Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Connor Lonske]

Connor and Ander run out of "health herb" in the health pipe "Aw fuck." say Connor. His heart start to beat really fast. "OW, this hurts!" say Connor.

"I'm immune to smoke based addictions." says Ander.

Connor heart beats faster "What the FUCK!"

He has a very minor heart attack and fall to the floor. "oooowwwwwww!"

 

[Connor Lonske]

The elevator goes down a floor and we end up in a pool full of black guys with large Afros. "lolololollolloolllool" they go.

"Let me guess, the pool is closed?" says Backroom.

"lololol yeah." they reply.

"OK, you stay cool anons." says Backroom

He hit the next button on the elevator.

"Who were those guys." says Tox.

"Just Anonymous back when they were just simple trolls on 4chan. Very immature compared to how they are now." says Backroom.

"Oh." he says as the elevator descends.

 

[Connor Lonske]

The elevator opens to crowded British train. A boy come in the car on the opposite side as the players get in on the other. This plays in the background but no one notices and isn't completely reinvent.


We walk past the care and run into the boy. "Get out of the way you tossers." says the boy.

"What you looking at, rocker kid." says Connor.

"Don't you compare me to those damn Rockers you swine." says the boy.

"What's a rocker?" says Alex.

"You looking for trouble kid." says Connor.

"Ell, maybe I am!" says the boy.

"OK, you asked for it ponce!" says Connor as he tries to throw a punch as the boy dodges.

"You think you can handle me, I've been in many a street fights!"

"I've killed gods." says Connor.

"You're a ponce and a lier!"

They continue to argue.

 

[Ren3004]

"Hey, guys!"

 

[Ren3004]

"Oh, I think I left my wallet there!"

 

[Ren3004]

"Oh, sweet, someone left 40 dollars here!"

 

[Connor Lonske]

"I could take all of your guys!" says the boy, "I'm mother fucking Dr. Jimmy with Mr. Gin!" and he hits Tox across the head with a bottle of Gin, KOing him. Connor pushes him against the door but he goes into the next car and runs "Come get me if you can Tossers!" Futox uses a wake up spell on Tox and he goes "Wha-What just happened."

"We are about to chase after the guy who hit you on the head with a bottle of Gin!"

This plays as we go after him.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Hey, that gun uses the same ammo as my pistols." says Backroom.

"Confident." says Tox as they keep running aross the train as it stops.

"[Perception 13]Damn, he is getting off the train!" says Backroom.

They get off the train but he is nowhere to be found.

"Where the fuck is he?" says Connor.

The train pull out and a boy with a broken gin bottle is running into the forest across the tracks.

"[Perception 8]He's out there!" yells Connor as he point to Jimmy before he goes into the forest. Before Tox can get him in his sights he makes it into the underground British wilderness.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Jimmy runs out of the forest at the train station. "Ha, lost those tossers."

---

"[Perception 20]He's back at the train station!" yells Backroom.

"How does this guy run so fast?" says Xot.

"Fuck it I know!" says Connor as they run back to the station.

---

"Wat ya mean the next train ain't coming for 30 minuets!" says Jimmy.

 

[Connor Lonske]

We all stop shooting.

"You *cough* tosers could shoot on Absinthe, let alone *cough cough* sober." says Jimmy as he is dieing.

"Man, do you ever give up?" says Connor.

"I'll *cough* give up when I'm fucking *cough* dead!"

Connor pulls Tox over and talks to him quitely, "Hey Tox, this guy could be useful." he says.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Jimmy spawns and falls on the ground. "Ugh, *cough* still dieing of bloody bullet wounds!"

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF, NEAR CANTERLOT![/HEADING]

Krastos and I continue to fall, time slowing down to a crawl.

Krastos: "So, this is how it all ends?"

RaN: "How can I hear you? And why are we falling so slowly?"

Krastos: "Talking is a free action."

RaN: "... Fair enough."

Krastos: "I was trapped in the same wormhole you were that fateful night at the Mall. I have been trapped on this dreadful planet for ages, plotting my revenge and waiting for the chance to strike. When I could not find you, I was forced to take more... drastic action."

RaN: "You murdered ponies just to get my attention? That's sad man."

Krastos: "Thank you."

Looking down, I watch the water's surface gets closer and closer.

Krastos: "Now I will face my end satisfied that you will die with me."

RaN: "Your flight plans just got skewered!"

I kick Krastos away and watch as a pole impales him through the chest. The last sensation I feel is the crushing pain of hitting the water's surface.

[HEADING=1]BACK ON EARTH![/HEADING]

I follow the road back to a familiar building.

RaN: "The Mall? I'm in fucking Canada, eh?!"


RaN: "At least it's not a desert."

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=1]At the sky fortress[/HEADING]

Connor and Backroom plus their personalities walk back to the sky fortress, "Hey guys, what did we miss?"

"I'm sure it was something stupid." says Jimmy.

"Hey, where's Tox?" says Backroom.

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=1]Back at the fortress[/HEADING]

"Lets get drunk!" says Connor.

"Oh boy, do they got Gin or anything?" says Jimmy.

"No, the sky fortress only has beers." says Backroom.

"Awwwwwwwww." says Connor and his personalities.

They go over to the beer stash and slowly get drunk. "Stupid low alcohol content drinks." says Ander as they drink.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Damn it I'm not getting drunk." says Connor.

"Me neither." says Jimmy.

"Nope, not feeling a thing." says Ander.

"How bout you guys?" says Backroom, who can't get drunk anyways.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN CANADA, EH?![/HEADING]

I call NaR on my communicator.

RaN: "Hey NaR, I made it back to the Mall. How's the ship doing?"

NaR: Fine. I can have it back in the air in less than an hour.

RaN: "Good. Have you got a reading on the Sky Fortress?"

NaR: Nah. Dark matter is distorting my tracking systems. Looks like everyone else is going to be on their own for awhile.

RaN: "... Alright, listen. I'm going to call Xandus and scrounge up some gear. I've got a feeling another fight's coming up soon."

NaR: I'll keep the meter running.

I step into the Mall.

[HEADING=1]SOMEWHERE ELSE IN SPACE... SOMEWHEN ELSE IN TIME...[/HEADING]

???: "Good... Good, my apprentice. You have made great progress with the lightsaber. Now tell me... What is peace?"

Sister: "Peace is a lie, there is only passion."

???:: "Through passion..."

Sister: "I gain strength."

???: "Through strength..."

Sister: "I gain power."

???: "Through power..."

Sister: "I gain victory."

The cloaked man chokes Sister with the Force. For a grueling twenty seconds, Sister physically struggles to breath.

???: "Through victory..."

Sister relaxes and allows herself to be choked. Meditating and channeling her anger, she unleashes a powerful Force Push that blasts the hooded figure, releasing his grip.

Sister: "My chains are broken. The Force shall free me."

Unphased, the cloaked man clasps Sister's hand and helps her back onto her feet.

???: "You are ready. Now the real training begins..."

[HEADING=1]ELSEWHERE![/HEADING]

Water fills in my lungs, pulling my body down deep into the river. My vision fades away.

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=1]Back at the Sky Fortress[/HEADING]

"Hey Jimmy, you play any internments?" says Connor.

"Guitar." he says.

"Wanna play some stuff from The Who with me, Backroom, Ander, and Alexander?" says Connor.

"What the ell, sure." says Jimmy.

"Future me, spawn us some interments!" says Ander.

"Cool." says Alexander as he spawns a bass for Connor, a electric Guitar for Jimmy, a very large drum kid for Backroom, and Ander a piano, and Alexander nothing, cause he's has a voice of a hawk.

A single set of drum stick clanks starts...

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN CANADA, EH?![/HEADING]

RaN: "So I just met up with Tox."

NaR: Really? What's going on with him?

RaN: "Nothing much. He just asked me about Xandus."

NaR: Anything else?

RaN: "He did say something about a Sixth Wall, but he left before saying any more."

NaR: Maybe now would be a good time to call Xandus.

RaN: "Alright. I'll do that."

I try to call Xandus on my communicator, but the signal bounces back.

RaN: "No reception."

NaR: Head back to the ship. I'll see if we can patch a signal to him.

I scrounge up a variety of weapons and equipment and roll them back to the ship in a shopping cart.

 

[RaNDM G]

Suddenly, the Ebon Hawk takes off and flies into space.

Tox: "Fuck."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE AT A KARAOKE BAR[/HEADING]

"What the fuck do you want!?", I scream at Robo-Waffles. Felix, the daemons, and I prepare ourselves.

"

I don't want much,

", it began, "

I just want a world where $0.50 can buy you a pulled pork sandwich; a world where you can see what's a long the path before you go down it; a world where negative emotions are nonexistent.

"

I back into a wall in silent shock because exactly what I wanted.

"

In short, a perfect world,

", it gave an automated sigh, "

But, perfect is an intangible idea and men who intangible things are fools.

"

Robo-Waffles looks into my eyes, "

Correct?

"

"SHUT UP!", I yell, I then blast it with an

EXTERMINATION

beam. Robo-Waffles almost effortlessly dodged, "

Have struck a nerve?

", it taunted.

Felix used THUNDERSHOCK. Robo-Waffles evaded, "

Come now, is that best you c-

"

Robo-Waffles was interrupted by a dog pile of daemons.

A small hum is heard, multiple daemons are flung to the walls, "

As I was saying, is that the best y-

"

I charge at Robo-Waffles, it grabs my Dalek arm tightly, "

You know, I don't like being interrupted...or we don't rather.

"

"You're nothing like me!", I yell, my Dalek arm starts to crack.

Robo-Waffles gave another automated sigh, "

Why must we be so stubborn?

"

"I told you!", I yell, "YOU'RE! NOTHING! LIKE! ME! The fact that you were made in my image doesn't give you the right to think you are me!"

"

I wasn't 'made in your image'. I was exactly like you, down to the birthmark on your left foot and your fear of store mannequins.

"

"Hey! It's justified! They're-"

"

Lifelike, its creepy, I know, I'm you, remember?

"

"YOU'RE! NOT! M-", I get thrown out of the Karaoke Bar, into my Food Fort, putting a large dent in it.

I hear faint sound before I fall unconscious, "

EX...-TE...-ATE

". Fuck my life.

[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE ON THE SKY FORTRESS[/HEADING]
Half of the Dalek militia appears all around the Sky Fortress. Searching for one man. Nay, one guy. One who's coolness far exceeds that of the opposite side of pillow. One who coolness who provided a more than comfortable home for multiple penguins. One who-You know what, fuck it. Connor, they are looking for Connor.