Mass Effect, or:
How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Trade It In
A comprehensive and hate-filled review of this year's most anticipated video game RPG
Mass Effect. Talk about hyped, this game should be awesome. And it SHOULD BE AWESOME, because it's a massive space-faring free-form adventure set in a brand new and lovingly-crafted universe, with first-person real-time combat, made by BioWare who have pretty much never made a bad RPG ever in history. How's THAT for a design brief?
In the interests of appearing to be fair, and I really am, let's start with the good points.
- It looks great when all the textures have loaded and it's not juddering like fuck
- The voice-acting is generally superb
- The script is probably well-written
- It has a good go at making you feel free to do as you please
- The universe BioWare created seems pretty deep and 'believable'
Now let's go with a brief summing-up of the bad points.
- It takes five minutes for all the textures to load and it's always juddering like fuck
- The AI is not up to the standard of the voice-acting
- I only got about 5 hours into the script before I gave up with the game (see below)
- You're not actually free at all, and if you believe you are, you're a fucking moron
- The universe BioWare so nicely crafted is contained within an inconsistent train-wreck of a game
- The save system is fucking broken
You can read any number of the reviews on the internet and find out about the graphical and AI problems, so I'll skip over them and let you find out about them elsewhere. Suffice to say, they are as bad as the reviews make them out to be, in particular the AI.
Now, let's explore a few of those bad points in greater depth.
Firstly, that feeling of freedom. Yes, it's a feeling, and nothing more. The galaxy map (when you finally get control of your ship) has some wondrous music playing on it and it makes you feel awesome, until you realise that most of the planets only have a generic description, some you can press A to scan for a generic pop-up message about precious metals, and a few you can land on to drive about on a generic, flat, uninspiring auto-generated terrain with some half-hearted and cack-handedly implemented 'mission' tacked onto it to give you a sense of purpose there, and to prolong the game.
The game plays like that previous sentence, in fact. It's way too long, easy to get lost in, and full of shitty filler. You could get to the point and have a good time by just following the big main words and missing out the rest, but for the sake of getting your money's worth, you won't.
At this point you're probably shouting "What?! Have you never played a BioWare RPG before? Side-quests are awesome!". Yes, they are awesome, when they're well-crafted and inspiring. The majority of these ones, however, are utterly uninspiring, all feel the same, and only exist to boost the number of medals you've collected (or something). This is represented as a number on the menu. Feel the wow factor and the sense of achievement, right there.
Look at Neverwinter Nights (and/or NWN2), Baldur's Gate, or anything else they've ever made. Even KOTOR. There's loads of tangible loot to collect, there's something to aim for, the side-quests all link into the main storyline somehow, even if it's just recurring characters. None of that really applies here, even down to the loot, which feels really limited and lacks any sense of actually being worth collecting.
In short, the side-quests all suck and the sense of freedom is put-on and false. If you believe it, you are easily fooled. Kill yourself.
Moving on, the save system. It couldn't be more broken if it tried. The game autosaves at seemingly random and entirely inappropriate times. It saves, for example, upon entering some new areas, but not others. It rarely saves before any kind of quest-related incident, and this involves INSTANT-DEATH SCENARIOS.
If there are two things I hate in games more than anything else, it's instant-death scenarios, and time limits. More on time limits in a minute, but there is one particular quest that highlights the former problem very easily. There may be more later in the game, but I gave up before then, so I can't say for certain. But it wouldn't surprise me.
Anyway, (SPOILER ALERT) you trace a fraudulent transaction through a series of nodes in a perfectly safe city and arrive in the back room of a store. The last time the game deemed it fit to save was an hour ago, for no apparent reason. You approach an odd mainframe on the wall and interact with it. It's a super-computer with an AI installed, and it wants to kill you. The only way out of the conversation results in a time-limited button-pressing trial-and-error mini-game, of which failure to complete results in instant-death and a reload from the last save point. That last save point was an hour ago. The game threw an inescapable instant-death trial-and-error game at me, with no prior warning, and didn't see fit to save the game before it started.
I lost an hour's worth of progress. I was PISSED.
Onto time limits, I hate them. They're a lazy half-hearted way to increase the difficulty of a game. They're supposed to introduce tension, but they actually introduce frustration and panic. In the real world, if you have to find 5 bombs in an unfamiliar location, you can look around and take everything in using your excellent vision and then make snap decisions as to where to go to find them. In a game, you have a limited field of view which takes relatively ages to pan around, displayed on a low-resolution (compared to your eyes) TV set, and they expect you to do the same task. It is not the same, you are completely alienated, and you don't know where to start. So instead of making a calculated decision, you panic, which makes it worse. And I don't mean good panic, I mean bad panic.
Mass Effect introduced the first time-limited bomb-finding section within about an hour and a half. I was not impressed, thinking that this hinted at a lazy design ethic. I guess I should have heeded that warning.
How so, though? I mean, BioWare are so experienced, they piss crude oil and shit gold nuggets. Nothing they do can suck. Right?
Wrong.
Mass Effect is the worst-designed and, more importantly, least consistent game I have played in AGES. I mean, fuck, STALKER: Shadow Of Chernobyl was inconsistent and a bit broken, but the overall design was better than Mass Effect could ever be, and it was made by a first-time development team based in Ukraine, not a top-of-their-game uber-studio like BioWare with a full Western budget behind them.
Two particular design problems came to light in my recent playing, aside from the time limits and other previous rants.
Firstly, the difficulty levels, in particular relating to boss battles. For example, I've been fighting piss-easy bad guys for the last hour, I land on a planet and answer a distress signal. I drive across the barren, featureless and uninspiring terrain taken from the 1998 E3 demo of Halo (which you all remember, right?). I'm not even kidding here. Anyway, I'm driving and driving and driving and a giant worm appears. I use the cannon on it. It doesn't lose much health, but it loses some, so ok, fair enough. It disappears underground and reappears somewhere else, I use the cannon again. Wash and repeat.
Then out of nowhere, the fucking thing bursts out of the ground directly underneath me, even if I am moving. This flips my vehicle right over, attacking my weak spot for massive damage (in before giant enemy crab) and leaving me completely unable to attack it back because:
1 - my vehicle is tits-up
2 - the camera has gone batshit-crazy and I can't see anyway
By the time I know what's going on, I'm basically dead.
Now come on. Unfair boss battles? I thought we got out of that back in 1995? This is 2007. I don't expect a boss battle to frustrate and annoy due to some ****** designer giving the enemy I'm fighting the ability to strike a critical, crippling, game-ending blow to me (which results in a game-over and a reload, for the record) with no prior warning or way to avoid it.
I'm sure said designer thought it would add tension and danger, much like the time-limited bomb-finding sections, but instead they annoy and cause me to break controllers. Added to the fact that this is on a SIDE-MISSION...what the fuck? No, I don't have to play it, but I'd like the 'reward' at the end (hah) and just because it's a non-essential mission shouldn't mean it's crippled with terrible and unfair design to the point at which it's virtually unplayable.
This doesn't bring me neatly onto the second issue in any way, but I'm moving on anyway.
Environmental design. No, I don't want linear levels. I played Oblivion and Morrowind, I loved them, and they set a standard of open worlds that every other RPG (or any game, almost) should aspire to. BioWare games have always been pretty linear, but this claims to be free-form, so let's see it. And you know what? They have. The levels are free-form (I'm not talking about the overall game design here, but the individual levels).
But there's a problem here. Playing Oblivion and Morrowind, you never felt lost. You felt like you were in a big open world with lots of options, but you also knew exactly where you were straight away, and you knew exactly where you needed to go, and where that was in relation to where you were at that moment in time. Playing Mass Effect raises either two reactions"
- "I'm on this huge planet and there's nothing here at all so I'll drive directly towards that compass point until I hit the objective."
- "I'm in a huge city. Where the fuck am I? Where the fuck am I supposed to go? What the fuck does the map represent? Someone please help me."
There's no consistency. The same schizophrenia that applies to the difficulty level also applies here. One moments you're on a bland level with no points of interest at all, and the next you're lost in a concrete jungle of generic buildings filled with genetic characters, scattered across a confusing layout and displayed on an utterly useless map.
Just give me a few points. The levels don't need to be linear - look at the aforementioned Bethesda games. But for Christ's sake, let me know where I'm going, and how to get there. Even the general direction to head in would be fine, thanks. Just something, ANYTHING, to stop me running around in circles.
The above problem is made worse by the inclusion of inoperable sliding doors which look exactly the same as the ones that actually open, leading to a huge sense of confusion and a loss of your bearings as you run around bashing into every door around and hammering A to see if it opens or not.
Clearly this review/slating is enormous and probably not entirely fair. However, it's what I personally think of the game, it's what I've found, and I have no desire to slate the game any more than it deserves.
At points, the game is awesome. I mean absolutely awesome. When the textures have loaded and it all looks beautiful, and you're using the admittedly well-made (mostly) over-the-shoulder shooting system, the game feels great. But then it throws something so shitty at you, something so badly thought out, that you can't help but either sigh, break something, or turn it off. Or all of the above.
The game just annoys me so, so fucking much. I want to love it, I really do, but it's so riddled with amateurish design decisions that I wouldn't expect from any game, and especially not a BioWare RPG epic. It's genuinely frustrating to a point I've not reached for some time now.
The solution? I'm going into the store tomorrow, with the express intention of trading it in for credit I can cash against something else. This 'something else' will most likely be Call Of Duty 4.
When I was weighing up COD4 vs Mass Effect, I made a deliberate move towards Mass Effect because it would last me a long time and I'd still be playing it months down the line. However, if it's a choice between an 8 hour chunk of solid, polished entertainment or 35 hours of badly-designed cack, I'll take the 8 hour movie any time.
Call Of Duty 4 won't last me into next year, but it'll be fun, and that's what gaming is all about in my mind.
Oh, then I'm going to buy Psychonauts off XBL Marketplace and play a beautiful and well-constructed adventure game that no-one bought on its original release because it wasn't branded with the Star Wars/Disney/King Kong logo.