Poll: Dumped a girl. Help? Please?

[Zack Alklazaris]

You are going to hurt her no matter what you do. Might as well get it over with. Also if your that quick to switch girls after just 1 date you didn't like her much to begin with and probably didn't treat her right. I would apologize for that.

Still top thing is to get it out in the open before its too late.

 

[ClanCrusher]

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you are probably in High School, and the sad truth of the matter there is that nothing you do there will really matter. The girl you date then isn't likely to be the one you end up with, the 'social structures' collapse the minute graduation rolls around, and (to pull a quote from Movie Bob here) the people who say it was great were usually the ones making it miserable for everyone else.

As for your original question? I can't honestly venture an accurate opinion one way or another. Frankly, there's not a whole lot of information to go on and your point is naturally biased. What I will say is that High School eventually ends, and the drama will end with it.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Well, I was dating a girl since December, but yesterday, Monday the blah blah. I decided on the way to school that I was going to end it. I had fallen for another girl. Now, she didn't "seduce me" into taking her over my current date. I was just more attracted to her, and generally happier when I was with her. I told my (ex) girlfriend that I had feelings for other people. She knew who I meant. Immediately, all of her friends who tolerated me as the Mr. Nice Guy lynched me. All my guy friends told me I did what was right. So, my fellow Escapists, is what I did wrong? Should I feel angry over my choices?

Whatever your reasons being honest about how you feel is always better than living a lie, or cheating on someone because you're too much of a coward to end it. With any luck, your ex and her friends will realise that once some time has passed. Don't worry about them at the moment. Right now, it's kinda their job to hate you, even if what you did was justified. They're her friends so they're on her side as a matter of principle, it's just the way people work. It doesn't mean you were wrong to do what you did.

That said, I hope it does work out with you and this new girl, because if it doesn't don't think you'll be able to just slip back into your old relationship like nothing happened.

 

[hawkinsssable]

"I'm breaking up with you because there's somebody better" is pretty much THE WORST possible thing to hear when somebody breaks up with you. It's guaranteed to make the other person feel like shit (moreso than pretty much anything else you can say.) If you didn't actively dislike your current partner, you should have found a classier way to break up with her.

You should have found a better way to break up with your ex and given it at least a little time before hooking up with girl B (which is probably an emotionally healthy thing to do anyway.) So yeah. That was definitely wrong. Not "burn in hell" wrong, but "selfish and thoughtless" wrong.

 

[Hagi]

First, you probably hurt her, and that's a bad thing.

Why is that bad? People get hurt, it happens. Someone else is usually the cause of that, it happens. It's not like he's doing it out of some sick form of enjoyment or anything like that.

Should he have stayed with her then even though he didn't want to?

There's the hurts we can avoid and the hurts we can't. This is a hurt that couldn't be avoided, it's not a bad thing. It's just part of life.

Second, you left her solely for someone prettier. Rebuttal to point 2: that's not necessarily a bad thing if no one was hurt.

He didn't.

I was just more attracted to her, and generally happier when I was with her.

He left her for someone he was more attracted to (which need not be, and usually isn't, based solely on looks) and who made him happier (which rarely is based solely on looks).

Third, no one can say what you did was "right." At best, what you did was morally gray.

What he did was perfectly morally white.

He was honest, true to himself and respectful as can be to all parties involved. He's also still in school and thus likely young and inexperienced.

Now, since this is a forum, my personal bias. You do not specify if sex was involved, but it can be assumed. That being said, I find it morally repugnant when someone is just fine with casually leaving someone you convinced to give you the most personal thing that can be given.

I say I cannot decide simply because I acknowledge I don't have the whole story.

Sex is hardly the most personal thing that can be given.

Sex is whatever the two parties involved want it to be. If they both want it to be a casual thing then that's what it is. If they both want it to be the most personal thing that can be given then that's what it is. You do not get to decide what role sex takes in another person's life.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well if you did it in a reasonably civilized manner then it's perfectly fine, and you can always expect them to be angry, rejection cuts deep and hurts bad so you can imagine people will be unreasonably pissed at the person who did it.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Girls tend to stick together, especially in school. Her friends will hate you cause you hurt her, that's understandable. They'll get over it eventually. A whole 5 month relationship, what a shocker! /sarcasm.
Speaking from experience, our friends will fall out with us if we don't hate their ex. I was cool with one of my friend exes in school and she'd always have a go at me for it, even though she broke up with him.
You usually get out of that thinking pattern as you get older, if my friends wanted to be best buddies with my ex I'd say go right ahead.
I'd say you did the right thing, it was better than cheating. There's no point staying in a relationship if you're not happy, it'll just hurt both of you more in the long run.

Teal Deer; You're in school. You'll all get over it. You're only young, part of being young is relationships and break-ups. Make the most of your school years.

 

[Kouen]

At least you was open and honest about it

 

[FamoFunk]

Of course you did the right thing. Better than pretending and stringing her along while lusting for another Girl.

Less hassle in the long run.

 

[Frankster]

Can see how the girl and her friends would be miffled :\

But you did the right thing. What was the alternative? Stay with a girl you weren't interested in? That wouldn't have been good for either of you.

No easy way to remedy this situation beyond time healing wounds and accepting that your ex gf's clique of friends will probably be antagonistic towards you for a while.

Seriously though, I think your conduct was admirable in that you didn't fool around with the other girl nor even had to white lie. Respect.

 

[lettucethesallad]

Yes, you did the right thing. You can't stay with someone just to make them happy if you're not. Telling her on the way to school was maybe a bit... but generally, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

 

[132635]

Ok people, after reading some of your comments, I am going to clear some stuff up. I am a 15 year old in High School. I am not currently dating girl B, although I will be when I feel its acceptable. I felt I needed to be honest, and saying anything short of what I said would be lying. High School is a place where relationships begin and end, and this isn't very uncommon. I feel I could have let Girl A off easier, but I can feel good for not cheating or ect. Also, no sex was involved with the relationship. Close, but not quite.

 

[V TheSystem V]

My sister's ex broke up with her for someone else (who later rejected him), and I know how hurt she was by it.

Basically, telling a girl that you have feelings for someone else makes them feel as if they aren't good enough for you. So yes, her friends have the right to wanna lynch you.

But you didn't cheat, which is good. You resisted temptation, and made sure that your now ex knew about it. You were honest, but I'm a guy who thinks that saying 'I found someone else' is a VERY stupid way of breaking up with someone. Basically throws away any chances of having a friendship with that girl later on if you wanted one.

 

[smithy_2045]

You could've handled it better, that's for sure. No one is going to be pleased to hear that they've been dumped for someone else. But you didn't do anything wrong as such.

EDIT:

"I'm breaking up with you because there's somebody better" is pretty much THE WORST possible thing to hear when somebody breaks up with you. It's guaranteed to make the other person feel like shit (moreso than pretty much anything else you can say.) If you didn't actively dislike your current partner, you should have found a classier way to break up with her.

You should have found a better way to break up with your ex and given it at least a little time before hooking up with girl B (which is probably an emotionally healthy thing to do anyway.) So yeah. That was definitely wrong. Not "burn in hell" wrong, but "selfish and thoughtless" wrong.

This guy said what I wanted to but much better.

 

[Agow95]

You didn't cheat, you didn't want to drag on a relationship when you were no longer interested, and unless your original GF was pregnant or something along those lines you have no reason to stay in the relationship when you didn't want to

 

[Bloodtrozorx]

I believe that you did the right thing; you didn't string her along while seeing another girl on the side. You manned up and ended it. I say thank you for proving we?re not all two timing dicks.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

You were honest and prevented a potentially unhappy relationship from needlessly dragging on. Best way you can do it in my opinion. Good luck with the new one

 

[The Funslinger]

Why did I read that as "Humped a girl. Help? Please?"?

Because you're a bad, bad man! :'D

OT: Well, it's their job as her friend, I suppose. Not the best system, but ah well.

I was dumped early March, and all my friends did start demonizing her (though what with my feelings, I was obviously more apathetic) and even people I only really had a very mild friendship/acquaintance with sided with me, including a handful of people who went to secondary school with her (I'm in A level college) but never really interacted with her all that much.

That probably had more to do with her kissing another guy the friday before she broke up with me (out of shame, and that "the spark was gone") more than her dumping me.