Poll: From science, with love

[Sebenko]

If I found out my boyfriend was using this sort of "trickery" to keep me in line... I'd be pretty turned on, to be honest.

Yeah, I'll just...

go over here a while...

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

 

[Thaliur]

EDIT: Using certain ways of speaking, saying certain very calculated phrases at certain moments, promoting an increase in libido by giving her chocolate after sex, using tricks that I've learned about behaviors to prevent/promote certain outcomes.

Does that chocolate thing actually work? I should try that (apparently birth control pills have the opposite effect).

On topic: I don't think it's bad, unless you manipulate her into something she would not want to do otherwise. From your descriptions, you mostly do things conciously that lots of other people do subconciously, which is OK I guess.

 

[Direwolf750]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

Is it right to break up with someone because you differ in opinion? Is it wrong to help someone get over their trepidation with psychology? Should you, knowing that you have the ability to convince someone to be more like your ideal, is it wrong to do so? If you could make your partner change in a way that causes no detriment to them, but benefits you? Is it wrong to use science to do what you think is right?

 

[Thespian]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

You seem to be under the impression that logic and romance are opposing forces.
How quaint.

 

[Direwolf750]

As a logically minded person, I have developed a great interest in various scientific disciplines, which ended up with me knowing a little bit about a lot of things, and a lot of tricks on how to use them.

You lost me after "I'm a logically minded person" or whatever you said.

Logically minded people typically are anything but.

As Aristotle said, "The ancient oracle told me that I am the wisest of all the Greeks. This is because I alone among all the greeks know that I know nothing."

But... Escapist rules dictate I need to contribute to the discussion... soooo...

I don't think what you're talking about is bad. In fact, I think that's how MOST people do things, if not all. Call it social politics. You may be more calculating than most, or you might know the "science" behind why certain things work, but at the end of the day, I call this typical.

I mean, I've used to "foot in door" method to get my girlfriend to agree to some things, ranging from sex to convincing her of a variety of things or issues. In her case, though, it's not really manipulation because, if she ends up agreeing to something, typically she wanted it in some way too. But whatever.

In short, I don't think it's manipulation at all, or even bad. Just a more thought-out approach to what everyone does - social politics.

I didn't say that because I am logical that I am intelligent, although the two do tend to coincide. I mean to say that I tend to think of things in a very...calculating way. How can I do this? How can I make this work? It's hard to explain, but it usually tends to show itself as social awkwardness. Not knowing how to react because the other involved aren't acting in a way that you anticipated. Once you understand a group or individual, that is where logic can excel. Which is what I did, and tend to do.

 

[Direwolf750]

EDIT: Using certain ways of speaking, saying certain very calculated phrases at certain moments, promoting an increase in libido by giving her chocolate after sex, using tricks that I've learned about behaviors to prevent/promote certain outcomes.

Does that chocolate thing actually work? I should try that (apparently birth control pills have the opposite effect).

On topic: I don't think it's bad, unless you manipulate her into something she would not want to do otherwise. From your descriptions, you mostly do things conciously that lots of other people do subconciously, which is OK I guess.

Yes, it really does work. No, the pill doing the opposite is an urban legend, or at least there is very little science to support it.

As much as I am unsure if this is right or wrong, to apply that correctly, the person must associate something good with an action, so it must be done correctly or you may end up with something you don't want.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

Is it right to break up with someone because you differ in opinion? Is it wrong to help someone get over their trepidation with psychology? Should you, knowing that you have the ability to convince someone to be more like your ideal, is it wrong to do so? If you could make your partner change in a way that causes no detriment to them, but benefits you? Is it wrong to use science to do what you think is right?

Short answer: Yes. Yes it is. If there's really so much about a relationship that bothers or scares you then there's obviously something wrong with your relationship so i say gtfo and get another girl who you'd be more compatible with.

Science has been used to do bad things too, you know. It hasn't always only been a benefit.

 

[Direwolf750]

Sorry but in a relationship there should be no lies or tricks, you should both be real and 100% honest...
Expect if u just want to have a relationship and nothing real... just a lie

If you want someone to be happy, do you tell them that they are making a mistake, and say it outright? Or should you help them want to avoid making that mistake? I am honest with her. I've told her everything that I consider to be of questionable morality. Is it better to watch something that can be changed for the better and do nothing to stop it, or change it with science, and wonder if it was the right thing to do?

 

[Direwolf750]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

Is it right to break up with someone because you differ in opinion? Is it wrong to help someone get over their trepidation with psychology? Should you, knowing that you have the ability to convince someone to be more like your ideal, is it wrong to do so? If you could make your partner change in a way that causes no detriment to them, but benefits you? Is it wrong to use science to do what you think is right?

Short answer: Yes. Yes it is. If there's really so much about a relationship that bothers or scares you then there's obviously something wrong with your relationship so i say gtfo and get another girl who you'd be more compatible with.

Science has been used to do bad things too, you know. It hasn't always only been a benefit.

So rather than improve a situation which you know you can fix, you recommend abandoning it and looking for a better one...

 

[wammnebu]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 2 years now. Over the entire course of our relationship,

brilliant, but isnt this a bit sociopathic?

 

[Direwolf750]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 2 years now. Over the entire course of our relationship,

brilliant, but isnt this a bit sociopathic?

Would a sociopath know if he was one? You tell me...

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Yeah, I've tried some psychological stuff to improve my relationship. I don't think it's morally objectionable, but it should be done sparingly. No point in having a fully artificial relationship.

 

[Crystalite]

Wait, you give her chocolate after sex as a positive reinforcement?
Like, conditioning her to have sex with you, because she wants the chocolate?

Please say this is not what you mean. Or please do not say you ever looked at serious psychology.
In short: It does not work that way.

And that is ignoring the fact of how wrong that would be on so many levels.
"Hey, sweetheart, I know how you hate the sex, but hey, theres chocolate!"

 

[Blind Sight]

Please, people use emotional and psychological manipulation in relationships even when they don't know the technical side of it. Hell, most people even do it subconsciously. Nothing wrong with it.

 

[Direwolf750]

Wait, you give her chocolate after sex as a positive reinforcement?
Like, conditioning her to have sex with you, because she wants the chocolate?

Please say this is not what you mean. Or please do not say you ever looked at serious psychology.
In short: It does not work that way.

And that is ignoring the fact of how wrong that would be on so many levels.
"Hey, sweetheart, I know how you hate the sex, but hey, theres chocolate!"

No, that is not what I mean. What I mean is that I used chocolate to cause her to want to have sex more, not as a consolation. Creating a more...profound link between chocolate and sex, causing her to associate the two and possibly causing desire for one to cross into desire for the other.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

As a logically minded person

As a hopeless romantic...

i don't think it's right to manipulate the person you want to be in a relationship with. Quite frankly i don't see why you're even with that person if you have to train her to behave the way you want. It just seems incredibly more roundabout than finding a girl with the personality you like.

Also letting the romantic in me speak freely here: If you want to argue that there are only some aspects of her personality you don't like then SUCK IT UP. In a relationship you gotta learn to live with the other person's flaws. They just need to be out-weighed by the good sides.

Is it right to break up with someone because you differ in opinion? Is it wrong to help someone get over their trepidation with psychology? Should you, knowing that you have the ability to convince someone to be more like your ideal, is it wrong to do so? If you could make your partner change in a way that causes no detriment to them, but benefits you? Is it wrong to use science to do what you think is right?

Short answer: Yes. Yes it is. If there's really so much about a relationship that bothers or scares you then there's obviously something wrong with your relationship so i say gtfo and get another girl who you'd be more compatible with.

Science has been used to do bad things too, you know. It hasn't always only been a benefit.

So rather than improve a situation which you know you can fix, you recommend abandoning it and looking for a better one...

You asked for my opinion on it. And, yeah. If i was in a relationship where it turned out the girl wasn't really the kind of girl i wanted to be with i'd much rather break up than start manipulating her into behaving the way i wanted her to.

Just because you can it doesn't mean you should.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

When you think about it we all do it to some extent. Giving each other little rewards for good behavior. It's the whole 'you scratch my back...' sort of thing. I mean, I'm not a particularly sociable person, so I don't like going out to bars and stuff. But my girlfriend does and I know that all I have to do is grin and bear it for a few hours and then I get sex when we get home. The system works.

It's not that you're doing anything different to what everyone else does, it's just that you're smart enough to realize the scientific nature of what we all do.