Hagi said:
If I may offer some advice:
Night clubs, pubs (the ones young people visit) and parties are where the party people hang out. No offense to anyone visiting such places or anyone not visiting them. But they're a vastly different crowd then most others.
They're like hardcore gamers in a way. They've got all sorts of things you're supposed to know and if you don't then you're a 'noob' not worth associating with. A hardcore gamer is supposed to know that the cake is a lie, that all your base are belong to us and which exact tanking build a raiding paladin uses etc.
Party people know what certain glances mean, what certain gestures mean and what certain dance movements in certain directions mean. I wouldn't know, I'm not party people. But I know they're there. I've followed enough psychology to know that there's a shitload of non-verbal communication going on that I'm not picking up on. Likely neither are you.
That's no problem though. There's lots of people like you and me who aren't party people. Most of the world in fact. We're the silent majority. What the problem is though is that this non-party people group is not a uniform group (neither are the party people). There's a lot of different groups and interests here.
Correct. Very well said.
Hagi said:
And from the replies you get at dating sites I'm getting the impression that either you don't know where your values and interests lie or you're insecure about them. And the problem here is that it's very hard to like a person who doesn't share who and what they are.
If I'm correct about my assumption, I may very well not be, then my suggestion would really be to do some searching about yourself, what you want, what you value and what interests you. You need to define yourself.
Actually quite the opposite. I tell them about every hobby I have, my views on certain things, and what my career aspirations are. Probably the reason this is a turn off to most is because I list stereotypically 'nerdy' things as my interests. But to make it clear, I am very confident with non-party people and am VERY defined and quite stubborn at times even.
Hagi said:
Find out what exactly you're searching for in a partner, create some standards that she'll have to meet. Not the pubertal 'hawt' standard but a real standard.
I simply listed 'A friendly personality' and not much else.
Hagi said:
If you know who you are, what you like, what you don't like and what you want then I'll guarantee you that you'll be able to find someone who meets that. It may take some searching but as been said before, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
What do I get if I am on my death bed and your guarantee has failed lol. No but seriously, I have my own property, I'm fantastic with children, I have a stable job, I'm unique, confident, etc... not sure what the problem is. Every girl I have EVER been interested in has always already been taken. ALWAYS.
Soljourn said:
1) It sounds terribly cliche, and when I was single, I hated hearing this with a passion, but it's true. Love often finds you when you have stopped looking. Learn to love yourself, be happy with who you are, enjoy the life you have. Then love will find you.
I gave up looking about 5 years ago when I finished high school.
Soljourn said:
2) Dating websites? Terrible. For one, 75% of people who sign up on them never bother checking it again once their account is created. Second, any time you find someone on a site like that, it's a total stab in the dark if you'll even have anything in common with them.
Indeed. I've been on a date with 3 people from the website. One was the aforementioned shitty short relationship and the other two were both suicidal and depressed. But what else is there?
Soljourn said:
3) Very possible...the right person is hiding right under your nose and is desperately hoping you'll notice them. Not always the case, but don't rule anyone out just because they're a friend.
In this year alone I have asked 3 girls which were kind of friends out. All 3 have said something along the lines of "I don't think of you that way." Bam. Friend zoned.
Soljourn said:
My final thought is for all you people saying love doesn't exist, or claiming to be, "cynical yet wiser." I suspect many (if not all) of you are teens, or early 20's. Remember that a *lot* of people don't find the right person until late 20's or early 30's. And no matter who you are, how socially inept or bitter you are, no matter how much you hate humanity...you are capable of being loved. You just need to find the right person. If you want to find love, keep looking. But not too hard.
You give good advice. Kudos sir. As I said earlier, I'm not looking. I barely check the dating profile anymore. I really just don't care about it. I wish you all the best in your long-distance relationship. Hope it turns out well!
