Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?
- Thread starter Mr S
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Simple facts-
Most, and I can't put big enough quotes around these words, 'nice guys' are full of crap, frank truth. The girls are more interested in 'the jerk' for a multitude of reasons, but the least of which is somewhat akin to he's honest about what he's after. The so-called 'nice guy' wants a relationship beyond friendship, but tries to pawn himself off as the 'nice guy' who just wants to be her friend. This is an obvious lie, and in the end is something akin to emotional blackmail. Such a good buddy, always there, always handy, always ready with a shoulder for her to cry on. The shoulder you can cry on that in all likelihood is going to try to take advantage of your emotional status to serve as a jumping off platform into his relationship with you.
Real 'nice guys' get girls all the time, but this is because they are ACTUALLY a nice guy. They aren't secretly hoping for a relationship with the girl, they are seriously trying to be her friend, and in time that friendship develops into a bond of trust and further into romantic interest.
In the end, if the 'nice guy' has the confidence to stand on his own two feet and is an interesting person, capable of being who he is without defining himself by who he's with (Dutch or not... why you'd give a damn if she's dutch is beyond me, my ex-wife is dutch and she was a lying little jerk just like any Amerikan girl I've ever been with) he will eventually attract someone interested in him. If he doesn't have these qualities, he will not, and the 'nice guy' will be left in the friend zone, where he was supposedly happy being in the first place.
Most, and I can't put big enough quotes around these words, 'nice guys' are full of crap, frank truth. The girls are more interested in 'the jerk' for a multitude of reasons, but the least of which is somewhat akin to he's honest about what he's after. The so-called 'nice guy' wants a relationship beyond friendship, but tries to pawn himself off as the 'nice guy' who just wants to be her friend. This is an obvious lie, and in the end is something akin to emotional blackmail. Such a good buddy, always there, always handy, always ready with a shoulder for her to cry on. The shoulder you can cry on that in all likelihood is going to try to take advantage of your emotional status to serve as a jumping off platform into his relationship with you.
Real 'nice guys' get girls all the time, but this is because they are ACTUALLY a nice guy. They aren't secretly hoping for a relationship with the girl, they are seriously trying to be her friend, and in time that friendship develops into a bond of trust and further into romantic interest.
In the end, if the 'nice guy' has the confidence to stand on his own two feet and is an interesting person, capable of being who he is without defining himself by who he's with (Dutch or not... why you'd give a damn if she's dutch is beyond me, my ex-wife is dutch and she was a lying little jerk just like any Amerikan girl I've ever been with) he will eventually attract someone interested in him. If he doesn't have these qualities, he will not, and the 'nice guy' will be left in the friend zone, where he was supposedly happy being in the first place.
well women do put nice on a list of things they want from a guy believe it or not its just fairly low on that list and if you dont meet anything else on that list but a douche bag does you are going to lose. heres the thing i find and multiple people have said this before me but still. be nice but still be slightly macho?? if you get me. a woman most of the time wants someone who is somewhat manly that she can still talk to and if you pass yourself off as the (girl friend) thats when you get friend zoned. well i think thats enough sweeping generalizations for one post i dont even know why im responding to a relationship thread on a for lack of a better term "nerd website".Kalezian said:
ps: to the mighty escapist gods who carry the ban hammer that was the highest term of endearment as i am a fully willing and happy member of the nerd culture
I will just put this as straight forward as possible, it is not the bad boys the girl likes but the traits that bad boys give off. There are VERY few girls who like jerks, most of the girls that date badboys just find them attractive due to the things badboys represent.Mr S said:This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?
It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.
(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.
Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.
Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too
Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.
If you have problems finding a girl it is not because you only meet girls who like bad boys or because all girls that could like you are taken, it is because you are doing something wrong.
Here is a post I think you should read,
http://thedarkhorseguidetohappiness.wordpress.com/2011/05/04/are-you-happy-with-your-results-part-1/
There is pleeeenty of material out there for guys who want to get better with girls, go read some of it and try it out. I can pretty much guarantee that if you are reasonably normal looking and not overly weird you can probably find yourself a girlfriend in a few months.
Probably depends on whether "nice" refers to having a friendly personality, or whether it refers to being an unassertive and unassuming wallflower. In the latter case, a "nice guy" persona is really only being so bland as to not offend - or interest - anyone.
So the latter kind obviously stand a fair bit back in the queue of what others consider potential partners. But somebody's bound to like their kind too, the selection - and chance of meeting it - is simply considerably smaller.
Oh snap that's so true. I've went out with girls who had kids during their wild random sex with ass holes phase. Now they're lookin for a nice guy, who they normally wouldn't have looked twice at, to do the job the ass hat dad isn't going to do.Guy Jackson said:
Those were short dates. I don't want to put up with douche bag dad popping in the picture whenever he felt like. I'm not interested in women who would fuck someone like that without contraceptives. Lastly, I hate children. I'm never having my own (had the surgery to make sure of that) let alone raising the brood of someone else.
City chicks r definitely more interested in jerks.
Country or rural chicks are much nicer and I think much prefer the nice guys.
Im 20 and think of myself as a nice guy but I live in an urban area and while there are some nice girls out there that like nice guys the majority of chicks r attracted to jerks. My university is in a more rural city (Lismore) so yeah, its like a country city (cross between the 2) but people come from country areas to study. Those girls are nice (and smoking hot too!).
Too bad they are always taken
Country or rural chicks are much nicer and I think much prefer the nice guys.
Im 20 and think of myself as a nice guy but I live in an urban area and while there are some nice girls out there that like nice guys the majority of chicks r attracted to jerks. My university is in a more rural city (Lismore) so yeah, its like a country city (cross between the 2) but people come from country areas to study. Those girls are nice (and smoking hot too!).
Too bad they are always taken
It doesnt matter who lives were and what nationality they are
All you need to do is have alot of friends of the opposite sex
and as you grow more confident you can start talking to them
(Im happily a taken brit and saving up to see my girl in america)
If you become a friend that they can depend on they either will cheer you on allowing you to meet more of their friends and that
either that or they will give advice
hell my besty is a Lass and she is an amazing friend to me
(sometimes even they become the one)
ya never know its a crazy world
All you need to do is have alot of friends of the opposite sex
and as you grow more confident you can start talking to them
(Im happily a taken brit and saving up to see my girl in america
)If you become a friend that they can depend on they either will cheer you on allowing you to meet more of their friends and that
either that or they will give advice
hell my besty is a Lass and she is an amazing friend to me
(sometimes even they become the one)
ya never know its a crazy world
I am a nice guy at heart. I don't like to be a douche and if the girls don't like that then obviously they are not the right person for me.
Just be yourself, if a girl isn't interested in you move on. That is all there is too it, get yourself out there.
It really does seem to be the case in the netherlands lately, eh? I've noticed this too, all throughout growing up.
The answer is to add a bit of jerk. Or rather, the answer is to withold some nice.
I had a deep talk with someone on the exact same subject yesterday night (Oh hello there, Richard?) and the only way to solve this is in our opinions, is to not be so pampering. You give a girl all she wants, and she'll start taking you for granted. She'll forget what she has right in front of her, and her eyes will stray elsewhere.
The answer is to add a bit of jerk. Or rather, the answer is to withold some nice.
I had a deep talk with someone on the exact same subject yesterday night (Oh hello there, Richard?) and the only way to solve this is in our opinions, is to not be so pampering. You give a girl all she wants, and she'll start taking you for granted. She'll forget what she has right in front of her, and her eyes will stray elsewhere.
No, nice guys do not have a chance because apparently they're all on forums bitching about the fact no girl will ever love them. If you want a girlfriend so badly, get off the computer, go outside, and talk to a girl. If she says no, it's not because you are a "nice guy" it's because she's not interested. Seriously, this whole "girls only go for jerks" is so bloody rediculous and just a piss-poor excuse to cradle these self-proclaimed nice guy's ego.
