Q: Do You think you could take a life to defend your own.
It's a challenge to think whether or not I could, but not on the scale of how the guilt would affect me. I have long since determined that if I were put into one of these "life or death" situations, that I would become an incredibly sick individual and ensure that every second spent still breathing is regretting ever considering what they were trying to do. Some would imply that being an introverted person I'm probably weak and just talk. I do believe I am weaker than I could be, but I also believe it's because I'm introverted that it would make killing another that much easier. It's easier for me to separate myself from the rest of the world even if my body isn't and then I stop caring about what I'm doing and what effects it will have. I also have a disregard for my own personal safety when I think about things like that. I'm better if my failure would or could cost someone else their life. Then I would be harder-pressed to make sure the other is dead or completely ruined whether I survive or not.
Q: The BadGuy is threatening not just your life, but your family's. Does this alter your reaction?
Absolutely, it would let out a part of me that will not allow them to die until I have decided they have suffered enough. Even if that means trying to find a place to store them and dumping thousands of dollars into equipment and methods to keep them alive until I'm finished. I don't believe in punishing someone not related to a situation, but it wouldn't stop me from threatening every person valuable to who I am maiming. If I could manage, I would bring them to a point where they want to die and nothing else, then let them go. A shattered psyche and ruined body, little more than a husk of a living thing left. Nobody threatens my loved ones. Whether I live or die, you will suffer in ways that some might consider inhuman.
Q: Would the difference between the up-close kill, and the point and click of a ranged weapon have a difference on you?
It would depend on my mind at the time. A gun would naturally be favorable for the lessened risk to your own health, but I could also have just snapped and decide that I'm going to shoot your elbows and knees and start mutilating you with whatever is on hand. I think for a kill I'd rather be up close. Knowing full well that my opinion is not shared by many others that I know, I look at killing someone as a valuable and merciful thing. If I'm going to kill you, I'm going to do my best to make it quick and easy. I don't want to kill someone that I'm maiming, that would be letting them off. I think I would prefer to be close to them and reassure them that the pain is leaving if they do not die instantly. It can be a twisted way of thinking, but if you're dying, I'd like for you to feel relieved. I'd love to delude myself into the "everything happens for a reason" set of thinking, but some things just happen because shit happens. I want to make someone's death as painless and easy as possible, even if they haven't had the chance to live their life yet.
Q: Would having a stranger's life on the line with yours make you change your reaction?
I might spend more time thinking than I should, which would probably get me badly hurt. If I let my mind go quickly enough, I won't need to reason whether I'm killing an acquaintance or a stranger and why. I'll just do it. It's hard to really say though. I'm a very thoughtful person, definitely to a fault. I overthink everything no matter what it is. I've found that being spontaneous and not stopping to think yields better results for what I want. With a stranger, at least, I can hope that they're worth letting die rather than worrying about who they are and what they do and what I'll be taking away from somebody else.
I don't really know. I'd have to be in the situation to really find out, but I know what I would do if I could get to that mindset before I died. I've felt before that, if I had to, I could kill someone dear to me but only if that meant sparing them from something worse. I'm afraid of a few different parts of my mind that I prefer to keep locked up. I think it would be a lot easier to kill someone than I want to admit to myself even after typing all this up. Arrogant as it may be, part of my method of dealing with the guilt would be "at least I did it" since I want so much to die easily I want to make it a point to make my kills similar to perhaps deserve a quicker death when it comes to my time.