Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

[Saltarius]

"BETTER THAN DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A COCKSUCKIN' DOUCHEBAG TRILBY IS!"

 

[RaNDM G]

Wait, did- What- Uh- Shit... Shit, hold on.​

[HEADING=2][color]ROUND 1! FIGHT![/color][/HEADING]​

I load my flare gun and shoot at the Lorax.

The Lorax's fluffy orange fur catches fire, although you hardly notice. BURN: -1

Crawls out of vehicle pulls out gun, "Fucking Lorax..." and proceed to fire at it.

You miss in your disoriented state.

"Let 'em grow! Let 'em grow!"

A Truffula tree sprouts under and impales Clade through the chest. MASSIVE DAMAGE: -10!

Another Truffula sprouts under Trilby, the speed of the hollow tree cutting his firing hand. DAMAGE: -3

An adorable bar-ba-loot bear leaps from the tuft of the tree and assails Salt's face with its claws.

It kind of tickles.

LORAX: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

FIGHTERS: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-------------

 

[Knife-28]

Knife revs the Warthog and slams into the Lorax while I jump up and man the turret.

 

[RaNDM G]

Knife revs the Warthog and slams into the Lorax while I jump up and man the turret.

MASSIVE DAMAGE: -28; BURN: -1

You successfully slam into the irritating ball of fur. The Warthog's massive tires make roadkill of the tree hugger.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

I crawl out of the MallMobile.
"Well, shit. We're down a vehicle and we're still bloody lost."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Did you assholes really just murder the Lorax? Also hey Salt I missed you."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"It attacked us first."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Dude, it's the fucking Lorax, you just gotta promise you'll plant some fuckin' seeds and he'll literally lift his own ass into space."

 

[Captain Anon]

I yank the Machine Gun out of the gunner seat and start firing at the Lorax "fuck off Lorax, you damn Hippy Midget"

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Well, I didn't know that."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Didn't you read the fucking Lorax? God your parents were terrible!"

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"No. I don't think I've read any Dr Seuss."

 

[Paddy the Second]

"Holy fuck we gotta get back to the mall right now so you can read Green Eggs and Ham."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"Or, y'know, we could not do that."

 

[Captain Anon]

"Dude even I read Dr. Seuss as a kid and I agree with Paddy we need to get Trilby back to the Mall, Now"

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"I'd like to point out our means of transport got flipped by the Lorax, and I don't think we'll all fit in Knife's Warthog. So, if you want, you guys go back to the Mall, and I'll fix the MallMobile because I do not want another fucking write-off."

 

[Saltarius]

"No, Paddy, I will not sex you. And hey, I'm the most environmentally-conscious Fighter!"

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"What do you actually do that's environmentally conscious?"

 

[MinimanZombie]

I phone Trilby.
"Well, Salt didn't burn down a swamp that one time."

 

[ShindoL Shill]

"One, that was an accident and two, I only fired that flare because you and Salt got lost. Anyway, not burning down a swamp isn't environmentally conscious, unless Salt has massive pyromaniacal urges around plant life that require great amounts of self control."