Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[Ladette]

This comic feels apropriate.
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png

A lot of the so called "nice guys" are not nearly as nice as they think they are. Not saying all guys who claim to be nice are like that, but i'd say about half of them are.

Another reason jerks seem to do well is that they have a lot of confidence and use the logic that if you shake enough trees you'll eventually get fruit from one of them. You can be the nicest guy in the world, but if you're going to be a doormat most women won't be intrested in you. Stand up for yourself and show some confidence.

Also different women have different standards, but that's already been mentioned.

 

[ChildofGallifrey]

It's because when we were all children every time a boy picked on a girl and the girl went crying to her parent's, the parents would tell them "Oh, they just do that because they like you." Therefore, young girls grow up hard-wired to be attracted to guys who treat them badly.

OT: Gather round, and I shall tell you a tale: I'm a very nice guy (in the sense of the phrase that we're using here, at least), and I wondered if that was my downfall 4 years ago when my fiance left me for a complete asshole (drug addict, alcoholic, high school drop out, can't keep a job, in and out of prison, living off of her, threatening physical violence on me if I would ever speak to her again full-spectrum asshole).

They've been married for 3 years, threaten each other with divorce every few months, she works for minimum wage, he doesn't have a job, and they live with one of his friends in a 24-hour party house.

I've been a good relationship with a pretty girl for years, and we have a beautiful, incredibly intelligent daughter. I'm studying to be an actor in New York in a very exclusive program (11 people out of hundreds who applied) with the man who taught award winning actors like Edward Norton, Mary Louise-Parker, and Maggie Gylenhaal (among many others), and I've already gotten offers from several high-profile talent managers and agents.

Yes, nice guys do win in the end.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Maybe things are different for the Dutch, compared to Canada...

But I'm a nice, kind, fun loving guy and I found someone. Someone also nice, kind and fun loving. So it's definitely possible for a nice guy to find a nice girl. The older the girls are the more they'll like nice guys over bad boys.

 

[Nimcha]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

You're hanging out with the wrong crowd man! In my experience with Dutch girls they just want to be woo'd. Whether that is by acting like a douche or whatever, anything is better than just being passive. The point is that you need to make VERY clear that you're interested. I know, that's annoying. But just dropping hints isn't going to do it. You just need to make yourself come off a little more interesting than you are. Honesty can come later.

Now I realize that's a gross generalization but then again this whole topic is.

 

[Thespian]

Hate that heterosexual nice guys 8) I need no nice-guy liking girls.

 

[Mr S]

"Nice" guys = Nerds who are too timid to make a move.
The world seems like it's full of douches to someone when they are very unhappy with themselves.

I'm actually quite happy with myself, I don't look to bad if I say so myself, I have an alright physique, nothing spectacular and I can be quite confident if I want to. But I don't like pretending to be someone else.

 

[Woodsey]

Self-professed nice guy generally translates into someone who lets themselves get walked all over, and/or someone who ultimately appears boring because they're too afraid to say something even the slightest bit rude/edgy/jokey in front of a girl because they're afraid of insulting them.

You can be a quiet guy, as long as you show a bit of something once in a while, and don't just pander to them every second you get.

And if you describe yourself as chivalrous, you probably fit in somewhere in the above as well.

Also: duh. Of course people won't like you if you act like an actual arse hole. Consider the fact that you probably see them as arse holes because they're getting girls you want.

 

[Gaderael]

I've been told that I'm a nice guy and I not only got the girl, I married her, so hang in there. If a. Lame-o like myself can win, then so can youu.

 

[T-Bone24]

Quite a lot of self-professed (and they are always self-professed) "nice guys" seem to be the "jerks" they so hate in disguise. It can't possibly be a problem with you that you don't receive attention, it must be that other guys are jerks and women like jerks! Of course!

Seriously, that's not a healthy attitude, either you're looking in the wrong places or you're an idiot that can't admit any fault with yourself (not you OP, just in general). You see, and this is the secret here, all women are different and there are, as they say "plenty of fish in the sea" so go out there and cast a wide net if you're truly at an impasse because then you wouldn't catch any fish with a single line into a... canyon?

Anyway, get over yourself and keep at it. You'll find someone who likes you, maybe just not right away. Try to avoid shifting blame onto other people and see how you, yourself, can better increase your chances at romance.

 

[Veloxe]

Confidence. Nice and nasty are not a factor (except when a girl is specifically looking for it, then it's probably daddy issues which involves drama you don't need) so don't let movies and tv tell you how to try and get a woman. You'll be led astray. TALK to a woman, don't be nice, don't be a jerk, JUST TALK. Be honest about what you like, tell her what you think. If you have to lie then the relationship will break on that point later on.

Confidence. If you are afraid to be you in front of a girl she'll think you're just afraid of girls. Also, cause it bears repeating, Confidence.

See, this has always confused me, why is it that "niceness" and "shyness" are apparently interchangeable in these kinds of discussions. Where if someone is "nice" they will automatically shy away from any straight up discussion and therefor lack this "confidence" I keep hearing people say attracts women. I never really see it because being confident and having a strong opinion doesn't mean you have to abandon nice to show it or discuss it with members of the opposite sex. It just means you're less likely to be a douche and pull the "No, you're wrong and your opinion is retarded!" brand of argument.

 

[SamuelT]

Snip

Oh hallo Nederlander.

It's important to note that 'nice' is not synonymous for 'wimp'. You can be a nice guy, but be assertive to others. You can be a gentleman, be kind and all that, but don't be so easy going all the time. Say no, disagree, do something she wouldn't wholly agree with.

Alhoewel ik ook zie dat Nederlandse dames vaak voor de bad boy gaan. Toch, er zijn veel die dat niet doen.

 

[Averant]

Oh look, it's thi...

What the picture says.

Wow. I need to save that picture...

 

[crudus]

Yes, you just have to know what about said "jerks" actually appeal to women. Women aren't these emotional masochists. Things like confidence and charisma.

 

[EmpressZombiKitty]

Be a nice guy, if that's who you are. Don't put on an act for the girl. Also, you can be nice without seeming to try so hard. Maybe that's what some girls didn't like, I'm not sure. It varies by person as well. I had a friend who wanted to date this jerk, and I couldn't imagine why. I met the guy she was attracted to and I just wished I could smack some common sense into her.

I'm happily with a nice guy for 2 years now.

 

[QuietBrilliance]

I like to consider myself a nice guy, and I definitely do not fall into the said douche crowd. I got with my better half when I was 17 and we have been going strong for 3 years since. It's come to my attention though that the girls that are attracted to complete douches tend to be complete bitches, not worth the time and effort and are very fickle.

In my experience, if your a nice guy, try to get with a nice girl. Hope this helps.

 

[ace_of_something]

Summing this up;
You can be a nice guy without being a wuss.
That is the goal.