Poke Fun at Your Favorite Games and Their Bad Points

[Onyx Oblivion]

Oblivion.

Umm...I'm suspended in mid-air talking to you. YOUR NECK IS UNNATURAL! How can you be facing me from that angle?! ARE YOU MR. FANTASTIC?!

Saint's Row 2

OMG! This is what Grand Theft Auto 4 should be l-*freezes again*

Mirror's Edge

The demo lied! I DID NOT SPEND 3/4 OF THE DEMO IN FUCKING HALLWAYS GETTING SHOT AT! And where did the police ninjas come from?!

 

[Disaster Button]

Civilization 4

OMG I have tanks in the year 100? SWEET! What do you mean nuclear launch detected?

Dow 1

Oh look that Farseer is basically the same height as that Wraithlords, damn xenos.

 

[Hazy]

Hey, Shenmue.

No, please, stop talking! Your dub is awful! Hurry, to the options menu- WHERE IS IT?!
THERE'S NO PAUSE SCREEN OPTION MENU!
IT'S BACK AT THE HOUSE?!
GAH! NO! PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!!!

 

[Cherry Cola]

God of War.

Why wont you give me the same amount of XP I got the first time I had sex with you!?

Oh, I get it. I'll wait for an hour or too so you can catch your breath.

*comes back after an hour*

*does what Kratos does best*

... WHERE'S MAH XP'S!?

 

[aPod]

Fable

Molyneuxxxxxx!!!! *Shaking fist in the air*

Assassins Creed

I've done these missions 50 times already, why are there so many damn guards harrassing women?

Mass Effect

In the future you can go on almost any planet... but they are very very bland. JAZZ HANDS!

 

[sylekage]

Halo

Wow this game is so fun, I...Holy shit!! What are those? the flood? what the hell is that! God!!
Fuckin library.

 

[Contun]

World of Warcraft:
Psh, only obese nerds play World of Warcraft... All it is is grind anyways... Nerds.

Team Fortress 2:
THEY PYRO IZ N00B CLASS! NERF!

 

[bew11]

Fallout 3:
Mole rats, super mutants, and deathclaws, O MY!!!

 

[dududf]

Supreme commander Forged Alliance.

You know what, if you have to make the AI hard by offering a difficulty from which the AI has INFINITE RESOURCES to beat me, then you should've spent more time on the fracken AI.

 

[Meggiepants]

Assassin's Creed

Why can everyone under the sun push me, shove me and block my path but if I accidentally bump into them, it's guards, guards everywhere?!

Dragon Age

I somehow doubt how sincere Alistair is when he says I am so beautiful and rare when everywhere we go there are ten people who look just like me.

Mass Effect

I don't think the illusive man is illusive enough. He keeps popping up at all the most inopportune times and telling me to do shit for him.

Fallout 3

I can carry 50,000 bottlecaps, more rounds of ammo than there are radroaches and bloat flies on the planet, 178 stimpacks, more drugs than the whole city of DC would know what to do with...but I can't carry one more piece of scrap metal?

 

[Armored Prayer]

CoD: Modern Warfare 2:

Oh my god stop spamming the grenade launcher! Why is the Chopper Gunner always hovering above our spawnpoint!? What! How did you hit me you weren't even aiming at me! Why is the DLC 15 bucks!?

Alien vs. Predator:

Its been ten minutes why haven't I found a game yet? No I don't want to play 4 vs 2. Man people have to play dirty to get kills in this game. Gah! Stupid homing Frisbee of Death!

 

[darth jacen]

Fable 2:
"Oh haha that's funny. Do the little baby bandits wanna play rough? How cute *LVL 5 INFERNO*. That rough enough for ya?"
Oblivion:
"Here ya go mister merchant, 1000 gold worth of potions, now look that way *steals every alchemy supply* and here's 1000 more gold worth... *rinse and repeat*"

 

[Xvito]

Kingdom Hearts

What the hell, Squaresoft!? Why am I rotating the camera with R2 and L2?

Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath

Oh my candy! That fucking last level! Seriously guys... The timer isn't helping. Also, the two mini-bosses at the end can stun-lock you... What the hell, you guys!?

 

[Marlun_42]

Kingdom Hearts:

Did...did someone just turn a fanfic into a video game?

 

[Daniel Cygnus]

Killer7 (PS2 version):
*Heaven Smile laughs*
Me: "Time to kick some ass!"
*Scan area*
*Massive slowdown*
*Aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmimiiiiiinnnnggggg*
*BBBBBAAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGG!*
Con: "FUCK you!"

Final Fantasy X:
Anyone but Auron: "Words!"
Me: "AUGH! Why couldn't they get decent voice actors?!"

 

[Angerwing]

Civilization 4

OMG I have tanks in the year 100? SWEET! What do you mean nuclear launch detected?

Dow 1

Oh look that Farseer is basically the same height as that Wraithlords, damn xenos.

Civilization series in general:

YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING TAKE MY HELICOPTER DOWN WITH A MACEMAN?!?!?!

Caps not for emphasis, but because it's the easiest way to convey the emotion.

"What do you mean their phalanx beat my Panzer?"

 

[PumpItUp]

No More Heroes
Check out my MONSTEROUSLY AWESOME BIKE as I ride around a dull, grey city...um, yeah.

METAL GEAR! METAL GEEEEEEEEAR!!!

God Hand
You want me to complain about a game where you can whack gay Mad Max punks into the sky Team Rocket-style, kick midget Power Rangers in their little jewels, and bet on Chihuahua races with names like Dirty Sanchez...um, no.

 

[Jenova65]

Assassin's Creed

Why can everyone under the sun push me, shove me and block my path but if I accidentally bump into them, it's guards, guards everywhere?!

Dragon Age

I somehow doubt how sincere Alistair is when he says I am so beautiful and rare when everywhere we go there are ten people who look just like me.

Mass Effect

I don't think the illusive man is illusive enough. He keeps popping up at all the most inopportune times and telling me to do shit for him.

Fallout 3

I can carry 50,000 bottlecaps, more rounds of ammo than there are radroaches and bloat flies on the planet, 178 stimpacks, more drugs than the whole city of DC would know what to do with...but I can't carry one more piece of scrap metal?

Dragon Age - Try harder at the character create screen ;-)
ME2 - LOL you may be right, if he was so illusive he should at least have is back to me like that guy in the old Charlie's Angels where you only saw his hand, or the back of his head, now he was illusive!

 

[Wrathchild231123]

Deus Ex

"Oh my god J.C., a BOMB!"
"A Bomb?"


Yeah, nice voice acting their guys.

 

[Lucifron]

Deus Ex

"Oh my god J.C., a BOMB!"
"A Bomb?"


Yeah, nice voice acting their guys.

Welcome to the Escapist. o/

Anyway, I'm not sure what my favorite game is. I'm thinking Half-Life, but there's nothing that immediately comes to mind. I am going to have to give this some time.