Poll: Looking for real advice not moral zealots

[Ex_ery]

It's a tricky situation because you could end up with a slight bit of drama either way with each chick respectively over something seemingly inconsequential.

My first room mate in college (guy)and the girl he was seeing at the time had brought up the joke of the two of us doing her..and come to find out she was serious. I declined but ever since it seemed to be some invisible boundary between us as individuals, much like the elephant in the room so to speak, that we never brought up again but always made being around each other slightly more awkward.

The two of them moved and started living together in CA, but we haven't spoken in 5 years...


I would approach it cautiously from either side, and while I agree that a seemingly random sexual encounter is no reason to jeopardize your marriage, if handled correctly these types of activities with your S.O. can actually deepen your love for one another.

 

[VitalSigns]

No moral zealots, eh? Well you certainly won't want to hear what I have to say...

You have a fiancee. Therefore you are engaged. The whole point of an engagement is to see if you can be faithful and monogamous.

No exceptions. No girlfriend-is-okay-with-it loopholes.

She isn't your girlfriend.

Comprehend?

Now, as a matter of fact I am not a moral zealot. In fact, I have no morals at all. I am an Atheist and I don't believe in anything. However, it really irritates me that jerks like you wank off about 'getting married', expecting everyone around you to be in awe of how grown-up you are to enter a sacred covenant under the eyes of the Lord when in fact you can't even keep it in your pants during the engagement.

By the way, the girl that wants to get involved in a threesome with your fiancee could be either:

- trying to get her foot-in-the-door-before-it-closes and set herself up as your mistress

or:

- trying to get off with your fiancee, who knows you may find yourself kicked out of bed as they seriously get down to it

With any luck the condoms you use will break and they'll both turn up pregnant.

My Fiancee wants to be in a threesome. Both girls are on birth control. I believe sex when you are in love is far better, but sex also has a place outside of love. I would never cheat on my fiancee I do love her. She wants to do this just as much as I do. Believe it or not women have sexual thoughts. Also I know for a fact that the other girl is not looking to just screw around with my fiancee. Not everything is so Black and White, From what i've been told everyone involved is just taking it for what it is, one crazy night.

You are cheating on God.

Go ahead with the sexual adventure you so desperately want permission to have, but don't get married. Your attitude renders it meaningless.

Hard to cheat on something I don't think exists, your not going to change me as a person, I love my fiancee with all my heart and you do not have the right to tell me that because we BOTH agreed that this something we wanted to try we don't love eachother. the 1600's were a long time ago.

 

[SendMeNoodz84]

Threesomes are NOT how everyone on T.V. make them out to be. They are VERY awkward and you will most likely want to forget it ever happened. Besides she's you fiance dude, this isn't exactly showing your devotion to your relationship.

 

[Lyri]

Way to be an asshole. Reported.

That's fine, I can take a slap on the wrist however I stand by what I said. I can't see your justification for posting what I prior quoted, especially when he said his fiancee said it was what she wants too.

He's not being unfaithful in the slightest, infact props to the guy for going this far with it. Most men wouldn't have the bottle to even have the conversation with their better half, let alone the act in question.
He's been more loyal than you're giving credit for.

 

[Weaver]

the 1600's were a long time ago.

Traditional marriage was historically prevalent well into the 19th century.

 

[VitalSigns]

Threesomes are NOT how everyone on T.V. make them out to be. They are VERY awkward and you will most likely want to forget it ever happened. Besides she's you fiance dude, this isn't exactly showing your devotion to your relationship.

Why can't anyone wrap there mind around the fact that my girlfriend WANTS to have a threesome just as much as me? Women are sexual beings too.

 

[sallene]

Just a question I am suprised noone else really brought up as a major point.

The other girl might be your friend and everything but you should still ask for her to get tested if you arent going to wrap your tool.


Other than that, if you think youve found the promised land and nothing bad can come from it then go for.


Also, I am a bit.... distrubed by your view of sex. While sex can be enjoyable for all parties involved(no matter what gender/how many they may be), it is still something that needs to be approached in a responsible manner with all parties being knowledgeable and as others have said, communication is key.


If you think this is just going to be a night of fun amusement rides then I would seriously suggest re-thinking your view on sex as especially in todays world you cannot approach the matter of intercourse as flippantly as you seem to be.


That said...


my 3way was awesome, though I was single and didnt have any major connection to the two girls.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

dude, why in the hell are you even considering not doing this

 

[VitalSigns]

Both girls are on birth control.

Heh. Ok, fuck the rest of the advice (including my own on previous post) here since you're going to do whatever you want. You're that kind of guy, duh. That's how you got in this situation in the first place.

But please, please, DO NOT trust that the chicks you're sticking it to are actually on birth control. Wrap that shit up before you do the deed.

Well i have lived with my fiancee for long enough to know that she is on it. as for the other girl being involved that prompts me to definitely use a condom, and no this isn't happening for sure, even though I argue the advice I am considering all of it.

Fair enough, and good to know you're being smart about it. Still don't know why you're bothering with getting married. It doesn't seem to fit your lifestyle. Understand, I'm not saying this as a religious thing and I'm not condemning your commitment to monogamy.

I'm just saying that an adventurous spirit doesn't mix well with marriage.

I find it does when your Fiancee is just as adventurous. Plus we are engaged but not getting married till 2011.

 

[Slayer_2]

The teenage part of me says "Why the fuck do you need to think about this!?!"

The smart part of me thinks that a threesome like that could cause problems.

 

[m_jim]

Oh yeah.

Go ahead and jeopardize your marriage over a sexual experience that will most likely be awkward and embarrassing.

I would like to remind everyone that my girlfriend Did say she was cool with this, granted she doesn't know the other girl has such feelings. I think this really boils down to is our friend (the other girl) going to take this for more than it is.

NOTE*** I'm confident enough to believe this wont be either awkward or embarrassing. I don't know what self esteem issues you have, but I admire my prowess so to speak.

In my experience with women, I have learned that they often say that something will not upset them and then get upset anyway. Listen to Kraken. If you and this girl had feelings for each other, nothing good will come of this. Give us an update to let us know what happens.

 

[ZSF]

You only get one or two chances at a threesome, there are billions of women...

 

[Thyunda]

Night of awesomeness vs life of torment.


I know what I'd choose.

And before you all report me or try to kill me for being intolerant, I'm not the sort to like the idea of marriage. It's too Christian a tradition for my liking. Especially the banning of bigamy. I mean, why is that illegal? Honestly....

Life of Torment? even if my fiancee left me today for no reason I wouldn't live a "Life of Torment" I do love her, but if something happened between us and caused us to split i'm not going to hate the rest of my life.

Not what I meant. Marriage = Torment.

 

[pwiggi]

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018

The tl;dr version: this ground has been covered before. Here is some advice from experience (well, modified to fit your circumstances). To improve your chances of making it through this drama-free, then do this:

1. Tell your fiancee about your romantic feelings for your friend, and her romantic feelings for you. Explain everything, just as you've done here (i.e. that you wouldn't leave your fiancee for her, that she claims she can keep her feelings for you controlled). If she's still okay with it at that point, then go through with it.

2. Tell your friend that you are going to tell your fiancee about her feelings for you, before taking step #1. I assume she told you that in confidence; betraying her trust isn't a good place to start. If your friend isn't okay with your fiancee knowing about her feelings for you, call the thing off. That's a pretty clear sign that she isn't secure enough about those feelings to keep them in check.

3. Make sure everyone's clear that it's a no-pressure, casual encounter.


The key here is that no one should know something that the other person doesn't. When dealing with multiple partners, romantic or just sexual, secrets are the best way to guarantee drama.

 

[Weaver]

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018

The tl;dr version: this ground has been covered before. Here is some advice from experience (well, modified to fit your circumstances). To improve your chances of making it through this drama-free, then do this:

1. Tell your fiancee about your romantic feelings for your friend, and her romantic feelings for you. Explain everything, just as you've done here (i.e. that you wouldn't leave your fiancee for her, that she claims she can keep her feelings for you controlled). If she's still okay with it at that point, then go through with it.

2. Tell your friend that you are going to tell your fiancee about her feelings for you, before taking step #1. I assume she told you that in confidence; betraying her trust isn't a good place to start. If your friend isn't okay with your fiancee knowing about her feelings for you, call the thing off. That's a pretty clear sign that she isn't secure enough about those feelings to keep them in check.

3. Make sure everyone's clear that it's a no-pressure, casual encounter.


The key here is that no one should know something that the other person doesn't. When dealing with multiple partners, romantic or just sexual, secrets are the best way to guarantee drama.

did you really join the forums to post this??
It's good advice it just seems unusual for a first post

 

[Evilbunny]

Do it and post pics.

I agree with this guy.

 

[Robyrt]

Sorry to burst your bubble here, but in my (admittedly second-hand) experience these kind of things never work out as well as everyone hoped they would. It's awkward, and if Girl #2 re-develops romantic feelings for you, or Girl #1 (your fiancée) suspects that she has, things are gonna get real ugly, real fast.

Also: seconded on the birth control, for obvious reasons.

Also: from a religious standpoint, marriage is designed to be the exclusive vehicle for sex. You don't want to be sitting there 5 years from now, thinking "Yeah, honey, you're great and all, but that threesome was really mind-blowing. It's just not the same without her." You're in the weird intermediate position of being a fiancé, so you have to tread carefully.

 

[cobra_ky]

Don't do it! For all you know, this may make your fiancee fall in love with the *ahem* 'threesomeee', making you lonely and have to go to their lesbian wedding. Then, they'll actually thank you for getting them together.

It's a trap!

this pretty much happened to me back in high school. the wedding's in october.

i have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

 

[VitalSigns]

I have been with my Fiancee for 2 and a half years, our mutual friend is coming up to stay the weekend and visit, our friend was talking to me in private and made a "joke" about a threesome. Girlfriend found out and to my surprise said she would be cool with it. So this should all be good right? The Catch: this other girl has expressed to me a few times that she has legitimate romantic feelings for me, and I once actually told her I had them back but I wasn't going to leave my Fiancee. I'm scared this could also complicate things, that being said both girls are stunningly attractive, smart, fun etc, and I want to do this pretty bad. Is it worth the risk of the complications to have a wicked and memorable night?

EDIT*** Clear up some things

-Me and my fiancee are very open minded.
-This is not something She is doing just cause she thinks i'd like it, we have talked about the idea of a threesome for a while now
-Other girl (the friend) said that any feelings she may have for me are under control and would not let this become a problem. (she could just be saying that however)
-I am confident in my sexual abilities and truly don't feel this would be either awkward, or laughable.
-Any guy with a libido would want this to happen.

God bless your fiance who's marrying a guy asking for advice on a gaming website... bahhahahhaha.

your right, I forgot all gamers were sexless socially awkward nerds who don't know the first thing about a women or how to please one. Your shitty thoughts probably come from having your head up your ass all the time.