Me vs. my Dad

[nuba km]

K straight to the point, my Dad is christian, very christian. Note my parents are divorced. over the last 8 years he has, i guess you could say, forced it upon me a bit. and for the last number of years i would say i was christian.
Well now im an athiest. He does not know this, and he probably would be quite disappointed. several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

So I ask you, Escapist forum people: how should i proceed?

note if you need any more details just ask.

tell him and if he ask you why you are an atheist ask him why he is a Christian after that if a argument happens just do try and keep it civil there will be tension in the air for a while and after a while he will just accept it also please tell how it turns out. also welcome to free thinking people will accuse you of being ignorant a sinner and stupid for knowing facts rather then believing a indivisible man in the sky who loves use but has to punish us for what two humans did several thousand years ago.

 

[Lukeje]

If you can't discuss the topic without it degenerating into a shouting match then I don't think either of you are in a position to attempt to defend your respective choices.

 

[SimuLord]

My dad was a devout Catholic. Probably for the better that he died when I was nine, so I can idolize him and look at (and dedicate my life to trying to live up to) all his good qualities while never having to confront him with my own pagan religious beliefs. It's a win-win really.

 

[coldshadow]

If he is "very christian" as you say, then I think it would be best to avoid it as he might not accept it very well and might even try to kick you out of the house.

 

[Danzaivar]

Tell him you're either going to be an Atheist or a fundamentalist Muslim.

By presenting a worse option, we make the true scenario much more palatable. =)

 

[Artina89]

Just tell him calmly and if he tries and draw you into an argument don't take the bait, as getting into a shouting match will not achieve anything. However, as many people have already said, don't condescend and don't try and force your beliefs on him, if he is as devout as you say he is, then nothing you say will make any difference. Hopefully, he will accept you for being athiest even if it takes a little time for him.

 

[The_ModeRazor]

Two words:
Chewbacca defence.
/thread

 

[gbemery]

Just tell him in a sensible way that religion isn't your cup of tea and ask for him to respect that. You don't need to explain your beliefs to him nor his to you, but also remember to respect his beliefs as well.

 

[BENZOOKA]

Every time I've talked back to my father it has escalated to a shouting fight. I've put up with so much shit from him, my kind mother once was extremely surprised for I didn't throw his drunk ass to a wall or out of the house.

On the other hand, I told my Christian mother I was an atheist a few years back. She wondered, I said that's my opinion whatever she thinks, she settled with a bit of disappointment.

Just tell him. simples.

 

[Jewrean]

Snip

Options:

1) Follow the Richard Dawkins strategy: Hey Dad. You know how 'our' God is the absolute correct one and that Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and Vikings and ancient Greeks think their God is the correct one... how do we know we are right?

Religious people then usually go off on a tangent.

They will either:
a) Quote the Bible. This is circular logic. Quoting from the Bible to prove God exists doesn't work simply because the book says he does. Oh so God wrote the Bible then? And the Bible says God exists? Ask for concrete evidence. Tell him if you are given irrefutable proof you will praise the Lord for the rest of your days.
b) They might give you an anecdote of a time they had a personal experience with God. You can tell them that doesn't bloody work for you unless you have your own personal experience. The problem here is that because he is your Father he might pull the 'You have to believe me because I'm your Father' bullshit. In-fact many of these people that claim Jesus was sitting in the car next to them telling them to buy Christ-Bonds or whatever are usually full of shit. They are either trying to convert more people or they are hallucinating. Our minds do this all the time! Surely you can think of a time when you woke up and saw a shadowy figure standing over your bed only to discover nothing was there when the light was turned on. This can often take a step further and even when we are awake.


2) Explain to him that you aren't an Atheist but that you are Agnostic instead.

This simply means that you have an open mind about things. Someone who is Agnostic acknowledges that there could be a God but because there is no evidence does not draw a conclusion either way. After-all, for all you know a God COULD actually exist. There is no proof either way to say God(/s) simply doesn't exist. This is better than saying you are a flat-out Atheist because it's like telling your Father you aren't going for the same team in Football anymore. Agnostic is more like telling him you love the game still but you don't really take sides.


3) Explain to him that you still share the Christian (or whatever religion) ethos.

Explain that just because your belief system has changed, doesn't mean you are any less of a person nor are you inherently evil now. Tell him you still believe in the moral lessons that the Bible passes down and still believe we should all be good to each-other, yadda yadda, but that you just don't believe in the whole Bible thing.


4) Don't tell him.

This is probably the best option if your Father is an idiot. No offence but what I mean by this is that if your dear old Dad is a religious fanatic then explaining anything in terms of logic isn't going to work. Faith and Logic simply don't go together.

 

[freakydan]

Just be sure that you're really going the atheist route before you say anything. I told my mom that I was an atheist in college, and she took it pretty well, but I'm finding myself drifting back towards Christianity, and she doesn't seem to understand. She'll still make cracks about her "Godless heathen son", all good natured, nothing nasty, but it's really hard to take the atheist card off the table once it's out there.

You may want to approach it less directly than blurting out "I'm an atheist!" Maybe try explaining to him that you feel religion is too important to blindly follow what someone else believes, that you're working on making your faith even stronger by really re-evaluating what you believe, and that, while you appreciate what he believes, that this is really something you need to work through on your own. This will either get him off your back about the whole topic, or at the very least, allow you to ease him into the topic at your own pace.

 

[DazBurger]

-snip
several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

Shouting match? Perhaps its just me who has it easy, but id say not to make a big deal about it.
If you gotta tell him, then tell him and if he wants to argue about it.. Dont.
It takes two to fight. Take it cool like its the most natural thing for you, and of he wants to make himself look stupid then let him do so on his own.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

I came out to my dad when I was 13. At first he just laughed and attempted to confuse me using crap like "the human body weights 2 kg's less at death" and that that this was enough proof that there was a soul. I knew it was BS but I choose not to pursue it. I just told him I was an atheist and nothing he could do would change that. We stopped talking about our beliefs after that. I still get along with him. In fact, this atheism thing hasn't affected our relationship at all.


To be honest, from what you've told me about your father, you shouldn't tell him. No reason to incite a conflict. Let him do his religious shit whilst you attempt to wane yourself away.

 

[Chris^^]

when I told my dad that I no longer believed in christianity he just shrugged it off as a stupid phase I was going through, it's been 4 years now and he still thinks that I'll just grandly rediscover my faith someday.. it's kinda sad.

 

[Vaccine]

Tell him this is the 21st century and forcing your beliefs on someone in this day and age is a sign of little intelligence and ignorance.

 

[Co3x]

Disappointing your parents in one way or another is part of growing up, as no one turns out EXACTLY how their parents would have wished.
Just try to actually expain yourself to your dad, say WHY you do not believe in the same things he does. Be polite, he IS your dad after all.

This is exactly what I did and it worked out ok. Granted my situation wasn't quite the same, my parents hadn't split up.

I just sat down with them and told them that I didn't believe in their god and explained why. They were surprisingly good about it, quite pissed off but because I'd dealt with it politely and explained my self like an adult (I was only like 15 at the time) they were really good about it. Never had a real problem since.

My mum does however tell me off when ever I'm visiting an "take the lords name in vain" I have a habit of saying "Jesus Christ!" a lot as an exclamation and she wonders why I say it when I don't believe he's the son of god.

Anyhoo I should probably point out I'm also not atheist, I'm agnostic with a bit of Zen thrown in for good measure. The later is a recent addition.

What ever you do though DO NOT just tell your dad his beliefs are a load of crap and you'll never believe in them. Especially without explaining yourself, explaining yourself is key. As is keeping your cool, if he starts shouting stay calm and don't rise to it. If it boils into a two sided shouting match you have failed, and that makes me a sad panda... ~.~

 

[TimeLord]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Indeed! Not like that Holy stuff! Burns something awful!

OT: Doesn't Christianity teach to accept others or something? Use that against his argument.
I don't know for sure as I am an atheist myself.

 

[C95J]

He should accept your beliefs, he is your dad and it is your choice what you believe in not his. If he doesn't accept this then just leave and ignore him.

 

[Dimensional Vortex]

try to talk to him rationally and cautiously about this, even though I know you or others would be thinking how you shouldn't have to but just remember religious peoples are very strong with what they believe in so take it easy.

 

[manaman]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.