Poll: From science, with love

[Direwolf750]

As a logically minded person, I have developed a great interest in various scientific disciplines, which ended up with me knowing a little bit about a lot of things, and a lot of tricks on how to use them.

(This isn't a relationship thread, just sounds a little like one at first)

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 2 years now. Over the entire course of our relationship, I've used tricks I've learned from psychology, biology and chemistry to boost our relationship. It's a hard concept to explain, but what I mean is that I've used tricks that I have learned to cause our relationship to develop along certain paths, avoid conflicts, and promote certain behavior.

Although I understand that it isn't the most horrible thing one can do in a relationship, but it always felt to me like I was doing something wrong, like I was manipulating her to go along with my ideas. Yesterday my conscience got the better of me and I told her all of this, and she was fine with it, attributing it to cleverness. As nothing is wrong, I'm not asking for advice, just wondering how people felt about using tricks of human nature and science to manipulate a relationship.

TL;DR: Is it okay to use science to manipulate a relationship?

EDIT: Using certain ways of speaking, saying certain very calculated phrases at certain moments, promoting an increase in libido by giving her chocolate after sex, using tricks that I've learned about behaviors to prevent/promote certain outcomes.

ALSO EDIT: I haven't used any drugs whatsoever in this relationship unless chocolate counts...

 

[Palademon]

Unless it's actually a lie or something, it's nothing more than clever...convincing? Encouraging?
I can't think of the word.

An example would be nice.

 

[Realitycrash]

Unless it's using chemistry to doping her, I don't see the problem. You mean is it okey for you to MANIPULATE HER? By the use of your knowledge of the human mind and body-reactions?

 

[HeartagramMan]

I think it's fine if your using these techniques to IMPROVE your relationship which is what it sound's like your doing. You aren't really lying to her just using your knowledge to make both your lives better and the relationship last longer. Im sure everyone uses some sort of "maniplution" (using the term loosely) along they way either knowingly or sub conciousesly.

There is nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[Direwolf750]

Unless it's actually a lie or something, it's nothing more than clever...convincing? Encouraging?
I can't think of the word.

An example would be nice.

Using psychology to prevent arguments and fighting, using chemistry to cause her to be more inclined toward certain activities. It's hard to come up with examples because almost everything is very circumstantial, or tends to lean toward R rated.

 

[Nickolai77]

As a logically minded person, I have developed a great interest in various scientific disciplines, which ended up with me knowing a little bit about a lot of things, and a lot of tricks on how to use them.

(This isn't a relationship thread, just sounds a little like one at first)

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 2 years now. Over the entire course of our relationship, I've used tricks I've learned from psychology, biology and chemistry to boost our relationship. It's a hard concept to explain, but what I mean is that I've used tricks that I have learned to cause our relationship to develop along certain paths, avoid conflicts, and promote certain behavior.

Although I understand that it isn't the most horrible thing one can do in a relationship, but it always felt to me like I was doing something wrong, like I was manipulating her to go along with my ideas. Yesterday my conscience got the better of me and I told her all of this, and she was fine with it, attributing it to cleverness. As nothing is wrong, I'm not asking for advice, just wondering how people felt about using tricks of human nature and science to manipulate a relationship.

TL;DR: Is it okay to use science to manipulate a relationship?

If you are, i'm curious to know how exactly you apply scientific knowledge to relationships. If you give us some specific examples then perhaps we could make a more accurate judgement.

From what i know so far i don't think it's wrong really..as a poster said above, so long as your not chemically doping her. But if your just using body language or something similar then there isn't really a problem with that.

Edit: Sort of ninja'd...

 

[Direwolf750]

Unless it's using chemistry to doping her, I don't see the problem. You mean is it okey for you to MANIPULATE HER? By the use of your knowledge of the human mind and body-reactions?

More or less, yeah. I'm not doping her or anything drug related, just to clear that up.

 

[Wolfram23]

Sounds fine to me but I'd like to know more about what you've done or tried to get her to do/behave like.

 

[Shpongled]

Unless it's actually a lie or something, it's nothing more than clever...convincing? Encouraging?
I can't think of the word.

An example would be nice.

Using psychology to prevent arguments and fighting, using chemistry to cause her to be more inclined toward certain activities. It's hard to come up with examples because almost everything is very circumstantial, or tends to lean toward R rated.

Using psychology to prevent arguments? What does that even mean? Being a reasonable human being to prevent arguments? And using drugs to boost your sex life is nothing new.

Sounds to me like you're making more of this than it actually is.

 

[Stammer]

All you're doing is really taking into consideration things that are known to work and things that are known to not work before you act those things out.

I wouldn't even consider using "science" as a way of explaining it. To me it just sounds like common sense.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

The NLP may be mightier than the sword, but the sword is always in YOUR hands.

Science is a fickle servant.

 

[michiehoward]

"These aren't the droids your looking for." inexplicably popped into my mind

 

[Direwolf750]

Unless it's actually a lie or something, it's nothing more than clever...convincing? Encouraging?
I can't think of the word.

An example would be nice.

Using psychology to prevent arguments and fighting, using chemistry to cause her to be more inclined toward certain activities. It's hard to come up with examples because almost everything is very circumstantial, or tends to lean toward R rated.

Using psychology to prevent arguments? What does that even mean? Being a reasonable human being to prevent arguments? And using drugs to boost your sex life is nothing new.

Sounds to me like you're making more of this than it actually is.

No drugs whatsoever. Unless chocolate counts. And it is hard to say exactly what I mean by preventing arguments...I've used tricks to cause her to not become angry when it probably would have been appropriate for her to be so.

 

[SamuelT]

Double post, disregard.

 

[SamuelT]

You call that using science? Using science should be something like creating a sentient robot butler to take care of the house so you can take her on a picnic in the most sacred of glens!

In all seriousness; nothing you listed really seemed like anything outside what a normal person would do. Using 'calculated phrases' and 'psychological reasoning' in conversation is what most people would attribute as social skills, not science.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Why the hell are you manipulating your partner?

It seems sort of cruel to knowingly do that kind of thing to a large extent. No one likes people screwing with their heads.

 

[Realitycrash]

Unless it's using chemistry to doping her, I don't see the problem. You mean is it okey for you to MANIPULATE HER? By the use of your knowledge of the human mind and body-reactions?

More or less, yeah. I'm not doping her or anything drug related, just to clear that up.

Manipulating someone is never a very nice thing to do. It might be good for them in the end (manipulating spouse/lover/child into something you know they need, but hate doing), or easier for both of you (manipulation to prevent a fight), but in the end it comes down to being dishonest, and it simply isn't very nice.
However, sometimes, you have to judge the upsides and the downsides. Is it better to manipulate/lie, and take the bad karma for being an ass, than to end in an argument that will break the relationship? Probably is.

If you really can manipulate someone with true skill, and use it just for your advantage or getting your way, it's wrong. If you do it because you love her, it's okey, but still I'd rather take another path, if another path would yield the same endresults.

I'm no stranger to doing this to my partners, for whatever reasons, and in the end you tend to feel a bit lousy, or downright self-loathing.

 

[TheAmazingHobo]

So you are trying to talk to her in a way that achieves a desirable outcome and you use chocolate in a sexual context........ not to rain on your parade there, mate,
but I don´t think the word "science" means what you think it means.

 

[Direwolf750]

You call that using science? Using science should be something like creating a sentient robot butler to take care of the house so you can take her on a picnic in the most sacred of glens!

In all seriousness; nothing you listed really seemed like anything outside what a normal person would do. Using 'calculated phrases' and 'psychological reasoning' in conversation is what most people would attribute as social skills, not science.

When you run through conversation possibilities and choose which words you think will result in the least amount of conflict, I don't consider it social skills. Social skills are knowing the right words to say at that moment. Science is working them out beforehand.

 

[Iron Lightning]

What do you mean by this? Being mindful of endocrine changes during menstrual cycles? Dream analysis? Just being empathetic? Please give some examples of your seemingly unorthodox methods.