Poll: Looking for real advice not moral zealots

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Imrix

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Nov 21, 2007
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Do some groundwork and research first. The other girl may have discarded her romantic feelings in the intervening time.

Also, check with your girlfriend not just if she's cool with it, but if she actually likes the idea herself. If she's willing to do it just for your sake, forget it. If she actually likes the idea because SHE thinks it'd be cool, that's fine.

Next, make it clear to the other woman what the offer actually entails. If she goes in with expectations because she failed to understand something properly, then the shit is going to hit the fan. Casual sex, threesomes, fuck-buddies etc, can and does work- but it does require some preperation beforehand. But that's for fuck-buddies; somebody you either don't know or have a, shall we say, "working relationship" with.

"Friends with benefits" can also work, but it's far more complicated. That's not to say it isn't possible or a helluva lot of fun, just... Complicated.

So long as everybody understands what the arrangement actually entails and doesn't go in hoping to get more out of it than they should expect to, then it can work out really well. But you do need to understand that it's a big if.
 

SendMeNoodz84

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Jun 11, 2009
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VitalSigns said:
SendMeNoodz84 said:
Threesomes are NOT how everyone on T.V. make them out to be. They are VERY awkward and you will most likely want to forget it ever happened. Besides she's you fiance dude, this isn't exactly showing your devotion to your relationship.
Why can't anyone wrap there mind around the fact that my girlfriend WANTS to have a threesome just as much as me? Women are sexual beings too.
I understand she does want to, but I've actually BEEN in a threesome with two girls that did want to have a threesome. You asked for advice so just accept mine or don't. No need to accuse me of not understanding the subject.
 

pwiggi

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Jun 17, 2009
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AC10 said:
did you really join the forums to post this??
It's good advice it just seems unusual for a first post :p
Well, not really. It was just a convenient excuse.

I keep seeing threads I would reply to, if I had an account. My possibly misplaced desire to spew advice about the possibilities of open sexuality just overcame the inertia.



Propagandasaurus said:
I'm just saying that an adventurous spirit doesn't mix well with marriage.
As someone who is both married and polyamorous (I think it safe to say polyamory implies a certain adventurousness of spirit, in this context), I respectfully disagree.


(Edit to add: note that polyamory doesn't necessarily equate with casual sex, and in fact doesn't in my case... but there are lots of ways to do it, so to speak)
 

sallene

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Dec 11, 2008
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VitalSigns said:
Why can't anyone wrap there mind around the fact that my girlfriend WANTS to have a threesome just as much as me? Women are sexual beings too.


Which brings up the point, since your fiance is adverturous and has no problem with it,

How would you handle if one day she found a male friend she wanted to have a threesome with?

Not being a prick, just throwing it out there as it could be a possibility.
 

Psepha

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Apr 3, 2009
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The OP has argued any comments to the negative pretty hard, it's fairly clear you've made your mind up already and are looking for someone to convince you it's definitely a good idea.
 

VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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sallene said:
VitalSigns said:
Why can't anyone wrap there mind around the fact that my girlfriend WANTS to have a threesome just as much as me? Women are sexual beings too.


Which brings up the point, since your fiance is adverturous and has no problem with it,

How would you handle if one day she found a male friend she wanted to have a threesome with?

Not being a prick, just throwing it out there as it could be a possibility.
already answered this back in the mess somewhere
 

xxnightlawxx

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Nov 6, 2008
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Mrsnugglesworth said:
I say yes, but its your choice. It could really screw some things up. I'd do it, because I'm a sex depraved gamer, but its your choice.
At least hes truthful. And if you think that you good enough.

Edit: I dont mean good enough in the way that you are probly thinking. I mean like if the realtion ship between you and your fiancée then go ahead. Why not. Shes ok with it.
 

fix-the-spade

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Feb 25, 2008
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VitalSigns said:
-Any guy with a libido would want this to happen.
Agreed.

BUT.

It sounds a lot like your friend is trying to force her way into your relationship by extreme means. If you want to do it then go for it, but for God's sake be careful.
 

VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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Psepha said:
The OP has argued any comments to the negative pretty hard, it's fairly clear you've made your mind up already and are looking for someone to convince you it's definitely a good idea.
Not really im taking it all into consideration, im not going to argue the points that say "YEAH BRO DO IT" cause i already understand there side. I appreciate anyone who posts with anything relevant and intelligent to say.
 

Ben Legend

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Apr 16, 2009
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As long as it doesn't destroy your relationship, then i'd suggest you go for it.
But the problem is that, you never know the consequences until it is too late.

Hm... A though one indeed.
 

SenseOfTumour

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Jul 11, 2008
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In my opinion, having been the 'third' of a threesome before, its entirely fine if everyone is honest, upfront and there's no secrets..and here's the kicker, no hidden emotional strings.

I was the FB of an attached woman, the guy was entirely fine with it tho, hell we played video games together. Because they were attached and I had no 'love' feelings, we were sexually compatible friends, there was no problems involved, and it only ended because they had to move away.

However, you yourself sense that your 'third' has feelings for you and I sense this could cause no end of problems later on, as most, not all, but most women, especially if they already have feelings, find it hard to separate sex from emotion.

So short version, my advice, yes, go for a threesome, but no, not with her.

You may find a willing second girl you both like in the future who isn't going to be problematic in the future.

EDIT: also, as many have said, fantasy beats reality most of the time, no-one ever gets elbows in the ribs or a mouthful of hair in the movies :D

Whatever happens, if you two are open to the idea, and go for it, I wish you luck and hope it works out. Oh if the 'other' girl ever says she's moving to another country, suggest it, quick :D get in there before she leaves!
 

Abi79

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Sep 19, 2007
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VitalSigns said:
Propagandasaurus said:
I'm just saying that an adventurous spirit doesn't mix well with marriage.
I find it does when your Fiancee is just as adventurous. Plus we are engaged but not getting married till 2011.
Has your fiancee ever done this before?

She most likely has fantasies about doing it, but you have no idea how:
1) Your girlfriend will actually react to seeing you having sex with another woman
2) What your common friend will actually do. As you said, maybe she's just saying that everything will be under control. You never know.

3) Whether your fiancee will actually fall in love with th-- Only 2) and 3), then.


Do it if you want. But be prepared to kick the friend out at a moment's notice if she starts doing something strange.
 

Croaker42

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Feb 5, 2009
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Chances are this wont turn out well...... But what the hell, DO IT!! Because if you don't you will never know what would have been. And if your relationship goes to shit, well you have something else to swing to if you feel like it.
 

Golden Gryphon

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Jun 10, 2009
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You sound like you've made up your mind already. I personally wouldn't recommend it with this girl but if you are going to then there are a couple of things you need to sort out first. Most importantly you need to tell your fiance about the girls feelings towards you even if she says that she has it under control. If she finds out later that you knew and didn't tell her she may question why you hid it. You should also figure out the ground rules beforehand (exactly what all of you want, if there's anything off limits and so on). This applies to anyone you have a threesome with.
 

sallene

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Dec 11, 2008
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VitalSigns said:
sallene said:
VitalSigns said:
Why can't anyone wrap there mind around the fact that my girlfriend WANTS to have a threesome just as much as me? Women are sexual beings too.


Which brings up the point, since your fiance is adverturous and has no problem with it,

How would you handle if one day she found a male friend she wanted to have a threesome with?

Not being a prick, just throwing it out there as it could be a possibility.
already answered this back in the mess somewhere

really?

I saw it was asked, but I didnt see your answer, I will go back and check agian but I am not finding it.