Poll: jokes

[Haliwali]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

Well in 2 years i'm gonna be a Navy SEAL who walks into a club.

..... so many gay jokes so little page.

Then to repeat Tamago, "what do you find funny?"

 

[Haliwali]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

Well in 2 years i'm gonna be a Navy SEAL who walks into a club.

..... so many gay jokes so little page.

Then to repeat Tamago, "what do you find funny?"

 

[Haliwali]

.

 

[UncleWesker]

This ones a little childish. But alot of people find it funny.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender looks depressed so he asks him, "What's wrong?" The bartender says, "My pianist canceled last minute." So the guy takes a tiny mann the size of a ruler out of his pocket. The tiny man starts playing the piano really good. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get him?" The guy replies, "There's an old lady outside who grants wishes." So the bartender runs outside. A few minutes later the bar floods with ducks. The bartender trudges through the ducks and says to the guy, "I think that old lady is hard of hearing. I asked for a million bucks and she gave me a million ducks. The guy says, "Yea. Do you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

 

[FatRabidRamboCow]

A man walks into a bar and asks for a straw. Bartender hands him a straw, and the man leaves.
Another man walks into the bar and asks for a straw. Bartender hands him a straw, and asks: "Why are you guys asking for straws?". The man replies: "Oh, a guy threw up and someone's eaten all the chunks..."

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a cheese sandwich. He drinks the pint, places the cheese sandwich on his head and walks out. The next day, he repeats this.
On the third day, the man comes in and asks for the same thing. The Bartender says "No cheese, only ham.". The man accepts this, drinks the pint and places the Ham sandwich on his head. The bartender asks "Why'd you put the Ham sandwich on your head.", to which the man replies "Cos there were no cheese ones."

 

[AceDefective]

I am not funny unless given a situation ><

 

[IxionIndustries]

A man walks into a bar... the other one ducks.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Bump for more jokes in the "that's so wrong" category.

What's so great about banging twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them!

I thought that was an MJ joke?

OK, awsome and unclean joke, so it will fit right in...

Spoiler

what does Mr Kipling do when he gets home from work?

Fills his tarts with cream

 

[Fronken]

A man and a woman are talking:

Woman: If I died, would your remarry?
Man: No
Woman: Why? Aren't you happy being married?
Man: Fine, I would remarry.
Woman: Would you live in the same house?
Man: Probably?
Woman: Would you sleep in the same bed?
Man: Why not? It's a perfectly good bed.
Woman: Would you drive the same car?
Man: It would be a waste to sell it.
Woman: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: No, she's left handed.
Woman: ....
Man: ...Shit.


I picked this one up a long time ago, I didn't make it.

hahaha, this one was actually really good ^^

 

[Datalord]

French War Heroes




Drugs can kill, just like cancer
so don't.... smoke..... tumors..............

 

[Shapsters]

Best one I have is from south park. "why did the rooster cross the road? To have sex with the chicken."

Do you like fishsticks?

 

[CosmicGrenade]

Don't tell this one to a girl. especially if you like having intimate relations with them.

What has 8 legs and makes women scream?
Gang Rape.

And now something more tasteful.

How many politicians does it take to fix a light bulb?
None. They want to keep you in the dark as long as possible.

that one reminds me of this one

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

 

[Plauged1]

How did those chicken crossing jokes even start? And if you say "your mom" I will destroy you.

OK...My mom! top that level of humiliation! hahaha- wait..... DAMN!!!!......

 

[sadpolice]

I picked this up from a book I read a bit ago.

"A war over religion is a war to see who has the best imaginary friend."

I'm sorry if anyone here is religious, I just thought it was funny at the time.

 

[xXGeckoXx]

More wrong jokes coming up.

There is an American, a Russian, and a Mexican on a boat. The boat is overburdened and in danger of sinking, so the three men decide to jettison some supplies.
"We have too much of this in my country," the Mexican says, tossing overboard the tequila.
"We have too much of this in my country," the Russian says, tossing overboard the vodka.
"We have too much of this in my country," the American says, tossing overboard the Mexican.

This one I don't remember all to well, so I may be off on some details.

There are 3 men on a construction site. An Irish man, a Scottish man, and a Chinese man. The foreman says to the Irish man, "You're in charge of supervising." He says to the Scottish man, you're in charge of building. He says to the Chinese man, you're in charge of supplies. 3 hours later, he comes back, noticing that no work has been done. He asks the Irish man why there is no work done. "I was supervising the builder, but he did not do any work." He goes to the Scottish man. "I was working, but I ran out of supplies, and I couldn't find the guy with the supplies." So the boss walks around, looking for him. The man jumps out from behind a junkpile, yelling out "SUPPLIES!"

There is an English man , A french man, a Mexican man, and an American man. They are all on a plane when the pilot says "The plane has suffered critical damage and cannot sustain your weight. Tree of you have to jump off to save the fourth". So the English man jumps off first and shouts "God save the queen". The french man then jumps off and shouts out "Revolution". And the n the american and the mexican walk up to the edge and the american shouts out "Remember the alemo" and pushes the mexican out.

 

[Ago Iterum]

so put down your jokes and rate the joke for a COMBINED score
but befor yours heres mine-
(jane walks in on jhon)
Jane: "Jhon what are you doing here? Are ..are you stalking me Jhon?"
Jhon: "Don't be rediclious Jane, i'm just pasing through."
Jane: "Jhon we're in my bathroom."
Jhon: "Jane do you know you talk in your sleep?"
END

what do you think? i made it myself. well post your own, but remember no rasist or old jokes like why did the chiken cross ect. or any thing along the likes of a black man walks into a bar. we've all hear them and this is not the place for that. but otherwise give your jokes and say if you made them up, oh and rate them all together

John *

 

[Azazcyh]

what's worse then a pile of dead babies

the live one on the bottom trying to eat his way out

what's worse then that

when he goes back for seconds

 

[Easykill]

Damn. Hopefully this falls back into the depths quickly.

 

[lonercs]

How did those chicken crossing jokes even start? And if you say "your mom" I will destroy you.

narr no you wont, ya mum will

This is vengeance! Shut up! Mum jokes are never good, not witty, nor real jokes at all. What is "narr" anyway? I can probably verbally destroy you. However, you are not worth the ban, nor the time and effort. So I leave with this, don't try to be a smart ass because there is always going to be someone to take you down.
BTW, I'm also not going to bother replying anything you post about me, so don't bother trying to fight back. Especially if it's going to be something about my "mum" or something like that. They aren't funny, just annoying and stupid.