Poll: Did your parents hit you?

[Zorg Machine]

You are the most awesome person in this thread (salutes). It's so refreshing to hear someone say that it wasn't for the best that they were beaten.

You mean, its so refreshing to hear someone finally agree with you.

Most people who are physically punished as children usually get self-confidence by establishing physical domination over others.

I seriously doubt that you know all people who have been physically abused as children, and can make an accusation like that.

Exactly this. I don't necessarily disagree with not hitting a child, it's the bullshit, holier than thou response I hate by people who weren't. Kind of like those zealous vegetarians.

There will always be people who hold themselves on a higher plateau than others, who think that their experience is somehow more warranted and valid than others, and that this somehow gives them the right to judge whomever, however they want. They are very easy to spot, and consequently, should be avoided at all costs, unless one would rather get into an argument every time the wind blows.

Yes, it's nice to find out that I'm not alone in trying to make people understand that physical violence is not necessary when raising children. I don't get your point.
I have read a lot about it. I know people who have taken courses in human psychology and have reached this conclusion. It's not waterproof, but the human mind needs to release tension somewhere. if they can't retaliate against their parents, they push it down (which results in emotional trauma btw) or release it, often on someone else.
Children do what their parents do and what other people do, that is a fact. If parents use violence, children will use violence. The only way that this doesn't happen is when a child sees the parent as an enemy because of the beatings and resent them until they die. And that is the good ending.

 

[TehCookie]

-snip-

I can't tell if you think this was a good thing or a bad thing.
If that was my mother, I would have resented her and probably not spoken to her until she lay on her death-bed.

As a kid I thought it was normal and I was glad she only used her hand. My grandparents have a paddle they used on my mom and her siblings and they had to sign the back every time they were hit. Besides non-violent punishments never worked on me because if she grounded me from TV and video games I'd play them anyways, and if she hid the console I'd find it. If she made me sit in a corner I'd either leave or read a book and pretend to enjoy myself.

...still don't get if you think beating children is good.
Ah well, let's get to arguing. Banning from television games and the sit in the corner thing only works on children who either respect or fear their parents. If you don't like your children talking back, argue against them with logic, if they win the argument it means that your child is smarter than you and using physical punishment means that you are a complete jackass and a failure as a parent.

If you don't want your children to do bad things, punishing them will make them do it in secret and if they do it repeatedly after you explain that it's bad it means that you failed in persuading them not to do it or that they will do it no matter what.

Hitting is the easiest way to install fear into them. No not all kids need to be hit just the ones who can't learn any other way. Most kids don't listen to their parents and any logic used is a waste of breath. Try convincing a 14 year old druggie to go to school sober. She won't listen, and if her parents try talking to her they get the finger and a fuck you as she calls up one of her boy toys and leaves. The only way that worked was calling the police on her and having them escort her to school everyday or face juvie. Even if it's not physical it's still threatening. If her parents hit her as a child and installed that fear in her she would be more incline to listen, but instead she has security knowing her parents would never so anything against her.


Do you have any ideas how to set her straight? The only thing I can think of besides hitting is a taser.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

You are the most awesome person in this thread (salutes). It's so refreshing to hear someone say that it wasn't for the best that they were beaten.

You mean, its so refreshing to hear someone finally agree with you.

Most people who are physically punished as children usually get self-confidence by establishing physical domination over others.

I seriously doubt that you know all people who have been physically abused as children, and can make an accusation like that.

Exactly this. I don't necessarily disagree with not hitting a child, it's the bullshit, holier than thou response I hate by people who weren't. Kind of like those zealous vegetarians.

There will always be people who hold themselves on a higher plateau than others, who think that their experience is somehow more warranted and valid than others, and that this somehow gives them the right to judge whomever, however they want. They are very easy to spot, and consequently, should be avoided at all costs, unless one would rather get into an argument every time the wind blows.

Yes, it's nice to find out that I'm not alone in trying to make people understand that physical violence is not necessary when raising children. I don't get your point.
I have read a lot about it. I know people who have taken courses in human psychology and have reached this conclusion. It's not waterproof, but the human mind needs to release tension somewhere. if they can't retaliate against their parents, they push it down (which results in emotional trauma btw) or release it, often on someone else.
Children do what their parents do and what other people do, that is a fact. If parents use violence, children will use violence. The only way that this doesn't happen is when a child sees the parent as an enemy because of the beatings and resnt them until they die. And that is the good ending.

Ahh, you've read it in a book. That makes it completely valid. Yes, the world would be great if we never had to do bad things ever, unfortuantely, humans are as flawed as any other animal, maybe even more so. For every psychologist that says hitting your child is bad, there is another saying that it's correct. Sigmund Freud's daughter believed that children play with food because the food is a replacement for poo. So yeah, psychology is as 'exact' as any theorectical science.

 

[Zorg Machine]

*Snipp*

*snipp*

*snipp*

What I meant was that when hitting your children you get them to realize that what they did was wrong and you get them to stop doing it (at least in front of you). However, it is impossible to get them to respect you. Respect gained through violence is fear. nothing more and nothing less. If you don't know how to raise a child without beating it over the head then you are making this world a worse place for future generations. violence brings violence, fear brings fear.
And the "holier than thou" argument is bullshit. people can't raise their kids however they want or Josef Fritzl would be walking free. Saying that someone else is full of shit because they try to help children from unnecessary violence (yes, I know I sound like a PETA executive) is just wrong. In many cases, hitting a child will cause resentment and emotional trauma.

Everything we do is governed by fear, just fear in different ways, stop being naive. Why do I fear fire? Because I don't want to get burned. Do I resent the fire for burning me? No, I treat it with respect.

If a serial rapist is advancing towards you, do you stay away from him because you respect him? A beating is not required in a modern civilization. parents beat children because their parents beat them. Knowing how to raise a child without violence and choosing not to is bad parenting. Knowing how to raise a child without violence but failing to do so is bad parenting. Not knowing how to raise a child without violence is the reason why we don't advance. It used to be able to beat your wife because "they don't understand how to do things if you didn't give them a slap now and then" it used to be able to treat black people that way because "The savages don't understand anything other than the whip". The only reason we beat children is because they can't stand up for themselves.

 

[ilion]

I lived with my grandparents, so yeah sometimes my grandpa would go military. I deserved it.

 

[Gudrests]

....if my mom knew i was going to be bad..like she just had that feeling..id get hit before we went into the store...and no that didnt mean i could be bad in the store because i already got hit....if i was bad..i still got hit...HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM

 

[Daystar Clarion]

*Snipp*

*snipp*

*snipp*

What I meant was that when hitting your children you get them to realize that what they did was wrong and you get them to stop doing it (at least in front of you). However, it is impossible to get them to respect you. Respect gained through violence is fear. nothing more and nothing less. If you don't know how to raise a child without beating it over the head then you are making this world a worse place for future generations. violence brings violence, fear brings fear.
And the "holier than thou" argument is bullshit. people can't raise their kids however they want or Josef Fritzl would be walking free. Saying that someone else is full of shit because they try to help children from unnecessary violence (yes, I know I sound like a PETA executive) is just wrong. In many cases, hitting a child will cause resentment and emotional trauma.

Everything we do is governed by fear, just fear in different ways, stop being naive. Why do I fear fire? Because I don't want to get burned. Do I resent the fire for burning me? No, I treat it with respect.

If a serial rapist is advancing towards you, do you stay away from him because you respect him? A beating is not required in a modern civilization. parents beat children because their parents beat them. Knowing how to raise a child without violence and choosing not to is bad parenting. Knowing how to raise a child without violence but failing to do so is bad parenting. Not knowing how to raise a child without violence is the reason why we don't advance. It used to be able to beat your wife because "they don't understand how to do things if you didn't give them a slap now and then" it used to be able to treat black people that way because "The savages don't understand anything other than the whip". The only reason we beat children is because they can't stand up for themselves.

I think you confuse 'actual' violence with a hard tap. But I think'll we'll have to agree to disagree. I've met many douche bags who were never struck by their parent and I'm sure it's the same situation reversed for you.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Spoiler: Response to TehCookie

Hitting is the easiest way to install fear into them. No not all kids need to be hit just the ones who can't learn any other way.

Because violence never breeds more violence, right? Wrong.

Most kids don't listen to their parents and any logic used is a waste of breath.

That's an opinion. Stop trying to sound like you're actually presenting facts.

Try convincing a 14 year old druggie to go to school sober. She won't listen, and if her parents try talking to her they get the finger and a fuck you as she calls up one of her boy toys and leaves. The only way that worked was calling the police on her and having them escort her to school everyday or face juvie.

Even in such a case would you not agree that a rehabilitation program is more suited for the teen than the police?

Even if it's not physical it's still threatening. If her parents hit her as a child and installed that fear in her she would be more incline to listen

Actually, what spanking will do is just a momentary effect. Soon after the child grows up and realizes the parents have no power over him or her then the finger will be the first thing the kid will do. You either have an uncontrollable teen or an obedyant child who has a growing hate for his parents. Either way, spanking is never the answer.

but instead she has security knowing her parents would never so anything against her.

And is that such a bad thing? Is it such a bad thing for a child to grow up emotionally healthy and in a healthy relationship with his parents? I mean Christ, you don't exactly beat the living shit out of someone with problems and then expect all those problems to go away, do you? Momentary silence? Yes. Long term silence? No.

I am disgusted to see how ignorant some Escapist truly are when it comes to physically abusing your child.

I've met many douche bags who were never struck by their parent and I'm sure it's the same situation reversed for you.

This has more to do with whom the child hangs out with rather than the parents method of raising a child.

 

[Zorg Machine]

-snip-

I can't tell if you think this was a good thing or a bad thing.
If that was my mother, I would have resented her and probably not spoken to her until she lay on her death-bed.

As a kid I thought it was normal and I was glad she only used her hand. My grandparents have a paddle they used on my mom and her siblings and they had to sign the back every time they were hit. Besides non-violent punishments never worked on me because if she grounded me from TV and video games I'd play them anyways, and if she hid the console I'd find it. If she made me sit in a corner I'd either leave or read a book and pretend to enjoy myself.

...still don't get if you think beating children is good.
Ah well, let's get to arguing. Banning from television games and the sit in the corner thing only works on children who either respect or fear their parents. If you don't like your children talking back, argue against them with logic, if they win the argument it means that your child is smarter than you and using physical punishment means that you are a complete jackass and a failure as a parent.

If you don't want your children to do bad things, punishing them will make them do it in secret and if they do it repeatedly after you explain that it's bad it means that you failed in persuading them not to do it or that they will do it no matter what.

Hitting is the easiest way to install fear into them. No not all kids need to be hit just the ones who can't learn any other way. Most kids don't listen to their parents and any logic used is a waste of breath. Try convincing a 14 year old druggie to go to school sober. She won't listen, and if her parents try talking to her they get the finger and a fuck you as she calls up one of her boy toys and leaves. The only way that worked was calling the police on her and having them escort her to school everyday or face juvie. Even if it's not physical it's still threatening. If her parents hit her as a child and installed that fear in her she would be more incline to listen, but instead she has security knowing her parents would never so anything against her.


Do you have any ideas how to set her straight? The only thing I can think of besides hitting is a taser.

It's the parents fault that she turned out that way. they didn't keep contact with her or didn't realize what she was doing. nevertheless, this is an extreme case and if it's a real life scenario, I think the parents did the best they could at that point. Desperate times call for desperate measures but slapping a child for not wanting to eat dinner is something else entirely.

 

[SomeBritishDude]

Of coarse they did. Your kid does something nasty you slap them one. Some these little brats I see to day I wish their parents drop kicked them...

...Putting aside the arsehole within, yeah they hit me. Sometimes they needed to. Luckily not often.

 

[unoleian]

I was spanked on several occasions in my youth. In retrospect, I know that I deserved every single one. And every infraction that earned me a sore backside was hardly ever repeated again...

 

[WrongSprite]

Once or twice, I think it did me good to be honest. They never abused it, and I learnt my lesson.

In the EU they are trying to outlaw it completely, this is stupid because any parent willing to seriously harm their child will do so regardless of the legality of it, whereas parents who need to discipline their child will be treated as criminals for doing so.

^^this.

I get pissed off listening to dumb ass liberals going off about child abuse like they knew what they were talking about... I am in school for child psychology, and I VERY strongly believe that a spanking is completely within acceptable bounds for discipline. The child will usually respond to a physical punishment where something like a "time out" won't teach them a damn thing.

Oh yeah, and to answer your question: Yes, I was spanked as a child, and it did me no harm. meanwhile, my 5 year old brother is growing up in the age of pussy parents, not allowed to be spanked, according to the law of my home country... and he is bad. Like, social deviant bad. Time out's are a joke, and he knows it. I bet he wouldn't be a little shit like that if he new a spanking was imminent.

P.S. Not trying to say liberals are dumb asses... just that anti-spanking liberals are dumb asses.

But...I was never spanked as a child, my parents don't believe in it. I turned out fine, I'm a fairly decent, well rounded person. I don't think there's much difference to be honest, spanking just seems a bit unnecessary.

 

[Yureina]

Never. Absolutely never.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

Most of the people I went to high school with were beaten (slapped, spanked, hit, disciplined, whatever you want to call it), and they were all elitist, believed themselves to be more mature fuckwads who I cut away from the first chance I had. The only other long-term beaten child I know is sixteen years old and an absolute psycho who would probably kill his father if given an opportunity, but otherwise quails away from any father figure, going from a very self-assured young man to a mess of neuroses.

So that's about a hundred people all told who outright told me they were hit as children, believed it to have been a good thing, and I hate every single one of them for almost all of their beliefs. Largely centred around what's traditional and 'right.'

As you can probably guess, my parents never hit me, my mum's worked with primary school children for all her adult life, and according to her all of the deliquents, the low achievers, and really any of them with severe problems were the ones who were beaten regularly. My dad was in a military family, and he ended up estranged from both his parents and his sisters. (And yes, both his dad and his mum beat him)

I know I may be overgeneralising, or trying to project my experiences too much onto society as a whole, but I have never known anyone who was made better by being beaten, and I usually regard it as being a sign of a parent who doesn't have any other way of controlling a child.

 

[Zorg Machine]

You are the most awesome person in this thread (salutes). It's so refreshing to hear someone say that it wasn't for the best that they were beaten.

You mean, its so refreshing to hear someone finally agree with you.

Most people who are physically punished as children usually get self-confidence by establishing physical domination over others.

I seriously doubt that you know all people who have been physically abused as children, and can make an accusation like that.

Exactly this. I don't necessarily disagree with not hitting a child, it's the bullshit, holier than thou response I hate by people who weren't. Kind of like those zealous vegetarians.

There will always be people who hold themselves on a higher plateau than others, who think that their experience is somehow more warranted and valid than others, and that this somehow gives them the right to judge whomever, however they want. They are very easy to spot, and consequently, should be avoided at all costs, unless one would rather get into an argument every time the wind blows.

Yes, it's nice to find out that I'm not alone in trying to make people understand that physical violence is not necessary when raising children. I don't get your point.
I have read a lot about it. I know people who have taken courses in human psychology and have reached this conclusion. It's not waterproof, but the human mind needs to release tension somewhere. if they can't retaliate against their parents, they push it down (which results in emotional trauma btw) or release it, often on someone else.
Children do what their parents do and what other people do, that is a fact. If parents use violence, children will use violence. The only way that this doesn't happen is when a child sees the parent as an enemy because of the beatings and resnt them until they die. And that is the good ending.

Ahh, you've read it in a book. That makes it completely valid. Yes, the world would be great if we never had to do bad things ever, unfortuantely, humans are as flawed as any other animal, maybe even more so. For every psychologist that says hitting your child is bad, there is another saying that it's correct. Sigmund Freud's daughter believed that children play with food because the food is a replacement for poo. So yeah, psychology is as 'exact' as any theorectical science.

personally, I believe that Freud was full of shit 80% of the time but that's a story for another day. Anyone who studies the human mind and behaviour, will tell you that children do what their parents do (unless they rebel and all that) so isn't it obvious that a child would use violence if their parents did? and isn't it even more obvious that a person, subjected to violence will be more aggressive than a person raised without violence? btw the way you said "Ahh, you've read it in a book. That makes it completely valid." is in quite bad taste and it makes me believe that we should cool down before one of us starts trolling. In other words, I'm not going to respond for a few hours as I'm going to sleep.

 

[Carlston]

All I noticed is the less spanking of children, and the avoiding of violence in games, movies and in all forms...


Have spawned a generation of the most violent, sadistic, torture animal for fun type people... go figure.

Maybe if we tone down the pretend violence the real violence will go away or not seem so bad.... yeah that worked.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

I get pissed off listening to dumb ass liberals going off about child abuse like they knew what they were talking about..

Because the ammount of professionals that are against physically abusing your child do not matter in the larger picture, right?

I am in school for child psychology, and I VERY strongly believe that a spanking is completely within acceptable bounds for discipline.

Which one? Also, giving that you reached this conclusion and you are in a school for "child psychology" I'm supposing you can at least bring some sort of argument to support this claim?

I was spanked and it did me no harm

You were spanked for what? Not eating dinner? Not doing homework? Going outside? Specify please.

My brother is a social deviant.

This has mostly to do with the social environment your brother grew up in as well as how his parents handled him. Not spanking your child does not mean letting your child do whatever the fuck he wants too which is something I think you actually believe. Whilst I harbor a "democracy" when it comes to raising children aka being open to them and treating them like equals others may go for other approaches.

P.S. Not trying to say liberals are dumb asses... just that anti-spanking liberals are dumb asses.

Whoa! Liberals are SUCH MORONS! How dare they present arguments against physically abusing children! HOW FUCKING DARE THEY THOSE ASSHOLES!

 

[Bourne]

Yes, it's nice to find out that I'm not alone in trying to make people understand that physical violence is not necessary when raising children. I don't get your point.
I have read a lot about it. I know people who have taken courses in human psychology and have reached this conclusion. It's not waterproof, but the human mind needs to release tension somewhere. if they can't retaliate against their parents, they push it down (which results in emotional trauma btw) or release it, often on someone else.
Children do what their parents do and what other people do, that is a fact. If parents use violence, children will use violence. The only way that this doesn't happen is when a child sees the parent as an enemy because of the beatings and resent them until they die. And that is the good ending.

I am not sure where you drew the conclusion that a person either a) retaliates against their parents or b) represses emotions, but that is probably the most black and white approach to child psychology I have ever heard, and it is simply not true. There are many ways to confront emotional stress, and most of them result in positive progression in the case of the individual.

And the whole "monkey see, monkey do" approach isn't valid, either. Children emulate others, true, but it is possible, and common, for a person to develop their own unique set of principles separate than their parents', and when a learned behavior directly or indirectly conflicts with those principles, the child will often modify or discard the behavior altogether.

As I said before, I am not saying you are wrong, or my experiences are somehow more valid than yours, because I don't believe either statement. There are different approaches to raising a child, and someone who uses physical punishment (spankings, etc, and not pummeling your child into the Stone Age) while acknowledging and maintaining the threshold of child abuse should not be reprimanded by some form of Federal or State agency.

And on the other hand, if someone wants to raise their child in an environment free of physical punishment, they should be allowed to do so, but if that person takes it upon themselves to chastise others that don't adhere to their system of beliefs, I will always think less of them.

 

[Aurora219]

My mum hammered me once in a while when I was being a true little sod, but that swiftly stopped when I got older and much bigger than her. It was a bit of a bad situation to say the least - don't worry I never hit her back - but she couldn't control me because I'd just calmly pick her up and put her outside the room, then go back to whatever I was doing wrong.

Ah, teenage life. Totally overrated.

 

[GrinningManiac]

Never the "smacked bottom" thing, though I did get clotted around the ear once REALLY hard, though that was my mum playfully pretending to hit me and BADLY getting the distance wrong.

That sounds like my mum's a psychopath. It was basically a phyiscal variant on "Oh, you! *roll eyes*"