Poll: Friends dating your ex

[Aanorith]

"Bro-code" sounds fratboyish and stupid. I usually refer to something called loyalty instead.

As for this case, your friend sounds like a dick; not telling you was a disloyal dick move. Asking you what her family likes for their birthdays is asshattery at its finest. He should've been open with it and just left everyone else out of it. If he thought getting it on with this chick would be worth the risk of losing you as a friend, then perhaps he is not a true friend. I mean, he didn't love her or anything, right?
The same goes for friend number 2, if it bothers you I guess.

My GF has a similar story. Her ex is a walking bag of douche: an unfaithful, ungrateful, pesudo-violent ugly asshole. And he is my GF:s former best friend's best friend. It is quite possible that they've had sex.
This idiot caused my GF untold harm, and made her overly cautious toward relationships as well as depressed for several months. A true friend does not make a fuckbuddy out of your asshole ex.

Stupid idiots that can't move on.

[HEADING=1] I SPIT ON YOU! [/HEADING]

You wouldn't agree that his friends taking turns with his ex and keeping him in the dark about is cause for a less hostile tone? It's not even about the chick, it's about his friends acting like shit. Now.

Sure it's was disloyal to some people and yes I was upset. But friends also makes mistakes. You take the good with the bad. Everyone deserves a second chance. Now it did take me awhile to cool down and do the mature approuch. But we're patching it up and thats what important now. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Aanorith]

Well... It's a very difficult situation, I mean you want to remain freinds with your (exuse the phrase [sub]can't think of anything better..[/sub]) BFF, but at the same time, imagine if it was you. you're really in love with your best friends girlfriend, but they're togheter now, so you can't do anything (that is voilating the "bro-code" to me), but wait! they break up! he treated her very poorly and was only with her for the sex... (he's still your friend though) and you've had a crush on this girl for ages, it's just that your friend beat you to it. Does that mean that she's off limits? even if you would treat her right, and you get a feeling that she really likes you?
This is basically why I hesitate when I imagine being together with someone... it's a diffcult situation, but I think that if you really are deeply in love with this girl, and your realtionship would be a lot better/happier/loving than your friend and hers relationship, then go for it!
(since I'm a guy and straight, I only talk from the perspective of a straight guy, females and gay-males will have to fill in their oppinion, if they want to)

But I might just be talking out of my ass here...

Sure, you bring up many valid points and when it all boils down I want both of them to be happy. I just wish that included the rest of his friends. It's bin almost 2 months, since any of us properly hung out with the guy. But I suppose if he feels the need to move on with his life, some friends do come and go aswell, I respect that. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[VincentX3]

Shit happends mate.

The sooner you get over it the better.

Maybe he was just scared\nervous to tell you (oddly happends but it's possible)
that or maybe she asked him not to let you guys know.

 

[Aanorith]

I think theres a courtesy period of a few months before friends can go after other friends' exes, but I dont believe in the whole "I dated them and now you can't touch them" thing.

Fair enough, I do see your point. Thanks for your input.

 

[Aanorith]

The code that was broken was in fact the part about him not telling you about it.
Not cool man... not cool..
Also, I wouldn't agree with being friends with him again, cause he was a DICK for totally screwing you, bailing on you, and only when things were bad for him did he try to be friends again..

Yeah, I've had this thought running through my minds a few times and the main arguement my friends use on me for NOT being friends with him again. And like I said earlier, I was upset. I don't wanna use the words forgive and forget, because it took me time. But I'm simply not mad at him anymore so I like re-establishing contact with him even if it's taking time.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[Aanorith]

Shit happends mate.

The sooner you get over it the better.

Maybe he was just scared\nervous to tell you (oddly happends but it's possible)
that or maybe she asked him not to let you guys know.

I know. Doing my best to make sure they know I am ok of this now.
Thanks for your input.

 

[ScarlettRage]

i would say. Don't
but because she knows everthing anyway, she wouldn't

 

[uncle-ellis]

Kill both of them.

Seems simple now doesn't it?

 

[VincentX3]

Shit happends mate.

The sooner you get over it the better.

Maybe he was just scared\nervous to tell you (oddly happends but it's possible)
that or maybe she asked him not to let you guys know.

I know. Doing my best to make sure they know I am ok of this now.
Thanks for your input.

No problem. I just want you to know I don't mean anything I write in a "mean" or "sarcastic" way.

Start dating someone eles (soon enough I'm guessing?) and it'll be better.

 

[Evil the White]

As for the "Bro-code". Well...

^^ This video is made of pure win.

OT, I've seen something like this happen. One of the guys I know got a girlfriend and they were happy together, but he then never spent any of his time with his original friends. When it ended, he had a ,ot to answer for.

Anyway, asking you for information about your ex is just stupid. The bro-code can be bent, but you NEVER do something that stupid.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

What?

Just because your relationship with her failed doesn't mean you should punish others for having one that works.

 

[Aanorith]

Shit happends mate.

The sooner you get over it the better.

Maybe he was just scared\nervous to tell you (oddly happends but it's possible)
that or maybe she asked him not to let you guys know.

I know. Doing my best to make sure they know I am ok of this now.
Thanks for your input.

No problem. I just want you to know I don't mean anything I write in a "mean" or "sarcastic" way.

Start dating someone eles (soon enough I'm guessing?) and it'll be better.

Hehe, the there will be a time for that too when I meet someone cuddly enough ^^

 

[Aanorith]

What?

Just because your relationship with her failed doesn't mean you should punish others for having one that works.

I'm not sure that's what I wanted to get across with my post. Basically what it comes down to is, I want them to know I'm ok with it and I don't want her influence to lead to him alinating all his friends like the first guy did.

 

[evilartist]

I have a similar situation, except it's the other way around. A couple of months ago, my friend had broken up with a girl I like. Months prior to that, I had intended to ask her out, except I had hesitated due to difficulties I had described more than enough in the relationship threads here; my friend eventually took her instead. She's fair game now, except I still won't make a move. As much as its been hurting all this time, I still think it's not cool to rub a break-up in my friend's face like that.

As an additional note to those who haven't read my relationship problem posts in the past, basically I've never had a g/f; hell, I've only been on two dates in my entire life. So you can imagine how fucking hard it is for me to restrain myself.

 

[Plurralbles]

I was pissed that two of my friends dated teh same girl I did(every 6 months she had a different one of us) It sucked. My last friend made excuses of, "getting chips" to go spend an hour with her in a ditch somewhere.

the friend directly after me accidentally didn't push the break on for hte first kiss in his car and slammed into her garage door. Had to buy a new one. he paid half.

All I got was to be the reason she wasn't allowed to have boys alone in the basement with her for a few months. Oh, and to feel an anguish-y feeling for a year and hate that stupid red head.

gah.

ohwell. We're all past it. I ended up dating one of the chicks my friend was pursuing. After a drunken wordbattle one night though we came to peace with it.

Now every time the Red's mentioned we just say, "we all got fucked over! Whoohoo!*high fives*"

OH and my latest ex is dating a guy who she felt the need to tell me was better than me in every single way. Fucking awesome.

 

[duchaked]

how would I feel about it...well something along the lines of:

"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" lolll

Spoiler

I always enjoy reading about this kinda stuff. Don't worry OP it's not like I'm taking any sort of pleasure or anything it's because.....
*cue story*
See, my friends and I are pretty damn open about things towards each other, I think it's because we're not that big a group(there's like 5-7in the "main" group if you catch my drift)and for some reason we never sugar coat things. Hell about a year and a half ago we tied one of us to a chair because we were all worried he was suicidal(sp?).....turns out we were wrong, he was just a little depressed but not enough to hurt himself. But hell it still helped.

Anyways, my friends and I have had the same kinda situation you're in right now. Dating ex's and what have you. There's at least 3 of us(myself included)who've gone out with the girl while the other friend is still with her.

Now you're probably wondering why I put in all that crap rather than just making my point straight away. And that's because I wanted to show that if my friends and I can go through (kinda)kidnapping each other, stealing ex girlfriends and causing their current girlfriends to cheat on them, and still manage to play poker and make jokes about said cheating/stealing then you'll be fine.

Girls come and go man but your mates are your mates. Try making jokes and whatnot with your friend about the current situation, it works wonders.

I feel ya dude. Trying my best to just act like normal. It's not the fact that thier dating that bothers me much, simply that we don't hang out anymore. Thanks for sharing dude.

totally know how you feel man...my ex isn't dating anyone (yet) but she's surrounded by people all the time
as others have said, just the fact that she has moved on and I haven't...and of course the anxiety knowing some guy is gonna show up one day to her, and the only thing I can do is grind my teeth over it

 

[SturmDolch]

I have no exes, but I do have a girlfriend. If we broke up and one of my friends dated her, I couldn't be friends with them anymore. In fact, we'd be enemies. I'd probably find a way to haxx0r the friend's compooter and facebuk, mess it up, and then train for 40 days and 40 nights to kick his nose into his asshole.

 

[David Bray]

I shagged my mates ex the day after. He is no longer a mate but it was good sex.

The code only applies to best friends

 

[freetogoodhome]

I wouldn't mind if any of my friends started dating my ex as things didn't end well between us. I would probably laugh at the fact they think it's a good idea after the way she acted in our relationship.

Then again I might be biased as I am currently dating a (now former) friend's ex...

 

[VanityGirl]

People dating your ex is never fun. If there was a possibility of lingering feelings, then it just sucks twice as much.

That being said, your friend did you a disservice by not mentioning or even asking if you were ok with him dating your exgirl. He further hurt you as a friend by keeping their relationship hidden.

Don't feel bad, people who go behind your back like that always end up getting bit in the ass. He should have talked to you and it was a dick move on his part.


Just don't let them know it bothers you. It sucks but you can't let people know you care or some people may relish the pain.