Mental Health

[s0p0g]

my (former) psychiatrist and therapist told me i had issues; over time, i have come to the conclusion that he's wrong, and that something (such as... almost every personality disorder you can find in the ICD 10) only is a problem if it hampers/hinders you

if you can bend your mind a little, you possibly can make an advantage of of what seemed to be a disadvantage (illness is bad, as per definition); draw strength from it

then again, my (former) psychiatrist and therapist thought that was just the expression of my lack of acceptance of the disease condition, and that at some point in the future it'll boil down to a new crisis

i guess we'll see who was right when i'm either dead, or back in his clinic ^^

 

[Hiikuro]

I have social anxiety, and used to suffer depression until I managed to control it (still have some negative sessions though, but they're less and less frequent). The therapists I've had (as well as some other people) all have commented on my extremely strong self-awareness and high executive functioning.

Which essentially means I'm aware of all the reasons I suffer, but I'm forced to be patient to the time it takes to improve myself.

What has helped me the most is doing anything that can shake up my cognitive state, the moment any thoughts echo in my head (they repeat), they intensify and get worse. Facing my fears, throwing myself into unpleasant situations, or doing something different that modifies my routine, they are all very good aids.

In more recent times I've been thinking of ways to alter my neural pathways. I believe it might be some neural pathways in my mind that has become sort of 'highways' of negative thought. To change I have to deconstruct these highways by using some cognitive trickery. It takes time, but it works.

It is also incredibly likely that I'm a 'highly sensitive person', which essentially means what other people feel as wind is storm to me. It has its advantages and disadvantages. The fact that I feel very alienated and different from other people is the most depressing disadvantage, but the advantages are so worthwhile I feel I'm not allowed to complain.

 

[GothmogII]

Well according to my parents I have the so called Asperger syndrome.
Not officialy diagnosed with it, but the symptoms are there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

I had no idea Bear! But, I'm in somewhat the same boat as you, though with a professional diagnosis, coupled with rather severe social anxiety.

Example: Recently, in my 3v3 Starcraft 2 team, one of my other team-mates invited a new person so we could play 4v4, now, the other two team-mates are my Uncle and a friend of his respectively, so I was pretty used to talking to them on Skype during matches. Anyway, despite being assured that the new guy was a nice guy, I completely freaked and made up about having to go carry a computer into the house or something, and that the others should just play on without me. So, without waiting for the new guy to come on, I just quit the game right there and didn't play for a whole week.

Now...all through this, all sorts of crazy crap was going through my head: Were they replacing me? Who the hell is this guy? etc. All of which sent me spiralling into a few days of depression and self pity.

Eventually, I started playing again, and, shortly after that I realized what an idiot I had been and actually asked myself if we could invite the new guy to play. And yeah, he was a nice guy, and I got over it. Problem is, I regularly have such episodes, where something stupidly minor gets way overinflated in my head. I'll spend hours thinking about it, often getting quite strong suicidal thoughts and depressed and then, pop, I forget about it and everything is dandy.

 

[therandombear]

Well according to my parents I have the so called Asperger syndrome.
Not officialy diagnosed with it, but the symptoms are there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

I had no idea Bear! But, I'm in somewhat the same boat as you, though with a professional diagnosis, coupled with rather severe social anxiety.

Example: Recently, in my 3v3 Starcraft 2 team, one of my other team-mates invited a new person so we could play 4v4, now, the other two team-mates are my Uncle and a friend of his respectively, so I was pretty used to talking to them on Skype during matches. Anyway, despite being assured that the new guy was a nice guy, I completely freaked and made up about having to go carry a computer into the house or something, and that the others should just play on without me. So, without waiting for the new guy to come on, I just quit the game right there and didn't play for a whole week.

Now...all through this, all sorts of crazy crap was going through my head: Were they replacing me? Who the hell is this guy? etc. All of which sent me spiralling into a few days of depression and self pity.

Eventually, I started playing again, and, shortly after that I realized what an idiot I had been and actually asked myself if we could invite the new guy to play. And yeah, he was a nice guy, and I got over it. Problem is, I regularly have such episodes, where something stupidly minor gets way overinflated in my head. I'll spend hours thinking about it, often getting quite strong suicidal thoughts and depressed and then, pop, I forget about it and everything is dandy.

I used to be like that when I was younger, after going to therapy for 3 years when I was 12 to 15 I still clamp up if I have to call someone I never called before, still sound nervous on the phone to anyone and I have a hard time actually going up to strangers and talk to them, get nervous, start stuttering and sweaty hands xD

That's why I start with jokes and keep the jokes flowing regularly when talking =/

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

i think its one of the last taboos

the way people treat those with mental illness can be unbelievable.
even close frends and family.

the services offered by NHS in the UK are diabloical and tbh unless you have the lucidity to forcefully push to get yourself into other more helpful paths within the servive (which to be fair do exist but are seldom prescribed) can amount to little more that "you're ill. permanently. keep taking the tablets"

you're lucky you have the support you describe OP.

my own mother walked into entry lobby of the secure ward i was in after i had my mid-twenties breakdown and suicide attempt and proclaimed dramatically for all to hear that she wouldn't look after me if i really was seriously ill and i wouldn't recive any future contact with my family "for doing this to them". i was (unknown to her) about 10 feet away behind a door...

basically she's a mother in name only and always has been since she got divorced in the 70s which as i've worked out over the years is part of my problems.

needless to say such a thing elongated my stay within the physical structures of the mental health system.

i lost my frends, family, job & career, house & car.
basically everything.

that was 14 years ago and i still have issues im working with but im a lot better now in general. the main problem now is the stigma and the fear of relapse if i fail as i bounce off peoples attitudes to a 40 year old trying to get back into the job market after 20 years or so of mental illness and a decade of unemployment.

i have no friends. but i've got used to that.
i have care workers who make sure i get out and about 3 times a week and take care of business.
i attend a "clubhouse" which runs a work ordered day and places you into job training eventually but i should go more than i do.
i do have some meaningful contact my family as my brothers have aged enough not to be fully led by my bloody insensitive mother but not much. even with them the stigma hangs long and hard.

i have met quite a lot of mentally ill people playing WoW strangely enough (and ye you could crack funnys about that but i won't) its easy to formulate some reasons as to why that might be the case.

I do understand your comments about your mother.

I live with my fiance, who goes above and beyond the call of duty to look after me. My mother, however, is unconvinced I'm actually ill, and believes that if I would just exercise more and eat healthy, I'd feel better. Of course, she doesn't realise I have rheumatoid arthritis and weight issues due to medications...

In any case, I really feel for you! It's hard, isn't it? You try to cope so much, but the health system, at least in Australia, is set up so you barely even get help unless you are so desperate you harm yourself...

 

[InnerRebellion]

I have developed a split personality.

It all started once I was cut off from the girl I still see as my current love of my life. Is it true love? Probably not.

I was already diagnosed with semi-chronic depression, as well as severe A.D.H.D. When I lost her completely, and our friendship vanished, I would have, essentially, two preset moods. If I saw her, I would become a cynical, sarcastic, verbally abusive asshole. While not in sight of her, I would be a cheery, happy-go-lucky joker.

Now, we're friends again, but the two personalities will switch places if I hit a trigger.

My triggers, determined by my counselor, are:
-Not having any chocolate for over a week*
-Seeing my two best friends kissing intensely
-Not petting my cat once a day*
-Realizing I'm not able to even show my affection towards someone I like

*This is also a mild OCD problem.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I have developed a split personality.

It all started once I was cut off from the girl I still see as my current love of my life. Is it true love? Probably not.

I was already diagnosed with semi-chronic depression, as well as severe A.D.H.D. When I lost her completely, and our friendship vanished, I would have, essentially, two preset moods. If I saw her, I would become a cynical, sarcastic, verbally abusive asshole. While not in sight of her, I would be a cheery, happy-go-lucky joker.

Now, we're friends again, but the two personalities will switch places if I hit a trigger.

My triggers, determined by my counselor, are:
-Not having any chocolate for over a week*
-Seeing my two best friends kissing intensely
-Not petting my cat once a day*
-Realizing I'm not able to even show my affection towards someone I like

*This is also a mild OCD problem.

Is that formally diagnosed? And wow, that's something hard to deal with. It's hard enough flipping through different moods unrelated to what's going on around you.

How do you deal with it?

 

[Master Kuja]

Recurring, remarkably frequent Seasonal Affective Disorder.

That shit is an absolute ***** to deal with, it starts in about...September and doesn't lay off until about March/April in the worst case scenarios and the depression that comes hand in hand with it absolutely cripples me.
What with waking up at 6am most every day during the winter, I'm greeted with a hell of a lot of dark, which is a major problem given the nature of my condition.

The depression alone turns me into a walking wreck, a social recluse who can barely bring himself to walk into public places for fear of breaking down into a panic attack in public, then having it get worse as people watch me, stare and judge me for a condition that is out of my control.
It becomes incredibly difficult to control my emotions, I've been known to go from physically hitting someone simply for looking at me a little funny to breaking down into tears with a click of the fingers.
My girlfriend just about tolerates it at best, and at worst we get into horrible shouting matches which just makes everything about a thousand times worse with the added guilt piled on.

So I finally go to the doctors and get myself some help, you know what they do? Try to throw drugs at me, put me in group therapy despite my absolute fear of groups and crowds of people and don't even offer me anything that could be considered in the least bit helpful.

In short.
Fuck the NHS.

 

[Braonan]

I think about killing myself daily. However, cos I do not know what happens after death I relent and live. I tried killing myself and to be perfectly honest when I had that drink and those pills the moment right before I was unconscious was the most beautiful thing ever, the best high, greatest event, the sweetest thing I have ever had in my life.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I have social anxiety, and used to suffer depression until I managed to control it (still have some negative sessions though, but they're less and less frequent). The therapists I've had (as well as some other people) all have commented on my extremely strong self-awareness and high executive functioning.

Which essentially means I'm aware of all the reasons I suffer, but I'm forced to be patient to the time it takes to improve myself.

What has helped me the most is doing anything that can shake up my cognitive state, the moment any thoughts echo in my head (they repeat), they intensify and get worse. Facing my fears, throwing myself into unpleasant situations, or doing something different that modifies my routine, they are all very good aids.

In more recent times I've been thinking of ways to alter my neural pathways. I believe it might be some neural pathways in my mind that has become sort of 'highways' of negative thought. To change I have to deconstruct these highways by using some cognitive trickery. It takes time, but it works.

It is also incredibly likely that I'm a 'highly sensitive person', which essentially means what other people feel as wind is storm to me. It has its advantages and disadvantages. The fact that I feel very alienated and different from other people is the most depressing disadvantage, but the advantages are so worthwhile I feel I'm not allowed to complain.

Your post reminds me of my own therapy as I started to work out what was wrong with me; I remember knowing exactly what I was thinking and what I was doing, but being so impatient that I didn't give myself the time to learn how to think and do better. It can be so frustrating, as you know logically what is going on, but emotionally you can be out of control...

How are you subverting your negative thoguht patterns? My therapists have really helped me confront some of the negative lies I used to believe about myself, which means I'm no longer as hard on myself as I used to be. That's helped, though occasionally I still catch myself abusing myself and getting upset because of these nagative beliefs and thought processes.

 

[InnerRebellion]

I have developed a split personality.

It all started once I was cut off from the girl I still see as my current love of my life. Is it true love? Probably not.

I was already diagnosed with semi-chronic depression, as well as severe A.D.H.D. When I lost her completely, and our friendship vanished, I would have, essentially, two preset moods. If I saw her, I would become a cynical, sarcastic, verbally abusive asshole. While not in sight of her, I would be a cheery, happy-go-lucky joker.

Now, we're friends again, but the two personalities will switch places if I hit a trigger.

My triggers, determined by my counselor, are:
-Not having any chocolate for over a week*
-Seeing my two best friends kissing intensely
-Not petting my cat once a day*
-Realizing I'm not able to even show my affection towards someone I like

*This is also a mild OCD problem.

Is that formally diagnosed? And wow, that's something hard to deal with. It's hard enough flipping through different moods unrelated to what's going on around you.

How do you deal with it?

I was diagnosed with what they called a "Trigger Sensitive Dual Personality". I don't think it's an official disorder, but that's how it's put down on my medical records, as of December 6th.

It can be hard to deal with at times. If I'm with certain friends, they can snap me back into place rather easily, having known me before the split, but with people I became acquainted with after the split, they're left helpless.

I've learned to deal with it, however. Sure, being around her and knowing I'm still in a sad, unrequited love with her sucks more than anything in the world, but it also helps me learn the actual signs of when a shift will hit. They [they being my counselor and parents] believe if I can learn when a shift will hit, I can learn to hold myself together and try to get the two sides of me to meld themselves back together.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

I have anger issues, can't concentrate (symptom of ADD) and have a clear problem with authority as psychologists have diagnosed it. It doesn't change me, though. It just is an answer to why I am this way but if I truly wanted not to be this way I could change but if I did I wouldn't be myself. I'm an angry, hyperactive person who doesn't like authority and not all the diagnosises and justifications will make me want to change that.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Recurring, remarkably frequent Seasonal Affective Disorder.

That shit is an absolute ***** to deal with, it starts in about...September and doesn't lay off until about March/April in the worst case scenarios and the depression that comes hand in hand with it absolutely cripples me.
What with waking up at 6am most every day during the winter, I'm greeted with a hell of a lot of dark, which is a major problem given the nature of my condition.

The depression alone turns me into a walking wreck, a social recluse who can barely bring himself to walk into public places for fear of breaking down into a panic attack in public, then having it get worse as people watch me, stare and judge me for a condition that is out of my control.
It becomes incredibly difficult to control my emotions, I've been known to go from physically hitting someone simply for looking at me a little funny to breaking down into tears with a click of the fingers.
My girlfriend just about tolerates it at best, and at worst we get into horrible shouting matches which just makes everything about a thousand times worse with the added guilt piled on.

So I finally go to the doctors and get myself some help, you know what they do? Try to throw drugs at me, put me in group therapy despite my absolute fear of groups and crowds of people and don't even offer me anything that could be considered in the least bit helpful.

In short.
Fuck the NHS.

Doctors can be crap, I know. But really, is what they suggest any worse than what you go through on a day to day basis anyway? I mean, from my experience, I was so scared of people, I cried before every therapy session, but I kept going back because I wanted that one day I could go there or anywhere else, without crying or feeling scared.

I suppose it's a pain and reward system, really. Everyone needs to consider whether the fear and apparent uselessness of going to a doctor might one day give you enough freedom from pain to outweigh those initial times of extreme fear.

 

[Braonan]

Recurring, remarkably frequent Seasonal Affective Disorder.

That shit is an absolute ***** to deal with, it starts in about...September and doesn't lay off until about March/April in the worst case scenarios and the depression that comes hand in hand with it absolutely cripples me.
What with waking up at 6am most every day during the winter, I'm greeted with a hell of a lot of dark, which is a major problem given the nature of my condition.

The depression alone turns me into a walking wreck, a social recluse who can barely bring himself to walk into public places for fear of breaking down into a panic attack in public, then having it get worse as people watch me, stare and judge me for a condition that is out of my control.
It becomes incredibly difficult to control my emotions, I've been known to go from physically hitting someone simply for looking at me a little funny to breaking down into tears with a click of the fingers.
My girlfriend just about tolerates it at best, and at worst we get into horrible shouting matches which just makes everything about a thousand times worse with the added guilt piled on.

So I finally go to the doctors and get myself some help, you know what they do? Try to throw drugs at me, put me in group therapy despite my absolute fear of groups and crowds of people and don't even offer me anything that could be considered in the least bit helpful.

In short.
Fuck the NHS.

I'm down that road right now, I find it best to just wonder aimlessly around public areas trying to stay in the sun (I know you heard this before) I go to university and find that the simple structure which allows freedom is beneficial. I sometimes find myself going to another lecture room after my classes are done, rather, than going back home. There I'm quiet, nobody around you is bothering you, because its a 300 person class, they don't know you, nor will they ever unless you introduce yourself, That way I'm exposing myself to people, but in a vicarious way.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I'm paranoid and have some bizarre anger issues.

Lately I've just been getting full of rage over nothing, that and I feel empty a lot of the time, to the point where my heart physically aches. I have no fucking clue what any of it is.

I suppose the only thing to do is to consider whether your emotional issues are impacting your life in any way (socially, at work, studies, etc.). If you find that any important rea of your life is imacted by these issues, it makes sense to go to a doctor and ask for a mental health check up.

A good doctor shouldn't just put you on meds, he should be trying to find out what's going on in your life to trigger off those feelings, and may refer you to a counsellor who has more time to help you.

Best of luck with everything, and hope it all works out. By the way, don't be fooled if you feel bad for a while and then suddenly feel good again - if you don't know what triggered off the bad emotions to start with, you may need to, even if you're feeling better. I suppose what I'm trying to say is: bad emotions can be a sign of something wrong in your life. I hope you find out what that is and don't have to go on living with them anymore

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I've been diagnosed with severe bipolar since my 17th birthday. It's pretty shit, not going to lie. The ups, the downs and everything that comes with them, especially the hallucinations are pretty horrible.

Since the combo of meds I'm on only seem to induce apathy and a complete lack of care I'm really not sure what's worse. I've also found counseling useless.

That's just my experience though, mental illness is a barrel of laughs.

Have you tried different combinations of meds? Some work better for one person than for another. I've tried two different types of antidepressants and three different types of mood stabiliser, in varying doses, because some medications just didn't work for me. In fact, I was too embarrassed to leave the house while I was on lithium because I shook constantly, felt insanely nauseous and was so confused I would very often begin sentences and forget what I was saying halfway through...

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

I've been diagnosed with severe bipolar since my 17th birthday. It's pretty shit, not going to lie. The ups, the downs and everything that comes with them, especially the hallucinations are pretty horrible.

Since the combo of meds I'm on only seem to induce apathy and a complete lack of care I'm really not sure what's worse. I've also found counseling useless.

That's just my experience though, mental illness is a barrel of laughs.

Have you tried different combinations of meds? Some work better for one person than for another. I've tried two different types of antidepressants and three different types of mood stabiliser, in varying doses, because some medications just didn't work for me. In fact, I was too embarrassed to leave the house while I was on lithium because I shook constantly, felt insanely nauseous and was so confused I would very often begin sentences and forget what I was saying halfway through...

Yeah my meds have been constantly changed, so far I have the choice of (like you) feeling sick constantly, being dead to the world, or being crazy.

Best of luck to you... and thanks for posting, made me feel a little less alone on being weirdly bipolar.