One of my best friend left me! please help!

[Gxas]

Ever heard of something called denial? I'm not saying he should stop wanting to have sex with people of the same sex. What I'm suggesting is that if his friend is that important to him, maybe he should stop expressing himself or acting as a gay person. People can suppress their sexual desire. That is a choice they can make no matter what their sexual preference are.

And what's with the mentality that just because this is who I am I'm going to act it out. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you need to act like a gay person. Just because you're racist doesn't mean you need to act like a racist. Just because you're extreme religious doesn't mean you need to act like a fanatic. The list goes on and on.

He may not need to act gay, but that doesn't make him any less. If his friend is no longer being a friend due to the confession of homosexual tendencies, then the cat is already out of the bag.

I still don't see how acting like you are something you're not will be any better, though. Why shouldn't the OP be able to be himself? If the "friend" is enough of an ass to not accept it, hes not worth it.

I suppose I missed your point entirely, didn't I?

 

[Haunted Serenity]

Don't try and get him back. He'll ethier come around or he won't simple as that.

 

[jjofearth]

I have a situation similar (but admittedly less serious) to yours. I have been best friends with this group of guys since like Nursery School (I am in Year 8), and recently, they've become incredibly immature. (Or I've become extremely mature.) What I've elected to do is avoid them, and that preety much works for me. Here's the thing: There is no such thing as true loyalty. Loyalty is dumb. You stay loyal to someone until they change enough that, if you had met them now, you would not be friends with them, and are only remaining so out of fear of change or loyalty.

 

[twasdfzxcv]

He may not need to act gay, but that doesn't make him any less. If his friend is no longer being a friend due to the confession of homosexual tendencies, then the cat is already out of the bag.

I still don't see how acting like you are something you're not will be any better, though. Why shouldn't the OP be able to be himself? If the "friend" is enough of an ass to not accept it, hes not worth it.

I suppose I missed your point entirely, didn't I?

That's why he needs to decide if that friend is important enough for him to sacrifice. But like in my original post I think he should just make the decision sooner. Since there's obviously no right answer for it, pondering more on the question won't really bring you closer to resolution. If he decides sooner he can just move on.

 

[elilupe]

Im gonna say what everyone else is saying, and tell you if he doesnt want to be your friend because your gay, then you need new friends. But at the same time, he may not be homophobic, he may just be a little bit shocked that you were hitting on him. Try to give him some time and then start a conversation with him, to patch things up.

 

[twasdfzxcv]

You made it sound like he should try being straight instead. I never implied he acted the stereotype. When you say "being gay", do you mean as in expressing it etc.? Because when I say "being gay", that's your sexuality, no matter how you may act.

Hm, what exactly is the definition of "gay" in this day and age anyway. When you see some flamboyant homosexual that's really uncomfortable to watch, your first thought is probably "this guy is so gay" instead of "this guy is a flamboyant homosexual". Adding on the fact that gay can be use in context completely unrelated to sexuality, it just makes the definition more confusing. Can a straight man be refer to as being gay if he acts like a flamboyant homosexual? I think this is a topic worthy of discussion.

 

[2fish]

Sorry but he just showed he is not ready to be a true friend. In my book he would be dropped and forgotten. His choice seems very shallow to me, that does not reflect well on him.

If he has chosen to burn the bridge I say let it burn, you lose more trying to save it since you don't know if it can be saved. If the friendship is to be saved he must make the first step and apologize.

Spoiler: Let it burn

 

[MelziGurl]

Your best friend...is he homophobic by any chance? If he is, then it would be expecting a lot for him to accept you as you are. If he's simply brushing you off because of peer pressure then I honestly don't see him as a friend to begin with.

 

[unoleian]

Now I'm not saying I support homophobia, but I suspect that some people are jumping to conclusions.

Judging from the phrasing, while it is entirely possible that this "friend" is homophobic, there is also the possibility that he found out about the OP being gay by accident instead of being told, felt that he didn't get the trust he deserved, and is now shunning the guy because he felt that as a friend, he has been mistreated.

Yes, it is a very juvenile response, but it is entirely possible. He might be homophobic, or he might just be upset that his friend didn't trust him enough to tell him he's gay.

It took a friend of mine in college two years to, uh, come out on that one with me, and a whole bunch of other people, too. Yes, he was nervous about what might be said or done in response.

For me, response was: "Okay. Cool. Well, that certainly explains some things..." and that was it. Granted, it was pretty obvious, but it's not one of those things you're gonna call someone on before-hand. Imagine being wrong. Yeesh. Was I mad at him for "hiding" this fact for so long? Absolutely not. Even in this apparently "tolerant" climate, coming out can apparently be a very big deal to some people.

It didn't change my opinion of him in the least, and it was probably good info to know, especially when we became room-mates that next year.

---

To the OP: I agree, it's hard to judge the context on this. Did you open up to him, and this was his response? If he's a true friend, he should be able to accept you no matter who you are, or what you do. If he can't do that, he's not a true friend. Certainly not a "best" friend, either. Give it some time to see if he's just trying to figure out his comfort level with this fact. It means different things to different people, and not just because of ignorant homophobia. Perhaps there's other factors at play, products of his life, beliefs, or environment that may make him need to be nervous about this fact. Examine everything, but don't overthink it. If he doesn't come back, he doesn't come back. Find people who truly respect you for yourself.

 

[s0denone]

It extends past this, to the point where I can barely criticise a game or a review without being told:
"Hey man, if you don't like it don't play it"

Haha, exactly.

I've come to the conclusion that everyone genuinely likes the massive circle-jerk, and anyone who disagree with them do not deserve to be here.

Not much can really grind my gears around here, but I am quite honestly becoming enraged at all these so-called "liberals" and front-runners of equality. One is more intolerant than the next. "Call him an asshole", "Slap him", "Beat him up", "Kill him". It's astonishing, frankly.

You cannot on one hand support equality for everyone, and then on the other advocate violence to everyone who is not as "freethinking", or "open-minded"(or simply have other opinions than) as yourself. It's bullshit, not to mention incredibly hypocritical.

 

[Estocavio]

If this friend left you over a matter of opinion, theyre no friend.

 

[Rylingo]

One of my best friend just stopped talking to me because he found out i was gay, please give me some advice, what should i try to do in order for me to get him back? i don't wanna lose him. I knew him since sixth grade, that was about 4 years ago and yes i tried hitting on him... think thats why he was shocked.

There's your problem. You broke the boundaries of your friendship by coming onto him. Although there's nothing wrong with being gay, you are at fault as acted in a way that damaged the trust between you. He most likely feels that you never liked him as a friend moreover he feels your friendship was a lie and that you befriended him solely because of your sexual attraction.

If you want him back as a friend you need to apologise for hitting on him and ask for his forgiveness. Stay firm on the point that you are gay however. Tell him you will never ever hit on him again but ask that he respects your sexuality for what it is.
He may forgive you. If so happy days.
If he doesn't forgive you, this could be for a number of reasons. Only one of which could be homophobia. He may decide you can no longer be a friend as he feels you cannot keep your attraction seperate from your friendship. He may be so shocked that he is not able to renew your friendship. If he turns down your offer of friendship, don't burn the bridges. Tell him if he wants to be your friend you will be there. Leave it at that. If your friend is in shock he may come round after time.

Anyone who calls your friend a homophobe with the information you just provided is an idiot.

 

[Boba Frag]

Now I'm not saying I support homophobia, but I suspect that some people are jumping to conclusions.

Judging from the phrasing, while it is entirely possible that this "friend" is homophobic, there is also the possibility that he found out about the OP being gay by accident instead of being told, felt that he didn't get the trust he deserved, and is now shunning the guy because he felt that as a friend, he has been mistreated.

Yes, it is a very juvenile response, but it is entirely possible. He might be homophobic, or he might just be upset that his friend didn't trust him enough to tell him he's gay.

Coming out is a big deal though, especially because of the possibility of being gay-bashed and so forth. Where I live plenty of people have been killed for being gay. It's not impossible I guess, but I reckon for a friend to be upset simply because of a "trust" issue would be shockingly naive of him.

Jesus, really? Killed??

I'd say leave things for a couple of days.
Hitting on him was not the best move, and that undoubtedly freaked him out, but if he's a real friend, he'll come round.

I think you need to apologise for that and make it very clear that your friendship means a lot. I'd certainly need a bit of time to get used to the fact that a mate of mine was gay, though I wouldn't spurn them by any means.

If that doesn't work out, then they clearly aren't the kind of friend you thought they were.

Good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you.

 

[CloakedOne]

Yeah, sorry, but maybe hitting on him was inappropriate and would make anyone upset enough to take off. That does make things uncomfortable.

Explain yourself, apologize for what you did, and then find out if he's willing to accept you for being gay but he shouldn't have to accept being hit on.

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

Beat the living shit out of him. If he won't talk to you because hes homophobic, show him what it is to be truly afraid of you.

Ignorant bastard.

Really?

I... wha... what is this I don't even...

The amount of 'liberals' on this site who actively advocate violence over other peoples perspectives (yet are probably the same people demanding freedom of speech whenever they want a soup box) simply astonishes me.

Your post doesn't even make sense.

Someone have a prejudice about you? Prove their prejudice correct. That oughta show them. I don't see why this isn't a bannable post. I will contact a mod.

How is it bannable? I'm not really serious to be honest, I just HATE homophobic people who think gays or muslims are evil just because they're not normal. They deserve to get a good hammering.

Well its up to the mods now. You'll probably get by without any moderation because its not racist or sexist. They don't seem to care when a possible 'real' crime is committed. Honestly mate, the only people who deserve to get bashed are those who go around telling people to bash eachother (or actually bashing people).

Sorry friend, but some people need a good ass kicking. A lot of people, in fact.

That guy didn't deserve to get reported.

Being reported isn't a bad thing, it just makes the mods review it. If he recieves no punishment, no harm no foul. If he does, then its lucky I did.

He was advocating violence which is a crime (I believe).

No, no-one deserves an arse kicking. People deserve to be educated and to become better people. I don't know anyone who's rethought their attitudes/beliefs because someone with opposing beliefs attacks them.

Okay, I'll give you a scenario.

Some punk comes up to you and starts shouting at you for something you never did. He's a real twat too, the kind of guy who thinks he's a big hard-man, better than everyone else. You try to explain to him that you didn't do what he's accusing you of and try to calm him down.

Instead, he shoves you quite hard up against a wall and says he's gonna beat you up.

Now I don't know what you'd do, but I'd headbutt the fucker and kick the living shit out of him.

What if someone is bullying your little brother or sister? Someone keyed your car, right in front of you? Someone pushed your girlfriend onto the floor?

Some people need a good ass-kicking.

EDIT: However, this might just be my background. I come from an area where bad people live. Drug dealers, muggers, that kind of shit. It's not exactly a "rough" area of England, but it's bad enough.

Anyway, there's a lot of bullies out there, and bullies need to be taught a fucking lesson.

And advocating a crime? Come on dude, loosen up. It's not the biggest of crimes. There's nothing wrong with a good scuffle every now and again, right?

 

[Kanlic]

One of my best friend just stopped talking to me because he found out i was gay, please give me some advice, what should i try to do in order for me to get him back? i don't wanna lose him. I knew him since sixth grade, that was about 4 years ago and yes i tried hitting on him... think thats why he was shocked.

Well speaking as a strait guy from a state where gay people aren't accepted, I can tell you that it freaked him out that his best friend wanted to get it on with him. Look I have plenty of gay friends, some who have actually tried to get with me, and I can tell you this, if they aren't gay, don't bother trying to get with them. It won't work, and all you'll do is freak them out if they are not that comfortable with their sexuality as is

 

[Kurokami]

One of my best friend just stopped talking to me because he found out i was gay, please give me some advice, what should i try to do in order for me to get him back? i don't wanna lose him. I knew him since sixth grade, that was about 4 years ago and yes i tried hitting on him... think thats why he was shocked.

He should get over it really... Maybe just hit on some other guy and it'll all go away.

In my personal view its as simple as either he accepts you, which is great, or doesn't in which case **** him. Granted, I wouldn't suggest hitting on him. (Depending on what kind of person is in question anyway, I personally enjoy it)