one sentence to save your life.

[ROTMASTER]

why would you kill me you can make much more money taking me hostage

 

[smearyllama]

I throw my sweetroll up in the air to distract them, so that I may get an advantage.

i love you

I get that a lot.

 

[pln9fos]

"Look, a distraction!"

 

[OldNewNewOld]

"If you kill me now, you will experience the wrath of 4chan for all eternity."

No one is crazy enough to risk fighting against 4chan. NO ONE!

 

[Backstabber]

"Nice socks."

 

[mr-fix_it]

A monkey is gonna jump out your ass. (strawberries for reference)

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

"Surprise! That bacon was mustard ALL ALONG!"

Then book it.

 

[Innegativeion]

"LOOK! A distraction!"

or

"Fast Zombie!"

or

"Imagine for a moment that there are no hypothetical situations"

or

"No, no ,no... It's rabbit season! Shoot him! *points*"

 

[Bassman_2]

"I count myself lucky, nay, honored to be hunted down by talented gentlemen - intelligent, frontiersman - like yourselves, and I would also like to say that I tip my hat to the murder you are about to commit and bow to your superiori-"

Finally my pet T-Rex comes and tears them apart.

 

[Grond Strong]

"Hold on! Hold on!"

And then book it

This made me chuckle. But seriously, works every time.

 

[Duffeknol]

Put the weapon down, you are under arrest.

 

[Grond Strong]

A monkey is gonna jump out your ass. (strawberries for reference)

Bruce Almighty. But no strawberries please, 100 million dollars will suffice.

 

[Canid117]

"If any of you get any closer, I'm gonna throw my shit at you!"

I would then proceed to drop my pants and start shitting right there in the alley. So they know SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

And then the police try to explain why there is a body in an alley that is riddled with bullets and covered in his own shit.

 

[brodie21]

RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS!

hopefully they just stop for a second and go 'WTF?'

 

[Evilbunny]

I throw my telescope in the air sometimes, singing ayyyyyyyo, I'm Galileo.

 

[Nihlus2]

"Before you kill me, you just first answer these riddles three!"

 

[UbarElite]

*Places hand over ear, as though communicating to unknown third party.* "Distraction complete, get to work."

Or perhaps just, "Look! A distraction!"

 

[v3n0mat3]

ROAR at them. They'll run in fear.

 

[Shadow_Bunnies]

"What the heck is that?"
It worked every time in Back to the Future, so I should be fine.

 

[Layzor]

Stop being dicks.