Poll: jokes

[The Reverend]

Don't tell this one to a girl. especially if you like having intimate relations with them.

What has 8 legs and makes women scream?
Gang Rape.

And now something more tasteful.

How many politicians does it take to fix a light bulb?
None. They want to keep you in the dark as long as possible.

 

[GenHellspawn]

Why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.
(sorry i just had to say that)

 

[MaraN88]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Might be a bit old but i still love those chuck norris jokes

 

[PurpleRain]

Why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.
(sorry i just had to say that)

What if you were to slurp it out of the bowl?

Also kudos goes to the Gang Rape joke and the twenty babies joke. I'm using those.

 

[Haliwali]

Wrong, but sadly a *little* funny.

What's the difference between my girlfiend and a dead baby?
I don't kiss my girl after we have sex.
What's the worst part about having sex with a baby?
Getting the blood off your clown suit.

 

[tamago]

And now a joke in the "too soon" category:

Who are the fastest readers in America?

New Yorkers. They go through 110 stories in 30 seconds.

 

[Mr. Bubbles]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages

I can't remember where I got that.

 

[the_tralfalmadorian]

A man and a woman are talking:

Woman: If I died, would your remarry?
Man: No
Woman: Why? Aren't you happy being married?
Man: Fine, I would remarry.
Woman: Would you live in the same house?
Man: Probably?
Woman: Would you sleep in the same bed?
Man: Why not? It's a perfectly good bed.
Woman: Would you drive the same car?
Man: It would be a waste to sell it.
Woman: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: No, she's left handed.
Woman: ....
Man: ...Shit.


I picked this one up a long time ago, I didn't make it.

that was epic.

 

[Haliwali]

Why do you put a baby in the blender foot first?
So you can hear it scream.
How do stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail the other foot to the floor.

 

[Watershed]

A patient says: "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter.' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life'."

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "You man the guns, i'll drive".

Its said that if you play a microsoft CD backwards, you can hear satanic messages. But thats nothing, if you play it forwards it installs windows.

Terrible I know, but I found the goldfish one funny

 

[devilondemand]

these jokes are terrible. All of them. Most aren't even jokes.

 

[The Sorrow]

Aw, screw you.
So a lady walks into a bar on top of the Empire State Building. She goes up to the bar and sits next to a big guy drinking beer.
"What are you drinking?" she asks.
"Magic beer," he responds.
"Magic beer?" she repeats incredulously.
"Yeah, watch." He chugs his drink, jumps out the window, flies around the building, goes back through the window and goes back to his seat.
The lady can't believe it.
"Watch, I'll do it again." The man grabs and chugs another beer and once again flies around the building.
"Give me one of those!" shouts the lady, and the bartender slides her one. She takes a drink, jumps out the window, and falls 100 stories to her death.
Another man at the bar turns and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

 

[cavicchia]

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust

Wanna hear a real joke???

Women's rights

 

[Mr. Bubbles]

these jokes are terrible. All of them. Most aren't even jokes.

Wasn't that the point?

 

[The Reverend]

I guess this one'll go in the too soon category too. Therefore, the easily offended should probably steer clear. Of this Topic.

Whats Virginia tech and the Arctic got in common?

They're both minus 32 degree's.

 

[The Sorrow]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

 

[tamago]

these jokes are terrible. All of them. Most aren't even jokes.

So tell us, what do you find funny then smart guy?

 

[Talisker]

Bear with me this one takes forever.
A man goes into a bar and sees a sign that says "Ask about our 3 tough guy challenges" so he asks the barman, barman tells him
1own this bottle of homemade tequila in 1 go
2:Remove a tooth from the rabid pit bull in the alley out back
3:There's a 80yr old virgin upstairs who needs plowed
He also adds that nobody has ever got past 2
Man:"Hell no!"
Some time later, after drinking himself stupid, he goes up to the bar and downs the tequila.
He then wanders out to the alley. The barman hears horrific screaming and the sound of tearing flesh.
Man re-appears, clothes torn to shreds and bleeding heavily.
Man:"Where is the virgin that needs her tooth pulled?"

 

[Haliwali]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

Well in 2 years i'm gonna be a Navy SEAL who walks into a club.

 

[Knight Templar]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

Well in 2 years i'm gonna be a Navy SEAL who walks into a club.

..... so many gay jokes so little page.