Poll: Confidence?

[Ham_authority95]

Gaining confidence will help you wonders in life because life involves social interaction and situations that are unfavourable to your comfort zone.

The way to get confident is just to say "fuck it. What do I have to lose?"

It's kind of like jumping into a cold lake on a hot day. At first it's a shock, but after a bit you get that "ahhhh...." feeling.

 

[moretimethansense]

confidence isn't a choice, but something you're born with. if you lack it, you probably won't ever have it (with some exceptions). that said, man up and go do whatever it is you're talking about. come on, it can't be that hard.

Make up your mind man, can you gain confidence or not?

I say that you can build confidence over time, with sucsessful endevours, but I maintain you can't simply up and decide "I'm gonna be confident today!"

I see sarcasm isn't your specialty. I'll be sure to put "/sarcasm" at the end from now on.

... I wasn't being sarcastic, I was pointing out that you just said you can't just get confidence, then immediatly say that the OP should "man up".

 

[A3Bf72rVWE5hA]

confidence isn't a choice, but something you're born with. if you lack it, you probably won't ever have it (with some exceptions). that said, man up and go do whatever it is you're talking about. come on, it can't be that hard.

Make up your mind man, can you gain confidence or not?

I say that you can build confidence over time, with sucsessful endevours, but I maintain you can't simply up and decide "I'm gonna be confident today!"

I see sarcasm isn't your specialty. I'll be sure to put "/sarcasm" at the end from now on.

... I wasn't being sarcastic, I was pointing out that you just said you can't just get confidence, then immediatly say that the OP should "man up".

That was where the sarcasm comes into play...

 

[Bobic]

This poll could really use a 'sort of' option.

 

[afbrien]

It is not a choice. It is a skill developed through experience.

 

[Sion_Barzahd]

You can't always choose to quell those voices and doubts that are in your mind. Sure you can think "be confident" and tell yourself you'll be confident but actions do after speak louder than words. Its the act of being confident that makes you do it, and not everyone feels they can manage it.

True there are a great deal of people who find ways to fake it, myself included and it helps you build up confidence. But i think its a personality trait that truely shows itself when your faced with a big scenario.
For example; i am usually a pretty confident person. A couple of mates around or if i'm in a place i know then i feel like i can laugh down giants. Stick me somewhere i feel entirely alienated or are lost in, and i shrivel back into the shy bumbling fool i am at my heart.
There are some people who faced with this sort of unknown, instead of shying away dive straight it, confident as anything. Technically you could call this reckless, but confidence itself can be reckless at the best of times.

 

[The Red Spy]

Confidence is the measure of a choice, on how successful you believe something may be or whether you can manufacture the outcome you want from a given situation. Being confident doesn't negate a decisions merit for stupidity either, nor whether they are right.

 

[moretimethansense]

confidence isn't a choice, but something you're born with. if you lack it, you probably won't ever have it (with some exceptions). that said, man up and go do whatever it is you're talking about. come on, it can't be that hard.

Make up your mind man, can you gain confidence or not?

I say that you can build confidence over time, with sucsessful endevours, but I maintain you can't simply up and decide "I'm gonna be confident today!"

I see sarcasm isn't your specialty. I'll be sure to put "/sarcasm" at the end from now on.

... I wasn't being sarcastic, I was pointing out that you just said you can't just get confidence, then immediately say that the OP should "man up".

That was where the sarcasm comes into play...

Ah sorry, I misread you response, I thought that you thought I was being sarcastic, though your first post seemed (to me) to be a genuine contradiction by you.
Even now that I know it's a joke it seems less like sarcasm and more like hypocritical humor or a deliberate contradiction of terms for comic effect.

 

[rutger5000]

Of course it's not a bloody choice!

If it were do you think even one person would choose not to be?

For perspective, be scared, right now!
Not so easy is it?
How about this?
Be happy, angry, horny, conflicted, confused, entertained, amused, bemused or anything?
You simply can't fucking choose how you feel about something, if you could there would be no need for theripists, mood altering drugs and/or entertainment.

Maybe it's just me, but....
Just give me a minute. I don't know what bemused means, but I think I can handle all other quiet well if you give me some time.

And from where do you get the idea that you can't decide how you feel about something? Ever heard of suppressing your feelings? No marriage could possible stand, and no serious challenge could be overcome if people could not choose to ignore their (temporary) negative feelings and carry on hoping for something good ahead.
And there is need for therapists mood altering drugs and/or entertainment because suppressing / faking your feelings is difficult, and doing it for too long can be dangerous. But confidence is not a feeling you'll need for a long time, it's just a thing needed on the moment you're going to do something you find hard/difficult. Afterwards you can stop pretending and give yourself some rest. (That does not mean that choosing to feel confident is easy though.)

 

[demoman_chaos]

No, its not a choice. It is like free will, an illusion of choice. It may seem like we are choosing when we really aren't.
Example: You tell me a joke, I laugh. You tell me the same joke, I don't laugh. Everytime your mind percieves something, it changes. We don't truely know how we will react to something thus we cannot truely contorl our reaction and our choice.

 

[rutger5000]

P.S. Do you want this moved to the Advice Forum?

Haha no it's fine where it is. Thanks again for all the advice you've given me. You are a really nice person.

 

[moretimethansense]

Snip

Just so you know it doesn't count if you are using an outside stimulus or are drawing upon memories to invoke these emotions.

And no, you can;'t just change how you feel, you can focus on something that evoke these feelings, you can force yourself to think about something else, but you simply can't choose how you feel, suppressing or repressing emotions is not changeing them, it is denying them, which is exactly why it's so unhealthy, you don't deal with them and they build up until you can't repress them anymore, trust me on this I've been there.

 

[Tipsy Giant]

Everyone I know fakes their confidence, you would have to be stupid to actually believe you are as cool as you try to make people think you are

 

[superbatranger]

I think it's a bit of both. Some people are just naturally confident, and some people choose to take that chance and become confident through choice. At least, that's how I see it.

 

[thylasos]

It gets better with time and experience, but certainly, in the beginning, you have to put the confident face on, take a leap and see how things go.

 

[rutger5000]

Snip

Just so you know it doesn't count if you are using an outside stimulus or are drawing upon memories to invoke these emotions.

And no, you can;'t just change how you feel, you can focus on something that evoke these feelings, you can force yourself to think about something else, but you simply can't choose how you feel, suppressing or repressing emotions is not changeing them, it is denying them, which is exactly why it's so unhealthy, you don't deal with them and they build up until you can't repress them anymore, trust me on this I've been there.

Sorry to say this, but you're 21 just 1 year older then me. Don't you think we are too young to just copy the way the rest of society deals with emotions? I don't know about you, but I'm going to experiment them for the next few years.
And by the way I've been lying about emotions my entire live, some major some minor. If suppressing emotions is really that bad, then I would be a lot more screwed up then I am.

 

[bjj hero]

There is no difference between being confident and acting confident. Suck it up and do it, too many people are happy to make excuses instead of getting up and doing something.

 

[PAGEToap44]

Confidence is not a choice, it's a personality trait. Some people are born confident or raised to be confident. Some people have to work hard at it and overcome their fears with sheer willpower, or alternatively they could ignore their fears. For me, lack of confidence goes hand in hand with lack of things to say and how little I have in common with most of my other, far more confident, peers.