Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?

[Lufia Erim]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

 

[MysticSlayer]

If you're in an area where people are trying to pay attention to something and don't want any noise, it would be more polite to the larger audience to tell the person not to speak to you.

Beyond that, though, probably rude to an extent. Most of the situations I'm in when that happens is when the person really just wants to share a little information, needs to ask a question, or is under some form of stress and needs someone willing to listen to them. I, personally, wouldn't want to be told "don't talk to me" if I were in those situations (especially the last one!), so I would consider it rude if I got that response.

 

[Pirate Of PC Master race]

Sort of- kind of - yes. I would be hurt, a little. But then I never initiate the talks.

That being said, gods help you for living in place where people wants to talk to you.

 

[EternallyBored]

If your literal phrase is "please don't speak to me" then yeah, depending on what the old lady said to you or was trying to say, then that can come off as rude. If she was trying to engage in a conversation that made you uncomfortable or something along those lines, you can usually brush them off with an "i'm not comfortable talking about that" if she was asking a question you can usually brush it off with a basic answer or an "I don't know" without coming off as rude.

There's also the always classic, "sorry I don't have time to talk" if you are going somewhere.

The problem with your phrase is that it comes off as a brush-off a slightly politer way of telling someone to screw off, which can be appropriate if a person is insistent or being annoying, but it's generally going to come off as rude if the person speaking is trying to have a conversation with you.

I wouldn't call it some horrible faux pas, nobody gets through life without being at least a little rude from time to time, and it sounds like you might have issues with interaction, in which case the lady didn't know that, in general society brushing someone off like that might come off as rude because most people don't treat social interaction like you seem to.

I wouldn't get hung up on it, it sounds like a minor misunderstanding.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

An easier way to stop old people from talking to you would be to get a nose piercing, facial tattoo or other kind of obnoxious bodily decoration.

 

[madwarper]

Like in all things, context matters.

If you're standing around, minding your own business and someone comes over to shoot the breeze, then it's fine to walk away from that attempted conversation.

However, it's very hard to consider your question without taking your recent posting history[footnote] http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.881242-lock-thread-please [/footnote][footnote] http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.881055-lock-thread-please [/footnote][footnote] http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.881358-lock-thread-please [/footnote] into account...
That? Yes. If and when you initiate a conversation, then abruptly "take the ball and go home", I consider that rather rude.

 

[the_dramatica]

You should save it for if they ignore the "I'm busy" without eye contact. telling people to stop talking to you before hand is nearly telling them to screw themselves. Looks like 18% of the users here don't know how to socialize.

 

[Bat Vader]

Considering I walk away from people whenever I don't want to speak with them I would have to say that saying "Please don't talk to me." is being polite. If someone takes that the wrong way or gets hostile it's on them. You've shown you're not interested in speaking and you said it in a polite way. Nothing really more that you need to do.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

I think it would be nicer if you were to simply tell them you're busy, or that you "don't wanna talk to anyone right now." I feel that telling people "don't talk to me" is making it seem like you have a personal problem against that particular person. I know I would probably take it personally, but then again I'm socially awkward and kinda already have a low view of myself.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Like someone said, context matters here. Was this person talking to you because they needed help with something? If someone comes up to you and say "excuse me, do you know where 7th street is?" and your response is "please don't talk to me", then yes, that's rude as hell.

If someone is literally just trying to make conversation...well again it depends on context. Are you reading a book, or studying, or talking to someone else, or even just doing something on your phone and laptop? Then just say "sorry but I can't talk right now, I'm ___________ (insert activity of what you're doing)". But if you're literally just staring blankly into space? Well, why wouldn't you talk to them? I mean, are you really doing something that much more important, or do you just have that much disdain for a person you've never even met before?

I know that this is a nerd/geek website, and thus attracts some people who have unique social quirks and possibly even misanthropic tendencies, but actually giving a chance to people you've never met before might do you some good. If you're just having a really, really shitty day and don't want to talk to anyone, just tell the person "look I'm sorry, I'm just having a really bad day and I'd like to be alone". If they persist then by all means read them the riot act, but actually engaging other human beings is healthy.

 

[Sarge034]

If the conversation was unprovoked, not at all. But if you're in a situation or environment that random conversations are accepted then yeah, it is.

 

[FPLOON]

Are you giving them the hand? Are you staring at them eye-to-eye? Are doing any of those things while saying that particular statement? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then yes you're being rude in a "passive aggressive" kind of way... Now, how do you get people to not talk to you when they try to start a small-talk-esque conversation? Either humor them once and/or politely tell them that you don't have time to talk right now... except when you're in a situation where none of the parties are going anywhere, like being stuck in a line or waiting for a bus, then you humor them in a small-talk kind of way...

Other than that, I am one of those people that would try to strike up a small-talk-esque conversation with people I don't know because, sometimes, it better than just standing/sitting there in silence while the other people "think" I might "rob them" because of my overall stance/posture...

 

[Erttheking]

Literally saying that is pretty rude when more diplomatic terms like "Please give me some space" are out there.

 

[Arnoxthe1]

Yeah pretty much what everyone else has said. It depends on context but a lot of the time, saying that exact phrase is pretty darn rude. If you don't want to talk, just simply state you'd rather not talk to anyone right now.

 

[ZeroFarks]

It is when you do it.

 

[Loonyyy]

To answer a question with a question, why would you care?

I mean, you can answer more diplomatically, but by the sounds, you're trying to avoid talking to strangers, so what does it matter if they think you're rude? I mean, it is kind of rude, in some ways ruder than not talking to someone you know, because at least then you can pick up the conversation later. What does it matter if some passing stranger who you feel is not worth your time to converse with thinks you are rude for telling them that?

I mean, you did just refer to it as your "anti-conversation phrase", and rejecting some little old lady's reach for human contact "mission accomplished".

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

If you say it like that, yes, it is. It''s not necessarily what you say, but how you say it. If someone just said that to me straight up, I'd consider them a rude prick. If they instead replied like "Sorry, I'd like to be left alone", I wouldn't mind. Remember, choosing your words carefully can make a world of difference.

 

[DeaDRabbiT]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

Obviously, enjoying, or having an aversion to spontaneous conversation depends entirely on the subject matter.

That being said, you sound like an anti-social prick. You inability to communicate and easily find common ground with strangers is a character flaw. Your "Hell I don't like most people" approach to life is a character flaw, you coming here and trying to find some sort of fellowship with other socially awkward types, IS A CHARACTER FLAW. You unnecessarily sullied the day of someone who is most likely perfectly pleasant, and in all reality might have brought a bit of cheer to your pitiful existence. Jesus Christ man, did you even take a moment to reflect personally on this? Or was the fact that the lady said you were rude just too much to handle? Did you somehow think that it's your right to go out and about in the world (where other people tend to congregate) and never have to deal with human interaction?

Does this sound harsh? Well guess what, it's about as harsh and unwelcoming as your current attitude to life in general.

The people that you say you "don't like"

...Those people are you...

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Just briefly explain you'd rather be left alone man, being polite isn't that hard.

 

[Bat Vader]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

Obviously, enjoying, or having an aversion to spontaneous conversation depends entirely on the subject matter.

That being said, you sound like an anti-social prick. You inability to communicate and easily find common ground with strangers is a character flaw. Your "Hell I don't like most people" approach to life is a character flaw, you coming here and trying to find some sort of fellowship with other socially awkward types, IS A CHARACTER FLAW. You unnecessarily sullied the day of someone who is most likely perfectly pleasant, and in all reality might have brought a bit of cheer to your pitiful existence. Jesus Christ man, did you even take a moment to reflect personally on this? Or was the fact that the lady said you were rude just too much to handle? Did you somehow think that it's your right to go out and about in the world (where other people tend to congregate) and never have to deal with human interaction?

Does this sound harsh? Well guess what, it's about as harsh and unwelcoming as your current attitude to life in general.

The people that you say you "don't like"

...Those people are you...

Pretty sure the people the OP doesn't like are people that come and talk to him/her out of the blue for no reason at all. If someone is going to let their day be sullied or ruined just because someone doesn't want to speak to them means that person has a CHARACTER FLAW. Instead they should just get the fuck over it and move on with their life. Letting something like that drag down their day is pathetic.

Just because someone puts forth the effort to start a conversation doesn't mean they are owed one.