Marriage without sex?

[TyrunnAlberyn]

You are free to masturbate (I guess she can't, in the case that inspired this discussion,

What case? I feel like there's some really weird undercurrent going on in this thread, and I would really like to know what "case" inspired this thread.

PM me if it's something you don't want to talk about in the thread. I've known some people with physical issues, so I might have further insights.

Well, I do admire your offer very much, and I am grateful, but for now, let's just say that she had a "physical issue", as you call it, and that it made normal sex physically impossible. Not difficult, not painful, not unlikely, just plain impossible. She might have been able to enjoy receiving oral sex, in a way, but I am not even sure about that.

Other than that problem (and the health problems and psychological scars involved) she was simply as perfect as a girl could possibly be, especially for me. As I said, beautiful, talented, intelligent, kind, and very loving. We even shared many interests.
It's not like there wasn't any sexual passion. There was, on both sides, and we could kiss, hug, fondle, and rub against each other as much as we wanted, it's just sex that was impossible.

Marriage was not really an issue, of course, I am not even 18, it was just a question of whether or not to stay with her. Now is a bit too late to change my choice back then, but it just got me thinking enough to open the discussion here. My case is mostly irrelevant, it's the philosophical question I am interested at.

Well, it seems I have been -exactly- where you have.

The reason the girl I was dating at the time was unable to have sex had to do with severe sexual trauma from her past (and in her case, because of the psychological repercussions this included the fact that having her give me a blowjob would be nothing else than cruel and hateful). Back then, I was young, fairly inexperienced myself (so to some extent there was the "you don't really know what you're missing"-factor) and dramatically romantic, so I chose to stay with her no matter what.

It didn't last. I became increasingly more frustrated, while she became ever more self-centered and demanding in every way. My biggest regret in the entire ordeal to me was not breaking the relationship off sooner and salvaging the good friendship that had originally been at the root of it all.

 

[alexhaslam]

hmmm im not sure till i am in that situation.
but sex doesnt just invlove penatration. it is the love and sensual caring of your lover.
also there are otherways to cause orgasm if you work at it. for example finding places on their body that repsond well to physical contact and then enhanc the feeling in those areas.

people asume sex is in out in out when NO! you dont want just sex if you marry them you want lovemaking.

and marrige is about being with each other and become near one person and sharing life with each other.

coming from a virgin

 

[Myskomunken]

I've never seen the point of marriage from the start. It's like leveling up, but instead of bonuses you lose half your stuff when you piss the other part off. And if the other part pisses you off we (men) don't get shit.

 

[Simriel]

Given that my perfect woman would need to be deeply sexual in nature... then... Well the answer more or less speaks for itself huh?

 

[Simriel]

I want to make a bad joke that marriage is sexless anyways, but its overdone.

I could do it. Instead of sex, Id rather we game together, or play DnD together, or listen to music together, or watch bad movies together, or cuddle together, or play MTG together..or against eachother I guess.

Don't be forgetting Two headed Giant.

 

[Nieroshai]

Yes, I would. I see no problem here. If I love someone enough, there's always masturbation, but no way would I give up that person.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

Honestly I wouldn't get married regardless. Marriage is just the most stupid idea in the world.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

I'm married and we went for just over a year without doing it simply because we lead busy lives, have three kids that need looking after and we were simply too tired at the end of the day. Didn't mean I loved or desired her any less. In fact we were stronger than ever because we knew that the relationship could survive having an absense of sex, which society portrays as the be all and end all.
Love and marriage are multi-faceted and sex is but one facet. Sure sex is a great thing to have in a marriage but you'd be a fool or incredibly short-sighted to let an absense of sex stop you from enjoying life with a loving, supporting partner. When you're in a relationship and clock over into your 30's you realise just how small scale sex is in perspective to everything else you can cram into your life.

This is understandable, but different than "you can never have sex again for the rest of your life", the OPs premise.

The answer is still yes.

 

[Cyberius]

Forgive me if this has already been brought up, but I don't think you can technically be lovers unless you have sex as well.

 

[Ace of Spades]

This'd be perfect for me. I'd gladly sacrifice the sexual component of a relationship for a strong physical and emotional connection.

 

[rofl jet]

Technically speaking you must consummate the marriage before it is "official".

Ignore the word "marriage", than. What your lover wants is for you to live together for the rest of your life and for you to never sleep with anybody else.
Does that make it more clear?

Anybody else?

 

[Pimppeter2]

At this point, I'm fairly certain my girlfriend and I will never have sex in my lifetime. We've been alone and intimate an innumerable number of times, and nothing has happened. Not to say she doesn't want to, but she just can't most of the times because of things I won't go into. We do other things, so it really isn't all the bad and doesn't bother me. What does bother me is lately I can't do those other things to her either, which makes me feel awful. But yeah, we do plan to take it to that level (the m word), and we do plan to take it to that level of intimacy as well, even though it'll take a while. But I'm really okay with that. Most of the time we're together we spend talking, cuddling, and kissing so much that we run out of time to do anything sexual either way. So I don't think it would be all that different with sex-sex.

I'm happy, and satisfied with what we have now. Sex will come as a pleasant surprise. And I'd like to advance that in the future, but we have time, so I don't sweat it.

 

[JaceArveduin]

btw, if you think about it, marriage is just a legal form of male rape, for the most part.

 

[RicoGrey]

Absolutely would not marry them. No one would, aside from asexuals and some homosexuals. Why homosexuals? Cause most homosexuals only engage in oral sex anyway, so it wouldnt be that much of a change for those types. Anyone that says they would, will change their mind later, as guys need it more the longer they go without, and women will eventually want children more.

 

[holy_secret]

I am with someone who has close to no sex drive at all. I do manage to make him horny like crazy (and as he says, he reacts biologically to it, since it's mechanical and all) when we start fooling around.

I don't know how I will manage this in the future. We've only known each other for a month, but I am already crazy about him. But my libido is not to be taken lightly. A normal day would include at least five instances of some form of sexual encounter.

Wtf am I supposed to do?

 

[Hagi]

I'm a bit confused by the whole set-up.

Choice 1 seems to be forever happy and together but no sex.

But what exactly is choice 2? Risk of losing that partner? Not a certainty? How big a risk? Something that could be solved?

 

[smurf_you]

No, I would never ever marry someone without the ability to have sex with them. I wouldn't date someone if I couldn't have some sort of sexual relations with them.

Also, for the record...

Been married 7 years - and my spouse rocked my world last night. ^^

So for me, marriage = multiple orgasms. If no orgasms are involved, then it's not a marriage I would ever want to be in.

Pretty much this.... minus the being married part, I'm not quite there yet, but other than that..... I have a very very high sex drive, so for me to never be able to have sex with anyone but myself...... no... just no