Poll: Are Relationships for Everyone?

[loc978]

I suppose this is deserving of some clarification... No, monogamous, sexual relationships are not for everyone. Western society tries very, very hard to push the ideal of them on us, but some people want nothing to do with said ideal. Whether they're like ol' Monkfish up there who seems to want nothing more than to be left alone about the subject... or like a porn star who simply wants to physically couple with anything they find attractive, safe sex practiced and no strings attached.

Mind you, the majority of people buy into this "true love" malarkey that religion and entertainment have been selling us for centuries, so most of those the ideal doesn't work for seem to think there's something "wrong with them".

Personally, I just have a hard time connecting with most people, so I'm something akin to the porn star I mentioned. I love sex, but I can't stand people most of the time.

 

[Jake the Snake]

It's important to try them out to get a feel. We can't know what we're looking for until we experience it, and through this process we also find what we're NOT looking for. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to be willing to look.

You don't have to be in a relationship by any means, it's just...people need people you know?

 

[Penguin_Factory]

I've also never been in a relationship and don't want one, so no, I don't think so.

To go into it a bit deeper, I've long suspected that the "traditional" route through life- get a girl/boyfriend, get married, have kids- probably isn't what quite a lot of people want, but they do it anyway because it's the norm. That's why you see so many people stuck in unhappy relationships raising children who they seem to resent.

In a broader sense, I think this boils down to the idea- presented so frequently in popular culture that it borders on indoctrination- that Being Alone Is Bad. If you don't have friends and family, or don't need/want them, then at best you'll go through your life miserable and unhappy and at worst you're some kind of sociopath.

And not to derail the thread into another topic, but I think this attitude particularly effects women. If a guy decided to go it along he might be seen as living by his own rules or focusing on more important matters, whereas I think there's still a societal view that women haven't fulfilled their life's purpose until they've had kids.

 

[DanielBrown]

Not really. I was in lots of relationships when I was young(er), but always ended them after a few weeks. Now I've been officially single(had a couple of affairs) for several years and got no longing for intimicy at all. I'm still young though, so I'll probably change my mind in a few years, but as it is now relationships are a low priority.

 

[probunk]

No. The asexual/aromantic community is fairly large, and relationships are demonstrably not something all people enjoy and are suited to.

 

[Brandon237]

Everyone is different, but I still say don't bash it until you've tried it, but I would think that not everyone would want one.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Here's how I look at it, if I can find somebody to be with then great. If not, it's not the end of all things, I'm young and have plenty of years ahead of me for romance. In the meantime there are plenty of other things more pertinent in life to preoccupy myself with. Just don't stress over it, it's not nearly as important as some people make it out to be. And those same people generally fritter along a string of partners that aren't right for them because they don't want to be alone instead of waiting for someone they are truly in sync with. Long story short, it's nice to be in one but don't exxagerate it's significance.

 

[Jonluw]

As evidenced by the load of asexual people in the world; sexual relationships aren't for everyone.

 

[sumanoskae]

I guess not, but I don't think you can just write off something as diverse as relationships, and it's not like you have to make some kind of definitive decision. If you ever feel the need to be in a relationship then do so, if not, don't.

And if you just have a biological urge to mate, you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex.

 

[Erana]

No. The asexual/aromantic community is fairly large, and relationships are demonstrably not something all people enjoy and are suited to.

Woah there.
If you're saying this about asexuals, then you have a few misconceptions.

Just because asexuals don't have a sexual attraction to other people, does not mean that we don't have romantic inclinations.
Between other asexuals or sexuals. It takes a bit of working out, but with good communication and a strong feeling of mutual happiness gained from pleasing each other, even sexuals and asexuals can make it work.

Sure, aromantics are common among asexuals, but I, myself, am asexual and want a husband and children some day, and I know I'm not the only one.

 

[Sniper Team 4]

There are simply some people out there who will never be able to handle a relationship, or choose to never commit to one, or it simply doesn't interest them. Part of me feels sorry for those people, but they choose it.

 

[Yopaz]

It's not for everyone, a lot of issues make us humans unable to interact with others. Maybe there's someone out there for them, but they are probably just as happy without it. I for one have my issues when it comes to trust and don't see myself as a person who is able to have a long-term relationship, because of this I think I will have relationships where I will in turn make myself and the girl I end up with unhappy.

 

[Doclector]

No. I think everyone deep down may want to be in a relationship, but for some there is no way that can ever be. For me it is because I'm damn near certifiably insane, and far too ugly. I stray too far from the ideal human for anyone ever to feel any affection for me. It is unpleasant, but we all must learn to accept what we can't have and not let it effect our chances of getting what we can.

 

[frizzlebyte]

It's a sort of "you don't know until it happens", when you connect with someone and just want to spend all your time with them then you suddenly realise that's what they're always banging on about it.

That's how I've always thought. Like the OP, I've never felt this blazing need to be in a relationship, either. If it happens, great! If not, it's not like I can't occupy my time doing something else.

I'm a bit of a free-spirit anyway. Getting tied down even to friendships has always been a bit daunting to me.

 

[Korolev]

There's nearly 7 Billion of us on this planet (by 2012, there definitely WILL be 7 Billion of us). Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, aside from air, water and bread is for everyone (and I'm not even sure on the bread part. Some people, believe it or not, don't like or eat bread).

Most humans want relationships. As you can tell, that's probably why our species has been so....er, successful.... in the field of reproduction. But not everyone is the same. Your desires are partially influenced by society and partially influenced by your neural development. No one's neural development is exactly the same and no one's childhood is exactly the same.

You might be that rare, rare, rare individual would honestly does not like being in sexual or romantic relationships. These people are extremely rare, but they do exist. Sometimes they call themselves asexual, which is a improper term - they HAVE a sex (male or female), they just don't engage in in the act of sex. Such people do exist - there are those who honestly don't want or need sex.

But they are rare. I would look deep inside yourself to determine whether or not you genuinely dislike relationships or if you, like me, just haven't or can't meet the right people to have a relationship with.

 

[Bebus]

I'm going to make an assumption here: you are quite young. Less than 25, maybe even 20.

Anyway, I do not think my answer fits into your categories. Up to a certain age, higher if you are in the right circles, relationships are not 'for everyone'.

With the definition of relationship being two consensual adults doing any/all of the following: sleeping together regularly, living together, having sex regularly, sharing a deep empathy, having kids, acknowledging their relationship is romantically motivated.

I am currently living with somebody, which I count as a relationship. But not long ago I had somebody with whom I frequently got drunk and had sex with. We also shared a lot of personal stuff with each other, more than I share with my current partner, but aside from these episodes barely spoke. Do you count that as a relationship? I do, though it was very different to my current relationship.

But anyway, people get lonely. You do, otherwise you would not be on here seeking acceptance for your lifestyle. Once people get past a certain age, it turns into a serious fear rather than something uncomfortable. People can get past this through various means: friends, lovers, social circles and shared hobbies. A lingering part of me wonders if this will change when the 'internet generation' gets old, but I already know the answer for myself: a 'real' relationship is far more fulfilling than an internet relationship.

Maybe 'traditional' relationships (man and woman and house and 2 kids) are not for everyone, and lots of people fear commitment to one person. But the vast majority of humans, even 'anti social' ones, are social creatures and when deprived of a feeling of being accepted will suffer for it.

 

[tigermilk]

"Are relationships for everyone" "Depends on the person"/"No" - Surely these two are the same, if it depends on the person that would mean they are not "for everyone" so "No".

 

[masticina]

Good question

Finding our perfect mate not sure if we all can get that. Not sure if we all end up with someone in the end. But friends yes friends is what we do need indeed.