Let's Play: Knights of the Old Republic COMPLETE

[woodaba]

The Witcher 2 (new for us 360 plebs, anyway)

Ha! Ruffian! You pale in comparison to the magnificence to the...

 

[woodaba]

Borderlands 2, and the Baldur's Gate 'Enhanced Edition', even if it *is* just a glorified rerelease.

I've been following BG:EE religously since its inception, and, quite frankly, I personally think that what little they're adding does not make the Enhanced Edition worth the 20 more dollars they're asking you to pay over the GOG version. But, thats just my stance on it. I've already bought the games three times, so I may have a biased view of the situation.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

The Witcher 2 (new for us 360 plebs, anyway)

Ha! Ruffian! You pale in comparison to the magnificence to the...

Actually, I've been trying out PC gaming a bit. Hasn't been working so well, though.

Caesar III, for example. I like the game, but everything burns down. EVERYTHING

 

[woodaba]

Caesar III, for example. I like the game, but everything burns down. EVERYTHING

PC Gaming is great when it works. Expensive, but good. When it doesn't, it's misery itself.

I remember playing a Caesar game, once. Caesar decapiatated me. And I thought I was doing so well!

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Caesar III, for example. I like the game, but everything burns down. EVERYTHING

PC Gaming is great when it works. Expensive, but good. When it doesn't, it's misery itself.

Well, my computer has a pretty crummy video card. Everything else is fine, but for video games, I have to go way back in time.

Hell, even Deus Ex doesn't run on the best graphics setting (Not that I care about graphics much, mind you)

 

[AD-Stu]

Personally, I'm disappointed they didn't inlcude the kinrath ass-juice bypass that Obsidian included for the same cave in KOTOR2 - though it's more in Varen's character to just kill them all anyway

As for releases for the rest of the year, I hate to say it but ME3 DLC is the most pressing one. I'm also interested to see how Assassin's Creed 3 turns out, which means I should probably try to pick up Revelations somewhere on the cheap in the meantime.

 

[woodaba]

BONUS UPDATE: THE ORIGINAL ENDING!

Today, on this hallowed day of April 1st, I have a special update to share with you all. My spies have recently dug up a secret script, deep from the bowels of Bioware HQ, a script that reveals that before the game was released, Knights of the Old Republic actually had an alternate ending! Yes, that's right. The following post contains spoilers for KOTOR, but if you can stomach such things...

Spoiler: prepare to have your balls blown off by awesomeness

Knights of the Old Republic Ending

By Basey Gudson

REVAN enters the top floor of the Star Forge, heavily wounded from his/her fight with the Star Forge's defenses. There, he/she sees SOME DUMB KID walking towards them.

DUMB KID: Wake up.

REVAN: I am awake, dumbass. Wait...what? Where am I?

DUMB KID: The Star Forge. It's my home.

REVAN: Who are you?

DUMB KID: I am The Force.

REVAN: I thought the Force flowed through all of us?

DUMB KID: No. That which you experience is part of me.

REVAN: I need to stop the Sith. Do you know how I can do that?

DUMB KID: Perhaps. I control the Sith. They are my solution.

DUMB KID turns around, and walks toward SOME RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT THINGY. REVAN follows suit.

REVAN: Solution? To what?

DUMB KID: Chaos. The Jedi will always become stuck up and arrogant. But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order for the next cycle.

REVAN: By destroying the galaxy?

DUMB KID: No. We hunt down and wipe out almost all the Jedi, but we always leave a few alive, so that the next genocide can occur. Just as we left your ancestors alone the last time we rose.

REVAN: But, you killed the rest...

DUMB KID: We helped them ascend, to make way for new Jedi, storing the old Jedi in the Star Forge.

REVAN: I think we'd rather that not occur.

DUMB KID: No, you can't.

REVAN: Why not?

DUMB KID: BECAUSE I SAY SO!

REVAN: Fuckin crybaby...

DUMB KID: Without us to stop us, the Jedi would become so arrogant, that their heads would literally become stuck up their own asses. We created the cycle so that never happens. That is our solution.

REVAN: But you're taking away our future! Without future, we have no hope. Without hope, we might as well be Sith, massacring innocents and committing acts of evil for no good reason.

DUMB KID: You have hope. More than you think. The fact that you are standing here, the first Jedi to do so, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore.

REVAN: So now what?

DUMB KID: We find a new solution.

REVAN: Yeah, but how?

DUMB KID: Malak changed me. Created new...possibilities. But I can't make them happen.

REVAN: What happened to Malak anyway? He was set up the whole game to be this awesome villain then you come along and...

DUMB KID: Shut up.

DUMB KID indicates over to a generator thingy, conveniently color-coded RED.

DUMB KID: I know you've thought about destroying us.

REVAN sees a vision of CARTH destroying the generator, causing it to blow up in his face.

DUMB KID: You can wipe out all force-users if you want. Including the Jedi. Even you are partly Jedi.

REVAN: But the Sith will die?

DUMB KID: Yes, but the peace won't last. Soon, your children will become evil, and then the chaos will come back.

REVAN: How the hell do you know?

DUMB KID: I said, shut up. Or, do you think you can control us?

DUMB KID indicates over to two RANDOM BLUE THINGIES. REVAN sees a vision of SAUL KARATH holding on to the BLUE THINGIES, with random lightning going everywhere.

REVAN: Huh. So it is possible to control the Sith.

DUMB KID: Yes. But Saul could never have taken control, because we already controlled him.

REVAN: But I can...

DUMB KID: You will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have.

REVAN: How? What is it that kills me?

DUMB KID: You die because I say so. Noticing a pattern here? Now, sit down, and shut up. This is my ending.

REVAN: Fuck you. But, the Sith will obey me?

DUMB KID: Yes. There is another solution, too.

REVAN: Yeah?

DUMB KID indicates over to the RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT THINGY from before.

DUMB KID: Synthesis.

REVAN: And that is?

DUMB KID: Add your energy to the Star Forge's. Everything you are will be absorbed, and then, sent out. The chain reaction will combine all Jedi and Sith into a new framework. A new...DNA.

REVAN: Bwah ha ha ha ha! Wait... you're serious aren't you? That's actually an option? That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard! Good and Evil don't have DNA, you fucking dolt. That doesn't make any sense!

DUMB KID: What did I tell you about SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!

REVAN: I...don't know about this.

DUMB KID: Why not? The Sith are an essential part of life. Can you imagine life without them?

REVAN: And there will be peace?

DUMB KID: The cycle will end. The Dark Side will prevent the Jedi from getting their heads stuck up their own asses. Synthesis is the final evolution of life. But we need each other, to make it happen. You have a difficult decision.

REVAN: Damn right, I do. All of these choices are stupid and make no goddamn sense.

DUMB KID: I'm just going to ignore you. Releasing the energy of the Star Forge WILL end the cycle, but Hyperspace will be destroyed.

REVAN: Why? How?

DUMB KID glares at REVAN.

REVAN: Right...

DUMB KID: The paths are open. But you have to choose.

ENDINGS:

DESTROY: REVAN sticks his/her lightsaber into the GENERATOR THINGY, causing it to explode. Somehow, this causes a RED EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making all Jedi and Sith spontaneously combust when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with WHATEVER PARTY MEMBER THE PLAYER USED MOST, EVEN IF THEY WERE DEAD. If the player was 100% Darkside or 100% Lightside, Revan's hand is seen emerging from the wreckage of the Star Forge. Roll Credits.

CONTROL: REVAN grabs the BLUE THINGIES causing him/her to disentegrate. Somehow, this causes a BLUE EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making Sith ships fly away when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with WHATEVER PARTY MEMBER THE PLAYER USED MOST, EVEN IF THEY WERE DEAD. Roll Credits.

SYNTHESIS: REVAN jumps into the RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT, causing him/her to disentegrate. Somehow, this causes a GREEN EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making Sith ships fly away when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with CANDEROUS. The two survey over the jungle planet that is now their home forever. The two lean in to kiss. Roll Credits.

This ending was so bad, that Basey Gudson was fired from the Bioware staff after it was written. To this day, no one knows what happened to Basey, but his legacy lives on, through his Suspiciously Similar Substitute Casey Hudson, who dedicates his life to creating shitty endings to great games.

Godspeed, you pretentious, idiotic, ************.

If I may hint, people who have not yet played Mass Effect 3 to completion may not want to read this just yet. Just sayin.

 

[endtherapture]

I salute you sir.

I laughed at a lot of that, especially "REVAN: What happened to Malak anyway? He was set up the whole game to be this awesome villain then you come along and..." I literally snorted.

I've just realised though, if you had Kreia there instead of DUMB KID the endings might make a little sense, considering her plans and all. But yeah good job.

Canderous and Carth should have held hands and embraced on the synthesis ending. Or HK and Carth, or something.

 

[ChupathingyX]

I haven't played Mass Effect 3 (though I know how it ends) but I still found that pretty funny.

 

[woodaba]

I've just realised though, if you had Kreia there instead of DUMB KID the endings might make a little sense, considering her plans and all. But yeah good job.

That was my original plan, but considering that her ultimate goal (depending on how you interpret the character) is

Spoiler

The Death of the Force, I thought it might not have been an especially good idea to make the Force suicidal. And, for that one creative thought I put into this, that means I put more thought into it than Bioware.

 

[endtherapture]

I've just realised though, if you had Kreia there instead of DUMB KID the endings might make a little sense, considering her plans and all. But yeah good job.

That was my original plan, but considering that her ultimate goal (depending on how you interpret the character) is

Spoiler

The Death of the Force, I thought it might not have been an especially good idea to make the Force suicidal. And, for that one creative thought I put into this, that means I put more thought into it than Bioware.

I'm just laughing thinking of this ending at the end of KOTOR2 and with Kreia it would make some sense on Malachor V or something.

But yeah how it is, Kreia turning up on the Star Forge at the time of KoTOR1 would be so funny because everyone would be like WHO IS THIS OLD BINT WHAT IS SHE DOING?

I still don't actually understand why Bioware did the ME3 ending that they did, they must have been smoking something crazy in the office that day.

 

[woodaba]

I still don't actually understand why Bioware did the ME3 ending that they did, they must have been smoking something crazy in the office that day.

Apparently, (dunno if this is true or not) Casey Hudson and Mark Walters wrote the ending all by themselves, without any input from the rest of the writing team, and didn't let anyone else see it until it was too late to change it. As someone who's done quite a bit of writing myself, that is a death sentence.

 

[AD-Stu]

Needs fourth ending where Hero decapitates Dumb Kid with a lightsaber then rides the Star Forge to the nearest bar and shouts the whole galaxy IMO

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

BONUS UPDATE: THE ORIGINAL ENDING!

Today, on this hallowed day of April 1st, I have a special update to share with you all. My spies have recently dug up a secret script, deep from the bowels of Bioware HQ, a script that reveals that before the game was released, Knights of the Old Republic actually had an alternate ending! Yes, that's right. The following post contains spoilers for KOTOR, but if you can stomach such things...

Spoiler: prepare to have your balls blown off by awesomeness

Knights of the Old Republic Ending

By Basey Gudson

REVAN enters the top floor of the Star Forge, heavily wounded from his/her fight with the Star Forge's defenses. There, he/she sees SOME DUMB KID walking towards them.

DUMB KID: Wake up.

REVAN: I am awake, dumbass. Wait...what? Where am I?

DUMB KID: The Star Forge. It's my home.

REVAN: Who are you?

DUMB KID: I am The Force.

REVAN: I thought the Force flowed through all of us?

DUMB KID: No. That which you experience is part of me.

REVAN: I need to stop the Sith. Do you know how I can do that?

DUMB KID: Perhaps. I control the Sith. They are my solution.

DUMB KID turns around, and walks toward SOME RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT THINGY. REVAN follows suit.

REVAN: Solution? To what?

DUMB KID: Chaos. The Jedi will always become stuck up and arrogant. But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order for the next cycle.

REVAN: By destroying the galaxy?

DUMB KID: No. We hunt down and wipe out almost all the Jedi, but we always leave a few alive, so that the next genocide can occur. Just as we left your ancestors alone the last time we rose.

REVAN: But, you killed the rest...

DUMB KID: We helped them ascend, to make way for new Jedi, storing the old Jedi in the Star Forge.

REVAN: I think we'd rather that not occur.

DUMB KID: No, you can't.

REVAN: Why not?

DUMB KID: BECAUSE I SAY SO!

REVAN: Fuckin crybaby...

DUMB KID: Without us to stop us, the Jedi would become so arrogant, that their heads would literally become stuck up their own asses. We created the cycle so that never happens. That is our solution.

REVAN: But you're taking away our future! Without future, we have no hope. Without hope, we might as well be Sith, massacring innocents and committing acts of evil for no good reason.

DUMB KID: You have hope. More than you think. The fact that you are standing here, the first Jedi to do so, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore.

REVAN: So now what?

DUMB KID: We find a new solution.

REVAN: Yeah, but how?

DUMB KID: Malak changed me. Created new...possibilities. But I can't make them happen.

REVAN: What happened to Malak anyway? He was set up the whole game to be this awesome villain then you come along and...

DUMB KID: Shut up.

DUMB KID indicates over to a generator thingy, conveniently color-coded RED.

DUMB KID: I know you've thought about destroying us.

REVAN sees a vision of CARTH destroying the generator, causing it to blow up in his face.

DUMB KID: You can wipe out all force-users if you want. Including the Jedi. Even you are partly Jedi.

REVAN: But the Sith will die?

DUMB KID: Yes, but the peace won't last. Soon, your children will become evil, and then the chaos will come back.

REVAN: How the hell do you know?

DUMB KID: I said, shut up. Or, do you think you can control us?

DUMB KID indicates over to two RANDOM BLUE THINGIES. REVAN sees a vision of SAUL KARATH holding on to the BLUE THINGIES, with random lightning going everywhere.

REVAN: Huh. So it is possible to control the Sith.

DUMB KID: Yes. But Saul could never have taken control, because we already controlled him.

REVAN: But I can...

DUMB KID: You will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have.

REVAN: How? What is it that kills me?

DUMB KID: You die because I say so. Noticing a pattern here? Now, sit down, and shut up. This is my ending.

REVAN: Fuck you. But, the Sith will obey me?

DUMB KID: Yes. There is another solution, too.

REVAN: Yeah?

DUMB KID indicates over to the RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT THINGY from before.

DUMB KID: Synthesis.

REVAN: And that is?

DUMB KID: Add your energy to the Star Forge's. Everything you are will be absorbed, and then, sent out. The chain reaction will combine all Jedi and Sith into a new framework. A new...DNA.

REVAN: Bwah ha ha ha ha! Wait... you're serious aren't you? That's actually an option? That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard! Good and Evil don't have DNA, you fucking dolt. That doesn't make any sense!

DUMB KID: What did I tell you about SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!

REVAN: I...don't know about this.

DUMB KID: Why not? The Sith are an essential part of life. Can you imagine life without them?

REVAN: And there will be peace?

DUMB KID: The cycle will end. The Dark Side will prevent the Jedi from getting their heads stuck up their own asses. Synthesis is the final evolution of life. But we need each other, to make it happen. You have a difficult decision.

REVAN: Damn right, I do. All of these choices are stupid and make no goddamn sense.

DUMB KID: I'm just going to ignore you. Releasing the energy of the Star Forge WILL end the cycle, but Hyperspace will be destroyed.

REVAN: Why? How?

DUMB KID glares at REVAN.

REVAN: Right...

DUMB KID: The paths are open. But you have to choose.

ENDINGS:

DESTROY: REVAN sticks his/her lightsaber into the GENERATOR THINGY, causing it to explode. Somehow, this causes a RED EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making all Jedi and Sith spontaneously combust when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with WHATEVER PARTY MEMBER THE PLAYER USED MOST, EVEN IF THEY WERE DEAD. If the player was 100% Darkside or 100% Lightside, Revan's hand is seen emerging from the wreckage of the Star Forge. Roll Credits.

CONTROL: REVAN grabs the BLUE THINGIES causing him/her to disentegrate. Somehow, this causes a BLUE EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making Sith ships fly away when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with WHATEVER PARTY MEMBER THE PLAYER USED MOST, EVEN IF THEY WERE DEAD. Roll Credits.

SYNTHESIS: REVAN jumps into the RANDOM BEAM OF LIGHT, causing him/her to disentegrate. Somehow, this causes a GREEN EXPLOSION to seep out from the Star Forge, making Sith ships fly away when it hits them. The EBON HAWK is seen flying away from the explosion, somehow with all the party members that were on the Star Forge on board as well. Suddendly, Hyperspace explodes around them. The ship crash lands on a random jungle planet. CARTH is seen getting out, along with CANDEROUS. The two survey over the jungle planet that is now their home forever. The two lean in to kiss. Roll Credits.

This ending was so bad, that Basey Gudson was fired from the Bioware staff after it was written. To this day, no one knows what happened to Basey, but his legacy lives on, through his Suspiciously Similar Substitute Casey Hudson, who dedicates his life to creating shitty endings to great games.

Godspeed, you pretentious, idiotic, ************.

If I may hint, people who have not yet played Mass Effect 3 to completion may not want to read this just yet. Just sayin.

What a great april fools joke. I salute you, my good friend.

I'm glad they didn't put in this ending, though. They'd have to patch it or add DLC

 

[sage42]

Hilarious, though I'm still a firm believer that it's EA's fault for the shit endings, seriously. They set it all up to make Bioware create followup DLC so people would have to pay more for the real ending.

Captcha: Men in suits. How apt.

 

[woodaba]

Update 18: The Adventure Begins

Spoiler: oh my god a shadowrun kickstarter have all of my money

Last time, we found the cave Revan and Malak had explored, but we encountered a robot who told us to pass his two trials and prove our worth just like in every sodding temple in every RPG ever.

Alright, let's do this.

"Pssh. This is all you got, Robo-Boy? Fine. Lemme show you how we do things in my neighborhood."

In reality, this is a pretty tough fight, without the Disable Droid ability. He has lots of health, high defense, and a shield to boot. If you haven't got that ability, this robot is a mean sonuva *****.

Thankfully, through superior tactics )(i.e Mashing the Disable Droid button), the droid is
defeated.

"Daisy, Daisy...give me your answer...dooooooo"

"Wow. I didn't know robots could be melodramatic."

We come across a computer.

"I think... I understand this...to some extent."

"What is it saying?"

"It's a story...about some girl fawning over an immortal stalker who bites people in the neck and sparkles in the daylight."

"...What the fuck?"

[Presses Button]

"Well, we're no closer to making this work, but at least that... thing isn't on the screen anymore."

[Presses many buttons at random]

"Goddammit! Stupid Machine!"

[Kicks Computer]

"Oh, fuck you computer!"

"Oh...I get it!"

[Kicks computer]

"FUCK!"

"Uh...Varen? Maybe if you put your datapad in the receptacle..."

"Shut up, Bastila. Hmm...maybe...if I put my datapad in the receptacle..."

"Aha! I am a genius."

"Bu-"

"Genius."

"I-"

"Genius."

"Oh, Godammit."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Aha! Death! If there's one thing I know, its death."

Varen goes on to complete the test in a matter of nanoseconds.

"Fuck yes. Bring on the next test!"

The second test is identical to the first one, except there's a big-ass pillar in the middle.

"Alright, let's do this."

"...You've forgotten everything about the last one, haven't you?"

"No! You underestimate my incredibleness."

[After hours of kicking the computer and screaming]

"LIFE-giving? Crap. This is not my strong suit."

Thankfully, however, Varen hands the reigns over to Bastila, who completes the test.

The door has opened...

What is THAT?

"Ooh. Pretty."

"What the hell is it?"

"So, what is the Star Forge, exactly?"

"Well, maybe these worlds hold clues."

And so, we leave the temple. However, upon exiting...

"YOU! JEDI! YOU SLAUGHTERED MY FAMILY! KILLED MY FATHER!"

"What?"

"DIE, FIEND!"

And so, the vengeful Kath hound attacks. However, it is quickly slain.

"Damnable...monster...you...from hell's heart...ugh...I stab at thee..."

"...What the hell was that about?"

On the way back to the temple, we encounter a familiar face.

Oh..yeah...this fucked-up woman.

"[Blatant Lies]Your droid escaped and is nowhere to be found. He's still out there...somewhere."

"Godspeed, gentle pervert. And let fucked up fetishes fly you to your wake."

"Which one? The terrible poetry, or the blatant lies?"

"Both."

"Fuck you, Zaalbar. You didn't speak up when I caused the genocide of two families."

"Ah, yes, I remember you. Yeah, I did. They were pretty easy to kill, honestly."

"How dare you insult me with such a paltry sum! I demand more for my wirk, or I'll cut your balls off and sell them to a wookiee!"

"We'd buy it, too. Human testicles are an honorable delicacy on my planet."

"No, they won't."

"AAAAAUUUUGGGH!"

"No witnesses."

After we murder a man in broad daylight, Bastila wants to speak with us.

"What's bothering you? Is it cuz I killed that guy? Listen, he disrespected me, and I've got a rep in this hood. You lay down a mad diss, you get a lightsaber through your gut."

"It means its nessecary for us to stick together stick around with me. Believe me, its the last thing I want, to be glued to a goody two-shoes like you."

"Relationship? I don't like where this is going, lady..."

"Uh...I picked Sole Survivor at character creation. But, I used to be a space pirate, tearing up the galaxy with reckless abandon."

"Oh, it no longer exists. I blew it up with my doom ray after I left home for the first time. I wish I still had that doom ray...(sigh)"

"3012. Healthy living, you know."

"Ha! Not bloody likely."

Soon, we arrive back at the council chamber.

"We found a glowy star map thingy, which supposedly led to something called a Star Forge."

"Why does everyone immediately assume that the Star Forge is an ancient weapon of mass destruction? It could be an ancient GameStop, for all we know."

OH GOD THE PATHFINDING

"Oh no..."

"Well, you're sending the wrong person then."

And so begins a game-wide fetch quest(!) Hooray.

"Sounds like a suicide mission to me. Especially if we have to go through the Omega 4 relay."

"Um...Why not?"

"Because we say so."

"Can I bring my slaves with me at least?"

"Bit late to be warning me away from the dark side, Vandar me old boy. What about the slaves I brought from Taris?"

"When do I leave? Do I get a farewell party?"

"And you don't get a party."

"Goddammit."

"Well, we're boned."

"Why so little faith, Bastila? I'll find this Star Forge."

"You will?"

"Of course. If it is an ancient weapon of mass destruction, I want to be the one to get my hands on it."

"(sigh) Of Course. How silly of me."

On our way back to the Ebon Hawk, we are harassed by a Twi'lek.

"I'm not sure the morons at the council would want me talking about my extremely important mission."

"What could be more dangerous than me?"

"Pshaw. Animals, apart from rancors, are nothing more than buckets of EXP that walkaround in bags of flesh."

"Then why are you worried about them now?"

My god...the Terentarek...ARE THE REAPERS!


But yeah, I've always found this conversation rather odd. This may constitute as a spoiler, but the Terentarek really don't do very much in this game, and whenever you do encounter them, they're fairly easy to deal with. Not the easiest of enemies, but not worth an NPC saying "Oh these guys are totally the most horrible things in the galaxy".

"The great hunt? What's that?"

Exar Kun was a pretty nasty Sith Lord that messed things up a while back. He got seduced to the Dark Side by the ghost of an even nastier Sith Lord. You can read more about him here if you are interested in the increasingly stupid Star Wars Expanded Universe.

"I thought the Jedi frowned upon genocide. Except when they do it."

Again, the council sends people to do its dirty work. Maybe we need a democratically elected council. One that doesn't focus its efforts on eating pie.

"I'll be going now, Lord Foreshadow."

"As must I, Varen. I'm headed to Malachor V for my holidays. I hear its nice this time of year."

Before we board the Ebon Hawk, Bastila wants to say something. Again.

"You have something you want to ask me, Bastila?"

"Educated guess, from the way you keep staring."

"I'm just terrified by your appearance. You look like Evil Incarnate."

"More than look like, Bastila."

"Ugh. Besides..."

"No, I doubt it."

"Oh, here we go. Lecture incoming."

"Well, who's fault is that then? Hmm? You could help me with it, anyway. Blink once for Dark Side, twice for light."

"Calm down, dear."

"So, you're just worried about yourself, then."

"Frankly, I'm more worried about your needless nagging getting in the way of the mission than I am of myself."

"Finally, you're done. Is there anything else you need to whine to me about? No? Good. Let's go."

And here we are, about to board our ship and explore the galaxy, at last. But, first, we need to choose our destination!

KASHYYYK

Homeworld of the Wookiees. Made up of a gigantic forest that stretches over almost all the land of the planet. Currently occupied by the Czerka corporation.

TATOOINE

A backwater desert planet with very few redeeming qualities to it. Populated almost entirely by dangerous, bloodthirsty, creatures, most notably the Sand People. Currently occupied by the Czerka corporation.

MANAAN

A planet composed entirely of water. Is the only place in the galaxy where Kolto, an incredibly valuable first-aid substance occurs. Takes the position of a neutral state, and as such, has both Republic and Sith embassies located on it.

KORRIBAN

Ancient homeworld of the Sith. One of the strongest Dark Side centers of the galaxy. Location of the current Sith Academy.

It's your choice, Escapists. The galaxy is your oyster.

Question Time! This doesn't really have much relevance to the update, but with the Kickstarter craze going around, what would be your dream Kickstarter project? Personally, I would like to see a KoTOR II Complete Edition. I would gladly give a lot of money in order to play that game the way it was originally intended. Don't change the graphics, no need to add anything "new" per se, I just want to play the game Obsidian wanted to create.

 

[sage42]

Hmm I vote Tatooine, cause it has our most awesome squad mate there. Also on the topic of Varren, I, personally would like to see her take a lesson from.......I don't know a smarter villain, the typical Chaotic Evil just seems off for some reason.

 

[woodaba]

Hmm I vote Tatooine, cause it has our most awesome squad mate there. Also on the topic of Varren, I, personally would like to see her take a lesson from.......I don't know a smarter villain, the typical Chaotic Evil just seems off for some reason.

The problem is that, unlike KoTOR II and Planescape:Torment, KoTOR doesn't really give you the oppurtunity to be smart evil guy. I think I mentioned earlier on that the vast majority of options in the game are Stupid Evil, and therefore, I tailored Varen, as a complete psychopath and panto villain, to fit those options. However, rest assured, that when I get the oppurtunity to be a real manipulative bastard, I will take it

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Update 18: The Adventure Begins

Spoiler: oh my god a shadowrun kickstarter have all of my money

Last time, we found the cave Revan and Malak had explored, but we encountered a robot who told us to pass his two trials and prove our worth just like in every sodding temple in every RPG ever.

Alright, let's do this.

"Pssh. This is all you got, Robo-Boy? Fine. Lemme show you how we do things in my neighborhood."

In reality, this is a pretty tough fight, without the Disable Droid ability. He has lots of health, high defense, and a shield to boot. If you haven't got that ability, this robot is a mean sonuva *****.

Thankfully, through superior tactics )(i.e Mashing the Disable Droid button), the droid is
defeated.

"Daisy, Daisy...give me your answer...dooooooo"

"Wow. I didn't know robots could be melodramatic."

We come across a computer.

"I think... I understand this...to some extent."

"What is it saying?"

"It's a story...about some girl fawning over an immortal stalker who bites people in the neck and sparkles in the daylight."

"...What the fuck?"

[Presses Button]

"Well, we're no closer to making this work, but at least that... thing isn't on the screen anymore."

[Presses many buttons at random]

"Goddammit! Stupid Machine!"

[Kicks Computer]

"Oh, fuck you computer!"

"Oh...I get it!"

[Kicks computer]

"FUCK!"

"Uh...Varen? Maybe if you put your datapad in the receptacle..."

"Shut up, Bastila. Hmm...maybe...if I put my datapad in the receptacle..."

"Aha! I am a genius."

"Bu-"

"Genius."

"I-"

"Genius."

"Oh, Godammit."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Aha! Death! If there's one thing I know, its death."

Varen goes on to complete the test in a matter of nanoseconds.

"Fuck yes. Bring on the next test!"

The second test is identical to the first one, except there's a big-ass pillar in the middle.

"Alright, let's do this."

"...You've forgotten everything about the last one, haven't you?"

"No! You underestimate my incredibleness."

[After hours of kicking the computer and screaming]

"LIFE-giving? Crap. This is not my strong suit."

Thankfully, however, Varen hands the reigns over to Bastila, who completes the test.

The door has opened...

What is THAT?

"Ooh. Pretty."

"What the hell is it?"

"So, what is the Star Forge, exactly?"

"Well, maybe these worlds hold clues."

And so, we leave the temple. However, upon exiting...

"YOU! JEDI! YOU SLAUGHTERED MY FAMILY! KILLED MY FATHER!"

"What?"

"DIE, FIEND!"

And so, the vengeful Kath hound attacks. However, it is quickly slain.

"Damnable...monster...you...from hell's heart...ugh...I stab at thee..."

"...What the hell was that about?"

On the way back to the temple, we encounter a familiar face.

Oh..yeah...this fucked-up woman.

"[Blatant Lies]Your droid escaped and is nowhere to be found. He's still out there...somewhere."

"Godspeed, gentle pervert. And let fucked up fetishes fly you to your wake."

"Which one? The terrible poetry, or the blatant lies?"

"Both."

"Fuck you, Zaalbar. You didn't speak up when I caused the genocide of two families."

"Ah, yes, I remember you. Yeah, I did. They were pretty easy to kill, honestly."

"How dare you insult me with such a paltry sum! I demand more for my wirk, or I'll cut your balls off and sell them to a wookiee!"

"We'd buy it, too. Human testicles are an honorable delicacy on my planet."

"No, they won't."

"AAAAAUUUUGGGH!"

"No witnesses."

After we murder a man in broad daylight, Bastila wants to speak with us.

"What's bothering you? Is it cuz I killed that guy? Listen, he disrespected me, and I've got a rep in this hood. You lay down a mad diss, you get a lightsaber through your gut."

"It means its nessecary for us to stick together stick around with me. Believe me, its the last thing I want, to be glued to a goody two-shoes like you."

"Relationship? I don't like where this is going, lady..."

"Uh...I picked Sole Survivor at character creation. But, I used to be a space pirate, tearing up the galaxy with reckless abandon."

"Oh, it no longer exists. I blew it up with my doom ray after I left home for the first time. I wish I still had that doom ray...(sigh)"

"3012. Healthy living, you know."

"Ha! Not bloody likely."

Soon, we arrive back at the council chamber.

"We found a glowy star map thingy, which supposedly led to something called a Star Forge."

"Why does everyone immediately assume that the Star Forge is an ancient weapon of mass destruction? It could be an ancient GameStop, for all we know."

OH GOD THE PATHFINDING

"Oh no..."

"Well, you're sending the wrong person then."

And so begins a game-wide fetch quest(!) Hooray.

"Sounds like a suicide mission to me. Especially if we have to go through the Omega 4 relay."

"Um...Why not?"

"Because we say so."

"Can I bring my slaves with me at least?"

"Bit late to be warning me away from the dark side, Vandar me old boy. What about the slaves I brought from Taris?"

"When do I leave? Do I get a farewell party?"

"And you don't get a party."

"Goddammit."

"Well, we're boned."

"Why so little faith, Bastila? I'll find this Star Forge."

"You will?"

"Of course. If it is an ancient weapon of mass destruction, I want to be the one to get my hands on it."

"(sigh) Of Course. How silly of me."

On our way back to the Ebon Hawk, we are harassed by a Twi'lek.

"I'm not sure the morons at the council would want me talking about my extremely important mission."

"What could be more dangerous than me?"

"Pshaw. Animals, apart from rancors, are nothing more than buckets of EXP that walkaround in bags of flesh."

"Then why are you worried about them now?"

My god...the Terentarek...ARE THE REAPERS!


But yeah, I've always found this conversation rather odd. This may constitute as a spoiler, but the Terentarek really don't do very much in this game, and whenever you do encounter them, they're fairly easy to deal with. Not the easiest of enemies, but not worth an NPC saying "Oh these guys are totally the most horrible things in the galaxy".

"The great hunt? What's that?"

Exar Kun was a pretty nasty Sith Lord that messed things up a while back. He got seduced to the Dark Side by the ghost of an even nastier Sith Lord. You can read more about him here if you are interested in the increasingly stupid Star Wars Expanded Universe.

"I thought the Jedi frowned upon genocide. Except when they do it."

Again, the council sends people to do its dirty work. Maybe we need a democratically elected council. One that doesn't focus its efforts on eating pie.

"I'll be going now, Lord Foreshadow."

"As must I, Varen. I'm headed to Malachor V for my holidays. I hear its nice this time of year."

Before we board the Ebon Hawk, Bastila wants to say something. Again.

"You have something you want to ask me, Bastila?"

"Educated guess, from the way you keep staring."

"I'm just terrified by your appearance. You look like Evil Incarnate."

"More than look like, Bastila."

"Ugh. Besides..."

"No, I doubt it."

"Oh, here we go. Lecture incoming."

"Well, who's fault is that then? Hmm? You could help me with it, anyway. Blink once for Dark Side, twice for light."

"Calm down, dear."

"So, you're just worried about yourself, then."

"Frankly, I'm more worried about your needless nagging getting in the way of the mission than I am of myself."

"Finally, you're done. Is there anything else you need to whine to me about? No? Good. Let's go."

And here we are, about to board our ship and explore the galaxy, at last. But, first, we need to choose our destination!

KASHYYYK

Homeworld of the Wookiees. Made up of a gigantic forest that stretches over almost all the land of the planet. Currently occupied by the Czerka corporation.

TATOOINE

A backwater desert planet with very few redeeming qualities to it. Populated almost entirely by dangerous, bloodthirsty, creatures, most notably the Sand People. Currently occupied by the Czerka corporation.

MANAAN

A planet composed entirely of water. Is the only place in the galaxy where Kolto, an incredibly valuable first-aid substance occurs. Takes the position of a neutral state, and as such, has both Republic and Sith embassies located on it.

KORRIBAN

Ancient homeworld of the Sith. One of the strongest Dark Side centers of the galaxy. Location of the current Sith Academy.

It's your choice, Escapists. The galaxy is your oyster.

Question Time! This doesn't really have much relevance to the update, but with the Kickstarter craze going around, what would be your dream Kickstarter project? Personally, I would like to see a KoTOR II Complete Edition. I would gladly give a lot of money in order to play that game the way it was originally intended. Don't change the graphics, no need to add anything "new" per se, I just want to play the game Obsidian wanted to create.

I vote we go in the order of what is set in canon

I'd love to see a Neverwinter Nights 3, personally.

 

[endtherapture]

Tatooine to Kashyyk to Korriban to Manaan I say!!

Why? Because

Spoiler

Korriban makes little sense after you have the confrontation with Malak on the Star Destroyer thing

I would like a kickstarter of Star Wars Battlefront 3, or a KoTOR3 (true KoTOR3, none of this TOR shit, I NEED to find out what happens to Revan and the Jedi Exile properly).