Poll: Marriage in the 21st century?

[SmartyShorts]

Marriage is something that happens when you're sure you want it to. If you're 19 and you've found the person you want to be with forever, then by all means, get married. If you want to stabilize your life first, wait until you're a few years into a steady career. Every relationship is different and so is every marriage. The ones that don't work out just don't.

 

[6_Qubed]

They aren't even old enough to legally have wine at the reception, and they want to legally roll against the longest odds in modern romance? Seriously?

Are you taking advice for these kids? Tell 'em to sit on the notion for about five years or so. Honestly not that long a period of time. If they want to move in someplace together, fine, but give 'em about five years or so to learn each others' bad habits, dramatic bullshit and insane quirks, and I mean all of 'em. If they can learn to cope with this horrid smelly creature that occationally turns into the person they fell in love with, then maybe they have a chance.

Maybe

Let's get something straight, this isn't one of those "as long as we have twoo wuv we'll be together forever" situations, because they never are. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either too stupid to feed themselves or selling jewelry. The cold hard reality of it is that marriage is not the same game it was a few hundred years ago. It was a lot easier to make it to that "Til Death Do Us Part" goal when there was more shit that could kill you before you turned forty.

And speaking as a child of a failed marriage myself, I'd tell them to wait about ten years after they marry to even think about kids. You think divorce is bad for the principles? Try having to pick favorites between Mommy and Daddy. That shit ain't fun, but it sounds like they should know this already.

So yeah. Tell 'em to give it some time. Barring freak accidents, neither of them is going anywhere.

 

[Deleted]

There are real benefits to being married when it comes to finance. But I think marriage is largely a way of showing off your relationship (why else is the wedding so extravagant) and to feed your desire for a perfect life since marriage is seen as a goal.

It'll still be around though because its a tradition and traditions are hard to break.

 

[Sandernista]

I don't really believe in marriage to begin with.
Not that I think it's wrong or that I'm more of the loner type or that I want to be "free" and sleep around.
It's quite the opposite actually. I like a one and only type thing. A soulmate of sorts.
But... marriage makes no sense to me. What changes after signing a little piece of paper?
Nothing. You still love each other so... what's the big deal? I'd rather just spend my life with someone instead. The marriage process just seems like a giant waste of time and more of a hassle than it's worth.

When your soulmate gets into an accident and you want to ride in the ambulance with them and comfort them at the hospital signing that piece of paper is really important. That's one of the few reasons why I would get married.

 

[Kristina.K.]

I do not think of age as an issue. Age does little to determine the strength of a committed relationship. My grandmother married my grandfather when she was seventeen, and he is ten years her senior. They have been together ever since.
Religion doesn't necessarily play a definite part in marriage anymore. People can be married by a Justice of the Peace, and by other figures of authority. Hand-fasting is another alternative. It is important to remember that Christendom did not start the tradition of marriage, it merely gave it a name.
I agree that both of them growing up from failed marriages probably will not put anything in their favour. However, they may have learned something about themselves and each other because of the failed marriages from which they bore witness. It is not impossible to learn from other people's mistakes, nor is it impossible to not repeat them. I think it would be silly for them to throw away their expression of marriage simply because of fear for the uncertain.
In my opinion, marriage doesn't destroy a relationship -it is the people who enter the marriage who have not made a commitment to understanding what it means to be a part of such a union. Compromise could very well be the only thing which saves any marriage, but that is another debate entirely. How often do we think of marriage as the bonding of two people forever?
I'd hate to admit it, but marriage in this age feels more like an excuse for a day of all-out pageantry, rather than a sincere honoring of vows between two people. Unfortunately, marriage seems just as disposable as everything else we collectively take for granted.
I wish them the best of luck, and I hope that you can set aside your prejudices to support them in whatever they choose to do.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

But think of the sweat tax-breaks, my friend!

OT:

I think marriage is something good if you know you truly love the person. It is just another way of expressing your commitment to them.

True but... what else? Only for financial gain? Is that really a good reason to get married?
And why can't you just... you know... tell someone you love them and are committed? >.>
I just don't get what being married means. It's just a title, really. "I'm married" doesn't do anything to solidify a relationship. People can still fall out of love and get with someone else and still have problems.
Some people seem to see marriage as a fix for all their problems and it just doesn't work that way.
If anything, it only causes more.

In my mind it's just a way of showing your commitment more than saying it. Someone can say that they are committed to a person. Lauren told me that she was so committed that if I went to prison and got anything less than life she would stay with me. We know how that worked out.

Marriage, on the other hand, is an action that demonstrates commitment. You have to go through a long process, which is legally binding.

I guess it's an actions speak louder than words sort of thing.

However, I do not believe marriage is an absolute necessity. I want to get married someday, but buying a house together with somebody is another action demonstrating commitment that is about on the same level. Marriage isn't the one route. Just one that I think is good when done for the right reasons.

 

[LiraelG]

I'm not pro marriage, but I do think it shows a deeper level of commitment and it just feels like you become a complete family. It's meant to be done for good reasons; for complete, unadulterated love; and shows officially that you want to work together as a team for the rest of your life. So it does seem romantic.

I think the whole white wedding thing is a bit pointless though. It's more expensive than it's worth; I'd rather spend the money on a home! If I ever get married, I want it to be really really simple. I don't need a dress or an expensive ring or a party or a honeymoon (though a short holiday alone together would be nice). It can just be me and him together with close family members.

 

[Arafiro]

In an age where divorce rates are sky high does it really make sense to risk destroying a perfectly healthy relationship?

Where is the risk?
If they're meant for each other, they'll stay together in the marriage, and if not then they'll split up whether they're married or not.

All I know is that I want to get married, I don't understand living your entire life with someone that you're not married to (and I can't imagine not living your life with one person).

 

[Rawne1980]

Neither me or my wife are religious.

What difference does that make to marriage?

 

[TheDooD]

I always thought open relationships and polygamy were WAY more natural to the human condition. open relationships prevents all that sneaking around cloak and dagger bullshit that can ruin most normal ones. Both men and women are temped everyday and being punished for it to me is stupid. polygamy is normally looked down upon because crazy bastards take advantage of it and normally take having more then one wife into something like a fucking cult. Yet at the roots I respect when somebody can find a way to support multiple lovers. Just not when it's turn into cultist type bullshit.

I think you mean polyamory. Polygamy is one male with many female partners.

yeah that's what I meant I was drowsy posting.

 

[Esotera]

Marriage is outdated, its only real benefits are in tax breaks & the fact that some people won't look down on you. Personally I'd never do it, but it's up to them...as long as they've thought it through.

 

[Julianking93]

In my mind it's just a way of showing your commitment more than saying it. Someone can say that they are committed to a person. Lauren told me that she was so committed that if I went to prison and got anything less than life she would stay with me. We know how that worked out.

Marriage, on the other hand, is an action that demonstrates commitment. You have to go through a long process, which is legally binding.

I guess it's an actions speak louder than words sort of thing.

However, I do not believe marriage is an absolute necessity. I want to get married someday, but buying a house together with somebody is another action demonstrating commitment that is about on the same level. Marriage isn't the one route. Just one that I think is good when done for the right reasons.

I get what you're saying, but honestly... and I really really fucking hate to say this... but do you think that marriage would have kept you guys together? I mean really?

Marriage isn't going to just save a relationship. That's what I was saying before. People seem to see it as a sudden fix when in actuality, if anything at all, it just makes things more difficult.

This isn't me saying "Fuck you" to anyone who wants to get married either. I don't care. Do what you want. I'm not even saying your life is gonna suffer for it and I completely understand why some people see it as a necessity, but I don't and I get angry when people tell me I'm an idiot for not wanting to get married or that I just want to stay single. I've established that already and I even get the legal benefit but if that's really the only reasons someone can come up with... maybe getting married isn't something you should be doing.

 

[Double A]

Yeah, they are all stubborn. But generally, if you want to live with someone for the rest of your life, it's best to marry them. The good thing is you don't need a giant ceremony, all you need is a judge. Swallow your pride to cause less legal headaches.

And if I no longer wish to be with them? That causes possibly the biggest legal headache of all. >.>
Now don't get me wrong here, I want to meet that special someone who I would want to spend my life with but being realistic about it, that very well might not happen and getting married only makes the break up that much more of a hassle.

Actually, this gives me an idea. If you love someone, don't get married till they're on their deathbed.

 

[Henkie36]

At the age of 19, this isn't a very wise decision. But whether or not they both have parents who divorced (I know people who have been happily married for a long time and have divorced parents) , they shouldn't be withheld from marriage by that.

My reccomendation, tell them to think it over. If they really want to, you can't stop them. But advise them to wait til they are both over 21 and see if they still think the same way about it.

Remember, love makes blind.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I'm married. Cheap backyard wedding. We love each other, also wanted better insurance. He's the one who brought it up, actually. The ceremony was also something important to him (as he made sure to mention when we first got together), and I didn't really give a crap whether we did or not, so I just agreed. We had already been together for four years, and I had/have no plans of going anywhere. Our first anniversary was on July 18th of this year. I am also a product of a broken home. Both of my parents are on their third marriages. My husband is religious, I am most certainly not. We have similarities but we are also fairly different, but we mesh disturbingly well.

That said, no one has to get married,it isn't for everyone, and no one should be 'forced' into it for any reason, especially for unexpected pregnancies. It also shouldn't be a last ditch effort to make a relationship work. At nineteen, you've barely gotten out of school. Most people are still living at home. I think some people treat marriage a little too seriously and need to just learn to go with the flow on certain things, but some don't treat it seriously enough. It still requires some compromise and patience and if you want to get married after only a few months , you have to realize that all that little shit you love now, you may hate to the bowels of hell a few months later. Just because your other slurps their tea a little, isn't grounds for divorce.

I am for any and all relationship types. Marriage, Common-Law, Gay and Lesbian Marriage/Partners, or people who don't want to even be in a relationship and prefer their absolute solitude. Whatever suits you, is what I say. It really shouldn't be anyone elses business.

 

[Android2137]

I don't really believe in marriage to begin with.
Not that I think it's wrong or that I'm more of the loner type or that I want to be "free" and sleep around.
It's quite the opposite actually. I like a one and only type thing. A soulmate of sorts.
But... marriage makes no sense to me. What changes after signing a little piece of paper?
Nothing. You still love each other so... what's the big deal? I'd rather just spend my life with someone instead. The marriage process just seems like a giant waste of time and more of a hassle than it's worth.

Agreed 120%. Not to mention a waste of money by throwing a big wedding like people like to do. I guess it serves as a memory for the couple, but still pointless to me.

But the ceremony is optional. You don't have to waste money and stress yourself out with a big event. I believe in marriage, but when I get married, it'll be, "City Hall. Family Registry. Boom, honey, we married. Now let's go home."

As for those 19-year-olds, I really recommend they wait until they have a career...

 

[ShindoL Shill]

I don't really believe in marriage to begin with.
Not that I think it's wrong or that I'm more of the loner type or that I want to be "free" and sleep around.
It's quite the opposite actually. I like a one and only type thing. A soulmate of sorts.
But... marriage makes no sense to me. What changes after signing a little piece of paper?
Nothing. You still love each other so... what's the big deal? I'd rather just spend my life with someone instead. The marriage process just seems like a giant waste of time and more of a hassle than it's worth.

what changes is that if you break up, shit gets fucked up with money and ownership and all that balls.
OT: marriage is a stupid idea for that reason. if you have a girlfriend and break up with her, will she take you to court to decide who gets what? i assume not.
not to mention the large amount of money that gets spent on weddings which could go towards something practical, like a house or a massive bag of coke.

 

[HerbertTheHamster]

"A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty."

everyone should follow these wise words

 

[Booradlee]

Love is a complicated emotion. People try to think it is simple. Here's my simplified form

Food is real.
Money is a piece of paper given value by people.
Money is only worth what you are willing to do to get it.

Love is real.
Marriage is a ceremony given value by people.
Marriage is only worth what you decide it is.

Love is an emotion. Anyone can fall in love, and there are no strings attached.
Marriage is a promise. It is attaching your own strings to someone else.


Most importantly is that Marriage should never be done half way. If you want to try to live your life with someone do it, don't try it out for awhile. Just do it.

If you want to do it.
If you don't, don't.

 

[The Virgo]

I think that infidelity should be a death penalty crime. I mean I really, honestly, truly believe that you should be allowed to legally kill your spouse if you can give a court proof of his/her philandering. You show evidence, they give you a piece of paper, you go home, walk into the bedroom where your spouse and their lover are doing it, aim your shotgun at them and say, "HONEY, I'M HOOOOOME!"

Either that, or there could be a squad of people who work in conjunction with private detectives. If they find someone cheating on their spouse, they should just go in there while they're fucking, drag them outside, tie them up with chain, pour same gasoline on them and light their asses on fire. Let their screams of pain echo throughout the neighborhood and remind people why cheating on your spouse is bad.

That would only make sense.