People who killed themselves.

[Elle-Jai]

One was likely for attention

In high school I knew more than one person who seemed to be cutting "for attention" but upon closer inspection, all of them had serious problems in their lives.

No matter what the attitude, it's usually worth delving into "why". Often they themselves don't know what drives them to it.

But I wouldn't recommend it with people you don't like. They know full well you don't like them, and they don't need the extra scrutiny and guilt talk, which often makes the problem worse.

Back to you: Most people don't know what it's called. But I've never met a cutter who appreciates being branded "emo" :S

 

[unreal713]

I've tried multiple times. I guess the disconnect for me is that while I treasure the lives of everyone around me, I haven't taken my own so seriously. More to the point, I haven't seen it as the gift it is, but more like a curse that some selfish God threw me into this bubbling Hell, and left me here to suffer.

But for those who have left us, by their own choice, all I can say is that they loved those they left behind, it just wasn't as strong a tie anymore as getting away from all the negative feelings, the draining of their time, energy and heart by the personal demons plaguing them. I can only hope that life goes on elsewhere, but if not, if we truly are nothing more than a collection of neurons randomly firing, then I believe that they take a piece of us with them, and leave pieces of themselves behind too.

I am one of the lucky ones, in that I failed (twice), or some tiny piece of hope remained (probably about once every six months for a while), prompting me to reach out to my friends, and like the angels they are, they reached back and anchored me here with them. They are the blessing of my life.

But like I said, sometimes, in some of the darkest places, where light only denotes another train about to run you over, in some of the deepest holes, it's not that they don't love us. It's that they're yearning towards freedom, towards the light we sense but cannot see, towards the dream of an end to the pain, to the anguish, to the struggle; where we can simply be. In peace, and love, and light. And it's a powerful dream...

Hmm you seem to put it very eloquently.. especially the last paragraph. As I've already said I don't believe in the sanctity of life, but let me elaborate. When I talk about life, it's the physical form of the human body I'm talking about and not the soul/spirit/mind or whatever you want to call it.

This wasn't really what was going through my mind during my 'experience' but a thought that has grown on me having gone through it. I've also gone through the self injury phase, but that was when I was much younger and stopped long before I tried to kill myself. Self injury for me wasn't that serious, if that makes sense, and I guess there was an element of seeking attention, while trying to hide it at the same time. It doesn't really make sense, I was young and stupid.

I didn't and still don't really have any serious problems in my life and that's what drove me to try and kill myself. The mundane. The lack of excitement. The thought that whatever I achieve will be drowned in the billions of other existences. I don't know... Am I just a prat? Hehe.. Well, that went away for a while, but while I went to see specialists and talked to friends, it seemed to return. The doctor guy started to get slightly annoying as did my friends. The biggest problem was that it wasn't really possible to give my views on death and suicide without sounding like I wanted to kill myself. Which I guess given my record is a pretty sensible trail of thought

 

[Elle-Jai]

I couldn't care what it's called simply because it's not part of my life. Don't take offense to that. I don't care about things that don't concern me, not a crime I think. Just making sure you don't take offense about my feelings on the matter. Names are names and I don't much care for labels anyway myself.

This makes you normal. But since you're here, and I'm here, I figured I'd add some trivia to your memory and maybe next time you might actually know lol. "Don't hate, educate" or some crap like that.

I've also gone through the self injury phase, but that was when I was much younger and stopped long before I tried to kill myself. Self injury for me wasn't that serious, if that makes sense, and I guess there was an element of seeking attention, while trying to hide it at the same time. It doesn't really make sense, I was young and stupid.

I didn't and still don't really have any serious problems in my life and that's what drove me to try and kill myself. The mundane. The lack of excitement. The thought that whatever I achieve will be drowned in the billions of other existences. I don't know... Am I just a prat? Hehe.. Well, that went away for a while, but while I went to see specialists and talked to friends, it seemed to return. The doctor guy started to get slightly annoying as did my friends. The biggest problem was that it wasn't really possible to give my views on death and suicide without sounding like I wanted to kill myself. Which I guess given my record is a pretty sensible trail of thought

"Not that serious" is a matter of perspective. I never used it to try and kill myself, but to cause pain, see blood, actually FEEL something. I only stopped because it made my sister cry and I could never handle her tears... That, and an "episode" that saw me get almost 50 stitches within two weeks, after a track record of merely little tape thingies. It scared the hell out of me. Not the stitches; the fact I was managing to 'normalize' the stitches in my brain, to see them as a symbol of myself instead of my unsolved problems.

As for killing yourself because of the mind-numbing mundanity of it all... You sound like one of my friends. He's been there, thought that, but I recommend you try something a little less severe than suicide. What about all those adrenaline sports; bungee jumping, hang gliding, throwing yourself out of perfectly good planes... I've definitely had elements of dysphoria, but disassociating and feeling completely numb got overridden from time to time by bursts of deep self-loathing and dark despair. Just to liven it up, apparently. *Dirty look*

You're not alone. You probably ARE completely disconnected from your core, your intuition, spirit, creativity, whatever you want to call it, though.

 

[unreal713]

"Not that serious" is a matter of perspective. I never used it to try and kill myself, but to cause pain, see blood, actually FEEL something. I only stopped because it made my sister cry and I could never handle her tears... That, and an "episode" that saw me get almost 50 stitches within two weeks, after a track record of merely little tape thingies. It scared the hell out of me. Not the stitches; the fact I was managing to 'normalize' the stitches in my brain, to see them as a symbol of myself instead of my unsolved problems.

As for killing yourself because of the mind-numbing mundanity of it all... You sound like one of my friends. He's been there, thought that, but I recommend you try something a little less severe than suicide. What about all those adrenaline sports; bungee jumping, hang gliding, throwing yourself out of perfectly good planes... I've definitely had elements of dysphoria, but disassociating and feeling completely numb got overridden from time to time by bursts of deep self-loathing and dark despair. Just to liven it up, apparently. *Dirty look*

You're not alone. You probably ARE completely disconnected from your core, your intuition, spirit, creativity, whatever you want to call it, though.

Yes, not that serious is indeed a matter of perspective, and I go back to my first post - there's no 2 people in the exact same situation. Therefore, The concept of suicide, in my opinion, can't be viewed upon as right or wrong. Looking at it analytically, there was nothing in my life that justified this behavior, and so I partially consider it 'looking for attention'. There wasn't even a logical reason why I stopped, I just grew out of it when I moved on to university. My family didn't even find out about it until I had to be sent to hospital and they saw the old scars, so I can't say I stopped because of family or friends. I vaguely remember thinking at the time something about self-hating and letting the dirty blood out, but that just sounds 'emo'.

I recommend you try something a little less severe than suicide.

I have to admit I laughed when I read this. Well anyway, let me just get one thing clear, I'm not feeling suicidal anymore. Well not directly anyway, anything that arises out of bad health doesn't count as suicide. Bungee jumping etc are all good, but I'm not looking for physical thrills, I still enjoy reading a good book because it allows me to expand my mind and spirit, forgive me for sounding too new agey (is there a proper word for that?). This is where I bring in spirituality and philosophy - I just don't think that the physical body is necessary. I love listening to good music, (recently went to listen to Rachmaninoff's 2nd piano concerto - was absolutely brilliant by the way) reading a good book or even watching terrible TV or playing a video game (this is the Escapist after all, I presume we're all gamers...) because I consider it to enlighten(?) me.

I wouldn't kill myself now because of the bloody attachment I have with people in my life right now. I still enjoy 'life' but in the end I always have a niggling little thought in my head that whatever I do, will be insignificant. I don't think I'm disconnected to my 'core' as you put it, I would say you're too connected to your physical body.

 

[Elle-Jai]

I still enjoy 'life' but in the end I always have a niggling little thought in my head that whatever I do, will be insignificant. I don't think I'm disconnected to my 'core' as you put it, I would say you're too connected to your physical body.

I like to believe that we're all here for a reason, and I don't necessarily want to cheapen the gift of a physical body. If there is a "soul" and this continues after death, then it seems reasonable to assume that it existed prior to being in this body. If my soul decided, for whatever reason, to pop on down and explore hands-on this life, then why not honour that decision? On the other hand, if this is all there is, then why shorten my existence because of trivialities? If I'm "dust to dust, ashes to ashes," or merely in another phase of an existence spent cavorting about the multiverse, then either way, this is all trivialities. But there are some really amazing trivialities, whether it's music, or books, or falling in love, or just a mug of hot chocolate by a fire in midwinter. So I choose those beliefs that suit me, that ring true for me, and as for "too connected to my physical body"- trust me, I'm not. (Just look at me to verify that truth lol, I take no care of it :| I should really get it out for regular walks, it could do with it). I put more time and energy into alternately feeding and denying my soul. (Long story... Nasty details. TLDR)

But I do get where you're coming from, and I wasn't assuming you were still in that particular headspace. But should it occur again.... GO BUNGEE-JUMPING lol

 

[unreal713]

I still enjoy 'life' but in the end I always have a niggling little thought in my head that whatever I do, will be insignificant. I don't think I'm disconnected to my 'core' as you put it, I would say you're too connected to your physical body.

I like to believe that we're all here for a reason, and I don't necessarily want to cheapen the gift of a physical body. If there is a "soul" and this continues after death, then it seems reasonable to assume that it existed prior to being in this body. If my soul decided, for whatever reason, to pop on down and explore hands-on this life, then why not honour that decision? On the other hand, if this is all there is, then why shorten my existence because of trivialities? If I'm "dust to dust, ashes to ashes," or merely in another phase of an existence spent cavorting about the multiverse, then either way, this is all trivialities. But there are some really amazing trivialities, whether it's music, or books, or falling in love, or just a mug of hot chocolate by a fire in midwinter. So I choose those beliefs that suit me, that ring true for me, and as for "too connected to my physical body"- trust me, I'm not. (Just look at me to verify that truth lol, I take no care of it :| I should really get it out for regular walks, it could do with it). I put more time and energy into alternately feeding and denying my soul. (Long story... Nasty details. TLDR)

But I do get where you're coming from, and I wasn't assuming you were still in that particular headspace. But should it occur again.... GO BUNGEE-JUMPING lol

This sounds like the whole Pascal(? is he the right guy?)'s wager, just turned upside down. The fact that you consider the body a 'physical gift' makes me think you're too constraint in your thought. My soul is me full stop. That's what I like to think, what makes you think that you can't enjoy trivial matters when your dead. what is death. it all comes dowj to this, what is death. I like to think, damn I wish that, my soul is more than can be experienced in the trivial shell of a body. 'too connected to my physical body' doesn't mean conforming to what everyone esle thinks is right. I've never been bungee jumping, but (hate to sound a killjoy), but I don't like 'thrills'. I hate theme parks, or horror movies. I get funsies from getting drunk off m y ass. The whole concept of triviality is a human one, the whole concept of soul or religion or after life, exists because it can't be explained. I'm not one for orginised religion, because it tells you no forces upon you a thougt that cann't be proven. It shouldn't be proven, it exists in your mind alone. In your existence it's your 'soul' that counts.

Sorry if i'm not making much sense, I'm slightly tipsy and sorry for the late reply.