Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

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RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE, ON THE MOON![/HEADING]

NaR: "I'm bored."

RaN: "Jeez. We've only been here for three days and you're already complaining?"

NaR: "Yeah. That's because I finally remembered how much this place sucks. And there's nothing to do in the new city."

As NaR and I continue to wander around the moon, we notice a Sky Fortress hurtling toward us... Wait, a Sky Fortress?!

RaN: "Shit, get out of the way!"

I tackle NaR to the ground as the Sky Fortress flies overhead. A door to a docking bay opens, and a group of stormtroopers arrive to seize the ship. In the gaps of the door, I notice electrical wiring and armor plating below the surface. Turrets rise up from the hills, aiming their cannons at the ship.

RaN: "That's no moon. That's a space station!"

NaR: "Gee, you think?"
 

Ren3004

In an unsuspicious cabin
Jul 22, 2009
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I jump down from the Sky Fortress and cut the closest Stormtrooper in two. I deflect the lasers the others shoot at me and behead three of them with a single swing.
[sub]It's a big sword...[/sub]

"What do you mean... 'suspicious'?"
 

Ren3004

In an unsuspicious cabin
Jul 22, 2009
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Ren walked out of the Sky Fortress. It was over. at least it seemed to be.

"Now what?"
 

RaNDM G

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@martin Just so you know, Ceres is an actual planet in our solar system. It's not in a separate universe.

[HEADING=1]ON THE DEATH STAR, MOMENTS BEFORE IT EXPLODES![/HEADING]

NaR peers into the Imperial Docking Bay as Ren ambushes the Stormtroopers from the Sky Fortress. He spots the Ebon Hawk undergoing repairs.

NaR: "You see that ship? We're taking it."

RaN: "Tractor beams will pull us back if we try to escape. Let's make our way to the core."

As Xot and Ren storm through the Death Star, NaR and I evade the guards and manage to reach reactor link six. I cross the chasm and remove the paneling on the reactor. Suddenly, Jim falls down from above and lands beside NaR.

RaN: "We don't have time for this. Hold him off, will you?"

NaR: "How the fuck am I supposed to fight him?! I don't have a lightsaber!"

RaN: "You're a Jedi! That's good enough for me!"

The Dark Jedi struggles to his feet and charges at NaR with his lightsaber. Using Aikido, NaR steps right and evades the strike, grabs the handle of the blade, tucks himself in, throws Jim over his left shoulder, and stabs him through the chest as he hits the ground.

Jim: "Ah, God that hurts!"

Jim tries to crawl away, but to no avail. Meanwhile, I manage to pry open the panel protecting the link.

RaN: "I need something I can disrupt the energy field with. Let me try-"

NaR throws Jim into the link with a Force Push, electrocuting him. The flesh singes away from his bones as his body begins to disintegrate.

RaN: "Or we could just do that. I didn't know you knew Aikido."

NaR: "Me neither. Guess it was just instinct."

The Nuclear C4 goes off.

RaN: "We only got a few minutes before this whole station blows sky high. Let's move."

NaR and I manage to make our way back to the Ebon Hawk as the Sky Fortress makes its escape.

NaR: "Can you fly this thing?"

RaN: "This was your idea! You drive, I'll shoot!"

I make my way to the gun turret as NaR takes the helm. The Ebon Hawk lifts and flies out of the hangar as I shoot down the station's defenses. After a few close calls, we manage to fly out of the range of the Death Star's laser-targeting systems.

NaR: "That's it! We're home free!"

Suddenly, the Sky Fortress bombards our ship with photon torpedoes.

RaN: MUTHERFUCK!

NaR: "Hang on! Things are going to get a little rough!"

The ship's engines destabilize as we breach the Earth's atmosphere.

[HEADING=1]ELSEWHERE![/HEADING]

Auditor: "Dark Side? You know, I'm starting to think this is a bad idea. Psycho ***** here might be interested, but I'm not... No offense."

Sister: "None taken."

The Auditor pats Sister on the back and teleports away before the cloaked man is able to restrain him.

???: Curses.

Sister: "Let him go. It's not like he's much of a threat to us."

???: "I know. I simply do not like to keep around loose ends. But there is nothing he could have done for us anyway besides serve as a distraction. I will change my plans accordingly. For now, we will begin your training with the mastery of Shii-Cho techniques..."

[HEADING=1]IN THE MOJAVE![/HEADING]

The Auditor respawns in the middle of the park and takes a swig from his flask. He pulls out a small device from his pocket.

Auditor: "I can track the transmitter I pushed into Sister's body with this."

Alphonse:
Code:
Why are you talking to yourself?
Auditor: "Uh... Where'd you come from?"

Alphonse:
Code:
I have been waiting for RaNDM and his compatriot for two days. When I sensed your energy signature return, I thought you would be him.
Auditor: "Cool story, bro. Well, I'm going to go off to sleep. See you later."

Alphonse:
Code:
I will be waiting here if you need anything.
The Auditor catches up on his sleep in the Mall's security room while Alphonse continues to wait outside.
 

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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martintox said:
You made a little mistake:
RaNDM G said:
As Tox and Ren storm through the Death Star
It wasn't actually me who stormed the Death Star,it was Xot. Just saying.
Sorry. I always confuse my tees and exes.

[HEADING=1]SOMEWHERE ON EARTH![/HEADING]

NaR steers the Ebon Hawk down into a forest clearing.

RaN: "You think we can get this thing running again?"

NaR: "The engines are overheated, but I think it'll be fine if I run the repair droid systems. In the meantime, I think we should take a look around. We might be stuck here for a while."

RaN: "Sounds like a good idea. Maybe you should stay with the ship. I'll follow this road and see if it leads anywhere."

NaR: "Be careful out there."

RaN: "Got it."

I walk down the country road.
 

Connor Lonske

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Sep 30, 2008
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[HEADING=1]IN THE AUDITORS MIND AS SLEEPS[/HEADING]

He finds that he in not a higher power anymore and is wearing a suit and monocle with a short sword on his back. He hear a nice piano play. Nice.


A man walks up and plays a beatbox, what asshole. He walk up with a few chaps, sip your tea, and cut his heart out. He then calmly walks out of the club, and into the street. The glitch-hop still playing outside, he continues down the street.

He walks by ally way and goes into it. The laughter of a voice is heard, similar to someone you know, but you can't put your finger on it. It's female and very soft. The Auditor not caring, he keeps going down the ally. Then he sees her, a dark figure with a full black silhouette and long hair and red eyes. She talks, "Look at you, you have no power, you are weak." and she stabs him in the stomach.

[HEADING=1]IN A VERY LIBERAL REPRESENTATION OF HEAVEN![/HEADING]

The Auditor wakes up in restrains and has a car batter hooked up to him. "Ughhh, what the fuck?"
 

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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martintox said:
RaNDM G said:
Sorry. I always confuse my tees and exes.
It's Ok. By the way,how is the Equestria subplot going?
I'm working on it.

[HEADING=1]IN CANTERLOT![/HEADING]

Walking down the upstairs hallway, I notice Braeburn sprawled on the floor. I rush over to help him.

RaN: "Braeburn, you okay?"

Braeburn: "My back hurts like a ***** and I can't feel anything below my waist. That's a no."

Roach: "Here, let me help you up."

Roach grips the knife and gives it a nice tug. Braeburn screams in pain.

Braeburn: AAAAAAH!

RaN: "Leave it. Pull that out now and you'll kill him."

Roach: "Alright, alright. Relax."

Braeburn: "I just got stabbed in the back and you're telling me to relax?!"

Roach: "You know what? Fuck it. After this job, I qui-"

Krastos grabs Roach from behind and holds a knife to his throat. He drags him into a room, right in front of a windowsill overlooking the city docks. The Chief and I rush into the room and aim our weapons.

Krastos: "So, we finally meet again."

RaN: "I don't have time for your bullshit! Let him go, right now!"

Krastos: "As you wish."

Krastos slits Roach's throat. His body collapses to the floor.

RaN: "You fucker!"

I tackle Krastos, the two of us crashing through the window and falling down into the lake below.
 

Connor Lonske

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Sep 30, 2008
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[HEADING=1]AT THE UPSIDE DOWN PLATFORM[/HEADING]

Connor says "Good bye world!" and jumps in. Laughter is heard up above as Connor lands next to Backroom "Fuck year, that was awesome!"
 

Connor Lonske

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Sep 30, 2008
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"I remember this!" goes Connor and Backroom.

The elevator opens up to a Gary Colman book signing. "Oh no." says Backroom.
 

Connor Lonske

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Sep 30, 2008
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Postal dude comes and kicks Garry in the balls, and looks to us says "A guy with similar clothing to me? Your going down!"

"CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTO GRAPH DUDE!" yells Connor.

Backroom gets in the way of Tox, "Sorry cool guy, but you have to go though me first." he says as he loads his .45-70 USPs and points them at Postal Dude.

"PLEASE I WANT YOU AUTO GRAPH!"

"Oh, all guy with super armor, well I can deal with that." says Dude as he fires his .50 magnum at Backroom. "This one is cause your still alive! This one is because your a fag! This one is cause-" Tox pushes Postal Dude into the wall, his gun flies away.

"ARMOR POWER AT, 77%" says Backroom suit AI as he tries to deal with the impact of the bullets while lying on the ground.

Connor runs up to Postal Dude "Please, I WANT YOUR AUTO GRAPH SO BAD!"

"Here kid, take my signed health pipe!" he says as he gets up and take out his spaz-12 gauge and fires it into the crowd, however it does nothing to them because the shotgun sucks in that game.

Connor walks off to Tox and Backroom. "Lets keep going down!" says Backroom as they enter the elevator, Postal Dude not caring as he shoots the innocent.
 

Connor Lonske

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Sep 30, 2008
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Connor, just following everyone else's lead, look at his health pipe "OMG" he says as he starts to smoke it.

"You shouldn't smoke Connor, that stuff is bad for you." says Alexander.

Connor spawns Ander and give him a wiff "Oh yeah that nice cool guy." he says.

"Tox, we can't just let them hurt themselves like this can we?" says Alexander.