Poll: Do you feel uncomfortable around people who are attracted to the same sex?

[Catrixa]

OT: No, but I'm bi, so (insert joke about hypocrisy.)

Also, all y'all saying things like "No, except for the really *~*~fruity*~*~ gays," oh puh-leeze. Grow up.

Lots of stuff I said.

(I assume you mean pro- rather than anti-gay rights when you say you have "really strong opinions." Also I assume you mean "a lot of people" = LGBT folks. Honestly, if straight/cis people are criticizing you for standing up for gay/trans rights, they almost never have a legitimate issue.)

W/r/t "shouldn't have a say in it," I think the main thing to be aware of is whether you're unintentionally crowding out other voices or steering the conversation toward yourself. Heavy emphasis on "unintentionally"... I don't doubt that your heart's in the right place, and having struggled with a lot of self-confidence/social anxiety issues in the past myself, I can empathize with where you're coming from on that front.

There are some people in any circle meant for marginalized groups (women, PoC, LGBT, etc) who would prefer to completely exclude people from outside their group. Outsiders should respect their view if that's the case. But they're almost always a very small minority within their circle. The issue with straight/cis folks in LGBT circles (or men in feminist spaces, or white folks in PoC spaces) is often that some of them tend to dominate conversations, speak when they should listen, or assume their viewpoints are as valid or important as those from members of the marginalized group.

(Really, that last one is usually the biggest sticking point among well-meaning pro-equality people. In an LGBT space, straight/cis voices are not as important. The reason these spaces exist is because LGBT voices are constantly and systematically excluded from popular discourse in general society. It would be wonderful if everyone had an equal say regardless of identity, but that just isn't world we live in.)

Anyway... I'm not saying you necessarily do any of this, just trying to explain what might be causing they reaction you say you get. Most of us would love to have more straight folks on our side and understanding our concerns. We're just sensitive to when people from the mainstream identity... miss the point, basically.

Also I feel like a lot of what I thought of as "over-analyzing" in the past was basically... trying to do analysis without much data, to make a crude analogy. "Accidentally saying something offensive" typically comes from just not understanding why certain things may cause offense. I know it can be tough when confronted because I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, but it's really important to try and become educated on the issues. (Speaking from experience, it's a huge confidence-booster in the social skills dept to be able to judge how people might react to the things you say.)

For your first two assumptions, that's almost what I was going for. 100% on the pro-gay rights, but I have the tendency to assume if some people handle things a certain way, other people in a similar situation might handle things in a similar way. To be more specific: I lurk on forums and read someone discussing, say, women's rights (it happens on this site a lot and is a topic I care about a lot, so lurk happens a lot). Eventually someone will say something like "I think women should have all of the rights, but I think they should stop doing x, y, and z." or something like that. Someone else will point out that they don't have much say in the matter, since the first person isn't female. Whether or not that first guy had a good point is immaterial, since he's usually coming in to the situation not understanding the issue and leaving the situation not understanding the issue, but now slightly more pissed at feminists. My worry is that I don't understand shit and, should I say something, would just label myself as someone who doesn't understand shit and who is undeserving of the time it takes to be educated on whatever it is I don't understand (and, with the sheer quantity of people who live their lives unwilling to listen to another point of view and TRY to understand it, I honestly couldn't blame anyone for not wanting to try and teach me, the 100jillionth straight person who didn't understand shit). Whether or not I actually do this around my friends, I'll probably never truly know. Paranoia plus people's normal adherence to not wanting to get in arguments (as in, no one is going to tell me I have a problem when it's way easier to gripe about me to someone else) do not make a good combo. Really, I'm not going around and expressing strong opinions around LGBT people, because I worry I don't actually know anything.

As far as accidentally saying something offensive: I have a lot of different groups of friends and sometimes I pick up stuff I really shouldn't. I had a gay friend point out that I used "omg, that's gay," a lot, but he didn't mind because people just do that. But I know I shouldn't "just do that," it's just a bad habit. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when I do it, though. I guess... bad habits are bad habits, but I don't think someone else should have to endure mine, so I worry I'll do it when I'm trying not to.

50% of my discomfort comes from me trying to not exercise privilege (and, quite possibly not succeeding). The other 50% is probably me needing a psychiatrist (seriously, I can over-analyze over-analyzations until I come to the conclusion that everyone hates me and everything is my fault. Except WWII, 'cause I think one of my friends has that one).

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

Not. At. All. Some of my closest and best friends were gay. One of them fell in love with me, and all I could feel was flattered. The only negative emotion I felt was sadness that I had to break his heart and convince him that I wasn't going to be converted anytime soon. I don't understand getting angry, if someone of your preferred gender who was unattractive hit on you, would it anger you? They didn't know, if they persist after you tell them then they're a pushy dick regardless of orientation.

 

[Voulan]

I haven't got any friends who are gay, but I have been around openly gay people before several times, and one girl I knew in high school was openly gay, and has just had a sex-change operation. I honestly don't feel anything different about it at all. If they didn't mention it, I wouldn't even know.

The only time I've ever felt uncomfortable was once before a lecture where it was only me and two girls who were together, and when I looked up they were kissing. I was more shocked than uncomfortable because I felt like I'd intruded by looking at them, but then I'm like that with normal couples too. Open displays of affection always make me feel awkward.

 

[KarmaTheAlligator]

As long as we're clear I'm not into the same sex, they can do whatever they want. I have a few "open" and gay friends, and I never had a problem being around them.

 

[NemotheElvenPanda]

Being gay myself, I sure as fuck hope not. As for the people that know I'm gay, they don't seem to be bothered by it at all. Maybe it's because I'm not a walking stereotype that has enough flame to burn through the atmosphere. Or, I just have incredibly awesome friends. Either way, if you are straight and gay guys do make your day a little awkward, well...sorry? I guess if I somehow was hitting on you, I wouldn't be angry if you told me that wasn't your thing.

 

[Evil Smurf]

The gay lisp annoys me. That's about it.

 

[Nomadiac]

Not at all. It's no different to being around straight people of the opposite sex.

 

[Lieju]

Well, I'm lesbian, so no.
I'm probably more comfortable around other homosexuals, generally speaking, because it's less likely you get a face full of homophobia. Or that you're hit on by men.
I don't have anything against heterosexual men, just the ones who hit on me and don't take no for an answer. Or who randomly grab your butt on the street...

However, I only have a single openly gay friend because frankly, I can't stand the way that the vast majority of homosexuals behave.

How do you know they're the majority?
The chances are, that you assume that people who act 'straight' are straight, so non-stereotypical gays you don't notice.

That, and I worry I have way too strong of an opinion on gay rights and whatnot (I've seen a lot of people say "if it's not happening to you, you shouldn't have a say in it."

That's just BS. True, you might be ignorant on what kinds of issues gay people face, but it's not like all gays face the same kind of treatment and attitudes. But you have the right to have an opinion, and other people have the right to tell you your opinion is stupid, if they think so.

And the gay-rights-issue is affecting straight people as well. You have priviledges gays do not. I'm opposed to priviledges I have just because I'm a woman, even people who benefit from an unjust situation can oppose it.

 

[Overusedname]

Straight as a post, shared a room (and a bed) with my Bi best friend for years. Just did so two weeks ago.

So yeah...no.

I've been hit on by gay friends before. Those are no more awkward that getting hit on by girl's I don't have feelings for, really...nice little ego boost and praying that they don't feel...awkward around me.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Nah. When I was a kid (8-12 years old), my only friends were a middle aged gay couple and a 25~ year old gay guy who I'd play Yugioh: War of the Roses with at his apartment.

They're still some of the nicest and most fun people that I've ever met. Heck, I'm pretty sure that I was more upset over the gay couple breaking up than they were.

 

[Cid Silverwing]

No.

And we're not supposed to be. Also I'm bisexual.

 

[JokerCrowe]

Short answer NO. long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Ok I'll stop...
To be completely honest, maybe a little. I don't know why. As long as I don't think about the fact that they are attracted to people of my gender it's fine, but as soon as I remember it, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Although, to be COMPLETELY, completely honest, girls do that to me too...
I think it's because if they were attracted to me, I couldn't possibly reciprocate. (to the guys that is. And some girls) and that would be very awkward.
The fact that i have a friend who is (somewhat) openly Bi, (a male one) who flirts with me on a regular basis doesn't really help...
I'm pretty sure he's not serious, but just the thought of it being serious makes me little uncomfortable.
But like I said, that's more because I'm socially awkward, and not because I'm homophobic.

 

[piinyouri]

I'd be a hypocrite if I did.
So no it doesn't bother me.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

Not at all, slept in the same bed as a gay guy who thinks I am cute, so yeah. Also I find it flattering when gay guys hit on me, well mostly they just fondle me (oh noes sexual assault).

 

[Bertylicious]

I'm a proper Englishman so I don't like to see any signs of public affection. I'd even frown disaprovingly at a mother hugging her child.

 

[nvzboy]

I personally have no problem with people that have different sexual prefferences. I only have a problem with them if they start acting obnoxious and spout nonsence about why holebi's would be superior to straight people. (In high school I knew one of these.) But then again anyone saying they are superior than everyone else is always a dick.

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

wah?

no....because gay people do not want to screw every person of the same sex in their imediate vicinity, and if you hang out with a gay person they probably arent going to rape you

Boom first post and i am basically ninja'd

 

[PatrickXD]

I've got some gay friends, some not gay friends, some apparently 'straight' friends of the same sex who I'm sure check out my ass.
And I love them all. Straight male here.

 

[Product Placement]

What the popular forum posts shortlist title said:

"Do you feel uncomfortable around pe..."

My answer to what I thought the question was gonna be:

Yes. Very much so.

Answer to actual question:

No, not really.

 

[Varrdy]

In all honesty, I used to be homophobic for the very stupid reason that everyone else was and that if I wasn't then the bullying bastards would pick on me for that too. Luckily though, I realised that if I were to hate on someone for no good reason then I would be no better than the bullies...that and I started to see the effect such prejudice had on someone close to me...it was horrid beyond belief.

When I first got into the furry fandom, in which there are many who prefer the same sex, I was initially wary but soon settled. It's ridiculous to think that gay people will molest / rape you as soon as look at you and it's very rare someone has gotten touchy-feely without asking first. Although it's a cliche, a lot of my good friends are gay and it makes not a jot of difference - sure they tease me for being a "breeder" (ironic as I hate kids and dont' want any!) and I tease them right back and it's all taken in good fun!

I really cannot understand now why some people get so venomously angry at the mere notion of someone being gay / lesbian / bi / etc. as there is no reason for it. Sure they peddle out "excuses", religion is a popular one although potty as fuck. "THEM THERE UNGODLY FAGGITS ARE BREAKIN' GOD'S WILL!"

Well if they're "ungodly", then what makes you think they give two shits about God's will, numbnuts?

I've had guys hit on me and I've had guys tell me I'm hot / handsome / fuckable and it doesn't freak me out anymore, so long as they are respectful.