Need help with Romance? Who you gonna call?

[dwightsteel]

Ok, this has been kind of a long time coming it seems. It's not entirely uncommon for a thread about romance to pop up. A lot of the time it's guys who just don't know how to get the girl. But that's ok. Romance is a tough subject to grasp. Anyway, I tend to post a lot in these threads, because this area happens to be my forte.

Before you think I'm just some guy who thinks he knows more then he does, here's my resume:
I'm what I like to call a "no so traditionally handsome" guy, but about mid-way through high school, I just started to understand the necessary concepts to "get the girl". For a little over a year, I've hosted a local radio program on the subject, and I've personally stepped in and helped 53 guys build up their game, in which 50 have either found meaningful relationships or it's helped them to...well I guess "go all the way" would be a good way of phrasing it. Most of the guys I've helped were like me, not traditionally handsome, but have boat loads of personality.

I can't promise to make anyone into the next great pickup artist, and honestly, that's not really what I'm trying to do. What I can promise, is that if you follow my advice, your chances will improve, and I'll help you do that without making your pretend to be someone you're not. Some advice may be outside your comfort zone, but 8 out of 10 times, shyness is the enemy we're trying to combat.

So if you have questions, or need advice, let me help you.


EDIT: Threads don't last forever. In fact, I'm willing to bet this one will disappear into the void in less than a day. So that being said, if anyone has something they wish to discuss, questions to ask, or just someone to listen to you, PM anytime. I can't promise to respond right away, but I'll always respond.

 

[Flying-Emu]

Wow, this was the last thing I expected this thread to be. And I'm desparate enough to ask things.

I'm not anywhere near a handsome guy, and I tend to be fairly awkward around women. I'm good at making friends with them, but beyond that, I'm lost. Every time I try and ask out a girl, they play it off as if it's a joke, and when I press the issue... well, it hasn't gone well.

I have severe self-esteem issues and can't seem to find a lass. My female friends have accused me of being too boxed-in, which may be true.

I just don't know what ta do.

I'm totally pathetic for asking this, but it's the internet and I don't care. What should I do, oh Guru?

 

[Ultrajoe]

Why do girls not like my shiny and impenetrable suit of plate mail? I'm a provider, a lover, I don't leave my chain-gun on the mantlepiece, I hang it over my bed-pod next to the severed heads of my foes. Tell me my accredited chum, am I too forward? Should I not bathe her house in the blood of a vanquished nation? Why can't I bring myself to risk friendships? Should I spare the white rhino it's life as a species instead of crafting a mighty horned chariot to show up at her house in?

I'm so confused.

 

[Circus Ascendant]

Why do girls not like my shiny and impenetrable suit of plate mail? I'm a provider, a lover, I don't leave my chain-gun on the mantlepiece, I hang it over my bed-pod next to the severed heads of my foes. Tell me my accredited chum, am I too forward? Should I not bathe her house in the blood of a vanquished nation? Why can't I bring myself to risk friendships? Should I spare the white rhino it's life as a species instead of crafting a mighty horned chariot to show up at her house in?

I'm so confused.

The maidens shall bow to your manliness! Your bathing of her dwelling in the lifeblood of your fallen enemies shows your devotion to protect her, your spawn and your country! By slaying the rhino, you demonstrate the COURAGE required to win true her heart, and your marvellously well polished helmet and armour make clear that you take pride in your appearance - something any woman loves - but the fact you do not show your face serves to keep her interest up.

Fear not, brave knight. Continue as you have been doing and the womenfolk shall flock to you after hearing tales of your heroics.

 

[Flying-Emu]

Why do girls not like my shiny and impenetrable suit of plate mail? I'm a provider, a lover, I don't leave my chain-gun on the mantlepiece, I hang it over my bed-pod next to the severed heads of my foes. Tell me my accredited chum, am I too forward? Should I not bathe her house in the blood of a vanquished nation? Why can't I bring myself to risk friendships? Should I spare the white rhino it's life as a species instead of crafting a mighty horned chariot to show up at her house in?

I'm so confused.

Dickhead

Dude, it's Joe. He's jokin' around.

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

Lean on Me... When your not strong

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

Lean on Me... When your not strong

You're

And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry


Anyways, any tips on finding the balance between what's funny and what pisses your girl off?

well I guess knowing what her sense of humour is like for a good start. If she's making dead baby jokes than its apparent she'll laugh at even your most debaunched stunt

 

[Ultrajoe]

Dickhead

Technically this classifies as Asshole behavior, if it turns out you are offended by it. Why it would offend you, I have no idea, unless you have some deep-seated desire not to see me make a fool of myself, in which case I'm deeply flattered. Let this gentleman get back to his thread, I've had my mildly sardonic comment and won't bother you all again.

Dude, it's Joe. He's jokin' around.

I was more trying to poke fun at the premise of this thread, but I can handle 'Jokin' around'.

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

When you start making a shrine out of discarded wads of bubblegum?

 

[Graustein]

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

Ooh! I can answer this one! When you start trying to think of words that rhyme with her name, despite having never contemplated poetry in any way in the past.

...No, why do you ask?

 

[Blackadder51]

Dickhead

Technically this classifies as Asshole behavior, if it turns out you are offended by it. Why it would offend you, I have no idea, unless you have some deep-seated desire not to see me make a fool of myself, in which case I'm deeply flattered. Let this gentleman get back to his thread, I've had my mildly sardonic comment and won't bother you all again.

Dude, it's Joe. He's jokin' around.

I was more trying to poke fun at the premise of this thread, but I can handle 'Jokin' around'.

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

I never said offended but in hindsight smartarse would have been a better word =D

 

[RavingLibDem]

Why do girls not like my shiny and impenetrable suit of plate mail? I'm a provider, a lover, I don't leave my chain-gun on the mantlepiece, I hang it over my bed-pod next to the severed heads of my foes. Tell me my accredited chum, am I too forward? Should I not bathe her house in the blood of a vanquished nation? Why can't I bring myself to risk friendships? Should I spare the white rhino it's life as a species instead of crafting a mighty horned chariot to show up at her house in?

I'm so confused.

so your that guy she left me for :O she always liked blood :-(

 

[dwightsteel]

Wow, this was the last thing I expected this thread to be. And I'm desparate enough to ask things.

I'm not anywhere near a handsome guy, and I tend to be fairly awkward around women. I'm good at making friends with them, but beyond that, I'm lost. Every time I try and ask out a girl, they play it off as if it's a joke, and when I press the issue... well, it hasn't gone well.

I have severe self-esteem issues and can't seem to find a lass. My female friends have accused me of being too boxed-in, which may be true.

I just don't know what ta do.

I'm totally pathetic for asking this, but it's the internet and I don't care. What should I do, oh Guru?

Ok, dude, I used to be you. Up until my junior year in high school, I thought I was a permanent member of "the Friend-Zone". I know it's not the nicest place to be. Your not pathetic for asking for help. It's the same as acquiring any knowledge. Some comes easier then others, and those bits of information you can't figure out for yourself, you have to get help with.

To start, as I've pointed out, the first thing we have to realize is that it's true: if we're not traditionally handsome, we're at a disadvantage. It sucks, but its a fact. The good news is, the disadvantage isn't the chasm you think it is.

On a psychological level, guys are far more married to the concept of physical attraction then girls are. That's not to say there aren't a lot of shallow girls out there, but a lot of girls are actually more concerned with guys who can provide a sense of security and safety (it's a biological fact). With that in mind, lets address your problem.

Yours is the most common problem I come across. You approach girls, you seem to be able to get along well with them, but (seemingly) inevitably, you end up the friend and not the boyfriend. But my friend, let me tell you, this can change, and the first part of that is in your confidence.

I'm not the guy who's advice is "you just have to be confident!" People used to tell me that all the time. What the hell does that even mean? It's not like there is a switch you can flip, and BAM! It's something you have to build. So here is what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you an exercise.

It's simple. You take it one step at a time until you've mastered the step, then you move on to the next one.

Step 1- find a public place. If you're old enough to go to bars, then bars are probably the best place to find women, mostly because bars have women are trying to do the same thing you are. If you're not old enough, then public parks or big shopping hubs like malls and grocery stores are good too.

Once you're there, I want you to approach a girl you're interested, and just say "hi". If the girl is weirded out, apologize, and walk away, and find someone else. Ideally, she'll say "hi" back, and you can introduce yourself, and make some small talk. The conversation shouldn't last long. Maybe a minute or two. When it slows down say, "well it was nice to meet you," you smile, and walk away. THIS IS THE HARDEST STEP. Easily. 90% of this battle is beating your shyness and your self esteem. On the first go, I want you to keep at it until at least 2 girls stop and talk to you. It's gonna be hard, but push through the uncomfortableness. On the next outing, don't stop until you talk to three girls. Try to find a time in your day when you can dedicate a half hour to this project everyday until you can walk up to a girl, and just say "hi" to her. This is half of your battle.

Step 2- You proceed much the same way you do with the first step, except I want you to move away from the small talk as quickly as you can. Don't avoid it, small talk is a nice ice breaker, and you want to use this time to find something about her to talk about. A necklace, a tattoo, a feature that she has CONTROL OVER (avoid the anything that is natural on her, like her eyes. She'll feel that you making a comment on her anatomical appearance, and for some reason, girls tend to feel like you're just trying to get into their pants) that you can inquire about. People in general like to talk about themselves. At this point, if you're at a bar, offer to buy her a drink. Try to get 5 or so good minutes of conversation with substance. Like before, when you feel the conversation starting to dry up, don't try to rejuvenate it with something else. You're asking for trouble. Be the one to end the conversation. This gives you control over the encounter (you opened up, and you closed). Try to end with something to the effect of "It was nice talking to you. Hopefully we'll run into each other again sometime." Be nice, cheerful, and hopefully by this point (since you've ideally mastered the first step), you won't be nervous.

Step 3- This is the most minor step, and it's a change in your ending. Instead of saying, "hopefully we'll run into each other..." say "I'd really like to continue this conversation, but I have to run. Maybe I could get your number, and we could continue this some other time?" There is no way she could misconstrue your meaning here. On your first time meeting this girl, you've asked for her number. She'll know that you're making a romantic inquiry. By this point in time, your confidence might not be maxed out, but you should already be not so scared of rejection.

If you follow this plan, if you allow yourself even to complete the first step, you'll be on your way to bettering your situation, but it's up to you whether or not you want to listen. The first step is always the hardest, but it's also the most crucial.

 

[dwightsteel]

Lean on Me... When your not strong

You're

And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry


Anyways, any tips on finding the balance between what's funny and what pisses your girl off?

Not without pissing her off at least once. The only way to know where boundaries are is to run into them.

 

[CakeDragon]

I shouted 'Ghostbusters' when I saw this thread title...

OT: So, OP, what are your opinions on long distance relationships? I've been in one for over a year now, but what'll come of us in September when I go to Uni and he gets a job? I want it to work, so, I dunno, any tips?

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

When you have the face of said person tattooed on your body (usually when drunk) and it comes out looking like a gremlin - but you never admit to it. Also you get it out to show people and think it's really cool.

 

[dwightsteel]

But if you were genuine, OP, I'll give you a prompt question; At what point does infatuation become obsession?

Obsession interferes with your everyday life. If your alienating people, if you're overly concerned with what object of your infatuation is doing with his/her time, if they start hanging out with someone and you find yourself not just angry, but offended, then you've probably started to cross the line. Your friends are a better judge of this then you might think. If your friends or family bring it to you attention, you at least owe it to them to listen.

 

[HateDread]

--Snip--

That made me smile. You know your stuff.

What if you end up liking a best friend? I've done it before, then fallen in love with them, and it never works well. At all. Your advice? I don't want it to get to that point.

(And I'm often told I'm ugly, FYI. I guess I believe it.)

 

[Flying-Emu]

*snip

Well... I suppose it can't hurt to try. Thanks for your time.