't want you to be so cruel.

I'm saved as he cuts himself off. Not a mention made, but we all know what he means. Lilly replies as she squeezes my hand ever so gently. "Is it alright by you, Hanako? It won't be anything lavish or overdone, just something small in my room."

If it's so small, I might be able to do something. I might just be able to manage it. "S-so just in the school? Just us?"

"That's right," she confirms, "just the three of us. If you like, I could ask Akira to come as well."

"O...kay. Y-you're only going for a week?" Akira might help, if this proves a distraction as I hope it does.

"One week or two, yes. I promise you it won't be any longer."

"O-okay..." So she won't be here for my actual... Will she tell Hisao what to expect? The best thing he can do, for himself and for me, will be to leave me alone then. To not even try being there for me. There's no point. There's no point...

"All right then," he cuts in. "You look like you need a rest, Hanako, so it might be best if we all went back to our rooms for now."

That might be best, yes. With this visit my mind is as exhausted as my body and I just want to sleep. Maybe I'll be lucky and the nightmares won't come. I still don't see why they're wasting their time with me, but I'm not ungrateful for it. "You know that if you ever want anything, you can always talk to me or Hisao, right?" If I deserve it, Lilly, then yes, I know. It's a big if, though.

"I... understand. Thank you Lilly, Hisao."

"Well then, good night, Hanako." She gets up from the bed and starts to walk towards the door, Hisao following close behind.

"Night..." They close the door behind them and my head flops down onto the pillow once more. I can hear muffled voices from the corridor outside, but I have no interest in eavesdropping. I just want to sleep. My eyes close again, but this time there are no more tears to fall. No tears to guard against. Despite my hopes, the nightmares come again.

 

[NoOne852]

Yay, new update
Good as always though I am starting to forget parts of Hanako's story arc, so I don't entirely have a point to view her character from in that perpestive anymore (not clear anyway). That being said, based on what I know of her character, you are writing her pretty well, if a bit harsh (if that is the right word) at times.

Keep it up please! And I will wait for your next update

 

[Trivun]

Yay, new update
Good as always though I am starting to forget parts of Hanako's story arc, so I don't entirely have a point to view her character from in that perpestive anymore (not clear anyway). That being said, based on what I know of her character, you are writing her pretty well, if a bit harsh (if that is the right word) at times.

Keep it up please! And I will wait for your next update

Thank you again . Truth be told though I wasn't as happy with this chapter as I have been with some others, pretty much because of the length and the fact that I couldn't use as much original content as I have done on some other occasions. I did have an idea to write a section at the start with interaction between Hanako, the Nurse, and Miss Yumi, but then I thought that in the state she was in she wouldn't want to discuss it with anyone, whether that someone is Lilly, Hisao, or an unnamed third party such as the audience. As a result I cut that section and ended up with just the shorter piece we see here. Given how the game goes from this bit onwards, though, it does make a nice and natural break in the narrative before the next section of the story...

 

[NoOne852]

Yay, new update
Good as always though I am starting to forget parts of Hanako's story arc, so I don't entirely have a point to view her character from in that perpestive anymore (not clear anyway). That being said, based on what I know of her character, you are writing her pretty well, if a bit harsh (if that is the right word) at times.

Keep it up please! And I will wait for your next update

Thank you again . Truth be told though I wasn't as happy with this chapter as I have been with some others, pretty much because of the length and the fact that I couldn't use as much original content as I have done on some other occasions. I did have an idea to write a section at the start with interaction between Hanako, the Nurse, and Miss Yumi, but then I thought that in the state she was in she wouldn't want to discuss it with anyone, whether that someone is Lilly, Hisao, or an unnamed third party such as the audience. As a result I cut that section and ended up with just the shorter piece we see here. Given how the game goes from this bit onwards, though, it does make a nice and natural break in the narrative before the next section of the story...

Well it seems to have worked out. I wouldn't worry too much about that. At least you considered the character instead of just going "I already wrote it, may as well leave it in". A tip of my top hat to you sir.

 

[MrShowerHead]

Funny thing, I started replaying the different paths again, this time trying to think how to characters are thinking the same way Hisao does. Basicly just what you're doing here right now. Already did Hanako's and I have to admit, it's pretty similar. Well, your view of it is a bit more... Well, can't really come up with another word, but harsher. But it does fit her character, so maybe I'm just naive

Anyway, can't wait for the next entry, so far it has been very enjoyable. Oh and be sure to link us the full story (the different arcs) when you get that finished. Though I suppose it's safe to assume that might take a while. Just don't stress yourself too much writing these

 

[Trivun]

So, here it is, as promised, the next chapter of Hanako's Story! It's another short one again, so apologies, but there's a good reason for that - the chapter in the VN ends here and the next segment is what you've all been waiting for... Hanako's birthday party! I did consider adding that to the end of this but instead I decided that instead of writing a single super-long chapter I'd rather have a shorter one with the build-up, and give the party its own chapter from scratch. So I'll try and get that out within a few weeks, though no gurantees - considering the next chapter will be much longer, and given my propensity for delays, it might be a bit of a wait. I'll endeavour to make that wait as short as possible, though .

Spoiler: Act Three ? Chapter Five: White Knight Sacrifice

I avoid lessons the next day. I don't feel up to it, I don't want to go down there and face the stares and the judgement from everyone, people harassing me and asking what happened yesterday. Not to mention I was advised to stay in by Miss Yumi. Normally she tries to get me out there, talking to people, making some effort to get past my issues, but she's nothing if not tactful. I wonder why she even tries to help me? It's just a job for her, surely? Again I find myself torn in two. On the one hand, I don't feel like anybody should bother trying to help me, as if I actually deserve the sympathy or the aid. On the other hand, I want to be helped. I want people to be there for me. When the times are less hard, when everything is calm then I can find some balance, and I can feel as if, for once, I do deserve the support given by those few who care. It's all I want. When we move closer to the tough times, though, and breakdowns like this become commonplace, I find it so much more difficult to cope and find the common ground. My despair triumphs over my hope, and all that's left is darkness.

A void in my heart and screaming in my head.

I find myself sleeping in, unable to wake from the noise in my mind. My own voice muffled by the confines of my brain, no physical thing, but a purely mental torture. When I do finally wake up, I stare at the ceiling. After a while, I take a shower, taking advantage of the fact that everyone is in lessons, but when I return to my room wearing my dressing gown I return immediately to bed. No food in my stomach, nor water, my body fights against me but I can barely force myself out of bed to find something to eat or drink. I'm given no motivation to do so, until I hear a faint knocking on the very edge of hearing.

A pause. I wait in silence. The knocking comes again.

This time it's louder, just a little. I try to get up as the sound gradually increases in volume, but when I finally place my feet on the floor the knocking stops.

I stagger across to the door, hoping against hope that whoever it is hasn't left. I'm in two minds ? it might be Lilly or Hisao, in which case I want to see them. I want something to take my mind away from all this, to reassure me that everything will be fine. However, it could just as easily be one of my neighbours, or other classmates, wanting the latest gossip on my condition. I couldn't face that. Chances are higher to be the former, though, so I want to see. If only the faculty would let me install a peephole on my door! Things would be a bit easier, perhaps...

I reach the door and open it just a crack. In the corridor stands a young man with a slight smile on his face. My heart misses a beat, just once, and I feel a little relieved. Maybe it would have been better for me if he'd not come at all. Then again, I'm finally out of bed. I try to hide my hunger pangs and thirst (I have snacks and water in my room to keep me going anyway ? after the previous years I've learned preparation is key), as I watch his face through the opening.

We're both silent for a while. I'm waiting for him to speak, lost at the same time in my own thoughts. Hisao doesn't say a word, however, and I can only assume he's waiting for the same thing. We each expect the other to begin our conversation, yet neither of us can bring ourselves to do so. Eventually I move away from the door, wondering what he must be thinking now ? does he believe I'm simply leaving him out there, about to shut him out again? If so, I must be surprising him now, as I pull the door open a bit more.

He can see me fully now, my pink silk dressing gown, my hair still damp from the shower. I can't help but wonder why he's really here? I don't want to speculate, but after yesterday I feel like I can barely talk to him. Not because I don't want to. This is one of my rarer moments in these troubled times, when I feel calm and lucid. My tears have run out, my nightmares are limited to when I sleep, and now I'm awake I can look around me and try to come to some semblance of normality. I'm not saying it's not difficult. It's tougher than anything else I've ever done. But I've been fighting this for half my life, and now with Lilly and Hisao I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get through it. At least, I felt that way until yesterday morning, and less so when I found out that Lilly would be leaving for a fortnight. I still don't know Hisao well enough to deal with this so easily, as if it was ever easy, and I know that right now, we just don't really have a clue what to say to each other.

Hisao steps inside my room and closes the door behind him. I fiddle with my gown, weaving my fingers in the folds in my nervousness. I realise he's not going to say anything, and in a moment of clarity that surprises even myself, I speak instead. ?Why...?

A simple comment, but it's enough to break a fragment of the iceberg building between us. ?Because... uh... I uh... I... um...? He sighs as he finishes stammering. His speech now is worse than even mine at my worst. He continues: ?I don't know. I just... wanted to see you, I guess.?

I stop fidgeting and look up at his face. The look of concern, coupled with the worry and hint of surprise in Hisao's face, warms my heart a tiny bit. I feel a little better, and smile, nodding just once. ?Um...? I start, ?since you're here...?

How can I say this? Maybe we can get some degree of normality here. ?I'd like to... play a game of chess with you...?

I've finally let him in. It's taken me so long, the build-up crumbling to pieces at the slightest provocation, but it was worth it for this moment. ?It would be my pleasure,? comes the reply, with a smile to match my own. I fetch a board from the cupboard, one of my very few personal possessions, and set a game up on the floor. The smiles continue as we start to play...

 

[Marik2]

Surprised it wasnt an april fools joke, hehe

 

[Trivun]

Surprised it wasnt an april fools joke, hehe

Haha, I'm not quite that cruel . Would have done it on the Sunday instead but I had my nan round for Sunday dinner and didn't feel up to writing...

 

[Trivun]

A bit of a delay due to the rigours of a full time job, and a longer chapter than the last few, but hopefully you'll all enjoy it just as much

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Six: Plaster and Porcelain (Part One)

It's the night of the party, sort of, to celebrate the one day I don't feel like celebrating. Not to mention Lilly's going-away, which I'd rather not be reminded of. Even so, I find it hard to stay depressed. I'm with friends, and I feel like I'm finally recovering at least somewhat from the other day, when I had the breakdown in class. I still haven't returned to lessons, but maybe tomorrow I'll be up to it. Possibly. It depends a lot on what happens tonight, and although I've heard stories from Lilly I haven't experienced so much myself the kind of fun that happens when Akira turns up to an event. Lilly told me she probably wouldn't be coming though, since she wouldn't be able to get away from work and make it here in time. Still, it'll be nice to spend some time with Lilly and Hisao together, and in a rather ironic twist it will, definitely, help me focus less on the hardest day of my year.

A knock on the door drags me away from my thoughts, as Lilly calls out, ?Is that you, Hisao??

?Yeah, it's me,? comes the reply, and I rise to unlock the door and let him in. He enters as I quickly return to my place on the floor opposite Lilly, smiling briefly at him as he walks in. Hisao locks the door behind him, without needing to be asked. Rather perceptive really. He sits on the floor between us, on one side of the low table where our evening tea is already set up. I can't help but notice him steal a few glances at the plain brown bag next to Lilly, but if he can tell what's inside he doesn't give it away. Which is a shame, really. I have even less idea than he does, and I'd like to know myself, but if Lilly doesn't want us to know yet then I guess it's her decision.

?Hey, Lilly?? asks Hisao. She finishes her own drink before replying in the affirmative. Hisao continues, ?I was just wondering about that brown bag...?

How cheeky he is! I wouldn't have dared to ask of my own accord, but Lilly smiles a little in a playful manner, in the direction of his voice, before answering. ?That would be Akira's present. Unfortunately she said she was working and can't join us.? Nevertheless, she reaches a hand into the bag and feels around a little before pulling two long necked items from its depths.

?Wine...? I comment, realising now why Lilly was so adamant about the door being locked. She must have known already, considering she knows full well what Akira is like (more so than I do, naturally). The bottles are full and still sealed, one red and one white, as she places them both on the table between us all.

?Alcohol? Seriously? Are you sure this is a good idea?? I'm almost surprised that Hisao would be so considerate of the rules at Yamaku, more so than Lilly, who fails to hide her apparent joy as she laughs at the 'present'. A present for who exactly?

?These would be the presents from my sister. I know it's a bit questionable, but a little shouldn't hurt.? I know that Lilly has had alcohol before, she mentioned to me once that she's occasionally partaken the odd glass with a meal, but now I'm starting to think she wasn't being entirely honest. She seems far too happy that Akira decided two bottles of wine would be an appropriate present for a soon-to-be eighteen year old. Maybe if we weren't in Japan, it would be fine, but if the faculty were to find out, missing lessons would be the least of my worries.

Unfortunately, Hisao also seems a bit eager to break the rules. I'm hardly a stickler for following the rulebook, certainly not to Shizune levels, but there are still limits. ?Well, in that case, I won't complain,? he says. ?They don't look bad, either.?

I have to concede, he has a point.

?Shall I open one?? asks Lilly, leaning forwards.

?Sure,? Hisao replies, ?I'll get some...?

BANG. BANG. BANG. Sorry, that was the best way I could really say it. I think. Three loud knocks suddenly come from Lilly's door, shocking us enough that I swiftly turn my head to see what's happening, while Lilly closes her eyes (not that there's much need, I guess) and listens for any further sound. ?Who is it?? she calls. A familiar voice answers with the slightest, barest hint of a Scottish accent.

?Lemme in, I'm cold!?

Lilly sighs in a sort of defeated, yet pleased, resignation, raising a hand to signal myself or Hisao to open the door. I rise and unlock it, not one hundred percent certain but still reasonably happy that the intrusion is from someone friendly, not the staff of Yamaku. As the door opens, a tall, blonde woman walks in, not so far into her twenties, wearing a dark suit that does little to enhance her feminine features. ?Happy birthday, Hanako,? she greets me with as I move back to let her in.

?Th-thank you... Akira...? I bow slightly and smile at her weakly, happy to see her but also a bit nervous in anticipation of how the night is likely to continue. At least, according to Lilly's stories. Apparently Akira is a bit of a hard drinker, and the wine she provided is likely to help us along the same path tonight, albeit with a lower level of tolerance on our parts. We walk back to the table and take our seats, Akira sitting opposite Hisao.

?It's nice to have your company after all, Akira,? says Lilly. ?Did work let you off??

?Yep.? comes the reply. ?I have to go back there in a bit, but I managed to get enough of a break to drive down.? As she speaks, Akira has a slightly odd look on her face, kind of pouting but endearing at the same time. When she finishes talking, she looks over at Hisao. I'm not sure what Lilly has said about him to her sister, but whatever has been mentioned I'm a little nervous, even if that's rather irrational. ?So... this would be Hisao, then?? Maybe we should have warned him actually. Akira takes informality to new levels. Maybe it's the Western influence in her upbringing. While Lilly has clearly taken the Japanese influence and embraced it, Akira has always been more forward and happy to take a... less traditional approach to interacting with people. Regardless of the impression her suit gives.

While Hisao nods in response, Lilly directs her own comments to directly to him. ?Sorry for not introducing you, Hisao. This is Akira Satou, my elder sister.?

?I see. Nice to meet you.? Upon hearing Hisao's reply, Akira claps her hands together loudly, making me jump a little. It's enough to make Akir hesitate, a small miracle in itself, before she carries on in her usual stride.

?Well then, I assume the presents got through?? Got through what? Yamaku isn't exactly renowned for its airport-like security and constant border patrols. ?No point in waiting, considering Hisao and the birthday girl look like they're pretty eager.?

I wince a tiny bit at that word, though no-one seems to notice, and glance at Hisao. Opposite me Lilly giggles, while Hisao turns away. He's not exactly great at hiding his feelings on things, which for me is both a blessing and a curse. I suppose if he does feel anything for me the way I hope he does, however naive my hopes may be, I want to know, and yet I want it to stay hidden. Maybe he can hide his feelings after all, or maybe not and I'm just clutching at non-existent straws. The wine is a different matter though, as he seems a touch embarrassed to have been caught so easily in his desire.

Our eyes meet, and I can tell Hisao is just as keen to try the wine as I am. For my part, though, I'm particularly interested in trying it with him. Maybe he can tell, maybe I'm not so good at hiding things as well (though years of experience suggest otherwise), as he quickly changes to a look of indifference that does nothing to fool the female population of the room. I rise to look for some glasses, while Akira uncorks the first bottle, and Hisao pours the four servings with white wine. I'm not certain Akira should be drinking, given she mentioned she was driving, but as nobody else mentions it I stay silent.

?Here's to Hanako, and to Lilly's trip,? Hisao says, as we raise our glasses in toast. ?Cheers,? we all call, though my own cry is punctuated with my usual stammer. We take sips of our wine, which has a remarkably fruity and sweet flavour. Apparently Hisao likes it as much as I do. ?This isn't too bad,? he says. ?I was expecting something... harsher.?

?If you hadn't liked it, I have a few other varieties you could have chosen from.? What does Akira mean by that? Did she bring even more wine with her?

?You sound like you know your stuff when it comes to wines.? Hisao speaks with a tinge of admiration, which again brings with it that mild pang of envy on my part. Those feelings still surface occasionally, but they're becoming less so now. Maybe I'm starting to realise, subconsciously, that it really is irrational of me. In a way I suppose on that level I'm just clinging to the idea of someone actually caring about me, whether I deserve it or not.

?Only a bit,? Akira replies. ?I'm more of a beer kind of person.? To be fair, her appearance suggests that more than it does the whole 'wine connoisseur' personality. ?I have the drinking side down pat, though.? She refills her drink as she speaks and takes a long sip. So long that when her head finally comes forward again, there's not a trace of wine left in her glass.

I steal a look at Lilly, who doesn't seem impressed. It doesn't stop her from gently sipping her own drink, though. ?Anyway,? she says, ?now that Akira's gift has been opened and sampled, shall we move on to ours??

?G-gifts?? I shouldn't be too surprised, given what Hisao told me on the day of my breakdown, about his and Lilly's trip to the city. Nevertheless I wasn't really prepared for this. I suppose I'd just put it to the back of my mind.

?That's right, we got you presents. It's your birthday, after all.? Again, no-one notices me wince as she says that, but to be fair it's a bit less noticeable anyway this time. ?This is from me,? Lilly continues. She hands me an ornately wrapped package that looks a little like a long, thin lump. I carefully take the bindings off, to reveal a beautiful doll in a green dress. It looks so beautiful, and I say as much to my closest friend. I turn it around as I speak, taking in the intricate detail and the hand-painted features that make it stand out so much. It's the perfect companion for my collection.

?I'm glad that you like it,? Lilly replies. ?Hisao picked it out, to be honest.?

With this new revelation, I feel my heart stop again, picking up after the briefest of pauses. In a way it's slightly apt that Hisao, who has trouble with his own heart, should evoke the same reaction in me, even for such different reasons. ?Y-yes, I like it. Th-thank you, Lilly and H-Hisao.? It's a bit of an under-reaction, really, as I don't merely like this present. Before I can reaffirm my happiness, though, Hisao chimes in.

?Actually, I got you something else...? He reaches down into his bag and pulls out another gift, something bit larger and a lot flatter than the doll. ?Here. Happy birthday.? I start to unwrap it, again taking the utmost care not to damage whatever is inside. I realise what Hisao has bought me when I notice the oh so familiar and comforting sight of squares of black and white beneath the paper.

?Oh!?I exclaim in delight, running my fingers across the smooth surface, when I push a hidden catch or trigger that opens up a slot on the side of the board. Inside, I take out a piece at random. The white queen. Maybe it's a sign, but then again I could just be seeing things that aren't really there. For a white piece, it's not as bleached as one would think, its hue holding more of a greyish tint, though the black pieces are dyed like jet. I glance upwards at Hisao without actually querying this, but he answers my unspoken question anyway.

?They're coral. Natural coral, undyed. Or so I'm told.? I can't believe this. I've never been shown so much kindness by anyone, especially since the accident. They say that there's a trigger for most things, some point of focus that acts as a key instigator for people's feelings, or motivations, or their lives in general. I don't know how true that is, but this would certainly count as one for me, if such things are to be believed.

?Thank you, Hisao...? I can barely speak, my words come as a whisper. He must have heard me, though.

?No problem. It's your birthday, after all.? And for the first time tonight, when hearing that word, I don't shy away.

?That's right... my birthday...? I can't avoid hesitating, but the natural instinct for me to avoid the whole idea of my... my birthday... is noticeably less now. For the first time I feel like I can finally get through these days without breaking again.

I look around me as I close the board. Regardless of my own feelings, my own happiness increasing tenfold and more now, Akira seems kind of wary, as if she fears saying or doing the wrong thing. Maybe Lilly told her what happened the other day, which I wouldn't blame Lilly for. Hisao is watching the others as intently as I am, though he doesn't hide it the way I do. Lilly's eyes are still closed, a faint smile on her face. A male voice rises before I can consider what Lilly ma be thinking, though. ?I'll have to play you again sometime.?

Another natural instinct jumps into action before I can consciously hold it back. ?I'll... make sure I play you first...?

I lean against the bed, finally happy and content. Surrounded by my friends I feel as if nothing can stop me, and I can finally get by and start to recover from my demons. I've all but forgotten the impending departure of both Lilly and Akira, though their trip will be short it seems like a distant dream for me. I clutch the chessboard and the doll to me, treasuring them and holding them as if they were a part of me. Maybe they are, in a way. Symbols that, whatever I may think in my darkest moments, I am not alone. ?Thank you, Lilly. Thank you, Hisao.?

The silence continues, but as I thank my friends I drop the queen on the floor. A quick scramble to retrieve it, praying in my head that its not damaged, and I set the doll and the chessboard on the floor beside me where they'll be safer. In my nerves I take a longer sip of my wine, then another, then a larger gulp, just to deal with the tension created within my own mind.

?Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast...? Hisao looks at me with concern and moves his hand to ease my descent into inebriation. Lilly takes a slightly dimmer view, however, her tone suggesting him to be something of a killjoy.

?It is a party, Hisao...? Nevertheless, there's another edge to her voice that I easily pick up on, one of concern. I ease back, though not by much, while after a small pause Lilly starts to drink a bit more. She takes a different approach, however, with lots of small sips as opposed to a few larger gulps. After another pause, Hisao starts to follow her lead.

?Since this is kind of a going-away party for you as well, I hope you enjoy your trip at least a little, Lilly. Hopefully your aunt will be okay.?

I follow Hisao's sentiments, concern driving my words as well. ?I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly...? With this, I can't help but notice a flash of surprise on the faces of all present. It's not too shocking to my mind, though. I may not have any relatives, any surviving at least, but that doesn't mean I can't wish others and their families well. To do any less would be an insult, I feel. To my own family, and to theirs.

?My my, thank you both,? Lilly replies. ?I'll be sure to convey your thoughts to my family when I meet them.?

?It'll all be fine in the end, Lilly. Don't worry about it.? Akira takes a less sentimental view, but behind her words I can still feel a sense of worry. Lilly wears her heart on her sleeve, at least a lot more than her sister does, but there's still a hidden edge that comes out on occasion. In contrast, Akira hides things a lot better, but beneath her hard exterior there's still a softer side. Yin and yang, I guess.

The mood is certainly a lot more depressing now. The conversation has dried up, what little there was to begin with, and we're lost in our thoughts. Maybe he's trying to get things moving again, maybe he just wants to cheer us up, but Hisao is a welcome distraction when he reminds us of our other obligations here. ?Well then, shall we start on the cake??


?Y-yes, please...? I have the advantage of knowing more than Lilly does in this situation, it seems. I didn't miss out on seeing it surreptitiously hiding in Hisao's bag when I let him in earlier.

?Cake?? she asks. ?I didn't know there was any cake...?

?I picked one up before I came,? says Hisao the Resourceful, ?along with some snacks.?

?Well done, Hisao. At least one of us remembered to bring one.? As Lilly speaks, Hisao retrieves the cake from his bag and begins to cut it into slices. It's chocolate, which I suppose will go well with the wine. We stop talking for a while as we all eat.

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Six: Plaster and Porcelain (Part Two)

It's starting to get late, and my head feels a little bit woozy. Not in a bad way, more like I feel a bit dizzy but I can't remember why. I think I know what it is though, the wine, as I try to pour myself another glass and end up with half of it on the table. Not the floor though, the carpet is safe from the wine attack... we'll have to wipe it up from the table though which doesn't matter quite so much... ?S-sorry, Lilly...? I say, feeling bad about the accident. ?I didn't mean to make a mess... I...?

?Don't worry, I've got it...? Hisao comes to the rescue, yet again, wiping up the spill. He's had a bit less to drink than me. I wonder if it shows? Lilly pulls me into her arms, lovely and soft and warm, and gives me a big hug as I worry about the spill.

?It's okay, Hanako. I'm just happy you're here.? I nod in response, happy as well, but still worrying about the wine staining the carpet. It looks fine to me, though. Was it the white or the red I spilled? I can't really remember... Lilly's arms feel nice, though. Like a big sister, maybe...

We pull away after a while, as Hisao continues to mop up and Akira looks on with a faint smile on her face. Lilly reaches for the other bottle, and I take it from her and uncork it, pouring two more glasses. I guess I'm mostly to blame for the fact the other bottle is almost empty, my head definitely feels like it is. Akira notices as well. I think.

?Looks like you're enjoying the wine, then,? she says. ?Just don't go too crazy with it after this, mind.? We all nod and agree, but I don't really feel like taking it easy. Tonight is about making sure I have happy memories, and the wine is helping to no end with that. I'm already laughing at lots more things, everything seems a lot more nice and fun and I'm not thinking as much about the darker things that I usually think about when I'm getting nearer to my birthday...

I play with the doll Lilly got me, idly twirling my fingers around its hair, happy to be with my best friends. A hiccup later and suddenly the doll is on the floor, on its side. Maybe I've had a bit too much. Maybe. I can't help but feel really tired, though. Perhaps I should go to bed? I think so, maybe. I'm sure the doll would want to as well, if she could talk. I don't think she likes being on the floor too much.

?I... think I should maybe go to bed. T-thank you, Hisao, thanks Lilly and Aaaakiraaaa...? I try to avoid the long drawn out drawl as I say Akira's name, and fail miserably. It's such a nice name, though, I want to keep on saying it. Akira. Akira. Akira Akira Akira Akira Akiiiiiira. I guess I giggle a little, but I don't really remember. Hisao could probably tell me...

?Here, let me give you a hand.? As Akira gets up I cough a bit. Maybe I'm a bit more drunk than I thought. It was nice wine, though, fruity and fun.

?Hisao, would you please?? Lilly smiles when she says that. Does she know something I don't know? I think she does, she knows lots of things I don't know. Like English, or Braille. Or how to be a student representative. Or how to get around with a cane. Or how to drink wine without being tooooooo drunk. I know things she doesn't know though. Like how much I like Hisao...

?S-sure,? he says. ?No problem.? He picks up the chess set he bought me while I pick up my doll, and give him my other hand. I wobble as we walk out to the corridor. Wibble wobble. Like jelly. I wish we'd had jelly, I've never had jelly at a birthday party before. Chocolate is nice, but it doesn't wobble like jelly does. I keep bumping into Hisao, making him wobble as well. We're like two big jelly towers wibble-wobbling into the hall. I don't want to drop the doll, though. I wish I wasn't quite as much like jelly as I am now.

When we get to my room I turn to my shelf with my other special doll, and make a space carefully. As carefully as I can while I'm wobbling around. That's another word I like. Wobble. I place the new doll with her companion, saying ?There you go... you'll be safe in here...? I step back, stumble a little and regain my balance just about. I don't think I like being like jelly any more, if I fall over I won't be able to bounce back up. I look down and start to sway a bit.

?Are you... going to be all right?? Hisao's still here. I want to do something now, but I don't know if I have the courage. I'm still drunk though, so my body does it for me as I stumble forward straight into Hisao's arms. This is nice. Better than a Lilly hug, and that was nice too. I put my arms around Hisao too and stay there for a while. He doesn't hug me back though. I'm thinking it's not like a Lilly hug at all now. It still feels nice but not as much as I thought. ?Hanako...? he says. I don't want to let go though. I want him to hug me as well, and then it'll be a lot nicer and he can stay here with me while I sleep and we can be silly little drunk people together, even if he's not as drunk as I am...

?But I want to staaaay with you and Lillyyyy.?

?You know I can't. You're a girl and I'm a guy, after all, and Lilly needs to sleep.? Awwww, I don't want them to go to sleep though, I want to stay up late and have more fun with my best friends, and I want Hisao to stay with me alllllll night. ?Don't worry,? he continues, ?I'll see you again tomorrow, okay??

He puts his hand on my head and I take advantage of that, pushing myself closer to his chest. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack now, that wouldn't be very good at all. I can feel it beating and I try to listen, pressing my ear against Hisao's chest and trying hard to listen to the sound, but I can't hear much at all now and I think he moved back a little bit. I don't want him to move though. I'm nice and comfy now. I have a lovely pillow who doubles as a very very nice boy and I get a bit annoyed as he starts to push me away.

?I don't want you to go...? I tell him.

?Hanako, please. Akira and Lilly are going to start thinking weird stuff if I take too long here.? What weird stuff? I think I know... did Lilly know? Or was she just imagining things? I wouldn't mind imagining things too... but I'm all sleepy and I can't stay focused on imagining what I want to imagine and what Lilly might have imagined and whatever Hisao thinks they might be imagining. I imagine. Hic.

I don't... I don't want you to go, Hisao...

?Sorry about tonight, Hanako. I know you probably won't remember any of this, but... happy birthday. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you.? I look up at Hisao as he speaks, and his eyes are the last thing I remember before I finally fall asleep. My dreams will be happy ones tonight, if I can remember what I was trying to imagine that I think Lilly imagined...

Actually, let's not go too far into that. Some things are a bit more private than others...

 

[NoOne852]

Huh, apparently I missed an update... >_>
Either way, both were quite good and I like your take on the thoughts of "drunk Hanako". I would imagine it was an odd thing to approach and write considering being drunk isn't exactly something you can simply work out.
But as I was saying, I enjoyed the read, and I hope to see more updates.
Keep up the good work! =D [sub][sub][sub]when you can...if it isn't too inconvenient....sorry[/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Stokholm]

This one was so funny! XD I wanna see more Drunk Hanako haha So sad it didn't happen in the storyline ^^ cause this was priceless
Good story, and nice writing I'll be waiting for the next one as always

 

[Krovius]

Man this is so good, I just want you to know that I joined escapist because of your writing, and now I'm addicted you are so good at putting it in her perspective keep up the good work I look forward to it!

 

[Yuuka Kazami]

Another nice chapter. I really like how you wrote the drunk Hanako. Its really nice to see her being able to be all happy and so in her mind. Makes a nice change for the otherwise pretty depressing thoughts of her. Keep up the good work. Really looking forward to how the rest of the arc will unfold from Hanakos view~

 

[Trivun]

Huh, apparently I missed an update... >_>
Either way, both were quite good and I like your take on the thoughts of "drunk Hanako". I would imagine it was an odd thing to approach and write considering being drunk isn't exactly something you can simply work out.
But as I was saying, I enjoyed the read, and I hope to see more updates.
Keep up the good work! =D [sub][sub][sub]when you can...if it isn't too inconvenient....sorry[/sub][/sub][/sub]

I saw what you did thar... ;D And yeah, no worries, I'll try and continue when I can, damn full time hours. Although to be fair my bank balance isn't complaining as much as my laptop keyboard is at being excercised in that respect ;D. Anyhow, thanks for the comments, and it wasn't too difficult really to write drunk Hanako. I just drew on my own experiences of being drunk, and when I wrote the chapter I'd spent most nights that week drinking anyway (not getting properly drunk, but certainly enough to feel at least light headed). I just drew on all that, and I tend to talk crap and go off on a tangent when I've been drinking anyway, so I applied that to Hanako's thought process. Not sure if it's strictly 'canon', per se, but as we don't see the inner effects of drink on Hanako (only the outsider's perspective) then I don't see an issue .

This one was so funny! XD I wanna see more Drunk Hanako haha So sad it didn't happen in the storyline ^^ cause this was priceless
Good story, and nice writing I'll be waiting for the next one as always

Thanks to you also! Truth be told I'm in two minds about it not being in the canon, because on the one hand it gave me creative freedom to have Hanako be whatever kind of drunk I wanted her to be, but on the other hand it would have made for a much more hilarious scene in the VN to include her own drunk thoughts xD.

Man this is so good, I just want you to know that I joined escapist because of your writing, and now I'm addicted you are so good at putting it in her perspective keep up the good work I look forward to it!

Thank you! I feel a bit honoured actually to have basically acheived the same as Yahtzee and been the actual reason for someone to join this site, so that's made my day . Welcome to the Escapist, in any case, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here! Thanks for the compliments, and don't forget, stay out of the basement (before anyone else tries to entice you down there with delicious cupcakes...)...

Another nice chapter. I really like how you wrote the drunk Hanako. Its really nice to see her being able to be all happy and so in her mind. Makes a nice change for the otherwise pretty depressing thoughts of her. Keep up the good work. Really looking forward to how the rest of the arc will unfold from Hanakos view~

And thank you also for the kind words . I really enjoyed writing this chapter and getting away from the melancholy, so I'm happy to see someone else who enjoyed seeing the nicer side of life at Yamaku, instead of all the subtle morbidity and constant angst .

 

[Trivun]

Another long wait, so apologies there, but hopefully it's worth it! This serves as both a nice little conclusion to the drunken shenanigans of (ahem) the night before... . And also a lead in to a scene I think a few people have been waiting quite a while for...

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Seven: (Not So) Swift Recovery

I wake up with a sore head and a dry mouth. My eyes hurt a little, not from lack of sleep (the complete opposite, in fact), but more from a general ache all over. I've never felt so bad. Nausea hits me as I struggle to lift my body out from under the sheets. My memories of the party are still slightly fuzzy at first, but soon begin to sharpen...

My memories! I suddenly realise, as I try to hydrate myself with gulps of water from the tap, just how foolish I was then. Not wanting Hisao to leave... it's true that I wanted him to stay. I was so clingy towards him that I realise how stupid I must have looked. The embarrassment mounts while I prepare myself for school. I can't miss class today, not again. It would be too suspicious. I don't exactly feel like going, truth be told, but for once the reason is purely physical, rather than mental. The hangover isn't quite affecting me, not like before, but I still don't feel up to the task. Even so, I have to make the effort.

Even though I feel so bad I still feel the happiness from the party. As if I don't have to constantly feel like my life is worthless, as if I don't deserve the things I want or like I don't deserve to have people who care about me. Lilly, Hisao, Akira, they all came and helped me enjoy a time, for once, that has always previously been nothing but misery. Though I know that after today, and especially when Lilly has gone to Scotland, I'll revert back to those old feelings, I know that it's nice to have something good to hold on to, however temporary. It gives me hope.

I'm among the first to class, despite the headache, and take my seat in silence. Mutou-sensei is already here, marking papers and preparing for today's lessons. I contemplate reading through some of the week's material so as to remain ahead, enough for the coming days, when the door opens. I look up, startled, to see a familiar figure who, I suspect, may also be suffering as much as I am.

We make eye contact, before I turn away and stare straight down through sheer nerves. I wonder what he remembers from the party? I dread to think...

By now the rest of the class has been pouring in steadily, including the aforementioned Misha and Shizune. They look across at me as I try to avoid everyone's gazes, but I give no sign as to my current state of recovery. There's no telling what they would do with that kind of information. Over the noise of my fellow students, I hear Mutou's voice, ?Feeling better today??

I'm startled, fearing what he knows about yesterday, until I hear Hisao reply, ?Yeah. Thank you.? I'm not sure if he's talking about that, or something else, but as long as nothing specific is mentioned I can probably rest easy. Nevertheless, I'm at edge all the way through morning lectures. When the lunch bell finally rings, my suspicions are made all the more worrying when Hisao turns up at my desk.

?Hanako... did you tell...?? Did Hisao have the same thoughts I did when he was asked how he was feeling? I shake my head in response.

?It's just...? I start.

?Just...?? Before I can answer Hisao, a slightly large pink mass materialises behind him, with a smaller purple creature at the side.

?Well hello there, Hicchan. It's nice to see you again today!? Her voice sounds curiously happy, even by Misha's standards. I'm not normally suspicious, save when it comes to my natural distrust of people's overtures of friendship, but Misha has me a little concerned now. Does she know about the party? The smile on Shizune's face reminds me of the Cheshire Cat, which only serves to fuel my feelings of doubt.

It appears that Hisao has the same thing in mind. ?Hi Shizune, Misha. You, uh... you look happy to see me.? I can sense the paranoia creeping into his voice, as much as an overreaction that may be. Or possibly not, given who we're now dealing with. Shizune's eyes are almost twinkling like a character from an anime, her smile frozen in place. She continues to smirk as her hands fly faster than I've seen for a long time, as though she's excited to get her message across as quickly as possible.

?Not feeling well yesterday, Hicchan...?? Misha translates, her own smile evolving to match that of her companion. I'm relieved, but not by much. Something still smells fishy here, and despite the hour it's certainly not anyone's lunch. Does he not know?

?No,? he replies, ?no, I wasn't. But I'm feeling better now, at least.?

The hands start moving again, the translation coming just as swiftly. ?That's good to know, Hicchan.?

?You sound like you're not being completely serious.? I'm happy to hear Hisao shares my suspicions, though my gut instinct tells me that I'm about to be drawn into something here, and completely against my will.

?Oh no, Hicchan, we're genuinely pleased that you're all better now...? I know what this is about...

?In fact,? Misha continues, ?we were quite worried about you. After all...? Please don't say it...

?You, Hanako and Lilly were all absent from class on the same day.?

I drop my eyes to the floor as Hisao lets out a large sigh. Shizune has us bang to rights, and there's precious little we can do about it. I look up at Hisao and notice him staring at Shizune, looking directly into her cat-like eyes. ?I guess you have your own theories about this. Could you just kinda... not tell anyone?? I get the feeling his hopeful attitude is much too little and much too outdated. Misha is, of course, glad to confirm my fears in that regard.

?It's a bit late for that, Hicchan...? I sink and try to make myself look as small as possible, as I consider what my conscious mind had previously kept from me, ostensibly for my own protection. The looks I received from people entering the room, the same looks levelled at Hisao as he made his arrival afterwards. Even the hint of concern in Mutou-sensei's eyes as I took my seat and began to read the course work, his voice as he asked Hisao about feeling better. I already knew, and was moments from telling Hisao before the president and her eternal assistant turned up, but it doesn't make the revelation to him any easier for me to deal with. Maybe I was naive to think we could keep it hidden, or contained, but I was hoping that if people noticed then at least they wouldn't care.

?The only reason why we're giving you such a hard time is that you ignored us yesterday morning!? The latest translation from Misha is a surprise to me, more than anything else revealed today. They went to his room? The pang of jealousy I've been trying to keep hidden starts to surface again, though only for a few brief seconds. No, the bigger concern is that he ignored them and went back to sleep, or so I assume.

?Oh right, the knocking,? he says. So he did hear them, then. ?That was you two??

The grin has finally been wiped off Shizune's face as she signs a response, translated as ever by her pink curly cohort, though I can't avoid the sneaking thought that her indignant expression is as carefully manufactured as her smiles. ?It was, and you left us there for ages after we'd taken all the effort of coming to your dormitory early in the morning.?

I'm almost proud of Hisao, as much as I can muster the strength of mind and ego to possibly be, at the fact he was able to (with zero effort, literally) get on Shizune's nerves for once. It's not that I don't like her, but it's still amusing to see her nose out of joint over something so petty, even if it does mean she has a hold over us for whatever reason she can imagine. I may not have the courage nor the mind to do such things myself, but a girl can still dream. Besides, Lilly would certainly be pleased. ?Sorry, I was having a... problem with nausea? A problem with nausea.?

I take that back. Of all the things he could have said, a problem with nausea is the first he can come up with? However accurate it may be, it won't do a thing to alleviate the suspicious minds of Misha and Shizune.

Dropping her head regardless, Shizune reaches into her pocket and pulls out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. Looking closer, I see that it's an envelope, with a sunflower motif, which she hands to Hisao. ?This is what we were trying so hard to give you, Hicchan! You don't check your mail very much at all!? This explains why they went to see him yesterday, then. I don't want to be nosy, the envelope is none of my business, but I can't help but read Hisao's face as he takes it in. A single word escapes his lips, while his features register a touch of sadness and concern.

?Iwanako.?

Iwanako? A name... I look at the people around me. Both Misha and Shizune are looking at Hisao with trepidation, as if they expect him to open the letter right now and read it aloud. I know that my own expression is a little more confused, though I actively make an effort not to show it. I want to know who this person is, the jealousy rearing its ugly head yet again and refusing to go down this time. However, I know that it's not my place to ask, not directly. That said, I still repeat the name in a meek voice, my curiosity too much for me to contain.

?It's nothing.? Hisao's comment is abrupt, and it's clear he doesn't want people around him as he looks at whatever is inside. ?Thank you for bringing me this, you two.?

?I should think so, after what we went through to get it to you...? Misha's bubbly voice betrays her minor annoyance, however put-on and cutesy it may be, as Hisao says his goodbyes and leaves. There's still quite a bit of the lunch hour to go, and though we remain standing as he goes our interest is doomed to be unsatisfied. I choose not to follow him. After all, I know exactly what it is to keep secrets...

After a short while, I too take my leave. I don't really want to spend my lunch with Misha and Shizune, if only because I'm worried they'll start grilling me on why we were all absent from class yesterday. I don't think I'd be able to take it. Anyway, Lilly is probably waiting for us.

My guess is proved correct when I arrive at the tea room. Lilly tilts her face up in the direction of the creak as I gently close the door behind me. ?Is that you, Hanako?? She's learned over time how to tell the exact sound I make whenever I close this door, a remarkable skill to have.

?Y... yes, it's me.? A brief moment of silence passes, before I clarify, ?H-Hisao's... not with me. Um, s-sorry.?

?It's fine,? she says, with a smile, much sweeter than any Shizune has made so far today. ?You don't have to apologise for his absence. Though, I wonder where he is??

I quickly explain the previous events, and about the letter Hisao received. ?He wouldn't tell you what was written??

?N-no, he didn't... he didn't open it near us. He must h-have waited until he'd l-left...?

?How curious. Still, I suppose it's best left to him to decide if he wants to share its contents. From what you've told me, it looks as though it's rather personal, and we shouldn't interfere.?

I can only agree, and affirm as much to Lilly. ?He... he skipped yesterday as w-well. I d-didn't know you did t-too...?

She laughs, just a little, as her cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. It reminds me of how she looked the other night, after the first glass of wine. ?I must confess, I'm as guilty as you and Hisao. I didn't think the wine had affected me that much, but it seems I was mistaken. I didn't wake up until midday yesterday.?

The unspoken implication, of course, is that she would have aroused too much suspicion if she'd suddenly arrived half a day late to a lecture. She continues, ?I heard Misha in the corridor this morning, on the way to classes. She called my name, but I did a rather mean thing. I pretended I couldn't hear her!? We both begin to laugh, full belly chuckles as Lilly finishes speaking.

?I... I'm glad you're okay...? I continue smiling but with a tinge of sadness. I don't want Lilly to leave, though I understand she doesn't have a choice. She seems to understand my concern.

?It's only for a week or two, no more. I'm more concerned about you...? I don't deserve such concern, but the joy of the past couple of days (hangovers aside) intervenes and allows me this moment. ?I actually had something in mind...?

?W... what?? I don't know what this 'something' is, but I get the feeling that it's something Lilly might have thought up in an attempt to make me feel a bit better. I only say that because of the way the conversation has segued onto the new topic of concern for me.

?It's something I thought of on the night of the party. Hisao's already agreed to it.? Is she saying that because she knows if Hisao agreed, I'm more likely to? She still hasn't fully explained herself. ?How would you be up for a little trip into town...??

 

[Krovius]

Awww man what a perfect cliffhanger to leave it at. I just get so into it that when it's done a little piece of me dies. This is so good, keep it up

 

[Yuuka Kazami]

Yay another chapter I really think they should do an expansion of KS from the girls point of view and take your Hanako Story. Its really awesome how you portrait her and her thoughts. I really can't imagine her being any different than this. Keep it up. And as i said i'm really looking forward to some stuff in Chapter 4 from her point of view But for now yay Billiard in town next chapter~ I think this might be one of the less morbid chapters from Hanakos point of view again

 

[Trivun]

I've been looking forward to this chapter for a long time. The next one will be incredibly short, but there are reasons for that and I hope those reasons will make perfect sense to those who have already completed Hanako's arc in the original game. For now, this is a pretty lengthy chapter compared to recent ones, so hopefully it'll be worth reading .

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Eight: Halcyon (Part 1)

I can't even begin to imagine what the city is like for Lilly at night. The sounds and smells must be her only link to what's going on, since she can't see the bright lights of the stores and bars still open into the later hours. The journey here was pleasant enough, though. Akira drove us in her car, which was more than I was expecting (not that we'd have easily caught a bus and still made it here in any kind of good time). Even so I couldn't avoid holding on to the door as we went. Although the timing was good, Akira is a much more reckless driver than I'd have imagined. It's actually the first time I've been in her car, and it's not an experience I'm eager to repeat again soon. Which might be a problem assuming she's driving us back later...

?E-everything looks so p-pretty at night...? I say, more for Lilly's benefit than anyone else. Even though she can't see it, there's nothing stopping her imagining, and I'm happy to help her in that endeavour as long as is needed.

A passer-by catches my eye and I quickly glance toward the ground. Even in the dimmer light, the brighter store fronts highlight my features so much more, and I can't avoid shying away from the looks and stares I still receive now. I still feel as though everyone is watching me, even though in my heart and my logical mind I know that very few have actually shown a sign of noticing.

?Yeah,? Hisao says, in response to my previous comment. ?It does.? It seems like he doesn't want to focus too much on small talk, but at the same time he's as curious as I am to where we're actually going. ?So,? he continues, ?we're in the city. Any ideas on what to do??

There isn't really a massive amount to do, except drink and eat, given the time of the evening, but a quick look at Akira suggests by her smile that she has something in mind. ?You'll see,? she says. ?Just follow us.?

I'm kind of not certain whether to trust her, but I follow my instinct and continue to follow. I assume Hisao had the same idea as he comes up behind us. Unless he just didn't want to get left behind. In any case, neither of us force the subject; we'll see when we get there.

As we walk, I notice that Akira and Lilly are getting further away, though the increasing distance is remarkably subtle. I'm honestly not sure if they are deliberately doing it to give Hisao and I some space, or if it's an unconscious reaction on our parts to get some more time together. I mean, an unconscious reaction on my part, since I'm almost certain Hisao doesn't see me in that way. Why else would he have left me in my room the way he did at the party? I'm lost in my thoughts when I suddenly collide with a well-dressed man to my side.

?S-s-sorry...!? It's not Hisao I bumped into, but rather a middle aged businessman, who is already stumbling away half drunk and half apologising to me in return. I'm not sure why, it was my fault after all, and I hardly deserve the apology in any case. I swiftly move further up to join Hisao, who has already taken several steps ahead whilst I recovered from the previous minor incident.

As I get closer, Hisao surprises me by bringing one hand across my right shoulder, pulling me closer. My heart beats a little faster and my skin starts to feel warmer as I fight the urge to pull away. ?Hisao?? I say, looking up.

?It's okay,? he replies. ?You can walk closer to me if you want.?

I can hardly allow myself to hope that he might feel that way about me, the way I keep on wanting him to feel, more and more. I can't see anything in me that would possibly give him reason to feel that way. Even so, after a brief pause I decide to take this chance, and I'm sure it is just a chance, and nod my head.

We carry on, much closer, with Hisao's arm still wrapped around my shoulders. Akira and Lilly are rather far ahead now, and so we quicken our pace to catch up. As we get further from the large crowds and head through a maze of streets to more secluded and quieter establishments, I feel much safer in Hisao's embrace, as if I can finally begin to face whatever challenges lie ahead. It's a vain hope, I'm fairly certain, but a nice one.

We start to slow down as Akira finally stops outside a small door, leading in to a bar currently occupied mostly by middle aged men and women in smart business wear, a few smokers lingering outside. I can't help but look at Lilly's face as she smells the smoke, the painful grimace marring her otherwise pretty features. Sometimes I consider whether her other senses are heightened given she's been blind since birth. Perhaps to compensate? I've never asked though, and she hasn't mentioned it. Even so, if it smells so bad to me then it must be horrible for her.

Emanating from inside, the soft sounds of jazz are clearly audible, promising a calm space within. I know I've mentioned this to Lilly before, my favourite kind of music, so I'm assuming she and Akira planned this together. Either that, or she just happened to mention it to her suit-wearing sister, and Akira did the rest. Whichever case applies, it's hard for me to take in that they've done this all for my benefit. It makes me feel like I'm being a burden in some ways, but in others it makes me feel just a little bit special, in the nicest possible way.

?A jazz club. I have to admit, this isn't what I expected.? I have to agree with Hisao's judgement on this one. Lilly, meanwhile, gives a tiny giggle and smiles in Akira's general direction.

?Somehow I feel like I should have known it, Akira.? So Lilly wasn't in on this as well? I know she arranged the evening in the first place, but I guess she left the fine details to her older sibling. A little bit of a surprise, but not a massive one.

As we chat I start to notice that without Hisao's arm around me I'm incredibly exposed. Passers-by look over at us, and I can't avoid the feeling that they're really looking at me, without quite looking. My rational mind tells me that it's because we're almost all a bit too young to be found in a place like this, but the dominant part of my brain maintains that it's me they're focused on. For all the usual reasons. I don't want to end up panicking here like I did in class before. I quickly glance at the others, Hisao more so than anyone else, hoping against hope that somebody will say or do something to ease the tension I feel.

?Hey, c'mon,? Akira says, unknowingly coming to my rescue. ?Just because you're teenagers, doesn't mean you can't have a taste. Right?? Whenever she says something like that it makes me think that Akira got away with rather a lot herself as a teenager.

?Well... I don't really mind the music, if that's what you mean.? I'm not sure Hisao really grasps what Akira is trying to say, but I'm not going to correct him. Right now I'm more concerned with keeping myself sane and calm in the increasingly awkward atmosphere. Can't we just go inside already, or continue walking?

?I-I... don't mind it... either...? I decide to make my own little comment, if only to get my feelings across and push the others to make a decision. It's hard for me to speak and I can hear the stutter in my voice, but I don't want my nerves to get the better of me yet again. Especially not when Hisao is here. I can't even bring myself to meet his eyes, reverting to my usual staring at the ground as I speak.

My words must have had some effect though, as Akira beams a wide smile and enters the bar, Lilly following closely. I take a last look at Hisao before following him inside, eager to be away from the crowds on the street.

I can see now the source of the music, a live band playing on a makeshift stage in the corner to our right. Most of the patrons are at least in their forties, some a little younger, making me feel even more out of place even considering the bar is much less busy than the street was. Nevertheless, I can calm myself down a little, though some of that is forced, as the others here are engaged in their own conversations or listening to the band, and not so interested in my own features. I try to let myself drift away to the soft and delicate sounds, engaging with the music in a way that makes me feel relaxed and safe.

In the corner of my eye I see Akira, then Lilly, take seats at the bar, before the bartender walks across. ?Good evening, ladies,? he says. ?What will it be??

Akira's response is hardly surprising to me, having known her for quite some time now. ?Just a scotch, thanks. Lilly??

?May I have a glass of cham-? Before Lilly can finish, my attention is fully grabbed by the sight of an elbow clad in a dark cotton blazer hitting her in the side. ?Orange juice, please.? I almost laugh, but stop myself just in time. However, I still think Lilly heard my intake of breath.

?No problem, coming right up.? The bartender turns away and begins to serve the order, and I can't avoid a feeling of slight indignation that Akira has forgotten about Hisao and I. Not that I would speak up, of course. She turns swiftly, however, and mentions to us that it's our turn to head to the bar.

?You two want anything, or are you just gonna stand there?? she says, a mischievous grin on her face. I'm not entirely sure what to do. After the party I'm not certain I want to drink alcohol again, but surely I'll be able to handle it okay if I can moderate myself. That's assuming I could be served. I think Lilly would have been able to order her glass of champagne if Akira hadn't stepped in, so maybe that was more sisterly concern than anything else. Then again, I don't think I'd be able to get away with it myself. Even if the bartender were to serve me alcohol the other patrons would be bound to notice, and wherever we choose to sit it will be near someone whose eyes I just know will be drawn to my scars.

In the furthest corner to the entrance is a set of billiard tables. It also happens to be the only part of the bar that is deserted, the others all engaged in the music.

?We'll go play pool over there.? I guess Hisao saw them as well. His words appear to have been directed more at Akira and Lilly than to me, but he looks across at me first, perhaps to test my response? I was thinking the exact same thing in any case, so I have no objections. As Akira shrugs and turns back to her newly arrived drink, I begin to walk over to the tables. I can hear Lilly's response to the unstated comment as I leave them together.

?It seems you'll have to put up with only me for company. How unfortunate.? As I look back quickly, I see Lilly with a wide smile across her face, while Akira puts on a playful pout.

?Have fun, you two,? she replies, refusing to be drawn in. I continue walking as Hisao follows, something of a reversal to the events so far. A rare reversal for us indeed.

As we carry on I keep my eyes fixed on the table furthest away, Hisao close behind me. I have no idea what the painting on the wall is (truth be told it looks like something that girl at school, Rin Tezuka, would paint), but it hardly catches my attention as we weave our way through a multitude of chairs and drunken businessmen. I'm feeling calmer as we get closer, and when we finally reach our target I have the confidence to speak again. That being said, I probably should have asked Hisao this before.

?You... kn-know how to play??

?I'm no expert,? he replies, ?but yeah, I do.?

?Then, um... eight-ball?? It's a game I'm not only familiar with, but also pretty decent at, though having not played for some time I am a little rusty. I used to play eight-ball at the orphanage, albeit on a much smaller table, with a few of the younger children. Eventually one of the staff started playing against me during his spare time, and taught me how to get fairly good. Hisao responds with a simple ?Sure?, and we work together to prepare the table for our game.

It seems like our interactions have mostly been revolving around games of some kind, from the silly and simple floor tiles game to chess and now pool. It's like a meeting of minds, and every game teaches me a little more about my opponent. About the boy who has just suddenly leaped into my life and refuses to let go. I wonder what our games have taught him about me?

I pass Hisao one of the two cues and he studies the tip, making sure it's chalked properly, while he makes idle chatter about the game. ?So you've played before?? he asks me.

?Once... or twice. I j-just kind of... know the rules.? I feel bad by understating the level of skill I have, but I can be a bit competitive at times, and I don't want him to feel intimidated. I have no idea how good Hisao is at the game either, so we're effectively entering with equal information about each other's talent. It's interesting to think about what we might learn with regards to each other during our match. I pause, before finally ending the silence between us, since it's clear Hisao doesn't plan to. ?Wh-who'll... b-break??

A wait a few seconds before Hisao pulls a coin from his pocket. The obvious solution. ?I'll take heads,? he says. ?You're tails.? I nod my assent as he tosses the coin to catch it in one hand. A quick glance and the results are announced. ?Looks like it's you that gets to break.?

I nod once more, take up my cue, and move to where the cue ball is waiting for me to take the first shot. I concentrate as I line up the position of the cue and the balls on the green velvet, getting into the same frame of mind I always try to reach when I play chess. I focus hard and push all other concerns away from my brain, before striking the pale sphere hard in its centre. The result is a wide spread of spots and stripes scattered across the table. I've given Hisao an easy chance to score here, but at the same time I too have a good position to work from.

Spoiler: Act Three - Chapter Eight: Halcyon (Part Two)

I move back and allow Hisao to take his first shot. I watch as he sinks a ball with hardly any effort, but it's a little while before he notices it himself. ?Well done,? I congratulate him. It's good to see him actually playing well, and I feel like this will be a fun game, even if I can't quite escape my competitive nature whenever we play any kind of game. Even on a night specifically geared for me to relax and put my many troubles behind me.

?Guess I'm stripes, then,? says Hisao. He steps aside for me to take the next shot, but I pause. I've barely felt able to really talk to him at any point, not properly, and there's still so much we don't know about each other, but that I'm too afraid to mention. I worry that if I tell him more about myself it will only serve to drive him away, to make him feel like I'm too much of a burden. I don't want to be any trouble to anyone, but it's as if that's all I've ever been, or ever will be. Even to Lilly...

Hisao startles me from my reverie. ?What's up?? I quickly think of something to say, the stammer coming out in full force against my will. I'm not ready to talk about myself just yet. The night is still too early for that.

?It's just... you had a... n-nice smile. Do you like... playing this??

Hisao lets out the briefest of sighs and leans against the pool table. ?I like playing, yeah. I think I was smiling because it's really nostalgic, though.? I'm curious, as that's effectively the same reason I like playing this game too. I tilt my head, and it's clear that Hisao has picked up on my interest as he continues to speak. ?Me and my friends used to play pool in the game centres near where we lived pretty often, and at night too.?

For me, I think night-time is a little easier, since in the dark no-one can see my face quite so easily. However, for someone who still has a family, who still has people who should look out for him, how could he spend time outside at night, and as often as Hisao describes? ?W-wouldn't your parents...?

?My parents both worked, so they didn't mind me not being in the house. I stayed on top of schoolwork pretty easily as well, so there was plenty of time to do other stuff at night.? I'm not entirely sure what to make of that, having no real frame of reference. It's actually starting to sting a little, even though I know Hisao didn't mean to bring up such memories and thoughts in me. I like being able to talk to him about these things, but at such a time, and thinking about such topics, I don't want to dive too deeply down this particular rabbit hole. Not until I feel a bit calmer. Maybe I can discuss other personal matters later, but the talk of Hisao's parents is just making me a little uncomfortable.

He seems to sense this, and gets off the table, allowing me to take my next shot. I line up the cue carefully and allow myself to slip back into the focused state of mind I cultivated for chess and other games. It's not easy, but I think I can see an opportunity. It'll be a tough shot though. I lean forward, careful not to let my feminine assets knock any of the closer balls, and begin to calculate the angles in my head and the exact power that I need when striking to achieve my goals. It's an incredibly awkward angle, but a few practice movements make me more confident that I have the right position. A moment later and the cue ball is speeding towards its target, deftly passing between the surrounding balls so closely that you could almost swear the changing air pressure as the cue ball passes is enough to push them slightly. In any case, it's a tense atmosphere between Hisao and I as together we watch the spotted ball on the very edge of the corner pocket tilt, and slowly fall.

I'm actually surprised it went in, and Hisao appears to share my feelings here. ?Man, that was a hard shot,? he says. ?If you can pull that off, I don't think I have much hope.?

Personally I think he's being overly complimenting towards me, and overly critical of himself. Still, it's a nice feeling, to receive praise for something, especially as games are really the one area where I can say I ever deserve even a modicum of praise in the first place. ?I'm not... th-that good...?

?It's not just the shot though; even when lining it up you looked really serious. You're like this with chess, too.? So he noticed that.

?I just... like those kinds of things...? I set my cue to one side and give Hisao a look. Not an awkward one, though. rather, on my face is an embarrassed smile. I fidget a little, wondering. Am I ready to say anything more about myself? There are parts of my past I haven't even told Lilly. Things that she's probably considered, and speculated on, and I don't feel I have the right to say anything on that, but certainly things she doesn't know for sure. If I do this, I'm taking a big leap, committing myself to whatever friendship or (dare I even imagine) relationship Hisao and I can cultivate. Am I really ready for this?

I'll never know if I don't try. It's the biggest step I've taken, and Miss Yumi would be proud of me for even considering this, but I have to do it.

?When I was in the orphange...? I've started, so I should carry on. No fear, Hanako. No fear... ?I just... k-kept doing the things I liked... before.?

I pause briefly, and Hisao waits, looking at me patiently. ?If I p-played games with the others, th-that was enough for the helpers there, so...? I break off, nerves starting to mount. However, I notice that I've stuttered a lot less than before. Much less than usual. It shocks me a little, that I could be so calm even for the briefest of moments with this...

?If it's okay for me to ask... what was it like for you at the orphanage??

Hisao's question catches me off guard. ?W-why do you want to know?? I sound more defensive than I intended to. Are my barriers coming back up? It's a struggle to stay open enough to be able to talk to Hisao like this, and keeping myself defended enough to be able to function in an environment like this. I backtrack a little and decide to answer. ?I'll... tell you, but...?

?But...??

In for a rin, in for a yen... ?Could you... t-tell me who I-Iwa... n-nako... is?? I could feel the stammering there. I can't imagine ever being so bold before in my life.

Hisao looks puzzled for a moment, before he realises what I mean. ?Iwanako...? Oh, the letter.? He pauses for a second before replying. ?She's... someone I used to like.?

I feel the now familiar pang hit me, but force myself to stay calm and neutral. Hisao chose his words carefully, it seems to me. I have no idea how he feels about her now, but I don't want to get too deeply invested in the topic, given how personal a matter it must be. Clearly he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm just grateful that he deigned to reply in the first instance.

Hisao takes his next shot, and misses, though it's fairly close. My opponent is rather more skilled than I initially gave him credit for. We refrain from talking for a while, and I start to alternate once more between relaxing to the soft music and focusing carefully on the game.

?Nicely done,? and the silence between us is broken as I pocket another ball. I want to tell him more about me now. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and this is probably as good a time as any to gauge just how Hisao feels about me. I don't look at him, though. Staring at the table only serves to make it easier for me to speak.

?The orphanage... was nice. It felt a bit like Yamaku does... and the staff were r-really kind. But as th-the years went on, I realised something. I was d-different.? I was wrong, it is harder, and as I continue the difficulty increases just as much as my determination progresses. If Hisao is willing to open up to me, then I have to do the same for him, and let him in. I push myself to continue.

?M-most of the children there were up for adoption, just like I was. But unlike me... they gradually left, o-one by one. By the time I went to Yamaku, I was... among the oldest children there.? The stammering is still noticeable, but I'm pushing it deeper down, desperate to rid myself of these feelings that have plagued me all this time, this sense of being unable to make my voice heard. ?For a while, I h-helped with some of the y-younger children, b-but eventually...? I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

The comforting feel of Hisao's touch brings me down from my rambling reverie, halting me in my tracks and providing sweet relief from my ongoing diatribe against myself.

?It's okay.? I wait, then nod and set my cue down.

?Do you... really think so??

?Yeah, I think so. Even while Lilly's away, I'll be around to protect you, right??

With this, I look deeply into his eyes. I don't need help, I need to be alone to suffer and to show that I can overcome my past. I don't want help, either. Even so, it's nice to hear the offer. I can't bring myself to tell Hisao how I really feel about being helped on this. I wonder what he's thinking now?

?Hanako...?? he asks, concerned about my silence.

?I-I understand. Thank you.? I smile and finally avert my gaze. As I start to look at the table, Hisao moves away to make his next shot. The final shot of the game, as it turns out. ?Ah...?

He's sunk the eight-ball. An excuse to move away from the awkward topic... ?That was an awful shot, you win,? he says, glancing at me. ?It seems I'm getting pretty rusty after all this time.? It's getting late, so I hurriedly move to shoot every ball in turn, by means of the cue ball, and sink everything still left on the table, spots and stripes alike.

?Um, Hisao...? He's given me his confidence, and agreed to be there for me. Even if the help is undeserved, and to some small degree, unwanted, the offer itself and the sentiment behind it is more than welcome and more than appreciated. I avoid meeting his eyes as I say, ?I'm... here for you as well...?

?Ah...? He makes to speak, but Hisao cuts himself off as soon as the sound escapes his lips. I hope he knows that despite everything, I am being sincere.

We tidy everything away in silence, in a manner reminiscent of our usual routine following tea and lunch, and grab Lilly and Akira as we leave the bar. The beautiful music fades away as we start walking to Akira's car, parked a long way away in the city streets. Though I'm not so certain she's in a fit state to drive home...

?So, you enjoy yourselves?? she says, carefully managing to avoid slurring any of her words. Hisao and I both smile at this, and reply with a shared nod that we did. We both notice, however, Lilly looking a little concerned.

?Worried about the trip, Lilly??

She sighs and pauses before answering Hisao's question. ?A little. It means quite a bit.? I'm slightly taken aback by the sudden hand that lands on Lilly's shoulder, despite it not affecting me in any way. As Akira tries to provide some kind of support for her sister, I feel just confident enough to weigh in with my own words.

?You'll be okay, Lilly. I hope you can enjoy your time over there.? Even if the reason for her going is hardly a cheery one.

?Thank you, Hanako. I'll try to.? Lilly faces in my general direction and a soft smile appears on her face. ?It will be nice to be back with my family, after all, no matter for how brief a time it may be.? I can see a brief flash of something that seems to be approximating annoyance, or anger, on Akira's face, but she swiftly hides it and returns to the happy expression of before. I realise that she doesn't have quite the same feelings towards their parents as Lilly does, but I know better than to comment, especially given my own situation. Truth be told, I'm feeling a bit tired. It was nice though, to talk more to Hisao and to reveal a bit more of myself to him. As I discussed once with Miss Yumi, it will be a slow process, and it may never actually be complete, but certainly I can at least try.

Besides, there's so much more for me to tell Hisao about myself. Things that I can't bring myself to say today, but perhaps one day soon...

The meaning behind the title is pretty simple yet also complex. On its most superficial level, it's one of my favourite songs by Ellie Goulding and I was listening to it today. On another level, the lyrics to that song kind of fit Hanako and her feelings and situation, if you listen to it, which I recommend doing. Also, a halcyon is a type of bird, specifically a kingfisher, which to be fair you don't find in cages, but sometimes I see Hanako as a caged bird of sorts who wants to be free, and considers her closest friends to be that cage, which she isn't strong enough to break free of, in her own mind...

 

[Krovius]

A very nice addition as usual I'm cheering for you Trivun Keep up the good work!

 

[NoOne852]

It had quite a nice flow to it. Not sure how else to describe it... Good work!
We still seem to have different takes on her thought processes in a couple situations, which threw me off a bit still, however, you continue to do a good job writing out her character further.
And sorry I didn't give any feedback last time, I apparently missed it somehow... >_<