Last time, we finished our business on Tatooine and set off for our next destination.
And, as per the voting, it's Mannan! My favorite planet! We'll see why soon enough.
On the way, Varen is once again haunted by dreams.
Hmm...those lights make it look like the Star Map has already been excavated. Could someone else have already done the work for us?
Look at that! Just look at it! Manaan, specifically, Ahto City, looks absolutely stunning. It's like Kamino, only even cooler looking. We'll see even more of it soon.
As always, Bastila has some choice words about the planet we have just landed on.
"Maybe the land was once above the surface."
We disembark the ship, however, we are greeted upon our arrival by a Republic Trooper...arguing with a Sith Trooper? Wait, what?
Whoever wrote that scene needs a medal. This one converstion introduces three things that become key in all your dealings on Mannan:
1: Mannan is a neutral world, no conflict is allowed here, otherwise the Selkath authorities will intervene.
2: The Sith base is somehow outside the jurisdiction of the Selkath authourities.
3: The Selkath show no preference towards Republic or Sith.
"No, you shouldn't have. However, I will spare your life if you answer my questions."
"The Sith and Republic coexisting peacefully? Well, relatively..."
"Yeah, I know the feeling..."
"What is Kolto?"
So, yeah. This basically sums up the Selkath:
"The Sith and Republic stay here?"
Clever buggers. Well, apart from the whole "Let's give magical healing stuff to the people who would want nothing more than to wipe us off from the face of the planet" thing, but, ya know. Baby steps.
"Never mind. I must go."
How helpful.
Before we move towards the city proper, we take some time out of our busy schedule to meet one of the Selkath.
Well, you're just fucking terrifying up close.
"Tell me about Ahto City."
It's like London, only on the sea. Hopefully, the public transport will be less shit.
"Tell me about Manaan."
Oh, Christ, they're space-fish-hippies.
"Goodbye."
As we make our way toward the City proper, Bastila wants to talk. For about the zillionth time.
"Why did the council send me with you on this mission?"
"And that's reason enough for you to accept all of this? Nai've weakling."
"I get the feeling that they're's more going on than I know."
Because them sending Sith Apprentices and Bounty Hunters after us is so much better, yeah?
"I'm still not convinced."
"Me? You're the one who thought this was her great big audition for masterhood!"
"What can I say? It's fun."
"Careful, remember your Self-control."
And, just when we think we're about to get into the fecking city, this guy wants to chat.
"Exotic species? What sort of exotic species?"
"(Finally, a chance to get rid of these bloody Gizka.) Er...I have some Gizka, if you're interested."
"[Blatant Lies]But these are special Gizka. They don't reproduce like others do."
"These Gizka are for sale. They aren't free."
"Well, that went well for all concerned."
"Except for that guy."
"Everyone that matters."
"Oh, of course."
And, JUST when we are about to leave, we subject myself to something we never should have touched. We should have left it alone.
[HEADING=2]PAZZAK[/HEADING]
Yes, you knew it was coming. It wan inevitable. It's time to dive into the absolute worst apart of this game, and into one of the absolute worst card-based minigames EVER DEVISED.
Pazzak, in a nutshell, is Blackjack, with a few differences. Both players are dealt a card every turn, and must get as close to 20 as they possibly can without going over it. It's a simple, effective game, that Bioware saw the need to fuck with.
The main difference with Pazzak is the sidedeck. At the start of each game, you are dealt 4 cards from your sidedeck, each representing different numerical values, like +1 and -2, that stuff. So, say I was at 18, I could plonk down a +2 card and get to twenty. Sounds fine, right? So where do all the terrible things come in?
1. THE PLAYER IS ALWAYS FORCED TO GO FIRST, PUTTING THEM AT A NATURAL DISADVANTAGE
The reactionary nature of Pazzak means that whoever goes first is naturally at a disadvantage. Why? Because while you are stabbing blind in the dark, having no idea what the opponent has in their hand, they are able to react accordingly to whatever move you make. You are never in that position. Ever.
2. THE COMPUTER'S CARDS ARE NOT SET IN STONE, AND THEY WILL OFTEN CONVENIENTLY PULL OUT A CARD THAT PERFECTLY FITS THEIR SITUATION.
Pretty self-explanatory. Especially on higher level opponents, the AI will typically pull whatever card they like out of their ARSE in order to beat you. Sometimes, they'll go over just 1 over you, just to
taunt you.
Those are the two main problems. You have a natural disadvantage, and the computer cheats. These two things make Pazzak virtually unplayable. Y'know, CCGs in games don't have to suck. RAGE had a good one. Triple Triad in Final Fantasy VIII was great. But this is BULLSHIT, and I never, ever play it. It is broken, unenjoyable, stupid, and whoever programmed such an asinine, ball-brained, cockamamie, TERRIBLE minigame must be hung, drawn, and quartered.
Please, let it have been Casey Hudson.
Right! Now that we've got that out of the way, let's actually go into Ahto City! Yaay!
"Pathetic laws of pathetic fish don't concern me."
"How can you idiots maintain neutrality when the Sith want all your heads?"
"That seems awfully short-sighted..."
"Or, how about, you make it 50 credits, and I don't take your head and make it the centerpiece of my fucking living room?"
"(Sigh) Fine. Here."
And...finally...we're here. Ahto City. So cool. I love this place to death. The design is just so sleek, so clean, yet, unlike Kamino, it actually feels like a city, a focal point for people of various races and factions to come together, shared by their universal desire to get their grubby mitts on some Kolto.
As we travel around the city, we encounter a few strange things.
Ooh! Burn!
We decide to follow up on the strange message we received on Tatooine. We find the Hulas we are looking for.
"Yo! Semmi Vek gave me a message to see you."
"I've never heard of you."
"Alright...I understand."
Well, at least we know now where Assassin's Creed stole its plot from.
"I will preserve the secrecy of your order."
"How does anybody hire you if no one knows you exist?"
"What does this have to do with me?"
"Wait...you serve the Republic?"
Welp, looks like the Illuminati have set up a franchise on corascant.
"This is fucking retarded."
"What's in this for me?"
"Suddenly, I am very, very interested, Hulas. Tell me more."
"I'm ready now. Gimme my target!"
"Discrete? Aw, man."
"(sigh) All right. Who is my target?"
"Tell me about Zuulan Sentar."
"What about Lorgal?"
"Sounds like my kinda guy."
"So...Lightsaber to the neck doesn't qualify for that?"
"No."
"Dammit!"
"Anything else I need to know?"
So, that's that. Two targets, across the Galaxy. Lorgal is here on Manaan, so we'll track him down first. But, beforehand, let's change our party to our two evil friends so we can avoid a lecture from Bastila.
Canderous is rocking a
fabulous pink chestpiece, and what look like 3D glasses.
Let's check in at the Republic Embassy, like that soldier suggested when we arrived.
"I am on a mission from the Jedi Council, and you're gonna help me with it."
"I seek a Star Map, the remnant of an ancient and forgotten race."
"You know something."
"Can't I go somewhere and have someone say "Sure, I'll help you. Let's do it right now. No strings attached."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Get in, get the droid, get out. No problem. But, how do I get in?"
"YES. DO WANT. GIMME GIMME GIMME!"
"No! I don't care! Torturing is all I need!"
"Is there another way?"
"This is me we're talking about. I don't think that's a possibility."
"I'm going to torture the Prisoner, duh. What else would I do?"
"I'll only do that after we get what we need."
However, on our way to the prisoner's cell, we come across a familiar name...
"I'm here to kill you, Lorgal. And i'm going to enjoy it."
"Well, i've got better things to than argue with a Hitler expy."
Or, maybe its Marx. Only with more crazy.
Not one to be put off, Varen hacks into a nearby Console and...
"It's my lucky day."
...and then Varen achieved sexual release.
Tune in next time, where we torture a Sith, hit up a local bar, and break into a heavily fortified military installation.
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