On Women As People and How To Get Their Attention

[veloper]

I'm sorry what? Only did High School okay? Little words.

What she means is, your PERONAL experience doesn't prove anything.

Ah ha, thank you.

Interesting, then every post that expresses a personal opinion thus far have no value either.

Well, it's true personal opinion doesn't have much value either. It also matters who's opinion it is.

Back to personal experiences, what works for boy A, may not work for boy B.

When it comes to women, it's not so much about what pickup lines or what you do or how hard you try. Instead it's mostly about who you are in the most shallow sense possible: confidence, size, friends, job, muscles, money.
A man who has everything set, can succeed with the worst pickup lines.

So instead of relying on personal experiences with girls, observe who girls date.

 

[seamusotorain]

I was actually reading through them (joined shortly after), and I found it really interesting how so many men can wonder about the conundrum of our existence.

What can I say, you guys girls are feckin' confusing, especially to the nerdier among us.

 

[SmartIdiot]

Women are robots.

 

[hondommond]

Bleh I really do hate topics on women XD

you make a good point tho....stop with all the damn threads...

 

[CoziestPigeon]

Well, for starters, it's true. Chicks want the same shit, and that thing they all want is none of us on the forums.

Maybe you're just generally unattractive? I also wouldn't think women would like being referred to as "chicks." Just because women don't like you, doesn't mean they're all out for the same thing.

Sorry if this is insulting. Can't think of a nicer way to put it.

I was speaking on behalf of the people who complain about it I have no problems with women and have been happy with my girlfriend for 5 years now, so no offense was taken
Also, around here, girls like being called chicks. Makes them feel more wild

 

[Futurehead]

The fundamental issue seems to be that many people (and many, many, men) aren't very good with nuances, and like simple (and reassuring) answers.

We like the answer that "oh, women love bad boys" because it means that when/if a girl rejects us, we're not responsible; we're right, and she's just looking for the wrong thing. As opposed to actually sitting down and saying "why might this girl not like me?" or even "I wonder if there's something lacking in my behavior, maybe I'm not as nice and awesome as I think". Similarly, when we see "jerks" get dates while we sit at home, we scoff and write scathing diatribes about how women claim to want nice guys, but only ever date jerks. Having written a few myself, I can understand that.

We don't want to admit the cold, hard, truths because it's much more pleasant to go with the fact that women just make bad choices. If women make bad choices, or jerks just get a leg up and "well, I can't act enough like an ass", we don't have to be personally responsible for rejection.

I agree that women have varied responses, and rationales, and desires, but a lot of the time that boils down to a rejection. It's nicer to say "bah, she just wanted a hot jerk, so who cares? Stupid women" than to have to examine why she might not like you. Some girls are looking for nice guys (most, in my experience). Some are looking for flings, and most of the reason the "jerks" are more successful is that they cast a much wider net.

It's simple mathematics. Even if a "nice" guy and a "bad boy" have the same chance of any given girl liking him (let's say 10%), it's just a matter of who asks more girls. A "nice" guy may obsess about a girl, convince himself she's the love of his life, and ask out maybe eight per year (that's what I topped out at when I really gave it my all). A "jerk" on the other hand doesn't need to obsess, he sees a girl he thinks he might like, he asks her, he moves on. He may ask out a few dozen (if not many more) each year. Who's more likely to find a girl who'll say yes?

But we don't like that answer. We don't want any explanation for our rejection that might cast doubt on our choices.

One of the best posts I've read on here, although you shouldn't have used the pronoun "we" as you're effectively every straight male on The Escapist is like that which really can't be true.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Well, for starters, it's true. Chicks want the same shit, and that thing they all want is none of us on the forums.

Maybe you're just generally unattractive? I also wouldn't think women would like being referred to as "chicks." Just because women don't like you, doesn't mean they're all out for the same thing.

Sorry if this is insulting. Can't think of a nicer way to put it.

I was speaking on behalf of the people who complain about it I have no problems with women and have been happy with my girlfriend for 5 years now, so no offense was taken
Also, around here, girls like being called chicks. Makes them feel more wild

Proof that you don't need to be right to get the desired outcome.

 

[Seldon2639]

The fundamental issue seems to be that many people (and many, many, men) aren't very good with nuances, and like simple (and reassuring) answers.

We like the answer that "oh, women love bad boys" because it means that when/if a girl rejects us, we're not responsible; we're right, and she's just looking for the wrong thing. As opposed to actually sitting down and saying "why might this girl not like me?" or even "I wonder if there's something lacking in my behavior, maybe I'm not as nice and awesome as I think". Similarly, when we see "jerks" get dates while we sit at home, we scoff and write scathing diatribes about how women claim to want nice guys, but only ever date jerks. Having written a few myself, I can understand that.

We don't want to admit the cold, hard, truths because it's much more pleasant to go with the fact that women just make bad choices. If women make bad choices, or jerks just get a leg up and "well, I can't act enough like an ass", we don't have to be personally responsible for rejection.

I agree that women have varied responses, and rationales, and desires, but a lot of the time that boils down to a rejection. It's nicer to say "bah, she just wanted a hot jerk, so who cares? Stupid women" than to have to examine why she might not like you. Some girls are looking for nice guys (most, in my experience). Some are looking for flings, and most of the reason the "jerks" are more successful is that they cast a much wider net.

It's simple mathematics. Even if a "nice" guy and a "bad boy" have the same chance of any given girl liking him (let's say 10%), it's just a matter of who asks more girls. A "nice" guy may obsess about a girl, convince himself she's the love of his life, and ask out maybe eight per year (that's what I topped out at when I really gave it my all). A "jerk" on the other hand doesn't need to obsess, he sees a girl he thinks he might like, he asks her, he moves on. He may ask out a few dozen (if not many more) each year. Who's more likely to find a girl who'll say yes?

But we don't like that answer. We don't want any explanation for our rejection that might cast doubt on our choices.

One of the best posts I've read on here, although you shouldn't have used the pronoun "we" as you're effectively every straight male on The Escapist is like that which really can't be true.

*shrugs* Having been here for a pretty long time, many if not most of the men here are of that type. Or, rather, those men who discuss these issues are of that type. I used "we", though, to indicate men who (like me) have used those excuses to explain our failures with the opposite sex. I count myself as part of the group because (despite my ability to see past it some of the time), I still get caught up in the judgmental "she doesn't like me so she must be stupid/illogical/wrong" mindset. It's a nice mindset, it means no rejection really gets me, it's just not quantifiably true.

 

[Snugglebunny]

If your looking for a girl to be your girlfriend, this is my advice (as a girl)

-Be their friend first: understand them and get to know them and vice versa. Sure all the girls go "omg nice azz like whut?" but deep down, we all want a guy that we trust and know is not a psychopath before giving their heart to them.

-Don't be the bad boy: The appeal lasts for effectively 4 days (I have seen it, its always 4 days) then you're just a jerk that her mom hates.

-Don't be the brother: Don't get too comfortable around them, and LET THEM KNOW YOUR INTERESTED. Women are not mind readers, shocker tho right?

-Be smart: Morons go nowhere.

-Have good hygiene: You don't have to be an underwear model, just smell okay and look neat and girls love it. Not too hard.

-Be honest: if you want to date, mention it but don't force it. If you don't want to date, then say so. Again, not too hard.

-Be nice: Its HARD to be a woman: you have to be tough, but not a she-man. You have to be gentle, but not a push over. You have to be pretty, but not conceited. You have to be smart, but not intimidating. So just know that.

-Don't be a sex maniac: Guys who go for girls just to get in their pants deserve neither! (IF that makes sense...) Respect girls!

About the being honest bit. Seems to me that if come out and say that you would be interested in dating a female friend of yours, even if you don't "force" it that just knowing you're interested in her will force her to see you differently. Which is probably more likely to scare or push her away than to help you progress a relationship.

For the record its not easy being a man either. The definition has shifted somewhat in the last few decades. We have to masculine yet sensitive, confident but not arrogant, masculine yet not overbearing, mature yet willing to act childish occassionally, protective yet not make it seem like we don't think she can stick up for herself, take charge but still let her make decisions. Theres so much confliction in modern culture as to what a man should be. I'm 20 years old and I have really no idea how i'm supposed to act or anything like that.

Going back to an earlier topic about generalising women to disguise you're own ineptitude wit them. I would like to say, for the record, that I don't do this. I know i'm useless with women. Going up and talking to one who looks nice seems like a gross invasion of privacy to me. Whether its at a theatre, a bar , a club or anywhere really. What it all boils down to, for me, is this. I am not good looking enough to attract a woman solely based on physical appearance, neither do I have the charm or wit to supplement what little physical attraction I do possess. Coupled with a mild Aspergers syndrome that makes me feel rediculously awkward or out of place and a mind that forces me to analyse most things until it finds a conclusion negative enough to satisfy it, the masochistic mess that it is. If you add the fact that , being a dancer, i am never going to earn a large amount of money and , unless i get very very lucky, will have to work incredibly hard all my life just to make ends meet. The conclusion is that i'm going to alone forever.

I'm working on accepting this and trying to find a way to kill the part of me that holds sexual attraction. Life would be so much better if I was asexual. Oh well. A man can dream, a man can dream......

Buy a cat? Women love guys who can be kind to cats, even if they themselves don't like cats. Its so true.

 

[mrstopadoodledoo]

Buy a cat? Women love guys who can be kind to cats, even if they themselves don't like cats. Its so true.

Sort of. I just asked my girlfriend and she says that she doesn't mind if I have a cat, but she'd get cross if I called it Terence, dressed it up in a pink tutu and make-up and took it to bed with us. Now I'm confused, because I thought that's what being kind was.

 

[Snugglebunny]

Buy a cat? Women love guys who can be kind to cats, even if they themselves don't like cats. Its so true.

Sort of. I just asked my girlfriend and she says that she doesn't mind if I have a cat, but she'd get cross if I called it Terence, dressed it up in a pink tutu and make-up and took it to bed with us. Now I'm confused, because I thought that's what being kind was.

..................maybe a reference to a film? Or some sort of pathological fear of cats named Terence in pink tutus? My bf has like 4 cats and I have two as well. I love cats ^^ like I said, good guys are always kind to cats.

 

[mrstopadoodledoo]

I think she has a pathological fear of cats. Then again, I get that a lot with women: I ask them to say hello to my little friend, and they get all shocked when it's a 4lb tabby called Giles in a smoking jacket and a beret. Why don't women like men who dress up animals?

But back to the topic: the problem is some of the guys on here are thinking too much. You're assuming you should care about what other people think of you, when the truth is most of the time other people aren't thinking about you. Then again, your mileage may vary; I'm English, so all I have to do is drink a lot and thus I can avoid having to worry about confidence, what car you drive / muscles you have / etc etc etc

 

[SmartIdiot]

These kids are looking for an excuse for there issues with girls. Their introverted and creepily passive aggresive, but whatever its confident guys faults that girls aren't interested in them. Not theirs. Idiots. If girls don't like you it's no ones fault but your own.

I'm amazed that at the time of posting there is now 5 pages of this thread. Has anyone seen this post? Did anyone read past the second one? Nail. Head. /thread.
(I don't have that problem though, girls love me on account of I am gorgeous )

Spoiler

This explains, as well as being a good lesson on dating, the incongruence between the mentality of sexes.

I.E: I wanted to post it, and it's relevant here.

I remember a friend of mine sent this to me a couple of years ago after another relationship dissolved on him. Since then there's always been something a little disconcerting about it... moreso, I mean.

Also, I agree on it being a lesson in dating. If you're gonna do it, be prepared for a shit storm everytime it goes wrong and guys, specifically, if you're gonna be the shoulder to cry on, try not to get any big ideas. It's a bit of a backwards way of developing a closer relationship.

 

[Andothul]

Heres how i get girls

Step 1: Talk to them

 

[Free Thinker]

I'm a Womanologist. I've studied these creatures for years. I was funded by the Man-ocracy to document everything. I discovered, that when you travel in a sports car, flash your money clip, credit card, and act like a douche, it attracts the most attractive women.

I did this...FOR SCIENCE!

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

"Woman as people" hmmm gotta love that. No offense but, thats... probably not the best thread title in the world either. xD

Getting a womans attention isnt so hard, but i see most guys overthinking the situation and basicly bombing it big time, i dont like some idiot guy slobering all over me trying to get me to go out with him, a. because im a lesbian, and b. its disgusting. You want my attention, come say hi.

Mostly i see two types of guys, and this is by NO MEANS it, im just saying in my PERSONAL experience this is what i see most often.

Type A, the arrogant jerk.
These types are the ones most of my girlfriends date, no idea why, i dont see the attraction.
Generally they're pompus, arrogant, aloof and otherwise dicks. I understand that youre good at something, whatever it is, but i dont need you to show me every half a second in the vain attempt ill jump on your knob and be done with it. I dont like guys who act like they're the best, and while self confidence is important theres a line between self confident and asshole. Knowing several of these guys i can say, tone it down! please!

Type B, the quiet shy guy.
These guys are always too shy to even say hi, let alone ask anything else. They tend to sit on the sidelines and wish for something but rarely go for it. Not much to say, other than, have a little confidence, while some girls are bitches, most of us arent, and whats the worst that can happen? you get rejected? it happens!

Speaking out of character for a moment, the best way for a guy to get my attention is to come right up and say hi, be confident but not arrogant, be someone i can talk to, laugh with and generally enjoy meeting. I dont like to be oggled and treated like a toy, im far better than that, and i rather dislike being labeled as such. I also dont like being treated like something to far away to ever bother going after, sitting in the corner staring at me.

But this is just my views, and what i want, and going back to the original post, or more accurately the title, thats how you get my attention and how i see myself and those around me.

once again I UNDERLINE "MY PERSONAL VIEW" as was stated before, women and men are all individuals, and everyone has their own views, their own opinions, and this is mine, im just answering how i feel i am.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

The problem is simple: people cannot stand being stood up or rejected, so they're usually doing something to make the crush assuredly love them, or they even wait for them to ask them out. Regardless of gender, it happens all the time.

It's annoying, I hate those relationship threads, so for those of you reading:

Fucking ask her out first!