With X being a really large number. Apparently this quest was so good, they did pretty much the exact same thing in New Vegas.
So, with only a few sidequests left to complete (The next Lily's Log won't be until we complete the rest of the sidequests in the main game) let's do the "Those!" quest. It's about giant fire breathing ants. While it's weird, and kind of goofy, it's not quite worth bringing back the bizarre, out of place sidequest trilogy for a 4th installment.
We fast travel to the Super Duper Mart. This is the closest place to Grayditch that we have visited. I'm surprised we haven't picked up this quest way earlier, cause Bryan Wilks just randomly shows up in the middle of nowhere from time to time. It isn't quite as bizarre as another glitch I had around here though...
I was just exploring this area when suddenly I run into Sally, a kid NPC from Mothership Zeta. I had not played Mothership Zeta before, so I did not know this NPC, and here talking about "them" just confused me more. I didn't know if this was some sort of strange bug or fucked up random encounter. So I just ignored it and went on way. Well, when I finally got to Mothership Zeta, guess which NPC was missing and which NPC was required to continue further in the DLC?
I gave up on that playthrough after that, and stopped playing the game for a long while.
The streets are completely empty and devoid of life in this settlement. I'm sure that's a good sign.
You know, in my playthroughs of Fallout 3, I always manage to avoid seeing the really obvious signs.
That's a weird looking ant. It's red and for some reason, it breathes fire now. Great. The ants were annoying enough.
There's Bryan Wilks, standing out there in the middle of nowhere for some reason. He's supposed to be scripted to run up to us around the Super Duper Mart area...
What monsters? You're not being specific enough, kid. Feral ghouls? Super Mutants? Deathclaws? Radscorpions?
"Calm down, kid."
"No... those things will get me! I can't. Gotta' keep going!"
Radroaches?
"[Speech, 100%] Hey, hey. Calm down. It's going to be okay. I promise."
"[SUCCESS] You won't leave me like all the other grown-ups? You... you can help me?"
"I'd like to help, but I need to know more first."
"Those... big things. They're all over Grayditch and they killed everyone! Please... please find my pappa!"
"Okay. I'll go look for your father."
"You will? Really? Thanks a whole lot! My house is the one closest to the huge sign and the old diner. Please... find my pappa and make him come back!"
He was standing in the open out here, how did he survive?
Unless, canonically, children are immortal in the Fallout 3 universe.
"[Speech, 100%] Look, anything else you can do to help might save lives."
Or give us extra supplies. Either way. It'll save our lives.
"[SUCCESS] You know, maybe this will help and maybe it won't, but pappa hid a bunch of stuff behind the old diner in a dumpster. He trusted me with the key and said it was for emergencies, but I bet he wouldn't mind you having it."
More ammo!
"Is there anywhere you can hide while I search?"
"Well, there is the personal shelter next to the old diner. Pappa always said to stay away from it... but, I guess it's supposed to be safe."
Wow, one of those stupid shelters will actually save someone. Though, it's not like this kid can die anyway.
"I'll head over there and wait inside. Hurry back!"
There's a ton of grenades in the dumpster.
That's the Wilks house over there.
Welp, that's sad, but not entirely unexpected. Let's head back and tell Bryan Wilks the bad news.
Really, Bethesda?
"I think I have some bad news for you."
"Oh no! What happened?"
"Bryan, I'm sorry, but your father is dead."
"He's...he's dead? I guess I already knew. Besides, I'm too tired to cry anymore."
"I'll stop whatever started this, I promise you."
Realistically, the quest should just end here, maybe with you finding a new place for Wilks to live. Everyone else in Grayditch is dead. Of course then we couldn't stretch this out further by giving you a ton of fire ants to fight. They introduced a new type of enemy, and damn, they want to show it off.
"You gotta stop it so this can't happen to anyone else's family ever again! I wish I had met you a long time ago, then maybe my dad would still be alive."
Probably not. People around us have a tendency to die an awful lot.
"Thanks for doing all this... I'm feeling better now that you're here."
[Insert generic lawful good response]
"What happened here?"
"It used to be kinda' nice. No one bothered us there, I guess because we were so close to D.C."
Wait, what?! "Because we were so close to D.C."?! Dude, D.C. is a warzone. This isn't far at all from the Super Duper Mart, that until recently was a base for raiders. Literally it was down the road. I'll just chalk it up to the kid being stupid.
"There was seven of us living there in tall, old brick houses. I think I'm the last one left. Those things took everyone else."
Off of the father's body, we get a key to this shed.
There's a lab in this shed, basically it gives us a direction to go to in this quest. Otherwise, we'd just be wandering around Grayditch trying to find the next link in the quest.
So now, we have to go to Marigold Station, which thankfully is like right outside Grayditch.
There is a whole bunch of those ants covering the entrance to the metro.
Another Enclave propaganda poster on the left. Did they clear out the ants when they came through here?
Their fire attack is pretty annoying.
So this is the entrance to Marigold Metro. Honestly, I'm getting so tired of these metro tunnels. I know I complimented them before, but let me qualify it by saying that if you do all the sidequests in a short amount of time, you're going to go through a ton of tunnels to get around.
Of course, instead of ghouls you fight fire ants. There are a ton of these ants, and this quest honestly feels like a bit of a grind. It's not quite as bad as the Boomer's ant quest in New Vegas, but at least in New Vegas that quest was rather brief.
There isn't much of interest in this tunnel, except for a note left on a corpse about retrieving a package for someone and bring it to a guy in Girdershade.
There's the end of tunnel, but that's not where we want to go. We go to the right.
Eventually, we run into this doctor guy. He's... rather annoying.
He was just staring at this door when we entered.
"You really mustn't creep up on people like that."
"Sorry, I didn't expect to bump into anyone alive down here."
Except for that raider we bumped into like a few yards away.
"That is precisely why this is the ideal place for my work. Do you realize you're trampling about in a delicately balanced and highly sensitive experimentation area?"
How is this guy able to run all this stuff by himself?
"Experiments? What do you mean?"
Come on, doesn't the lab coat, glasses and glowing monitors behind him give you a hint?
"My experiments are of a complex nature and would take a scientist to explain... oh wait! I'm a scientist! How marvelous!"
How is this guy able to do anything here?
"My foray into reducing the girth of these insectoid creatures is of utmost importance. I intend to generationally reduce their immense stature by way of a pre-birth induced mutagen. Isn't that clever?"
"[Intelligence] Oh, I see. You'r trying to make them smaller over time by injecting the eggs."
Again, high INT options just have you repeat the obvious.
One random note, wouldn't reducing the size of the ants be rather... bad? That's kind of messing with the wastelands current ecosystem, as dangerous as those ants are.
"My word! You understand perfectly! How marvelous!"
"So, what's gone wrong?"
"Well, I'm afraid I've made a slight miscalculations in the mutagen. Instead of lowering their size, the brood hatched with a new biomechanism. I call their genetic abberation pyrosis: the ability to emit flame from their bodies. I may be able to correct this error, but I can't get near my equipment."
"[Intelligence] I'm shocked you didn't attempt this in a controlled environment first."
"Your knowledge of experimental procedure surprises me!"
It's common sense.
"Indeed, I have skipped a step and directly modified an entire brood. Perhaps I was too hasty... I was so certain it would work."
If this game wasn't so poorly written, this could have been an interesting discussion about scientific ethics and such. Instead it's just more goofy SCIENCE! crap. Don't get me wrong, I love SCIENCE! but this is supposed to be a somewhat serious quest, yet the doctor guy seems really out of place.
"To correct this mistake, I'll need to get to my terminal to modify the mutagen."
"What can I do to help?"
"Since you've offered, allow me to elaborate. My portable terminal is set up in the Hatchery Chamber near the Ant Queen. If I can reach it, I can continue to work on improving the mutagen."
"If the Queen's your concern, why not deal with it directly?"
"If she were harmed in any way, months of data would be lost. Your objective would be to eliminate what I call her quintet of Nest Guardians. Filthy little abominations!"
"Just how will all this undo the mayhem you've caused?"
"I've rigged the equipment at my portable terminal to emit what I can an Inhibitor Pulse. Once I send this pulse, all of the remaining ants will lose their empathic link with the Queen and frenzy, destroying each other in the process!"
Why didn't you do this before?
"So, that's all there is to it. What do you say?"
"If it'll stop the ants from burning down Grayditch, I'm in."
"You will? How marvelous! Be careful, my friend, the Nest Guardians can be quite tenacious."
So now, into another section of tunnels. It's like a sewer level in a sewer level.
The guardians are only slightly stronger than the normal ants. Just repeat this screenshot five times, nothing of interest really happens down here. I'm not trying to sound negative here, but this quest is total filler. There really isn't anything that's remotely interesting about it. I like the Reilly's Rangers quest despite being really just a long streak of combat, because at least the locations were interesting, and you had some motivation to do things. This?
This is just dull. If there's one thing that New Vegas improved upon, there were less areas that were like "Let's throw a ton of the same enemy after you in a boring location, for an extended period of time."
So now let's trudge back to the doctor and get our reward.
"My work is done, Doctor."
"Oh, how marvelous! Please, tell me what happened."
"I've killed all the Nest Guardians."
"Then I will proceed to my portable terminal at once and make the necessary changes to the forumla. Thanks very much for everything... you've been quite a useful lab assistant!"
In the GECK, his INT is only 8. Ours is 10.
Just saying.
"I'm ready for my Mutagenic Bioenchancer injection, Doctor."
Oh yeah, this is your reward for completing this quest. Either a SPECIAL point in Perception or Strength, not a big deal.
"How marvelous! Which injection did you want? Will it be the Ant Sight or Ant Might?"
This doesn't really make sense unless you ask for a reward for doing this quest. Besides, would you really trust this guy to inject you with something potentially lethal?
"I'd like the Ant Might to increase my physical strength."
"How marvelous! Ant Might it is! Hold still please."
He keeps on saying "How marvelous!". This guy is a bit annoying, glad we don't have to bother with him again. (He returns to Grayditch after you complete the entire quest.)
He gives us that injection.
So we get another point in Strength.
We can take a short way out by going through that one tunnel we saw earlier. Of course, we can't fast travel until we fight off some super mutants.
There's some Brotherhood paladins fighting some super mutants here. Let's help them out.
After all those ants, it's actually nice to fight some super mutants.
So, we fast travel back to Grayditch.
"It was like they were totally crazy! It was really scary, but kinda cool at the same time, ya know what I mean?"
"I'm just glad you're safe."
"I wish I had something to give you for all the work you did, but I never really had much to start with."
He gives us XP. I'd say that's enough.
"I guess now you'll be on your way and I'll have to try living here by myself. I hope you'll come back and visit someday."
Live here, by himself? Oh lord, he'll be dead within a day.
"I can't leave you here alone. Let me find you a place to live."
"Really? You mean it?! Oh boy! Thank you so much! I'll wait in my old house for you to come back... I need to bury my pappa anyway."
He seems to get over the death of his dad pretty quick.
"Just don't forget about me!"
We ask him something about any of his relatives, and apparently one of them lives in Rivet City. We could also bring him to Little Lamplight for some stupid, stupid reason. If we were assholes, we could sell the kid into slavery. So, let me get this straight Bethesda: Killing kids is bad, but selling them into slavery gets past the censors? Let's check Rivet City.
Back in Rivet City. I hear some people play the game without fast travelling at all. I refer to them as goddamn liars.
Now we head to that Weatherly Hotel place. This is pretty much the only reason to visit it, unless you want a house in Rivet City for some strange reason.
I'm not gonna put the whole conversation down here, because it's pretty repetitive, but I find it hilarious that you can go up to her and one of the responses is basically "I'm not sure, I'll keep looking" for a guardian for Bryan, despite this woman pretty much being his only living family member, and can take care of him just fine.
You send him to Little Lamplight, and he ends up being pretty miserable there. He actually disappears from the gameworld if you sell him into slavery. (I guess he was shipped up to The Pitt, I dunno.)
So now we return to talk to Bryan Wilks.
So, Bryan Wilks gets to live in Rivet City now. We don't get a reward for this, aside from good karma, and some complimentary words from Three Dog, and some XP of course. We got that SPECIAL boost from the doctor as our real reward. But that's it for the "Those!" quest. It really is completely inconsequential to the rest of the game, and again, it's really just filler. I'll admit, it was foolish of me to do all the interesting sidequests all at once without mixing in the other quests, because the remaining sidequests aren't as interesting as the rest of the sidequests. We'll still do them of course, but right after we're going straight back to the main plot. (I was thinking of doing Point Lookout, but that can wait for a bit.)