Super Visibility, the ability to always be noticed by everything at all times, the complete opposite of invisibility\quiteness.
Pick a useless super power
- Thread starter The Funslinger
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Being able to exert more power out of my muscles than humanly possible, but still have the same limits as any other human. I may be incredibly strong or fast for a second, but then the muscles, figuratively, explode.
Would you believe that my friends and I were actually talking about this recently? The GM among us mentioned that he was interested in running a realistic superhero campaign (IE: powers based on reality, and getting smashed in the head with a cinderblock would kill you, you're a perfectly mortal man except for your primary power). This got us talking about the required secondary powers of most primary powers (shoot-flames-from-hands-man better have fire proof hands, the intangible man better be able to fly or he's either A) falling straight into the center of the earth or B) flying off into the void of space), which led immediately to us trolling him with powers so useless that he questioned what cruel unthinking god would allow them to exist. Some highlights:
The Irradiated Man: He's radioactive and emits high ammounts of raditaion at his enemies. He has no immunity to his own radiation.
Lawnman: He can communicate with grass.
The Diffusor: Capable of instantly dissolving materials into his body, allowing him to eat his food through his skin and tear through prison bars just by pressing his face against them. However, he has no way of integrating non-standard materials into his body in any useful or even non-harmful manner. The lead of those bars is going straight into his blood.
The Virginator: His man seed turns into missiles that seek out the nearest virgin and enter them violently. We noted that this meant the first victim of this must have been himself.
My personal useless power would be the ability to sweat cleaning products, as I hate doing laundry.
The Irradiated Man: He's radioactive and emits high ammounts of raditaion at his enemies. He has no immunity to his own radiation.
Lawnman: He can communicate with grass.
The Diffusor: Capable of instantly dissolving materials into his body, allowing him to eat his food through his skin and tear through prison bars just by pressing his face against them. However, he has no way of integrating non-standard materials into his body in any useful or even non-harmful manner. The lead of those bars is going straight into his blood.
The Virginator: His man seed turns into missiles that seek out the nearest virgin and enter them violently. We noted that this meant the first victim of this must have been himself.
My personal useless power would be the ability to sweat cleaning products, as I hate doing laundry.
I've actually thought about having this power before, but here goes.
Having the power to point at anybody no matter the distance, and have them suddenly contract explosive diarrhea. Imagine walking into a packed sporting event stadium.
The possibilities!
Having the power to point at anybody no matter the distance, and have them suddenly contract explosive diarrhea. Imagine walking into a packed sporting event stadium.
The possibilities!
Ok, here goes:
The ability to wipe your buttocks using only one sheet of toilet paper.
The ability to instantly remove condensation from your own glass.
The ability to reverse any damage inflicted by your teeth on pens.
The ability to eat a water iceblock in a plastic tube without cutting the corners of your mouth.
The ability to open letters neatly without a letter opener.
The ability to cause hibernating computers to shut down from <5 metres away.
The ability to turn wine into vinegar.
Knowing whether or not a girl/guy would have said yes if you asked them out, but you didn't and will likely never see them again.
The ability to turn coke into diet coke/coke zero (does not work with pepsi).
The ability to turn pepsi into coke.
The ability to give other people a mild sore throat after a 12 hour delay.
The ability to read upside-down (either you or the book).
The ability to wipe your buttocks using only one sheet of toilet paper.
The ability to instantly remove condensation from your own glass.
The ability to reverse any damage inflicted by your teeth on pens.
The ability to eat a water iceblock in a plastic tube without cutting the corners of your mouth.
The ability to open letters neatly without a letter opener.
The ability to cause hibernating computers to shut down from <5 metres away.
The ability to turn wine into vinegar.
Knowing whether or not a girl/guy would have said yes if you asked them out, but you didn't and will likely never see them again.
The ability to turn coke into diet coke/coke zero (does not work with pepsi).
The ability to turn pepsi into coke.
The ability to give other people a mild sore throat after a 12 hour delay.
The ability to read upside-down (either you or the book).
I am... GUN-MAN! I'm a homeless person with a gun duct-taped to my hand while being belt-fed cocaine! AND I DIDN'T KILL MY PARENTS, I PROMISE!
* Meanwhile in Gotham:
Some *****: Oh no, a purse snatcher!
Purse snatcher: What? No, I was just going to ask for directions to the nearest chicken shack!
Some *****: Oh, well it's right down the street. I'm so sorry to have gotten freaked out so easily.
Purse snatcher: No worries, thanks for the directions!
Me: Yarg! Penis! Die dog-mongler!
*BANG BANG HE'S DEAD!
Purse snatcher: Egad, a bullet came out of his gun somehow! How did he know my one weakness? HRRRNNRRRGH ~~!
*Shits self and dies*
Some *****: OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED HIM! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHA - WHY ARE YOU TEABAGGING HIM?!
Me: You! You are huge! That means you have huge guts! Rip and tear RIP AND TEAR! Ooh. Here it comes! Here comes the NIIIGHT TRAAAIN!
Some *****: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?! POLICE, POLICE! HELP!
Me: WARHGARBLE! Who's a man-and-a-half? I'MMA MAN-AND-A-HALF! Berserker-packin' man-and-a-half! There ain't nothin' wrong with chu' thant I can't fix... WITH A GUN!
Some *****: DEAR GOD! NO! N-
Me: YES!
*BANG BANG SHE'S DEAD!
Some *****: (coughing blood) STOP SHOOTING ME!
*BANG BANG SHE'S DEAD (ER)!
Me: OOOHHHHHH YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH! I'm BEST-MAN! The best superhero ever! I'm now going to leave you to DIE! Ha ha ha!
*BANG BANG SHE'S FUCKING LIQUID AT THIS STAGE!
Me: DYNO-MIIIITE! I'm cookin' with GAS! I've got a hand full of vertebrae and a head full of mad! Ooh yeah, that's yo' spinal cord baby, DIG IT! Who's the man? I'M THE MAN! I'm a bad man! How bad? REAL BAD! I'm a 12.0 on a 10.0 scale of badness! I don't need a gun... GUNS ARE FOR WUSSES!
*tries to remove gun*
Me: SON OF A COCK-PUNCHER! DAMN YOU DUCT-TAPE! I can fix this problem... WITH ANOTHER GUN!
[Pause]
Me: ... AND MORE CRACK!
Policeman: We heard someone screaming for help, whats goi-
[Stunned silence upon viewing the carnage]
Policeman: Your work is not done here until the rivers run red with their blood.
Me: FGADS! I'm a clown-fucking lemur! I shit cement!
Policeman: I want your babies.
THE END!
The moral of this story is: Crack is one hell of a drug. Also, I was out of Thorazine.
* Meanwhile in Gotham:
Some *****: Oh no, a purse snatcher!
Purse snatcher: What? No, I was just going to ask for directions to the nearest chicken shack!
Some *****: Oh, well it's right down the street. I'm so sorry to have gotten freaked out so easily.
Purse snatcher: No worries, thanks for the directions!
Me: Yarg! Penis! Die dog-mongler!
*BANG BANG HE'S DEAD!
Purse snatcher: Egad, a bullet came out of his gun somehow! How did he know my one weakness? HRRRNNRRRGH ~~!
*Shits self and dies*
Some *****: OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED HIM! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHA - WHY ARE YOU TEABAGGING HIM?!
Me: You! You are huge! That means you have huge guts! Rip and tear RIP AND TEAR! Ooh. Here it comes! Here comes the NIIIGHT TRAAAIN!
Some *****: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?! POLICE, POLICE! HELP!
Me: WARHGARBLE! Who's a man-and-a-half? I'MMA MAN-AND-A-HALF! Berserker-packin' man-and-a-half! There ain't nothin' wrong with chu' thant I can't fix... WITH A GUN!
Some *****: DEAR GOD! NO! N-
Me: YES!
*BANG BANG SHE'S DEAD!
Some *****: (coughing blood) STOP SHOOTING ME!
*BANG BANG SHE'S DEAD (ER)!
Me: OOOHHHHHH YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH! I'm BEST-MAN! The best superhero ever! I'm now going to leave you to DIE! Ha ha ha!
*BANG BANG SHE'S FUCKING LIQUID AT THIS STAGE!
Me: DYNO-MIIIITE! I'm cookin' with GAS! I've got a hand full of vertebrae and a head full of mad! Ooh yeah, that's yo' spinal cord baby, DIG IT! Who's the man? I'M THE MAN! I'm a bad man! How bad? REAL BAD! I'm a 12.0 on a 10.0 scale of badness! I don't need a gun... GUNS ARE FOR WUSSES!
*tries to remove gun*
Me: SON OF A COCK-PUNCHER! DAMN YOU DUCT-TAPE! I can fix this problem... WITH ANOTHER GUN!
[Pause]
Me: ... AND MORE CRACK!
Policeman: We heard someone screaming for help, whats goi-
[Stunned silence upon viewing the carnage]
Policeman: Your work is not done here until the rivers run red with their blood.
Me: FGADS! I'm a clown-fucking lemur! I shit cement!
Policeman: I want your babies.
THE END!
The moral of this story is: Crack is one hell of a drug. Also, I was out of Thorazine.
I would have to pick the ability to melt on command. Yeah, that sounds good.
"MELT-MAN, with the power to.... MEEEEELLLLLLTTTTTT!"
Many accolades for anyone who gets the reference, and for those who don't... well it seems like a sufficiently useless power.
I guess you could make your opponent slip? Mildly effective?
"MELT-MAN, with the power to.... MEEEEELLLLLLTTTTTT!"
Many accolades for anyone who gets the reference, and for those who don't... well it seems like a sufficiently useless power.
I guess you could make your opponent slip? Mildly effective?
Whoever you are, wherever you are...I know whether or not you are wearing contact lenses. I don't even have to see you. I just know...
The power to hypnotize snails!
Time travel! Forwards! At one second per second!
The ability to breathe while submerged in gravy!
The power to talk to trees! not to understand them at all, or anything, just talk to them.
Immunity to pregnancy-related morning sickness! (for males)
Invisibility! But only while asleep and unobserved.
Flawless telekinetic control of heavy elements which exist only in the lab and decay almost immediately.
The proportionate strength, speed, and reflexes of something slower, weaker, and less agile than I am!
Time travel! Forwards! At one second per second!
The ability to breathe while submerged in gravy!
The power to talk to trees! not to understand them at all, or anything, just talk to them.
Immunity to pregnancy-related morning sickness! (for males)
Invisibility! But only while asleep and unobserved.
Flawless telekinetic control of heavy elements which exist only in the lab and decay almost immediately.
The proportionate strength, speed, and reflexes of something slower, weaker, and less agile than I am!
The ability to skip any length of time where I would otherwise be doing some menial task or nothing important. In other words, all buses and trains come on time and I get home immediately. If I have something I want to do during that time, I can choose not to skip it.
I would have said the ability to see myself as if from an exterior viewpoint at any time, but that could actually have a fair few advantages. I would only be using it for personal dramatic effect though. Can you imagine you get to the stairs leading down to the train station, wearing a jacket, with a strong wind, and just have a low-angle shot as you descend? Or pan around yourself when you're about to get into a fight? Epic. Of course, the theme music one sort of trumps this as well as being applicable thanks to its relative uselessness.
Although going with the theme of epic, the ability to be as if effected by a wind straight in front of you without producing any such weather, essentially looking awesome all the time. Works doubly well for me because it would keep the hair out of my eyes even with a crosswind.
I would have said the ability to see myself as if from an exterior viewpoint at any time, but that could actually have a fair few advantages. I would only be using it for personal dramatic effect though. Can you imagine you get to the stairs leading down to the train station, wearing a jacket, with a strong wind, and just have a low-angle shot as you descend? Or pan around yourself when you're about to get into a fight? Epic. Of course, the theme music one sort of trumps this as well as being applicable thanks to its relative uselessness.
Although going with the theme of epic, the ability to be as if effected by a wind straight in front of you without producing any such weather, essentially looking awesome all the time. Works doubly well for me because it would keep the hair out of my eyes even with a crosswind.