Last time, we concluded our business on Korribann, and began our final sojourn across the galaxy, wrapping up every loose end we've picked up along the way. To that end, we set our course for Tatooine, to deliver the box we were given here in Dreshdae. However, Varen finds herself enraptured by the box.
"Shiny."
"Now, I gotta weigh up my options here. One one hand, that guy told me not to open this thing under any circumstances, every instinct in my body tells me that touching this is probably a bad idea... on the other hand..."
"
Shiny."
On the list of things I expected to find in the box, ancient egyptian laser beams was NOT near the top, I can tell you that.
"What's happening? Where am I? Am I dead?"
"Oh, fuck. I'm dead, aren't I? Are those the gates of heaven? Not what I expected, if I'm honest."
"And, if I'm honest, I expected St. Peter to look less like a bug-eyed monster. Though, I guess it's more accurate than the
Ashes to Ashes interpretation."
Hey! It's my job to make the lame references!
"Shut up, Narrator."
Hey as a verbal tic? Oh no! It's a Space-Canadian! Elrond Hubbard was RIGHT!
"Mind telling me who and what you are?"
Believe it or not, that line? Plot point. For this quest, anyway.
"This is a prison?"
"No. I don't imprison people. And if I do, it's purely for pleasure, and it is short-lived. What is the use of jailing people when you can rape their mind, take what you want, then murder them? Maybe eating their flesh afterwards? But only if I'm particularly peckish. If not, I'll settle for devouring their soul."
"Poser."
"Shut up, Akachi. Anyway, what did you do to get imprisoned here?"
"You said "Three in a Row" earlier. Have others come before me?"
It's worth noting that this guy speaks similarly to the robot we found waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back on Dantooine, in the Star Map cave. And we, Revan, were the only one able to understand it then too. But why...?
Coming this summer: It's a mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad Mind Prison.
"Is there no way out of here?"
"Out? Out to where? Even if you get out, your body is probably dead."
"Whoa whoa whoa...you are *not* getting my body!"
"How do I know I could trust you?"
"It only takes once, creature."
"Goddammit. I hate it when people other than me have a point."
"What sort of competition do you mean?"
"And what's to stop you from cheating?"
Furthermore, is it even
possible to cheat at riddles? I sure as hell don't know how.
"It seems I have little choice."
"Hey! I'm the guest! Jerk."
"Oh, come on. That ones easy. Time!"
"If you break me, I do not stop working. If you touch me, I may be snared. If you lose me, nothing will matter."
"Bollocks. I was hoping you wouldn't know what a heart was."
"Tommorow. Come on, I've heard better riddles from Sloth Demons!"
"You heard me before, yet you hear me again, then I die, until you call me again."
"Damn."
"A grave. Like the one I'm going to put you into if you don't come up with a riddle that taxes my magnificent brain!"
"Flying to Dantooine, I meet five ships. Each ship has five crewmen, each crewman has five pets. How many in all are flying to Dantooine?"
Told you.
"It's one. I'm the only one flying to Dantooine."
"Before I go, what's your name?"
"I think you should call yourself 'The Imprisoned One' from now on, and act like a raving loony who wants to take over the galaxy."
"Hmm...not a bad idea, Sentient. I shall take it into consideration."
"Or...I could try to destroy your prison when I got out."
"I'm not really offering you a choice here, asswipe. And I could always toss it into a sun. Not sure if you could remain smug after that. Get me out of here, and don't try anything funny. Or anything I would do."
Suddenly, more ancient egyptian laser beams come from our friend, and we are blinded by a bright light.
"Fuck. This time, I'm definitely dead."
Thankfully, we reappear outside the box, no worse for wear. We immediately resume our course for Tatooine, disembarking once we arrive with Canderous and Jolee. Speaking of which, it's time for the obligatory companion chat!
"Hey, Canderous. Tell me more about the Mandalorian wars. Y'know, the ones I totally kicked your ass in."
"After I whooped your asses?"
"Err...her. The best of us could not defeat her. Sorry Varen. Revan."
"And so...you came to Taris."
"I am honored."
With that done, we go to deliver the box to its intended owner.
We can also access a swoop racing side quest from here, continuing on a mini-game we first experienced back on Taris before it went the way of the dodo, but it's dull and bland and uninteresting and no one cares.
Inside, we meet a particularly repulsive Hutt.
"I have a box for you. Sent by Lurze."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I#m just busy SAVING THE GALAXY. Geez, some people are so ungrateful."
"I did. It was...very interesting."
"[Force Persuade]You want to pay me a little more."
thatsnothowpeoplereacttomindtrickfuckyou
Nothing else to do on Tatooine, we have a quick chat with Jolee before we take off.
"Why did you leave the Jedi?"
"You did. You said you weren't a Jedi any longer."
"You better start making sense old man, before I start wringing your neck."
"You? Perfect? That's a laugh."
"Nobody can be right about everything. Except me, of course."
"Go on. I'm listening. Barely."
"And? I don't get it."
"So...you knew this Master Hortath? Or the Padawan?"
"I really don't get it..."
I've talked about pretty much every companion in this LP. I have expressed my distaste for Carth, my ambivalence for Bastila, my fondness for Mission, HK, Zaalbar, and Canderous. I haven't really done it for Jolee. I've mentioned that I liked him, and I most assuredly do, but it's not because he's funny, or useful in a fight, or because he would totally be played by Morgan Freeman in a movie version of KotOR. All those things are good and all, but they don't tap into the core of what makes Jolee so interesting to me. At his core, Jolee is a deconstruction of a Jedi, and the humanity of Jedi. Look at Luke from the good movies: is he a good guy at heart? Yes, undoubtedly. But he is also
human. He's impulsive, prone to fits of anger, and dismissive at times. But that makes him a better and more relatable character. The other representatives of the Jedi Order, Yoda and Obi-Wan, were similar. Yoda was wise and knowledgeable, yes, but he was also eccentric, and joked around quite a bit. Obi-Wan was the closest to the stoic Jedi archetype, but he genuinely cared for Luke, and was fiercely protective of him. Now, let's look at the shitty movies, and the Jedi they offer. Mace Windu. Ki-adi-Mundi. Plo Koon. Yoda, even. All of these supposedly great Jedi were emotionless windbags that no one cared about, or wanted to know more about. The council of this game treads the same path. They teach balance, and control over emotions. In the Jedi characters, we see a defiance of that. Bastila's arc is more clearly defined when you have a male protagonist, but either way, we see her struggling to decide whether or not she truly believes in the Council, and whether she truly wants to be a lobotomized moron like so many Jedi. Jolee tells us about the humanity and infallibility of these Jedi. When a character does not exhibit emotion, for better or worse, they become set apart from the audience. Separated. That is how we feel about the Council. We don't sympathise with them. We don't relate to them. We can't. They're different. Larger than life, even. Jolee tears that notion asunder. One common theme across most, if not all, of the little stories he's told us is that Jedi make mistakes. They get thrown in trash compactors. They act arrogant. They steal. They love. I don't know about you, but I felt closer to that kid from Jolee's first story than I ever did for any of the nameless berks we met in the Academy. And that is what Jolee teaches us. A human character, someone who we can believe to feel, think, all that jazz, is a far more interesting character than anyone in the prequels could ever hope to be. At least, that's what I get out of it.
Woah, wall of text. Let's get out of here before I ramble some more. Our next stop is the Yavin IV space station.
Upon docking there, we have another chat with Jolee. Hey, I told you there would be a lot of him in this update, did I not?
"What do you know about the Sith?"
"Damn straight. But you must know more than that."
Well, that's an image I could really do without.
"You're being elusive on purpose. As usual."
"You did, idiot. You said you fought them. So, you know them. Canderous' whole "in war a culture is defined blah blah" nonsense."
EXPANDED UNIVERSE HISTORY LESSON AWAAAY!
This chap here, as you might have guessed, is Exar Kun. Regarded as one of the greatest Sith Lords of all time, Exar Kun was a Jedi who had an intense desire to learn more of the dark arts. To this end, he travelled to the forest moon of Dxun orbiting Onderon, and entered the tomb of Freedon Nadd (We'll talk about him in the next game). There, he came into contact with the ghost of Freedon Nadd, and became his apprentice. Exar Kun progressed rapidly, and was soon guided to Yavin 4 to complete his training. There, he discovered Ulic Qel Droma, another fallen Jedi. The two were inducted by Marka Ragnos' spirit (remember him?) and returned to the republic to wage war against it, and the Jedi Order. As you do. The two did very well, until Ulic had a "what have I done" moment, and betrayed Exar. Ulic led the Jedi to Exar's temple on Yavin 4, and sealed him away inside the temple forever. As seems to be the habit for Sith Lords, the galaxy would hear of Exar Kun again, but not for a long time.
"Who is this Exar Kun?"
Goddammit Varen!
"Sort of like Revan. I mean, me. Was he killed?"
"Are they the same Sith we fight today?"
"It's a bit like Herpes that way. And now, I've given you all horrific mental images. Your welcome."
"What happened during this war with Exar Kun, then?"
"But... you exterminated all the traitors, right?"
"Bah! Always with the exterminations with you."
"Suit yourself, you old fart."
We proceed into the mechanic's room and talk to him, however...
"Oh shit! Trandoshans have beamed in!"
"No. We were here the whole time. We were just invisible."
"Then why did you reveal yourself when the heavily armed Jedi walked in?"
"We are...how you say...kind of stupid like that."
"Haven't I told you guys to get lost already?"
This is actually a pretty difficult fight. The Trandoshans all hit hard, have lots of health, and outnumber you two to one. They have a habit of wailing on your healer, in this case Jolee, which can make life a pain. They carry a lot of medpacs as well, so any damage done needs to be plentiful and fast.
Fortunately, we do manage to pull through.
I'd like to thank AD-Stu for bringing this encounter to my attention. I had no idea it had even existed, and it was fun. Plus, this guy will now sell us the two best Saber Crystals in the entire game!
Sadly, neither of them are red, which displeases Varen greatly, but at least one is kinda red. If you squint at it a bit.
We have another chat with Jolee before he head for our next stop.
"Do you want to talk about the war now?"
"No time like the present?"
"What does your wife have to do with the war?"
"The war...?"
"So, you disobeyed the council. Like I did."
"So, what happened?"
"She had fallen to the Dark Side then?"
"And you killed her? Man, I knew you were badass under all that sheep's clothing, Jolee."
"Sounds familiar. Seems like the Jedi don't like killing their prisoners."
"They put you on trial?"
"I agree with you. They destroyed my mind and drove me insane, after all."
We arrive at the truth, at last.
"What the hell are you babbling about? I'd say the Council made the right call there, for once in their godforsaken lives."
"And you still believe love is worth the risk?"
With that done, we head to Manann, our next stop on our Galaxy-Wide road trip.