Marriage without sex?
- Thread starter Oneirius
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I'm married and we went for just over a year without doing it simply because we lead busy lives, have three kids that need looking after and we were simply too tired at the end of the day. Didn't mean I loved or desired her any less. In fact we were stronger than ever because we knew that the relationship could survive having an absense of sex, which society portrays as the be all and end all.
Love and marriage are multi-faceted and sex is but one facet. Sure sex is a great thing to have in a marriage but you'd be a fool or incredibly short-sighted to let an absense of sex stop you from enjoying life with a loving, supporting partner. When you're in a relationship and clock over into your 30's you realise just how small scale sex is in perspective to everything else you can cram into your life.
Love and marriage are multi-faceted and sex is but one facet. Sure sex is a great thing to have in a marriage but you'd be a fool or incredibly short-sighted to let an absense of sex stop you from enjoying life with a loving, supporting partner. When you're in a relationship and clock over into your 30's you realise just how small scale sex is in perspective to everything else you can cram into your life.
Hold on a second there. Who says a one-sided sexual relationship has to be degrading? I have needs. She'd understand that, especially if she's my "perfect soul-mate." If she's up for it, I don't see the problem. Besides, I'd find other ways to reciprocate.Oneirius said:
Plus there are certainly circumstances were giving is just as enjoyable as receiving. You act like she would get nothing out of that relationship, which is far from the truth, especially considering the kind of woman that would be "perfect" for me.
Well, I do admire your offer very much, and I am grateful, but for now, let's just say that she had a "physical issue", as you call it, and that it made normal sex physically impossible. Not difficult, not painful, not unlikely, just plain impossible. She might have been able to enjoy receiving oral sex, in a way, but I am not even sure about that.Bara_no_Hime said:
Other than that problem (and the health problems and psychological scars involved) she was simply as perfect as a girl could possibly be, especially for me. As I said, beautiful, talented, intelligent, kind, and very loving. We even shared many interests.
It's not like there wasn't any sexual passion. There was, on both sides, and we could kiss, hug, fondle, and rub against each other as much as we wanted, it's just sex that was impossible.
Marriage was not really an issue, of course, I am not even 18, it was just a question of whether or not to stay with her. Now is a bit too late to change my choice back then, but it just got me thinking enough to open the discussion here. My case is mostly irrelevant, it's the philosophical question I am interested at.
well put it this way... Marriage is no different from being engaged, living together or even just being boyfriend and girlfriend. I should know.
Marriage is where you walk down the aisle, say some vows, get "blessed" and sign a piece of paper. Its costly, and technically a waste of time when you think about it. My friend is married in term of partnership. They are classed by the government as being married and yet not actually married in the correct way.
Cival partnership is not quite marriage because in the "eyes of god" two of the same sex cannot be married, so surely if this was a gay relationship, they'd be able to continue their sexual intimacy.
Me and my parter are happy the way we are. We might not yet be legally married but we live, sleep and breathe as if we were. To us, next year when the bells finally chime, it will be no different. The only thing will be that it wont be easy to get out of, cost a lot, and mean we get treated seriously by others. Sex and our lifestly will NOT be effected.
Summary: Yes i'd willingly explain all the above to my partner, and I KNOW he'd accept it and be content. Marriage can ruin a partnership just as much as turning down the proposal, all depends on the couple... My partner loves me regardless of if we are married. All he wants is to have the term "husband" applied to him (even though he'll only be 21)
Marriage is where you walk down the aisle, say some vows, get "blessed" and sign a piece of paper. Its costly, and technically a waste of time when you think about it. My friend is married in term of partnership. They are classed by the government as being married and yet not actually married in the correct way.
Cival partnership is not quite marriage because in the "eyes of god" two of the same sex cannot be married, so surely if this was a gay relationship, they'd be able to continue their sexual intimacy.
Me and my parter are happy the way we are. We might not yet be legally married but we live, sleep and breathe as if we were. To us, next year when the bells finally chime, it will be no different. The only thing will be that it wont be easy to get out of, cost a lot, and mean we get treated seriously by others. Sex and our lifestly will NOT be effected.
Summary: Yes i'd willingly explain all the above to my partner, and I KNOW he'd accept it and be content. Marriage can ruin a partnership just as much as turning down the proposal, all depends on the couple... My partner loves me regardless of if we are married. All he wants is to have the term "husband" applied to him (even though he'll only be 21)
Pardon my ignorance as to what that means exactly. Are you implying you and you partner would just engage in mutual masturbation or something I can't quite think of?Erana said:
For me I couldn't imagine a marriage without sex, it's the epitome of bonding between two individuals if you ask me.
The prefix a- suggests here that nothing remotly sexual will happen at all.Neither together nor alone. The nonexistent of sexual drive.warprincenataku said:
Which brings me to the point where i answer the question: No, i hardly can imagine to marry, but under this circumstances? Never. well maybe if i was allowed to "go out for dinner".
Copy that, same thought with me.Erana said:
If she/he/it can give me companionship, care and "love" and things to talk about, that is enough for me. I don't need to have sex in my life. I am not some mindless animal who is bound to the will of it's flesh.
Even better it is if she/he/it doesn't want to have sex either. Then we would fit together like matter and energy... (Atheismo! I feel nerdy now...)
(recaptcha: Heretic* Jelly (*I assume the last letter was C because it resembles C more than 6))
I would probably hate life. If your older I guess it ain't as bad, but i'm 18... so for me it would be like suicide.Oneirius said:
if she wants to be with you forever, force marriage on you, but doesn't want you to do anything with anyone else, it seems a little selfish of them... and if they're selfish, they're not perfect, so the problem seems to break itself
beyond that... meh? i couldn't stand getting that meaningfully close to someone anyway
beyond that... meh? i couldn't stand getting that meaningfully close to someone anyway
One of the main points of marriage is sex, symbolising two people becoming one physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.
Still, if i was in this situation, i'd marry them anyway because emotional and spiritual fulfilment is far better than any amount of sexual fulfilment.
Still, if i was in this situation, i'd marry them anyway because emotional and spiritual fulfilment is far better than any amount of sexual fulfilment.
Reminds me of Chobits...
Anyway, Ive said it before and I'll say it again: Sex without love is as shallow and empty as love without sex.
Anyway, Ive said it before and I'll say it again: Sex without love is as shallow and empty as love without sex.
What he said.holy_secret said:
Also, to note, I wouldn't wait till marriage for sex, ever, and if sex wasn't an important aspect I could just be friends with them.
Wow. I'm sorry. That's awful. For both of you.Oneirius said:
It does make the original question a little different, though. For several reasons, really.
First of all, what you're really asking is if one could become romantically involved with a person physically incapable of sex, not just marriage. Your OP implies that there was a time when sex was possible for the hypothetical couple, but from the sounds of it that was never the case for you.
Secondly, your use of the word "perfect" in the OP is throwing people off. It sounds like a fantasy hypothetical. Real people can't be perfect (they can be wonderful, but perfection is impossible - and thank the gods for that because perfect is boring). All the people on the thread saying that "if she couldn't have sex she wouldn't be perfect" are being too literal because of that descriptor. I know it's romantic to think of someone as your perfect partner, but all they can be is really, really compatible and a wonderful, interesting person. Which is still pretty damn awesome.
Also, the being physically incapable part is kind of important, particularly since it predates the relationship. If the damage is bad enough that it makes oral and masturbation difficult/impossible for her to enjoy, then that negates a lot of people's responses.
I think you'd have gotten a better response if you had been more specific and let people know that this was something that really happened, and not a hypothetical. That way people can respond to the specific facts of the situation rather than imagined ones (like I, for instance, made my choice imagining a guy who couldn't/wouldn't have sex with me).
You might want to consider adding some of this info to your OP as an edit. At least that way future posters would have the necessary information to answer in an informed fashion.
And, once again, I am very sorry. I'm guessing from the past tense nature of your comment, and the regret that seems almost palpable between the words, that you chose (like many of us would have) to end the relationship? I know that must have been terrible for both of you. I hope it wasn't too traumatic or one sided, although I suppose if it happened when you were 18 or less then that's probably a futile hope on my part. In any case, I hope you take some comfort in knowing that most of the people who've posted to this thread would have done the same thing. It's a terrible situation - I couldn't imagine being in one that awful.
