Ok, you get a girlfriend, now what?

[Danzavare]

My relationship is weird in this regard. For the vast majority of problems we simply talk it out, explaining ourselves. More often than not articulating the problem solves it pretty quickly. At my angriest, I pace and rant in front of her (mind you, not at her), which calms me down and usually includes me confessing reasons of being upset that go beyond whatever initial problem set me off. I'm an English major, she gets it. Treating my problems as pseudo-mysteries in need of Sherlock-style solving work for me and are a somewhat amusing way of solving my issues.

I, for reasons I've yet to completely fathom, get ridiculously affectionate whenever my partner is mad at me. It's less a begging for forgiveness (though if I'm at fault I ask for it) and more that I kind of like it when she's mad. (Not that I make a point to make her mad. >.>; ) It starts with melodramatic speeches and over-the-top expressions of affection and ends with her laughing at me, which works for me~!

I think an important thing to our relationship is that it wasn't started out of a feeling of desperation. Neither one of us actively wanted to be in relationships even though both of us had options. We're together because we were patient and picky. We may argue, but we've never called into question the validity of our relationship.

I've had non-romantic relationships where I've had to 'put-up' with someone and I gotta say, I really don't have the patience to keep a relationship for its own sake.

In my 2nd year and still running~!

Captcha: body surfing

 

[Luke3184]

This might be her asking you something you can't answer (for me it's "why are you in a bad mood" and refusing to drop it) or getting annoyed because you actually have something else to do, we all have to experience this in our relationships from time to time because hell, we're dealing with people who aren't exactly like us, only like us enough for us to want to be with them, so inevitably you're going to clash on some things.

My question to you escapists, is how do you manage to bite the bullet and stay calm even when you want to tell them that they're being stupid or a hypocrite or even just plain difficult?

Oh, like you guys are so easy to deal with.

You want to know why she keeps asking why you're in a bad mood? Because she likely feels it as a passive-aggressive attack on her. To her, you're basically saying "I'm upset with you, but I won't tell you why" which is REALLY annoying when you're on the other side of it. Even if you are upset about something completely different (like work or whatever), since you're being moody WITH her, it feels like it's her problem. Or, at the very least, it comes off as a giant sign saying "something's wrong" and she's trying to fix it. Or comfort you. Or at least understand.

So if you're in a bad mood, tell the poor girl why. We ask because we care. And because, guys, when you sit around all moody and gloomy, it is ANNOYING. Very very annoying.

And if you don't know why, then try saying "I just feel shitty, I'm honestly not sure why" - and when she goes "well, what will make you feel better?" you can reply with whatever you want. Who knows, you might even get it.

Note: if your answer is "a blow job" that trick only works twice. Three times max.

IT'S YOU!!!

Ahhh I should probably explain, you were on my list of posters who cheer me up no end and I couldn't remember your username, hence my excitement at your appearance. This is all in a totally non-stalky way... Yeah.


OT: I generally destroy the relationship and end up loathing myself, but that's just my preference

 

[manic_depressive13]

I've been with my boyfriend for about six months and I don't think we've had an argument yet. We've disagreed, but we've never gotten angry at eachother (at least I haven't). Also, we only see eachother maybe twice a week and never talk on the phone.

Am I doing it wrong? I mean, I'm happy with our current arrangement, yet part of me feels like we should be spending more time together, or going out somewhere instead of just playing video games all the time. Is the reason that we haven't argued simply that we're not "close" enough? Maybe I do things to annoy him and he just doesn't want to admit it.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I'm going to assume this thread works for talking about boyfriends too.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years now and the whole "holding the relationship together" bit hasn't actually been a problem. Sure, we've had moments of driving each other up the wall, but (speaking only for myself) I've never even considered breaking up with him.

My (and I suspect his as well) method for dealing driving-up-the-wall moments is just to give him some space. On one memorable occasion (two years back) this involved me going for a very long walk, and returning to find my (then) housemate waiting for me in my room. The condensed version of tour conversation was something like this:

Me: "We had a fight."
Housemate: "I know."
Me: "I told him to f**k off."
Housemate: "I heard."
Me: "I've completely ruined it."
Housemate: "No you haven't."
Me: "What am I going to do?"
Housemate: "You're going to go to his house and make it right."
Me: "OK."

And it really was as simple as that!

 

[krazykidd]

Because it's worth it?

The same reason you have a dog, even though you have to clean up it's shit.

Because it's worth it.

Or children . Even though they cry , yell , don' listen , run arround , and you have to clean their shit , they are still worth .... What am i saying children are totally not worth all that trouble ...little shits

OT. Make up sex is great . As to how . ALWAYS agree with her . It makes life so much simpler.

 

[runnernda]

I'm a lady who tends to be single (and who tends to hang out with guys because they're easier to understand), but through my experiences with my female friends who complain about their boyfriends, I've picked up some pointers. I've found that a lot of times, guys need to anticipate how things are going to be taken. More often than not, it's not what you say, it's what she hears. If a girl is angry about something, chances are she has a reason. You might not understand the reason, but I recommend against belittling it. Also, if she's talking about something that frustrates or worries her, she might just want you to listen. Don't offer solutions unless she asks.

Crazy? Absolutely. True? Absolutely.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I find a sound insulated basement works wonders... just don't tell anyone.
But if you are the nitpicky type and want things done legally you should try and talk it out, however do note that women can not live without drama, if no drama occurs naturally in the course of your relationship then they will create it.
Then the point is not working anything out it is simply to play along, fail to do so and it will be twice as bad next round.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Actually, I kind of see your point, she's done the same thing, gotten sad and not been able to tell me why and it is actually quite annoying. Suppose I can see where she's coming from. I did end up telling her that her inability to drop it was actually making it worse, which made it worse for about half an hour because we stopped talking to get some space. Seemed to work.

As a note: Blow job as an answer has worked more than three times. Mind... Blown

(I would answer everyone else, but I have a university to get to, was not expecting so many quotes, nearly had a heart attack)

Good, I'm glad I could help. I'm a big believer in communication. Then again, that is sort of my career choice, so I damn well better be good at it.

As far as the my blowjob joke, well, when someone else countered with "taking out the trash" only works 3 times, I replied that I'd gotten it to work more than that, so it would appear that I was wrong about the 3 time limit.

I'd have to say you and your "partner" (-_^) are two very lucky people.

Um... why the quotes around partner? I used the term "romantic partner" earlier because I'm bisexual, so in any given example from my sorted romantic history I might be with either a man or a woman (or slightly wider possibilities not necessary to go in to for the purpose of this thread).

IT'S YOU!!!

Eeek! **hides under a table**

Ahhh I should probably explain, you were on my list of posters who cheer me up no end and I couldn't remember your username, hence my excitement at your appearance. This is all in a totally non-stalky way... Yeah.

Oh. Well that's alright then. ^^ Glad I could help cheer you up.

If you like, you could friend me. I'm very open to friend requests. ^^

 

[Luke3184]

Removed

 

[Jinxzy]

My question to you escapists, is how do you manage to bite the bullet and stay calm even when you want to tell them that they're being stupid or a hypocrite or even just plain difficult?

Just laugh. Keep laughing and either one of two things will happen.
1) They laugh too, you guys blow off what ever just happened and everything goes back to normal.
2) They get mad at you for laughing, they stomp off and do there anger thing and leave you alone.
Laughter can cure most problems.

 

[Agent Larkin]

Ok quick OT my reaction like most people's on this thread would be to panic and wonder WTF is going on. Bare in mind last girl i was interested in.... well have you ever seen Chasing Amy?

However my captcha just baffles me. "The Full Monty?" Really Captcha, really?

 

[Chefodeath]

I will do the same thing I end up doing with all my relationships.

For some reason, this woman has decided that she loves me. This indicates that she is obviously a moron, and I will now mercilessly mock and resent her for being such a fucking idiot.

-Relationship terminated-

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Me? With a gf?

 

[Sexy Devil]

She must tell you that constantly then. If she was on the Escapist I would expect her to attack you every time you derailed a thread! :O

It's called "Gooding up a thread." Please get it right.

 

[DJ_DEnM]

Disagreeing with my girlfriend has always made me think it can be much funner. Think about it, you spend more time talking to her about things like that. It makes lonely moments magical and makes moments less awkward. Unlike a girlfriend who agrees with everything you say! I want a girlfriend who challenges me.

 

[DugMachine]

Well I can't really relate because my longest relation ship (the one i'm in atm) is kind of weird I guess. We give each other a lot of space and don't constantly bug one another. We're very independent and don't like bothering each other for stupid shit. If my gal looks like she's in a bad mood, i'll ask whats the matter, if she says nothing then I drop it. If it had anything to do with me she'd tell me and the same applies to me.

It's just a fine line you have to walk with giving each other room to breathe but not being so distant that being in a relationship is meaningless. Oh and sex has to be a mutual thing, don't bother one another for sex.