Mass effect gets hi-res tex- wait...zomg Tali's face!

[Rangerboy87]

Ashley should be a lesbian option imo (very tomboyish), but she's just a monotone bore.

I commanded her to sacrifice herself and then lolled about it because fuck Ashley.

I agree...the one time I bothered to romance her...I almost did anyway

Miranda actually has an interesting arc, but it's hard to grow fond of her.

Ms. Teidrich, if you would?

Spoiler: CLICKETY.

Like I said, hard to grow fond of...but still her arc reminds me of life and the struggle of mortality. At some point, a person realizes their time is much shorter than they think (like Thane). Her struggle is with perfection. She was designed to be perfect, but on this journey, she starts to realize her own imperfections and has to live with that. It is a turning point in her life. Yes, I know it's hard to sympathize, but she realizes she is not really superior and has to accept that.

As I have mentioned before, I don't really care about seeing her. It's just gonna piss people off when she don't look the way they imagine. Just leave it that way. Does the mystery add to her intrigue? Sure, but her personality and (for me) her handiness make her one of my favorites.

I bet Tali has Predator mouth.

Like six toothed flanges and a lot of webbing.

In ME3, she'll take off her mask and then she'll eat a baby. She won't even chew it. She will just suck down that entire baby.

And then I will laugh.

In all honesty, I would laugh hysterically if that happens.

 

[xvbones]

Also in the very literal "she is such atrociously damaged goods that dating her would be a full-time job with infinite unpaid overtime" sense.

Yes, I do agree, romancing her (we'll call it 'romance' for the sake of argument) is the most intricate and involved and in fact is closest to an actual relationship of any 'relationship' in the game, but still, she is damaged like a broken fucking egg.

There are some women you must not attempt to fix, lest they one day snap and detonate your head.

Pfft. I know this will make me sound astronomically douchey, but my Shepard likes a challenge.

Okay, maybe not. But let's just call it a warm-up run to tackling the Reapers, or possibly vice-versa, who knows.

I'm going to repeat this: this woman is angry all day. She is used to being angry. Her knee-jerk reaction to any given event is anger.

That sort of thing does not go away with one night of really solid cuddles. Even long after she has recovered from her lifetime of abuse and neglect, she will still jump to anger, because that is how her psyche has been conditioned.

She also has the ability to detonate your head.

Detonate. Your. Head.

Mix the former with the latter and what you have is most likely a very unhealthy relationship.

*Gets the free DLC shotgun which is surprisingly effective at longer ranges*

Problem?

why yes, now that you mention it i do have a bit of a probFUCK SHOTGUNS

What? Just because she looks like Natalie Portman in that bit from V For Vendetta where she gets her head shaved.

NO BALDIES

ELL OH ELL

Asari (such as Samara) are completely hairless.

NO BALDIES

ELL OH ELL

... ... ... ...

...damn it you've got a po-

FUCK IT FUCK ASARI I AM WITH TEAM KELLY NOW

FOR

EV

VER

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Using a dolphin is a bad example. Since dolphins are mammals, the gender of the dolphin would matter. Go lizard or seahorse next time.

Actually, I went with the dolphin because they're mammals. As you point out in the snipped section, ME aliens are very human like - very mammal like. A dolphin would have all the parts (penis and vagina) that make up a normal earth creature. My point was, that's STILL less weird than... it's a fricken dolphin.

I can see both sides of the arguement, and I wouldn't care much either way. But I hope they don't do an Anders (who was very much hetero in awakening) and have Garrus go "oh I've been gay this whole time and just never mentioned anything about it before!". That would piss me off. :\

Assuming that any of these races actually have concept of homosexuality vs heterosexuality.

I mean, we didn't until fairly recently. In fact, the only reason humans DO have such a concept is because the Judeo-Christian churches said that two guys having sex is bad (because it spreads disease - the same reason the same prophet said not to eat Pork).

Turians and Quarians are both very military races. In a true military society, family units are important for reproduction, but military units can't be bothered. When you're in a military squad, in the field, you get your rocks off with your squad members irregardless of the genders involved. For earth examples, see Sparta.

So it is actually very likely that Turians and Quarians don't concern themselves with silly things like the sex of a sexual partner. I mean, Quarians don't typically take off their suits for sex until after they're married. Before that, it's pretty much mutual masturbation via suit links. Why would gender even matter to a Quarian (outside of marriage, anyway)?

 

[MercurySteam]

I do not want to fuck my little sister.

Well, you may not want to... but the internet? The internet would.

I must destroy the internet.

This is pure gold. Even made a poster out of it:

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Also in the very literal "she is such atrociously damaged goods that dating her would be a full-time job with infinite unpaid overtime" sense.

Yes, I do agree, romancing her (we'll call it 'romance' for the sake of argument) is the most intricate and involved and in fact is closest to an actual relationship of any 'relationship' in the game, but still, she is damaged like a broken fucking egg.

There are some women you must not attempt to fix, lest they one day snap and detonate your head.

Pfft. I know this will make me sound astronomically douchey, but my Shepard likes a challenge.

Okay, maybe not. But let's just call it a warm-up run to tackling the Reapers, or possibly vice-versa, who knows.

I'm going to repeat this: this woman is angry all day. She is used to being angry. Her knee-jerk reaction to any given event is anger.

She also has the ability to detonate your head.

Detonate. Your. Head.

Mix the former with the latter and what you have is most likely a very unhealthy relationship.

Pfft. Pfffft, I say!

Are you really so much safer with the terrorist, the assassin, or the vigilante? I mean, that only leaves you with Jacob and Tali as safe options. Nobody ever picks Jacob, and I'm not sure Tali's all that safe either given that she apparently eats babies. Okay, so maybe the rest of the crew generally has a better disposition than Jack; she's just not a morning person, I swear!

NO BALDIES

ELL OH ELL

Asari (such as Samara) are completely hairless.

NO BALDIES

ELL OH ELL

... ... ... ...

...damn it you've got a po-

FUCK IT FUCK ASARI I AM WITH TEAM KELLY NOW

FOR

EV

VER

Seriously. Turians have no hair. Asari have no hair. Krogan have no hair. Drell have no hair. Salarians have no hair. If Quarians have any hair then they must shave it for practical purposes.

I think this might be one of the founding sentiments of Cerberus. They just really hate bald people.

 

[Artemicion]

I'll just leave this here. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1AHAieJmLM]

There's always been a number of Texmods for ME2 floating around. The most worthwhile ones are those that change the texture size of Shepard's armor. You can find some really nice mods if you google hard enough.

As for the discussion of Tali's competence: her armor has kinetic barriers that can stand up in a fight, and her suit automatically injects antibiotics and future-vacuum sealant stuff, so she can hold her own well enough. As far as romance goes, I've always been sweet on Miranda, and usually sweeter on Kelly. Tali has two fingers and a thumb on each hand. And that's weird.

 

[xvbones]

want to know what Tali looks like under that cowl? well look no further i have the answer!!!

also i really hope that picture link works, first time trying to post a picture.

Edit: It took five edits to make it work but it works!

I think the predator face would actually have been preferable.

Jesus H, Tali, what the hell is up with your face

 

[xvbones]

Pfft. Pfffft, I say!

Are you really so much safer with the terrorist, the assassin, or the vigilante? I mean, that only leaves you with Jacob and Tali as safe options. Nobody ever picks Jacob, and I'm not sure Tali's all that safe either given that she apparently eats babies. Okay, so maybe the rest of the crew generally has a better disposition than Jack; she's just not a morning person, I swear!

Kelly. You are safer with Kelly.

Her.

The sweet, stoic, professional, caring, nurturing one who sees positive in any given situation and epitomizes more than anything else what you are fighting to save.

The one that offers to feed your goddamned fish because you are clearly far too busy saving the universe to pay attention to such things.

The one that clearly worships you as a hero and yet is still chill enough to be cool about it, never being a fraction as up front about it as any of the other chicks on the ship, but if you're willing to really work at it, she will give you dancing sexytimes.

Spoiler: image

You are safe with her.

Fuck bacon, you could marry her.

Also she's a redhead.

TEAM KELLY

Seriously. Turians have no hair. Asari have no hair. Krogan have no hair. Drell have no hair. Salarians have no hair. If Quarians have any hair then they must shave it for practical purposes.

I think this might be one of the founding sentiments of Cerberus. They just really hate bald people.

Spoiler: image

 

[Monkeyman O'Brien]

Meh, the whole quarian race can go fuck itself with a HIV infected syringe after the abominable fan wank that was the stupid ME2 Tali love scene.
Your races immune system is so weak that shit in unfiltered air will kill you but you just take a few mega vitamins and you can suck Shepards wang? The entire concept was fucking stupid and invalidated their whole story line.
Just take some of these vitamins and immuno supplements and pick a damn planet to live on ya whiney little whores.
[/rant]

Anyway, where the link to the mod?

 

[Popeman]

Meh, the whole quarian race can go fuck itself with a HIV infected syringe after the abominable fan wank that was the stupid ME2 Tali love scene.

[/rant]

Well if they don't have an immune system I don't see how HIV would do much but ok.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Does this mean the meme can finally end?

Edit: Oh, wait. Thought it was an official Bioware mod. Nevermind then. Just me being silly.

Not really 'cause even if this was official you really can't see any more of her face then you could before.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Pfft. Pfffft, I say!

Are you really so much safer with the terrorist, the assassin, or the vigilante? I mean, that only leaves you with Jacob and Tali as safe options. Nobody ever picks Jacob, and I'm not sure Tali's all that safe either given that she apparently eats babies. Okay, so maybe the rest of the crew generally has a better disposition than Jack; she's just not a morning person, I swear!

*Kelly snip*

Yes, but damnit now we're back to square one! By choosing a character who's sane, normal and dependable we've missed out on the original point! The tearing-off-bulkheads-with-their-mind factor! And the comment about her being a redhead doesn't help when as far as I can tell I have the exact same hair as her.

Fine. I guess I'll settle for the poster child of boldly coming if I have to.

 

[Gatx]

Can I just say that I have never understood the massively overwhelming fanwank passionate love for Tali?

She is seriously just some girl with an accent whose face you never see. Is that it? Is it the mystery? Is it the knowledge that fucking her would kill her from all the various infections?

That she is so fragile she can die from breathing unfiltered air?

And don't give me 'yeah but she's also pretty tough', because no she isn't, she's a goddamned engineer, her skillset isn't even useful unless you're going against robots.

She should be kept on the ship where she's safe and not wading through lasers and bullets and thus making herself into a monumental liability what with her extraordinary fragility.

And while we're on it, why can't Femshep fuck Mordin Solus?

(because he's too fucking awesome, that's why)

/rant

Because she's the nerdy girl that the target demographic can relate to is my guess. Also in ME the main enemies for the entire game WERE robots, along with the occasional Krogan, so Tali had plenty of opportunities to apply her skills.

 

[vxicepickxv]

So it is actually very likely that Turians and Quarians don't concern themselves with silly things like the sex of a sexual partner. I mean, Quarians don't typically take off their suits for sex until after they're married. Before that, it's pretty much mutual masturbation via suit links. Why would gender even matter to a Quarian (outside of marriage, anyway)?

It's even weirder when they do claim a partner, because they don't immediately take the suits off either. They actually interconnect them to build up one another's immune systems, as the single greatest sign of trust.

-I don't remember where I heard about it in ME2. I lost track.

 

[CommanderL]

I do not want to fuck my little sister.

Well, you may not want to... but the internet? The internet would.

I must destroy the internet.

This is pure gold. Even made a poster out of it:

hahaha i love you guys so much my fav website i just hope they dont make garrus gay he

 

[Gerishnakov]

I think Bioware is taking a Dr Who line when it comes to the future sexual preferences of humanity and the galaxy in general I suppose.

Omnisexuality.

Sex, with everything.

 

[ImmortalDrifter]

Actually, I went with the dolphin because they're mammals. As you point out in the snipped section, ME aliens are very human like - very mammal like. A dolphin would have all the parts (penis and vagina) that make up a normal earth creature. My point was, that's STILL less weird than... it's a fricken dolphin.

That's quite debatable condsidering that dolphins are acutally from the same planet, have the same evolutionary history, and the same reproductive traits. Say you were forced at gun point to either have sex with a dolphin or a komodo dragon. Dolphin, yes?

Assuming that any of these races actually have concept of homosexuality vs heterosexuality.

I mean, we didn't until fairly recently. In fact, the only reason humans DO have such a concept is because the Judeo-Christian churches said that two guys having sex is bad (because it spreads disease - the same reason the same prophet said not to eat Pork).

Turians and Quarians are both very military races. In a true military society, family units are important for reproduction, but military units can't be bothered. When you're in a military squad, in the field, you get your rocks off with your squad members irregardless of the genders involved. For earth examples, see Sparta.

So it is actually very likely that Turians and Quarians don't concern themselves with silly things like the sex of a sexual partner. I mean, Quarians don't typically take off their suits for sex until after they're married. Before that, it's pretty much mutual masturbation via suit links. Why would gender even matter to a Quarian (outside of marriage, anyway)?

This is extremely petty, but first allow me to point out that irregardless is not a word. But I digress.

Don't take my argument as anti-gay sentiment; It's about character identity. If a character flips around and changes themselves with no context it angers me regardless of the aspect. If a character is originally against a war, and then suddenly enlists to fight in it for no other reason than to support it, it angers me just as much as matters of sexuality would.

Sexuality as we know it would very much still exist. If Christianity never existed I would start finding men attractive? Hetero and Homosexuality exist because men and women are different.

This isn't a matter of culture either, it's the individual. Tali shot down femshep on the basis of gender, stating "if only you were a boy". Regardless of her culture's views she is heterosexual. Garrus is more of a grey area than most, but the fact that manshep couldn't hit on him means that Bioware never intended him to be homo/bisexual. As stated before, if manshep can romance him, fine. Just don't retcon the fuck out of him to make it work.

 

[chaosyoshimage]

I thought everyone (Myself included) like Tali because she's a nerd. Tech fetish, duh...

 

[silasbufu]

Man, this enormous amount of love for Tali just seems ridiculous to me.

Alas, each have their own tastes.

 

[T-004]

Hmmm, I nailed Tali in my first ME2 playthrough and she didn't die.

She did however have the sniffles and felt a bit rough afterward (There was a little cutscene to explain this)

Surprised no one else appears to have got into her survival suit