Me vs. my Dad

[warprincenataku]

K straight to the point, my Dad is christian, very christian. Note my parents are divorced. over the last 8 years he has, i guess you could say, forced it upon me a bit. and for the last number of years i would say i was christian.
Well now im an athiest. He does not know this, and he probably would be quite disappointed. several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

So I ask you, Escapist forum people: how should i proceed?

note if you need any more details just ask.

First, find out if your atheist or agnostic. I find the majority of athiests I talk with tend to be more agnostic than atheist.

Second, it's common to rebel against your parents, especially because of the choices they make. Both my parents are Christians while I, myself am a devout Buddhist and have been for many years. I'm not Buddhist to cheese off my mom, I'm Buddhist because it fits me better.

If being atheist or agnostic fits you then more power to you. Your father will either understand or he won't. Whatever your believes or lack there of, try to at least stand by them.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Your beliefs are your damn business, not his. You don't need to justify yourself to him.

 

[capin Rob]

Step up. If he tries to push you, you Push back.

 

[Lawbringer]

k im going to answer Oliver90909's questions here:

Some important things to know:

1) How old are you?
2) How Christian is your mum and are you still in contact with her?
3) What caused to to actually lose your faith? Was it because your dad has forced it on you, do you think, or was it some other factor/revelation?
4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

1) im 19
2) my mom would basically be atheist, shes also more liberal. yes im still in contact with her, its just that this whole situation does not involve her
3) i lost my faith through my own revelations, independent of the fact that christianity was rather forced on me

OK, so the first point is that you are old enough to not have to worry too much. If you were 13 or something you would be far more dependant on him and he would take you far less seriously, so that's good.

Second point, if he went mental at you, you are still in contact with your mum so you at least have her as a backup if he made life hell for you, which he won't because (and I'm making assumtions here) having lost his wife, he doesn't want to lose his child, too. Especially if she left for similar reasons (although I appreciate you may not want to detail them here) he will not want to upset the boat too much and force you out the house leaving him on his own. If he does threaten to throw you out, you need to call his bluff, which leads to point number three.

If you came to the conclusion on your own there is no need for a "it's your fault, Dad!" style shouting match. Start with a conversation on 'I am having trouble with some aspects of my faith' type topic. Over a period of days/weeks/whatever you will be able to plant the seed in his head you don't believe anymore and the reasons why. Who knows, maybe you will actually believe again or at the very least shake some of his dogmatic views so he will take your atheism more easily.

Gradual diplomacy is the key. Being both your parent and a hardcore Christian I would say that just blurting out "I don't believe in your God anymore!" will bypass his Christian rules on tolerance and forgiveness!

Bear in mind that all this (and the other advice here) is given having never met your father and not really having any odea what he is like as a person. There is plenty of advice given by different people nonetheless, though. Take it or leave it!

Oh, and good luck.

 

[Neo10101]

If all its gonna do is strain your relationship further, just don't tell him and avoid the subjects about God, if he does begin to pry just tell him the truth, calmly and cool.

 

[Hairetos]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

Come on, don't be like that. You're just going to become one of the "too cool to be cool kids of the cool pond" A conformist to not conforming to nonconformity.

Just don't give a shit what others of the same belief are like.

As to the OP: if you're moving out soon, don't tell them. My dad made some obnoxious, albeit empty, threats when I told him. Don't expect your parents to be understanding, because people seem to forget: Your parents are, logically, likely to be average people. Average people aren't particularly wise or understanding. Therefore it's illogical to expect your parents to be particularly wise or understanding.

Now, if you know that your father will be understanding, then you should have no reason not to tell him. But I expect that's not the case since you're asking us.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Just tell him. Don't insult his beliefs and don't too defensive immediately. And try not to make a big song and dance about it.

 

[Terminate421]

Say this, "Dad, the point of being a parent is to love your children for who they are. I simply believe in no religion, therefore I am Atheist. In this respect, if you wish to show that you truly love me, you need to accept me for who I am."

 

[manaman]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

Come on, don't be like that. You're just going to become one of the "too cool to be cool kids of the cool pond" A conformist to not conforming to nonconformity.

Just don't give a shit what others of the same belief are like.

As to the OP: if you're moving out soon, don't tell them. My dad made some obnoxious, albeit empty, threats when I told him. Don't expect your parents to be understanding, because people seem to forget: Your parents are, logically, likely to be average people. Average people aren't particularly wise or understanding. Therefore it's illogical to expect your parents to be particularly wise or understanding.

Now, if you know that your father will be understanding, then you should have no reason not to tell him. But I expect that's not the case since you're asking us.

How can you not give a shit what other of the same belief are like? Still to clerify a bit, it's not exactly them that I wish to distance myself from, but this image that is projected on me by them.

The hundreds of apologetic statements I see online from people who live in the US basically says the same thing. Rather then trying to refute the bias against the US, they basically all say that they are sad they live in the US as well, so they can distance themselves from that bias.

When I say atheist these days people have militant anti-theist in mind. That is what I wish to distance myself from. I just don't care enough in this case to try and correct people.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I have the same problems, except it's my stubborn mom who is the Christian.

I'm just waiting to not be under their roof anymore when I tell them, because I know she WILL be depressed and try everything in the book (legal or not) to convert me.

 

[Hairetos]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

Come on, don't be like that. You're just going to become one of the "too cool to be cool kids of the cool pond" A conformist to not conforming to nonconformity.

Just don't give a shit what others of the same belief are like.

As to the OP: if you're moving out soon, don't tell them. My dad made some obnoxious, albeit empty, threats when I told him. Don't expect your parents to be understanding, because people seem to forget: Your parents are, logically, likely to be average people. Average people aren't particularly wise or understanding. Therefore it's illogical to expect your parents to be particularly wise or understanding.

Now, if you know that your father will be understanding, then you should have no reason not to tell him. But I expect that's not the case since you're asking us.

How can you not give a shit what other of the same belief are like? Still to clerify a bit, it's not exactly them that I wish to distance myself from, but this image that is projected on me by them.

The hundreds of apologetic statements I see online from people who live in the US basically says the same thing. Rather then trying to refute the bias against the US, they basically all say that they are sad they live in the US as well, so they can distance themselves from that bias.

When I say atheist these days people have militant anti-theist in mind. That is what I wish to distance myself from. I just don't care enough in this case to try and correct people.

Because it's irrelevant and futile. People prejudge you on titles all the time. The best you'll ever be able to do is to clear it up later with your argumentation.

 

[scyrin]

your over 18, your old enough to make a damn choice in what you believe in

 

[Thedayrecker]

My mom's not happy that I'm an Atheist, and after the initial fight, we just never speak about it. She knows, but she also knows she can't control my beliefs.

And my dad doesn't care.

 

[Danish rage]

Religion is a private matter. And if you know it´s gonna end in a shouting contest over imaginary friends, why bother?

 

[Glerken]

4) Welcome to Atheism, the water's lovely!

Not anymore. To many people are peeing in the waters, and it's awful crowded by all the people just lounging around cause they think it's the new cool hangout spot. Almost makes me ashamed to say I am atheist these days. I would rather say I just don't have faith there is a god.

I don't get it...
I don't know anyone who's an atheist because they think it's "cool"
And as for the first part, you're tying in anti-theists with atheists.

Religion is a private matter. And if you know it´s gonna end in a shouting contest over imaginary friends, why bother?

I'm assuming he doesn't what the pretend he's something he's not to his own parents.
It's important to make sure they know who you are exactly, they'll probably except you.

 

[Alex06]

Tell him and ignore anything he has to say in response...<.<

THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE CHRISTIAN DEFENSE.

Sorry everyone, sorry sorry sorry

I had to.

OT: Just talk to him and don't blow up about it, he's your dad, he'll come around to it.

...And eventually he will likely adapt your point of view. It's happened countless times around here, where I live, back in the 60s. I'm an immigrant from Europe, but I got around to my parents and they eventually became agnostic...Well, they're more like "I don't care", rather than "I don't know", but that's the closest thing to it. They just don't care about deities and religion. They care about their life and the life of those around them rather than the life of something they don't know for sure exists and have no proof possible of it.

I'm an atheist, however. And I've just personally stopped caring. If someone isn't a total dick about their beliefs and forces it, I'll be fine with it. Though I am open to argumentation (philosophically, not with insults) and will discuss the subject with anyone.

So...Tell him how you feel and ask him if he could "please respect that". He might not come around at first and if he starts arguing and insulting, tell him you don't really want to talk in this kind of manner and to talk about it when he's ready to talk about it in a calm, philosophical and open-minded manner. That's the intelligent and mature thing to do, in my opinion.

And you can always say that your atheism might just be part of god's bigger plan if you have to really shut him up until he calms down. Though the whole "god's plan" is more of an excuse to justify whatever one does (It's almost always used in that context).

 

[nothinghere]

K straight to the point, my Dad is christian, very christian. Note my parents are divorced. over the last 8 years he has, i guess you could say, forced it upon me a bit. and for the last number of years i would say i was christian.
Well now im an athiest. He does not know this, and he probably would be quite disappointed. several months ago we had a clash over a difference in beliefs and it resulted in an half hour long shouting match, so i dont know how well he'll take this.

So I ask you, Escapist forum people: how should i proceed?

note if you need any more details just ask.

How chrisitan is he, some believe athiest's are to be burned where they stand... dunno if he follows that mindset you may never want him finding out. I've seen some that would likely murder there son, but they are also very crazy.