Most laughable Dialogue in a Game

[Daniel Cygnus]

"The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

I laughed my ass of when I heard that.

What is that FROM?! I've been rummaging through my horrible dialogue reserves and I CAN'T FIND IT! It sounds so familiar!

I've been playing Megaman Legends 2 recently, and I just experienced the absolute worst delivery of a completely unnecessary line I've ever heard.

"We did it!" -Roll
"Wow, Roll." -Megaman

The "Wow" bit is said in monotone, with the same inflection of yawning.

 

[A random person]

gee it sure is boring around here
my boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for
i just wonder what gannon's up to
your majesty, gannon and his minnions have seized the island of coradie (sp?)
hmm, how can we help?
it is written: only link can defeat gannon
great! i'll go grab my stuff
there is no time, your sword is enough
how about a kiss for luck?
you've got to be kidding me
SQUADALA! WE ARE OFF
wow, look at all those heads
these are the faces of evil, you must conquer each
i guess i better get going
here is the map, choose where you wish to go

yeah, i memmorized that

This. Or this:
Zelda, Duke Onkled is under attack by the evil forces of ganon, I'm going to gamelon to aid him.
But father, what if something happens to you?
I'll take the triforce of courage to protect me. If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.
Impa! Don't worry Zelda, the triforce of wisdom promises the king will safely return.
Enough, the ship sails in the morning. I wonder what's for dinner.
Oh boy, I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok.
*one month later*
*sigh*, a whole month gone, and still no word.
I'm certain he's all right. Yeah, that old ganon's no match for the king!
Link, go to gamelon and find my father. Great, I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!
*Later Still*
Wake up Impa, we're going to gamelon. Oh right dear, I'll get the triforce of wisdom.

Or the Hotel Mario cutscenes, cause you know what they say, all toasters toast toast, and looks are deceiving when koopas are involved.

No wonder they're the fundamental youtube poop source.

And who can forget this?
Die monster, you don't belong in this world!
It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans who wished to pay me tribute.
Tribute? You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!
Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...
Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!
What is a man? *tosses wine glass on floor* A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk...have at you!

 

[A random person]

"The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

I laughed my ass of when I heard that.

What is that FROM?! I've been rummaging through my horrible dialogue reserves and I CAN'T FIND IT! It sounds so familiar!

It's from Portal.

 

[twcblaze]

Star Ocean Til the end of time: (Nell) Don't (pause) mess with us!

I mean... who really wants that to be their last line in a game aside from the epilogue... c'mon.

 

[Avatar Roku]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDvQGGZzfI&feature=related

Best line ever!

No, the scene where Raiden was explaining his past to Rose takes the cake, it was just so overdone that it's hilarious.

Surprisingly enough, a line in Mass Effect made me laugh more than any other piece of bad dialogue.

It's part of a mission. Basically, you need to find out where a guy named Jax is getting his supplies. I suggest that I "persuade" him to tell me. The detective in charge suddenly yells "No! We can't tip Jax off!"

Can't tip Jax off!

tip Jax off!

Jax off!

/facepalm

But, it's BioWare, so whether it was a mistake or done on purpose, I'm ok with it, because it made me laugh.

Ironically, that scene also had a really good line of dialog. "You're shutting down a med clinic. What if someone needs treatment? What if you need treatment?" So subtle, I didn't even realize it was a threat at first.

 

[The Shade]

Ahahaha! Yes, KQ! I haven't played that game in years, but my God, that was quite possibly the worst... And then my younger brother would run around randomly shouting 'Tis beyond my reach!' over and over...

Lo! What about the Elder Scrolls games? Half of that doesn't even make any sense... Half the time I got so frustrated by the stupid dialogue and terrible voice acting that I wanted to throw my controller through the television screen.

Yeah, TES were pretty bad, (mudcrabs) but I still hold that nothing will beat Roberta Williams' abominations. KQ: 'tis beyond my patience.

Oh, Connor of Daventry, you crazy bastard...

And that lamenting unicorn! Jeez!

Connor: "Pathetic beast. Why so sad?"
Unicorn: "A pox on thee! I am a magnificent unicorn! Not a pathetic beast!"
Connor: *exaggerated surprise* "A unicorn?!"
Unicorn: "Aye, though woe is me. I have lost my horn, and my appearance beside."
etc...

I'm suddenly very very frightened that I can remember that much of the script after all these years.
The dialogue in that game was just painful.
Except that giant snail guy who ruled the swamps. He was awesome.

 

[Daniel Cygnus]

It's from Portal.

Thanks!

Any of Yuna's spells from FFX. "Shield us from watery woe!"

 

[AroLombardi]

From Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal during the memorial for Captain Qwark

President: "I just heard what happened. I wanted to offer my condolences to the team. Qwarks loss was a true tragedy. The man was a hero. Brave, honest, kind, and humble, to the core."
Clank: "What a load of bullsh- *smack*"
Ratchet: "Shhh..."

 

[JC175]

Far Cry.

"I'm gonna shoot you in the face!"

Plus numerous others.

 

[Hazy]

Ooh!

Dark Messiah of Might & Magic: "I heard from a fortune teller that I was going to die today..." - Random guard, before you kill him.

Psychonauts: "I'm gonna kick your Ass-tral projection" - Coach Oleander

So bad, they're good.

Not to mention anything delivered from Bobby in Psychonauts scores about a 10 on the cheese-o-meter.

 

[The Political Gamer]

"I spill my drink!" Can't remember were that is from. :/

 

[Mirroga]

All your base are belong to us!

 

[Brownie101]

"Gawrsh, You're gettin' big, Sora!" ~Goofy from Kingdom Hearts I.
"Kai...Kairi's inside me?" ~Sora, Kingdom Hearts II.

 

[bigolbear]

ahh great comedy lines in games:
some of my personal favourates for comedy lines are:

day of the tentacle
monkey island
sam and max
full throttle.

and kotor both 1 and 2.. hk 47 is a genius.
speaking of kotor tho - heres a quote from bindo:

bindo:I did it all for the wookie.
player:the wookie?
bindo:yeh the wookie....

made me smile when i got the reference.

ahh and my all time cant watch without bursting into fits of laughter:
the scene from vampire masquerade redemption where christof is discussing his feelings of gratitude for aneska for nursing him back to health.

All games mentioned here are old pc games and if ya dont know em check em out cos there all excelent.(dos box probly required to run tho)

 

[DueAccident]

Amazing game, one of the best ever made... but the voice acting and dialogue is soooooooooooooo cringe-worthy it has somehow punched a hole through space a time and become so terrible it's good.

I present to you: Deus Ex

Oh good god, that's bad! I truely view Deus Ex as the best game ever, but the voice acting is terrible at times. "A bomb!" is just...I had to laugh.

 

[sgtshock]

Far Cry.

"I'm gonna shoot you in the face!"

Plus numerous others.

"Die, die, die!"

"How do you like those apples?"

"Yeah yeah yeah!"

(throwing grenade) "Present for ya, buddy!"

Not to mention the entire end cutscene. They probably figured no one would make it that far, and it shows.

 

[Rafe]

For anyone who has played Star Ocean : The Last Hope:

"'kay Grampa I'm going to go now 'kay"
"He's my little doggie, 'kay?"

etc... 'kay?

ahhh i just got to that part kay

I might get that game, is it any good, 'Kay?

 

[Rafe]

Amazing game, one of the best ever made... but the voice acting and dialogue is soooooooooooooo cringe-worthy it has somehow punched a hole through space a time and become so terrible it's good.

I present to you: Deus Ex

Oh good god, that's bad! I truely view Deus Ex as the best game ever, but the voice acting is terrible at times. "A bomb!" is just...I had to laugh.

Hahahahaa can't stop laughing..... Ok Deus Ex wins this topic