This is good advice. I also want to add that, at least where I live, people who go to clubs are not going to find someone. They're going to have fun and blow off steam. So going to a club is not the best idea for trying to find love.Hagi said:If I may offer some advice:Jewrean said:In the world of love I myself have become very 'pessimistic'. I'm 24 and have gone out to stupid night clubs, pubs, and various other functions, events, and parties. Every single time I've gone out I'm always looking for Ms. Right. And no I don't have high standards either. But clearly, I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm on the dating websites too and even though I've sent out maybe 60 requests to date (not exaggerating) only a few of them have actually replied with jack all to say to me.
Anyway... my point is... don't waste your breath on me. I'm beyond help. I've come to terms with no one liking me 'that way'.
Night clubs, pubs (the ones young people visit) and parties are where the party people hang out. No offense to anyone visiting such places or anyone not visiting them. But they're a vastly different crowd then most others.
They're like hardcore gamers in a way. They've got all sorts of things you're supposed to know and if you don't then you're a 'noob' not worth associating with. A hardcore gamer is supposed to know that the cake is a lie, that all your base are belong to us and which exact tanking build a raiding paladin uses etc.
Party people know what certain glances mean, what certain gestures mean and what certain dance movements in certain directions mean. I wouldn't know, I'm not party people. But I know they're there. I've followed enough psychology to know that there's a shitload of non-verbal communication going on that I'm not picking up on. Likely neither are you.
That's no problem though. There's lots of people like you and me who aren't party people. Most of the world in fact. We're the silent majority. What the problem is though is that this non-party people group is not a uniform group (neither are the party people). There's a lot of different groups and interests here.
And from the replies you get at dating sites I'm getting the impression that either you don't know where your values and interests lie or you're insecure about them. And the problem here is that it's very hard to like a person who doesn't share who and what they are.
If I'm correct about my assumption, I may very well not be, then my suggestion would really be to do some searching about yourself, what you want, what you value and what interests you. You need to define yourself.
You need to know what things interest you, what things you hate, what things you're mostly neutral about. Find out your political views, your ethical views and your philosophical views. Find out what music you like, what movies you like, what books you like etc.
Find out what exactly you're searching for in a partner, create some standards that she'll have to meet. Not the pubertal 'hawt' standard but a real standard.
If you know who you are, what you like, what you don't like and what you want then I'll guarantee you that you'll be able to find someone who meets that. It may take some searching but as been said before, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
But if you don't know those things then there's simply nothing there to like 'that way'.
I also want to share a few other pointers.
1) It sounds terribly cliche, and when I was single, I hated hearing this with a passion, but it's true. Love often finds you when you have stopped looking. Learn to love yourself, be happy with who you are, enjoy the life you have. Then love will find you.
2) Dating websites? Terrible. For one, 75% of people who sign up on them never bother checking it again once their account is created. Second, any time you find someone on a site like that, it's a total stab in the dark if you'll even have anything in common with them.
3) Very possible...the right person is hiding right under your nose and is desperately hoping you'll notice them. Not always the case, but don't rule anyone out just because they're a friend.
4) Love is based off a few things. Trust, physical attraction (anyone who claims otherwise is naive or lying), mutual interests. But the most important thing? Friendship. I am in love with my best friend. The girl I can tell anything to and she can tell me anything.
So I'm 30. I've been seeking the right person since I was 18. For years, I saw people falling in love around me. I even had a period in college where every time I had a date, the girl married the next guy she had a date with. Not the best thing for my ego. I had a few serious relationships but they never worked for various reasons. Some thing happened and I started having issues trusting women.
About a year and a half ago, I met my girlfriend. At the time, she was engaged to another woman. A woman I considered a sister. So, of course, I did my best to support their relationship. I refused to let myself realize I was falling for this girl. 6 months later, the engagement ended on a very sour note. To the point they no longer talked at all. They both came to me to rant about the other...to have a shoulder to cry on. This left me in a very awkward position. My would-be sister and the girl I couldn't get out of my head both saying very nasty things about the other.
Almost 5 months ago, I finally told this girl how I felt. She was relieved and ecstatic all at the same time as she had felt the same...for just as long. There's a few factors to our relationship that people would disapprove of or couldn't do themselves for various reasons.
First, I live in the western US and she lives in eastern Canada. Second, I'm a decade older than her. Third, we met online (does that make me a predator?). But we love each other, and we are both willing to do what it takes, so that's all that matters to us.
By the way, if you're wondering how we met online if I just bashed on dating sites, it's called a fan club. It's a good way to meet someone if you're willing to date online and long distance. You already have one thing in common (the topic of the fan club), and chances are you have several other related interests in common.
My final thought is for all you people saying love doesn't exist, or claiming to be, "cynical yet wiser." I suspect many (if not all) of you are teens, or early 20's. Remember that a *lot* of people don't find the right person until late 20's or early 30's. And no matter who you are, how socially inept or bitter you are, no matter how much you hate humanity...you are capable of being loved. You just need to find the right person. If you want to find love, keep looking. But not too hard.
