Other People's Sex Lives

[BishopofAges]

Gay, Straight, it doesn't matter. I do have an issue with people sexing up animals, but fantisizing is at least better for the animal population than doing the act. I could lay out my hang-ups and point out where people have done them and feel good about it, but I won't.

What I will say is that, I agree with the OP that it is strange as hell, now that I think about it, that people across the country, across the world, feel they have to have an input on other peoples private 'behind-closed-doors' lifestyles. True, there are people and personalities that feel they are defined by their sexuality, such as the 'flamboiant gay' type personality or 'awkward straight guy' personality, but they are just that: personalities. Some straight people seem to act in a pretty gay way, and some gay people act in a pretty tame way, but it's almost never by choice, they are just like that.

Grey areas all around, people!

 

[kyuzo3567]

I want to know all about other people's sex lives because other people are generally fascinating. I think where people being judgemental about other's sex lives stems from the perverse desire some people have for everybody to be like them.

I completely agree... I'm too curious for my own damn good and I'm studying Psychology for the same reason, people are fascinating and I want to know all about them, including their sex life. I don't give a damn what you do or who with, I just want to know cuz I'm curious about it.

 

[DANEgerous]

I do not care what you do I bed, i just don't. I am rather causal about sex as a whole and even more so when it pertains only to third parties. I will admit this is rare however i know very few people who in all honesty have no problem with others sex lives.

Polygamy is likely one of the biggest for my peer group to get over, for some reason even when it is not viewed as bad it is viewed as second rate to monogamy. I can understand this notion at it's core. A lot of people feel more secure or honored in a monogamous relationship and believe all would in the right setting

Then outside my peers you have people that i simply know and try not to associate that think being gay is evil, sadly one of these is may father. This one baffles me, it is just so utterly moronic on every level.

you also have a massive varying on how people view transsexual that ranges from pure ignorance or thinking it is a way to skirt being gay to again what is more or less outright hate.

I just fail to see how any of this honestly matter in the leas as far as two third parties are concerned, hell you can even screw in public for all I care.

 

[Vault101]

Calling a woman a virgin may imply purity, but also includes undertones that she's naive and even possibly defective.

this has always baffled me....why would I "naive" because because I havn't had sex? does that automatically mean I see the world through a rainbow filter? particually high school

or not havign sex implys some kind "sweet and inocent" thing....

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Hey, I think I might be able to help you out in understanding this kind of "no relationship sex" situation a little better. Here's essentially what happened with me...

That's pretty much it. We're both really honest and comfortable with each other already, and without a boyfriend or girlfriend, she and I aren't having sex with anyone else. So we have sex with each other. It just happens, dude. Can't really force this kind of thing, I guess is what I'm saying. Finding the right person ain't a bad thing either. I admit that I was lucky... Okay, I was and am extremely lucky. There are lots of people out there who can't or don't want to deal with the "relationship" part of sex. It's just sex. People like sex. They just need to be clear and honest with their partner about what they want and don't want before the deed is done. And sometimes you just gotta take a risk.

I could be wrong, but this sounds very relationship-y. Maybe you really are just friends and that is a "relationship" of some form. The post I was referencing made it sound as though the poster had Fonzie-esque snapping abilities or an altar in his house where he performed black magic rituals in order to mind control women to flock to his bed (I'm a nerd, obviously). I just don't know how to befriend people, I guess. Do you have any idea how big of a deal it was to have a girl in your place watching Star Trek with you? I mean, I had a girl over once in my life to watch a movie and afterward had an incredibly intimate hours-long makeout session that could have easily have resulted in sex had it occurred to my innocent virgin mind. Subsequent invitations to go see a movie, to hang out at my house, or to do anything were greeted with steely silence as if I had suddenly suggested swinging. I'm still at a loss over that one.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

I could be wrong, but this sounds very relationship-y. Maybe you really are just friends and that is a "relationship" of some form.

Well, yes, of course friendship is a type of relationship, but what I was referring to a "romantic" relationship. You know, dating, obligations, monogamy, lastability, love, etc. Those are all things that a romantic relationship are trying to accomplish that go beyond the stable of "friendship". We aren't trying for that. We just like to fuck each other. That's as far as either of us are willing to go.

Why? I dunno. Just don't want to, I guess. At this point in our lives, getting into a romantic relationship doesn't seem like a good idea. For one thing, I'm transferring out of state this year, and she's been in and out of poor romantic relationships for a while.

She's essentially my sex-pal until I leave, and I can always count on her when I come home for break.

The post I was referencing made it sound as though the poster had Fonzie-esque snapping abilities or an altar in his house where he performed black magic rituals in order to mind control women to flock to his bed (I'm a nerd, obviously).

Dude. When you make a big deal out of the act of sex, then it becomes just that. A big deal. The way that you phrased it, you make it sound like Fonzie-level womanizing machines are the only guys who get to have sex. Like I said, these things just happen. You don't force it. I mean there are things you can do, I guess. Such as, just be friends with a girl. Like legit friends. No expectations of any kind. You have friends who are girls, right?

I just don't know how to befriend people, I guess.

That might be important, yes. If it sounds like I'm presuming anything, then I apologize.

Do you have any idea how big of a deal it was to have a girl in your place watching Star Trek with you?

Don't stereotype. Two things wrong with this sentence:

She was the one who got me into Deep Space 9. I only had watched TNG and Voyager, and that was when I was a kid.

Also, we do this at her place. Not mine.

Again, I would like to reiterate that she is far out of my league before you jump to the conclusion that a girl who likes Star Trek must be ugly as hell or fat. She ain't any of those (though she might refute the latter out of her own insecurity, but it isn't true by a long shot). Yes, people like this actually exist. They're everywhere. Nerds aren't regulated to only being pale, goggle-eyed cave people. I'm not saying she's a super model or some such shit. She's a person with her own quirks and flaws, but she isn't even close to being considered "unattractive" by anyone's standards.

But most importantly, what she is first and foremost is my friend. We like watching Star Trek. We like talking with each other. We like sex. Logically, all those things fit under the category of "shit we like to do together", but that in no way means we're in a romantic relationship.

I mean, I had a girl over once in my life to watch a movie and afterward had an incredibly intimate hours-long makeout session that could have easily have resulted in sex had it occurred to my innocent virgin mind. Subsequent invitations to go see a movie, to hang out at my house, or to do anything were greeted with steely silence as if I had suddenly suggested swinging. I'm still at a loss over that one.

I can't really comment on that one, man. Since I don't know the facts of the situation, I couldn't say if you did anything wrong or if maybe she was just a *****. Hey, sometimes it's better if things don't lead to sex, like if you think having sex would screw with your or her emotions. One of the aspects of "whatever happens, happens" means having no prior expectations. I never expected going into her house last week that I would lose it, but I did. You need to keep in mind being a friend first and foremost, so if sex would ruin that, not doing anything is the right choice. If the opportunity is there but going through with it might result in someone being hurt, everyone is better off if it doesn't happen. That's ultimately what iseko was talking about. Treating sex as not that big a deal, which it shouldn't be, but understanding and respecting the resulting consequences that something like sex might bring.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Um, did you skip sex education in school?

Why? Do you know something I don't?

I know that there's a rather large difference between something having an increased chance of happening, and something probably happening.

Value judgement there.

Errr....what? Can you honestly say you would have no hangups with dating or marrying a partner who has slept with 50-60 partners or more? Or even half that? Or is sex completely meaningless to you?

Just because you feel that way does not mean the world is obliged to follow your example.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

Just because you feel that way does not mean the world is obliged to follow your example.

I like how you avoided the question And yes, the world isn't obliged to "follow my example". But society does anyway....go figure.

My earlier statement is mathematically, scientifically and observably correct. You can ask any doctor, sexual health expert or even your parents.

I know that there's a rather large difference between something having an increased chance of happening, and something probably happening.

Evidently not. I will prove it with maths.

If 1% of the population has an STD, then that means there is a 1/100 chance of one catching it when one has sex with someone they don't know for a fact to be STD free/a virgin.
If one has sex with 7 different people in their lifetime (apparently an average for men), that means a 7/100 chance of catching an STD.
If that person has sex with 50 people, in this example they would have a 50/100, or 1/2 chance of contracting an STD.

Obviously contraception helps significantly but isn't foolproof. And to put it into further perspective for you, in the USA approximately 20% of the population [http://www.tressugar.com/How-Common-STDs-America-7492582] has an STD. Thus, unlike in my conservative example, having unprotected sex in the USA gives you a 1 in 5 chance of contracting an STD. Keeping 7 as an average means it's no only possible, it's probable (ie. there is a greater chance of it happening than of it not happening). Make it 50 and it's almost a certainty.

I suspect perhaps you skipped sex education in school.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Dude. When you make a big deal out of the act of sex, then it becomes just that. A big deal. The way that you phrased it, you make it sound like Fonzie-level womanizing machines are the only guys who get to have sex. Like I said, these things just happen. You don't force it. I mean there are things you can do, I guess. Such as, just be friends with a girl. Like legit friends. No expectations of any kind. You have friends who are girls, right?

If the opportunity is there but going through with it might result in someone being hurt, everyone is better off if it doesn't happen. That's ultimately what iseko was talking about. Treating sex as not that big a deal, which it shouldn't be, but understanding and respecting the resulting consequences that something like sex might bring.

Actually, I'm not really friends with anyone right now - as in seeing people (male or female) semi-regularly for conversation or group activity. I've gotten a few more female friends (facebook friends) via a dating site, but of the half dozen or so people I've added, I've actually only met two of them. I might get to go to a movie with a female friend soon, but it's really up in the air. Oh, the amount of movies I've missed waiting to be able to go with somebody...

I learned the hard way about sex and emotions awhile back, namely the getting hurt part. If I had had sex with the girl I watched a movie with, I probably just would have gotten hurt slightly earlier. It's not a huge difference, but I sometimes wonder if I would have gotten hurt less because I didn't care about her as much as I did with the person I eventually did lose my virginity with. I think that's the crux of my whole fixation on it. Then again, I don't even know if I like sex in of itself. The emotional "I love you" angle was a huge part of my experience.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Just because you feel that way does not mean the world is obliged to follow your example.

I like how you avoided the question And yes, the world isn't obliged to "follow my example". But society does anyway....go figure.

My earlier statement is mathematically, scientifically and observably correct. You can ask any doctor, sexual health expert or even your parents.

I know that there's a rather large difference between something having an increased chance of happening, and something probably happening.

Evidently not. I will prove it with maths.

If 1% of the population has an STD, then that means there is a 1/100 chance of one catching it when one has sex with someone they don't know for a fact to be STD free/a virgin.
If one has sex with 7 different people in their lifetime (apparently an average for men), that means a 7/100 chance of catching an STD.
If that person has sex with 50 people, in this example they would have a 50/100, or 1/2 chance of contracting an STD.

Obviously contraception helps significantly but isn't foolproof. And to put it into further perspective for you, in the USA approximately 20% of the population [http://www.tressugar.com/How-Common-STDs-America-7492582] has an STD. Thus, unlike in my conservative example, having unprotected sex in the USA gives you a 1 in 5 chance of contracting an STD. Keeping 7 as an average means it's no only possible, it's probable (ie. there is a greater chance of it happening than of it not happening). Make it 50 and it's almost a certainty.

I suspect perhaps you skipped sex education in school.

No, you skipped finite math. Each individual is a 1/100 chance. The chances don't increase with every contact. It's always 1/100. If I have unprotected sex with one person my entire life and that person had an STD, my chances of catching an STD are about 100%. Meanwhile, I could have sex with 100 people and never catch one because no one in my sample group had one. You're also ignoring the fact the that the stats people are just guessing. Many people don't know that they have an STD, therefore it's not reported. They have to account for those people, since probably most people on the survey (because that's the only way they obtained this data) didn't know they had one until they got checked out. And what was the sample for that survey? 100? 1000?

"Only around 10 to 25 percent of people infected with genital herpes know they have it." What? Then how do "they" know they have it. There isn't even a test for genital herpes and the only way people know is if they have a breakout. Chlamydia is the number one most common one (and most men don't know they have that because there are often no symptoms) and it's easily curable.

Captcha: Don't sweat it HANDLE IT

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

If I have unprotected sex with one person my entire life and that person had an STD, my chances of catching an STD are about 100%. Meanwhile, I could have sex with 100 people and never catch one because no one in my sample group had one. You're also ignoring the fact the that the stats people are just guessing.

They aren't guessing, they're making an educated estimate based on facts and figures from doctors and health trusts. I don't have the time or energy to explain probability and statistics. I will give a brief and simple example. If you buy two lottery tickets, you have double the chances of winning than if you had bought only one. If you buy ten, you have ten times the chance of winning than had you bought one, or five times the chance over having bought two (assuming different sets of numbers of course).

You are quite right that it's entirely possible to have a single sexual partner in your entire life and still contract an STD. However it's not a 100% chance, it's still approx. a 20% chance that they have one (in the USA). It's also possible to sleep with 100 people and not contract one (although that's statistically very unlikely). I'm sure it can be refined by demographic, geography, age range, religious background, education level and what have you, but the point is that 20% is the national average.

If you don't want to believe statistics or probability, that's up to you. If you don't wish to believe that promiscuity significantly increases the chances of pregnancy and STDs, that's also up to you. I can tell you from simple probability, medical science and common sense, that you'd be mistaken, but frankly you can believe whatever you like as long as you and I aren't having sex.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

I only care about other people?s sex lives if it directly affects me. While I admit that I have been critical of some people that I know of and their sex lives, it?s mainly been typical teenage boy jealousy. And it?s not as if I?ve jumped in and shouted, ?That?s wrong, you shouldn?t be doing that!? when I have no business doing so.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Evidently not. I will prove it with maths.

If 1% of the population has an STD, then that means there is a 1/100 chance of one catching it when one has sex with someone they don't know for a fact to be STD free/a virgin.
If one has sex with 7 different people in their lifetime (apparently an average for men), that means a 7/100 chance of catching an STD.
If that person has sex with 50 people, in this example they would have a 50/100, or 1/2 chance of contracting an STD.

WTF?

Ok, so you skipped maths as well as sex education.

If 1% of the population has an STD, than if you have sex with someone totally at random, you have a 1% chance of having sex with someone with an STD. Not catching one, mind, having sex with someone who has one.

If you have sex with 7 people, against, totally at random, your chances of having sex with at least one person with an STD isn't 7 in 100, that's not how probability works.

The odds of you not having sex with at least one person are 99^7 in 100^7. The odds of having sex with at least one person who has an STD is 1 minust that, which is significantly less than 7 in 100.

Obviously contraception helps significantly but isn't foolproof.

Contraception is there to stop conception, that is, pregnancy. The name is a bit of a giveaway there. That is not the same as stopping transmission of STDs, though there is overlap. So, yeah, evidently very far froom foolproof.

It is perfectly possible to have various forms of sex without risk of STD.

...

Seriously, this is very basic stuff, you should know this.

 

[bandman232]

I've stated before on these forums I don't give a damn what others do in the bedroom. I just don't. I gave up caring about a lot of stuff a long time ago because it just doesn't fucking matter. As long as all parties involved aren't bother or hurt in any way they don't want to be, then fine.

Beat each other's genitals with frying pans in the kitchen for all I give a damn, just don't do it in my kitchen as I say.

I don't understand why other people care to be honest. If I hear about a sex act that I find distasteful I think "that is something that I would never do" not "because I wouldn't do it, NO ONE should do it!"

Whenever you find you don't like a movie you don't start a campaign to tell everyone that they shouldn't like it eith...oh...wait...I forgot about all the self-important people who think the whole world gives a damn about what they feel is good and bad. Silly me!

I've had people call me homophobic because i find anal gross. It's not that I am, I'm not fond of that stuff.

 

[Formica Archonis]

I've had people call me homophobic because i find anal gross.

... that's the most illogical thing I've read today. (Not all week, though, I was looking at Timecube yesterday.)

Some gay guys hate anal. Some straight guys like it. It's not like there's a gay membership form where the application says "DO YOU TAKE IT UP THE ASS?"

 

[Greni]

Just a few words/phrases to throw into the discussion:

Vore.

Futa.

Inflation fetish.

Formicophilia.

Erotic asphyxia.

Scat.

And of course good old furries.

How is our don't-give-two-shits crowd doing?

 

[Sandernista]

snip

I think you need to work on your maths.

Value judgement there.

Errr....what? Can you honestly say you would have no hangups with dating or marrying a partner who has slept with 50-60 partners or more? Or even half that?

Yea. It's pretty hot. And btw, what gives you any right to inquire into your partner's number of sexual partners?

Or is sex completely meaningless to you?

Sex has no inherent meaning aside from procreation and pleasure. When you use contraception you take away one of the inherent meanings in sex and then the only meaning left is pleasure[footnote]Of course some people derive no pleasure from sexual acts and for them procreation can be the only inherent meaning[/footnote]. Anything you prescribe to sex beyond that is completely up to you and subjective.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

snip

Okay man, I don't know if you're trying to be pedantic or obtuse, but doing something twice doubles the chances of a thing happening compared to doing something once. It cannot be stated simpler than that.

Contraception is there to stop conception, that is, pregnancy. The name is a bit of a giveaway there. That is not the same as stopping transmission of STDs.

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. You show signs of having paid attention. You may not have noticed however in my last post where I said "...promiscuity significantly increases the chances of pregnancy and STDs...". Now if we take my statement, and combine it with yours about contraception, what happens to the risk of unwanted pregnancy? If you said "It goes down" you would be correct. Also, for your information, there is one form of contraception called a "condom". If one buys and uses those one would in fact lower the chances of catching STDs in addition to unwanted pregnancies. You're gonna have to work out how they work on your own.

I get the feeling you're arguing with me at this point for arguments sake. I'm not a very confrontational person and to be honest (and I'm not trying to be rude here) it really doesn't matter if you disagree with me. Maybe it's a generation or cultural thing that promiscuity is perfectly acceptable to you. As you like it. I clearly can't convince you that it's an unhealthy lifestyle so I'm not going to expend any more words in trying.

 

[Thaluikhain]

snip

Okay man, I don't know if you're trying to be pedantic or obtuse, but doing something twice doubles the chances of a thing happening compared to doing something once. It cannot be stated simpler than that.

No, you are completely wrong.

Say you are tossing a coin. 1 in 2 chance of getting heads every time you toss it, right? According to your logic, if you toss the coin twice in a row, you should get a 2 in 2 chance of getting at least one head. That is, if you toss a coin twice in a row, you'll always get at least one head.

In reality, you have a 3 in 4 chance of getting at least one head. You have a 1 in 4 chance of getting two heads, a 1 in 4 chance of getting a tail then a head and a 1 in 4 chance of getting a head then a tail. You have a 1 in 4 chance of getting tails twice.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Just a few words/phrases to throw into the discussion:

Vore.

Futa.

Inflation fetish.

Formicophilia.

Erotic asphyxia.

Scat.

And of course good old furries.

How is our don't-give-two-shits crowd doing?

What's your point? I don't give two shits whether or not people want to drop two shits onto their partner, as long as it doesn't affect me.

And I like futa.