My Parents Threw Me Out; I Need to Pay for College

[thevillageidiot13]

Hey. Basically, my parents and I have never really gotten along. Growing up, I got beaten and verbally abused and just generally made to feel like shit all the time. After a year of college, I moved back in for summer. I managed to put up with my parents for about two months, then my dad and I got into a fight and I got beat down (physically). I moved out, and now, my parents have given me an ultimatum: apologize or lose the money I need for college.

I need input, experience, advice, and insight. Thanks.

Teenagers never know how great they have it. They talk back, get a beat down, then think their parents are bad.

When in reality...

You are among the lucky few who have parents who care enough to support you through your teen years, then afford to send you to college. Don't blow this great opportunity. Suck it up, go against your supposed morals, and endure your unique opportunity to be able have a free ride into higher learning. After you become an independent adult, you can refuse to accept their support. Until then, play by their rules, and don't rock the boat.

Or you could just face real life solo now and regret what could have been.

We don't know enough about the situation to say anything like that for sure. And no matter how unruly your child is, there is no excuse to beat them. I'm all for spanking young kids, but if his father actually beat him down, this is not okay. And not ALL teenagers are these unruly hellions people like to think they are. I've known plenty of people whose parents were shitty, to say the least. This could just as easily be a case of an abusive father as an unruly ungrateful brat of a kid. And considering the description of the mother, I'm tempted to say it's an abusive father. But without a description of the event in question, we can't really say.

And honestly, if the father is really abusive, I'd rather not advise him to fake an apology. At least, not as a primary solution. Maybe an absolute last resort, but not a default solution. I'd look into scholarships and ask the school's financial aid office for assistance and advice, first.

Still, I'm reluctant to give any advice without knowledge of what happened.

Basically, I made Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, and my dad shouted at me and told me to clean the pots myself because it's difficult to scrub the cheese out. I started cleaning them, but my dad stayed on my ass the whole time, shouting about how I "shit all over the house like a dog without cleaning shit up" (in his native language). I kinda got fed up with it, and told him "Can't you see I'm cleaning it up right now, calm down"(again, in his native language). And he started shouting at me and trying to stare me down, and when I stood my ground, he started hitting me.

 

[bjj hero]

No relationship is perfect but you have parents that do support you. Thats more than a lot of people have. Others would kill for parents who are willing to support them through college.


Nose bleed and a headache? I get that about once a fortnight. If it was so bad then phone the police, its assault. You may be too old and its time to leave if you are butting heads like this. You are in for a shock though, being independent is a massive shock. Somethings have to give, its easy to study when you don't have to worry about things like eating and paying rent. That's the real world I'm afraid. Like I said, you are lucky to have parents who will support you financially. I hope you are ready if you are not willing to suck it up and smooth things over.

Its your parents house. While you are there you need to do more around the house to earn your keep and spend some time with them (you have said these are complaints). Its their home not a bed and breakfast.

 

[Tim Mazzola]

I'd apologize. To be frank, if they're PAYING for your COLLEGE, they deserve it, no matter what else they've done.

However, once you get a good job after graduating, if you still hate them, cut them loose.

 

[scythecow]

The worst that could happen from apologizing is not as bad as student loans devouring you and it's not as bad as managing work while going to school full-time. Your parents' money is an opportunity for you and you owe it to yourself to take this opportunity. If you really want the hard road, expect to be in debt for a great number of years.

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

Hey. Basically, my parents and I have never really gotten along. Growing up, I got beaten and verbally abused and just generally made to feel like shit all the time. After a year of college, I moved back in for summer. I managed to put up with my parents for about two months, then my dad and I got into a fight and I got beat down (physically). I moved out, and now, my parents have given me an ultimatum: apologize or lose the money I need for college.

I need input, experience, advice, and insight. Thanks.

Teenagers never know how great they have it. They talk back, get a beat down, then think their parents are bad.

When in reality...

You are among the lucky few who have parents who care enough to support you through your teen years, then afford to send you to college. Don't blow this great opportunity. Suck it up, go against your supposed morals, and endure your unique opportunity to be able have a free ride into higher learning. After you become an independent adult, you can refuse to accept their support. Until then, play by their rules, and don't rock the boat.

Or you could just face real life solo now and regret what could have been.

I don't think you really know enough about the situation to make that claim. Believe it or not, some parents are horrible people.

Anyway, despite what I just said, your best option is to fake the apology. Once things have calmed down more, if you want to be more independent, you can then start looking into things like scholarships, jobs, other forms of financial aid, and even sympathetic adults who might be willing to help. But I can't imagine doing a proper retooling of your life while dealing with the stress you seem to be going through.

 

[thevillageidiot13]

No relationship is perfect but you have parents that do support you. Thats more than a lot of people have. Others would kill for parents who are willing to support them through college.


Nose bleed and a headache? I get that about once a fortnight. If it was so bad then phone the police, its assault. You may be too old and its time to leave if you are butting heads like this. You are in for a shock though, being independent is a massive shock. Somethings have to give, its easy to study when you don't have to worry about things like eating and paying rent. That's the real world I'm afraid. Like I said, you are lucky to have parents who will support you financially. I hope you are ready if you are not willing to suck it up and smooth things over.

Its your parents house. While you are there you need to do more around the house to earn your keep and spend some time with them (you have said these are complaints). Its their home not a bed and breakfast.

You have to understand though... A nose-bleed and a headache as an 8-year-old is a lot. And it escalated as I grew older.

 

[Saltyk]

Spoiler: SNIP (for simplicity)

In this case it really doesn't matter who's right. Just apologize, take it like a ***** for your future's sake. I'm suprised he's actually still willing to pay for your college. Do that until you find a way to support yourself either in or after college, then just never contact your parents again.

Teenagers never know how great they have it. They talk back, get a beat down, then think their parents are bad.

Way to go, he alread said he's been abused for years.

At least I didn't tell him to 'take it like a *****'. Actually, after reading your post, did you really say something different from what I did?

When I was eight, I got beat when I tried to help my dad wash his car, and I accidentally got him wet with the hose. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't downplay my childhood by telling me that I was a spoiled teenager.

If you don't appreciate my posts, just ignore me. I will not quote you anymore after this. To explain my first post further tho:

I call anyone who has their parents pay for their college education spoiled. It's not an insult, just a commentary on upbringing. Every child should be that lucky.

Since you bring it up tho, what do you consider 'I got beat' to mean?

It wasn't the worst beating I got, but, afterwards, I had a nosebleed and a headache. It was just the first example that I could come up with, especially since (these days) they lecture me about how I don't help out around the house and how I don't show my gratitude at all by doing stuff with them.

A nose bleed and a head ache (for an eight year old) sounds like one hell of a slap, or a single hit, to me. I think of getting 'beat' as more of a repetitive/continuous thing. Any eight year old getting multiple beatings would have clear visible signs of the trauma and be noticed by other adults. I am kinda ignorant on what people consider these types of words to mean.

Regardless, being 19 now, knowing what you know, why tempt fate by getting into arguments with a person you describe as so evil?? In another six years you never have to have anything to do with them. Take the school money, suck up your pride, and get ready to start your life without an insane amount of debt from loans!

I'd like to point out that it would have been one hell of a slap to an 8 year old who's only crime was attempting to help his father wash his car and getting him wet. And considering that he was washing a car, I'm surprised that he wasn't already wet. That sounds excessive.

Also, it's not easy to avoid someone that you live with. Especially if they are attempting to start fights.

Spoiler: SNIP (for simplicity again)

Hey. Basically, my parents and I have never really gotten along. Growing up, I got beaten and verbally abused and just generally made to feel like shit all the time. After a year of college, I moved back in for summer. I managed to put up with my parents for about two months, then my dad and I got into a fight and I got beat down (physically). I moved out, and now, my parents have given me an ultimatum: apologize or lose the money I need for college.

I need input, experience, advice, and insight. Thanks.

Teenagers never know how great they have it. They talk back, get a beat down, then think their parents are bad.

When in reality...

You are among the lucky few who have parents who care enough to support you through your teen years, then afford to send you to college. Don't blow this great opportunity. Suck it up, go against your supposed morals, and endure your unique opportunity to be able have a free ride into higher learning. After you become an independent adult, you can refuse to accept their support. Until then, play by their rules, and don't rock the boat.

Or you could just face real life solo now and regret what could have been.

We don't know enough about the situation to say anything like that for sure. And no matter how unruly your child is, there is no excuse to beat them. I'm all for spanking young kids, but if his father actually beat him down, this is not okay. And not ALL teenagers are these unruly hellions people like to think they are. I've known plenty of people whose parents were shitty, to say the least. This could just as easily be a case of an abusive father as an unruly ungrateful brat of a kid. And considering the description of the mother, I'm tempted to say it's an abusive father. But without a description of the event in question, we can't really say.

And honestly, if the father is really abusive, I'd rather not advise him to fake an apology. At least, not as a primary solution. Maybe an absolute last resort, but not a default solution. I'd look into scholarships and ask the school's financial aid office for assistance and advice, first.

Still, I'm reluctant to give any advice without knowledge of what happened.

Basically, I made Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, and my dad shouted at me and told me to clean the pots myself because it's difficult to scrub the cheese out. I started cleaning them, but my dad stayed on my ass the whole time, shouting about how I "shit all over the house like a dog without cleaning shit up" (in his native language). I kinda got fed up with it, and told him "Can't you see I'm cleaning it up right now, calm down"(again, in his native language). And he started shouting at me and trying to stare me down, and when I stood my ground, he started hitting me.

That sounds pretty excessive. Granted I'm not hearing your father's side in this, but from what you described I have to ask: Have you considered calling the police? Or documenting these things? If these hits left bruises, you could take pictures as evidence.

For the time being, my advice is to do what you feel is the best course of action. You might wanna seek advice from counselors. If it comes down to it, I'd ask the finical aid office in your school for assistance in finding grants and scholarships. Keep in mind, you would probably still need student loans and at minimum a part time job (which could be tough to find considering the economy and your needs in terms of scheduling), but it could at least minimize your need for those. If worse comes to worse, you could apologize.

 

[The .50 Caliber Cow]

Screw it, make your own way. No money is worth dealing with that kind of shit. It will be a hard long road but at least it will be your road and not the people you hate holding the purse strings.

 

[Kimarous]

Here's an idea. Stop whining about how bad you have it and follow one of the options presented:

1) Suck up your pride and apologize to get their money
2) Get a student loan and accept the extended consequences
3) Get a job and use that money to pay for your college

 

[bjj hero]

You have to understand though... A nose-bleed and a headache as an 8-year-old is a lot. And it escalated as I grew older.

I misread you post, I believed that was the result of your last fall out. I still think the rest of my post is valid.

 

[thevillageidiot13]

You have to understand though... A nose-bleed and a headache as an 8-year-old is a lot. And it escalated as I grew older.

I misread you post, I believed that was the result of your last fall out. I still think the rest of my post is valid.

I agree, to a certain extent. At the same time, though, I feel like... a man can only put up with so much. Does that make sense?

 

[DigitalSushi]

Basically, I made Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, and my dad shouted at me and told me to clean the pots myself because it's difficult to scrub the cheese out. I started cleaning them, but my dad stayed on my ass the whole time, shouting about how I "shit all over the house like a dog without cleaning shit up" (in his native language). I kinda got fed up with it, and told him "Can't you see I'm cleaning it up right now, calm down"(again, in his native language). And he started shouting at me and trying to stare me down, and when I stood my ground, he started hitting me.

From what your saying it sounds like your dad is a control freak and believes himself to be the "Alpha Male", which is technically correct but he doesn't sound very nice.

If you can get a log of all the times you remember him beating you then you can go to the police, it doesn't matter if it goes to court or not and whether you can prove it or not, that is not the point, the point is that it'll be on a police record, it'll show him your "signal of intent" as it were.

The problem you have is that because your dad is so overbearing then you're more likely to make yourself (and only yourself) something and then scuttle off to avoid a confrontation with him, and that would make him see that your fucking up his castle and then scuttling off into hiding where he can't find you, that irritates the shit out of control freaks because your out of their view emotionally.

Is there any way you can hold a family meeting? open a forum (in real life) with your family and put down how you feel?, mention that your education means a lot to you and you'd like their support?

 

[thevillageidiot13]

Basically, I made Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, and my dad shouted at me and told me to clean the pots myself because it's difficult to scrub the cheese out. I started cleaning them, but my dad stayed on my ass the whole time, shouting about how I "shit all over the house like a dog without cleaning shit up" (in his native language). I kinda got fed up with it, and told him "Can't you see I'm cleaning it up right now, calm down"(again, in his native language). And he started shouting at me and trying to stare me down, and when I stood my ground, he started hitting me.

From what your saying it sounds like your dad is a control freak and believes himself to be the "Alpha Male", which is technically correct but he doesn't sound very nice.

If you can get a log of all the times you remember him beating you then you can go to the police, it doesn't matter if it goes to court or not and whether you can prove it or not, that is not the point, the point is that it'll be on a police record, it'll show him your "signal of intent" as it were.

The problem you have is that because your dad is so overbearing then you're more likely to make yourself (and only yourself) something and then scuttle off to avoid a confrontation with him, and that would make him see that your fucking up his castle and then scuttling off into hiding where he can't find you, that irritates the shit out of control freaks because your out of their view emotionally.

Is there any way you can hold a family meeting? open a forum (in real life) with your family and put down how you feel?, mention that your education means a lot to you and you'd like their support?

I've tried that several times; the most recent attempt was last year.

I'm not going to try again. My dad is incredibly thick-headed and doesn't know anything about compromise.

 

[thiosk]

I'd fake the apology, take the money, and stop going home for the summer. Summer jobs, summer research, summer classes.

Be nice and try to get the next three years of college paid for. You don't want the loans if you can avoid them. Tough future economic times and all.

Then, do a graduate program that pays full ride scholarships. That would be chemistry, and typically physics. Some of the life sciences are ok. Engineering is a little weird, from what I understand, but I don't spend much time with those folks.

I would, but, unfortunately, my passion lies in History, and that's what I eventually want to get my PhD in...

Since you are not pursuing a marketable skill, my advice to minimize debt is emphasized threefold.

 

[scar_47]

Get as many grants and scholarships as you can with even decent grades its not hard hech I had a 3.7 in high school and got a scholarship that got me half off tuition, it'll take a little work but your schools financial aide office can help you out those likely won't cover everythingso you'll need loans or a job but probably both depending on your tuition costs, student loans aren't bad and nearly everyone needs them for college just make sure you now the terms student loans really aren't as bad as some other posters have said if your going into a decent field making the payments won't be an issue and if your doing well make double payments so you get out sooner, as for a job really anything would work most places are really good about working around your classes and a lot of people go to school and work.

I don't see apologising as an option have some dignity would you really want anything from someone that thinks so little of you as to beat you, I'd cut ties with them you'll be better for it theres no reason to allow people like that in your life, millions have put themselves through college yeah it takes a little work but in this case its the only option I see.

 

[James Crook]

If you ask me, fake the apology, then when you land a successful job and have everything going well, rub it in their faces. If they need help, don't give it to them.

I know it sucks, but if you have the ability, you need to get your education. Working while in school tends to severely hamper grades, and I think that faking an apology and having to hold your tongue for awhile is far better than taking that blow to your school life that might have a very long lasting effect on the rest of your life.

Precisely what this guy said.
Once you land your successful job, rub it in their faces, don't support them and, if possible, sue them/report your father for freezing a join account.
I'd also advise changing your last name, because I don't think you want to be associated with these people who treated you like human refuse.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well a word of advice, don't bite the hand that feeds you until you are ready to move on, this goes for parents, teachers, bosses, ...

What you do now is up to you, if you want to keep the high ground then start thinking of monetary solutions.

 

[DigitalSushi]

I've tried that several times; the most recent attempt was last year.

I'm not going to try again. My dad is incredibly thick-headed and doesn't know anything about compromise.

Well from the limited information I have I would urge you to make a log of your father beating you, your mother probably defends him because he's mentally convinced her that's its OK because of who he is, and take that log to the police, it might be in the past but its still an infraction.

Go to your universities financial aid department, talk to welfare (you might be legible for housing), get references, do your utmost to limit your debts basically, your in for a tough time and I hope you can get out of it.

Although doing a major in history isn't going to help to be honest.

 

[Killertje]

Your father is forcing you to do what he wants in exchange for what you need. He doesn't love you. If he did he would give you the money and be proud of your GPA. I'd say its time for him to feel like the ***** for a while.

Tell him if he ever so much as touches you again you will go to the police and sue the crap out of him. Try to make him believe it by quoting the law (doesn't have to be the real law, just make it sound official). Make sure you show him that what he did to you last time was illegal and how you can make him pay a lot of money or go to jail. (Prepare this part carefully, if you can't convince him you will probably have to actually DO it).

Once he believes you can do that, confront him about everything he ever did that pissed you off and watch him squirm trying not to hit you, or if he really does hit you, call the police and make good on your threat. (Also tell your mom she's a cowardly twat.)

I'd suggest doing a little research into the actual law before doing all this. As far as money is concerned, good chance your father will give you the money after you show him exactly what kind of sad little man he is, but if he doesn't this thread is full of alternatives.