Poll: Men need to find out that it's good to talk

[Alon Shechter]

Men have fewer close friends, and their friendships tend to rely less on emotional support and more on camaraderie than women?s. Are they real friendships at all?

I have about 10 close friends who will stand by my side on fire and water.
I know women who have 500 friends and constantly piss each other off for no reason except that they're "INSERT BUNCH OF CUSSING HERE".

 

[Stabby Joe]

I don't talk about my feelings much because to put it bluntly, I'm a very one note character... a delightfully cynical one at that.

 

[Datalord]

This odd phenomena is actually based in tribal mechanics

Men would go off for long periods of time, alone, to hunt whatever large prey was near their homes, and as such would often be separated from their friends and families for days or weeks.

Women would basically stay in the camp/cave and talk, take care of the young, and partake in group activities like gathering.

As a result, women network more than men, but there's no way to tell when someone is really your friend, until they get mauled by a bear to help you out.

You can interpret that second part as a metaphor if you want

 

[Killerscape]

Relationship consultant David Kavanagh is not surprised that men have fewer friends, and says that men who are married can lose contact with their male friends rapidly.

Well this is where it gets difficult. Men need only their segnificant other to confide to because they show less emotions compared to women who need a group of friends to confide/gossip to. This all means that men need only one close friend for life when women need more than one.
As for losing touch with their male friends after getting married only means in a metaphor that the spouse banned poker night.

 

[Tucker154]

Let me first say I dont appreciate the Irish stariotyping...

And it discribeds me in only a few ways. I do talk about certint things that can be considered "emotional". But overall I dont realy see what he says being all that true. Everyone I know has at least a few close friends that they talk about feelings with.

 

[veloper]

Also, generalisations are per definition unfounded. That is not the case with certain differences between men and women.

You'd better post YOUR definition of the word then, so we can avoid the tower of Babel effect.

According to the dictionary:
to generalise is to draw a general conclusion from a particular set of examples or evidence.

It doesn't say how large the set is, so there can be different types of generalisations.
That would be where the broad sweeping generalisations come in, to differentiate from the useful generalisations.

Most of the things we think we know, are the result of generalising by the definition. Only proof within math is purely logical.
No point in throwing everything away just because of possible exceptions to the rule.

 

[manythings]

Men have fewer close friends, and their friendships tend to rely less on emotional support and more on camaraderie than women?s. Are they real friendships at all?

Males make better friends then women in my experience, judging by the backstabbing I constantly see atleast. I'll admit I have fewer friends than most girls, but my friends are far, far closer than any girls I've seen together. And I've got quite a few girl---friends as well.

I'd agree with you there, my sister has a majority of male friends for the same reason.

Umm... you don't think it is a bit simplistic to say "Men aren't like women ergo women are better because that is what I think"?

 

[hurfdurp]

Seems like men are expected to be half-human, emotionless husks for fear of being perceived as x. Men are just as emotional as women, but are expected to suppress it. Once you get to know them well, they totally unload on you like BLAAGHHHHSDD.

 

[J.J]

tl;dr synopsis: All IMO - Stereotypes, deal with it. In my experience the article holds true. Guys problem solve with logic, girls comfort and pity with emotion.


The long version:
I dunno how people are that upset about this being sexist. These sorts of generally common actions have been around and associated like this for years for a reason. "Generally" is the word here, not absolute fact to everyone. Just because some people are different, unless it's the solid majority, it won't change quite right away. That goes with any sort of "stereotype."

White, Asian, Hispanic, etc. people play b-ball, yeah duh. But when we see mostly blacks on the court while watching TV, movies, or looking downtown blacktops (pun not intended,) then you'll see it's generally Black dudes playing. That's just how majority and generalizations work, and I'd say "Deal with it." Make your own choices and opinions without getting salty about it.

Ahem, anyway. I personally think it's much harder for guys to share their thoughts just in general. While drinking with my buds, we noticed one of the guys smoking a lot, despite him supposedly quitting. We hit him up, asking if anything is wrong. The with three of us, we have no problem confiding in each other, but this guy spent about 10 minutes in silent just trying to figure out what he wanted to say... and actually never came to much more than "it's this girl..." Eventually, we just distracted from the subject, but I believe more for his sake than anything.

I'm easy to share my emotions, as a guy, but it has to be with someone who I feel will be willing enough to seriously listen and concern themselves with it. One guy posted on this thread that girls just go "Aww..." But yeah, I don't wanna be Aww'd 98% of the time, I'd feel pathetic and my man-like pride feels kind of crushed ;P (I know it's a stupid way to put it, but it's totally how I feel, hahaha.) <-- Leads into another example: When guys, in my experience want to explain stuff, it's cut and dry and simple. Not a lot of 'feeling' goes into it.

Lastly, guys for millions of years have been "problem-solvers" in history. So, in my experiences, when girls wanna talk about problems to a guy, the guy will often go into figuring out answers to her predicament when the gal might just want an ear to talk to. And vice versa, as kinda said above. Girls will just listen, but the guy will want something more solid than pity or comfort.

Also, I lose contact with a lot more female friends than male friends on negative, or even general, basis. The female-backstab theory hold water in my head.

 

[Tri Force95]

Why would I want to talk about my feeling again? I just find it useless because it doesn't help anything, all you have done is bothered someone else with your problems.

I completely agree with you man.

OP: Honestly, I do find it better to talk to a friends whos a girl, then one of my guy friends, because they seem more supportive and stuff, but in truth, I find talking to your friends about anything really doesnt help chnage anything, at all.

 

[Jedamethis]

Must have come from early times, when if you were a man, you didn't want somebody to share your feelings with, you wanted somebody who wouldn't bash your face in with a rock and nick your food/woman/shiny stones, or would be there to back you up when there's a mammoth about to squish you. Women shared feelings because they could afford to concentrate on each other, whilst men had to be alert and watch out for tiger-shaped shadows.
And I find that men communicate, it's mostly about getting something done. If you tell somebody about how you feel, what happens as a result? Usually nothing, except you might get eaten because you weren't concentrating on the tiger-shaped shadows.

Except now, you won't. people are more safe, whch is why some men talk more.
At least that's what I think. But hey, I'm still small, I could be completely wrong...

 

[chiefohara]

Men have fewer close friends, and their friendships tend to rely less on emotional support and more on camaraderie than women?s. Are they real friendships at all?

Males make better friends then women in my experience, judging by the backstabbing I constantly see atleast. I'll admit I have fewer friends than most girls, but my friends are far, far closer than any girls I've seen together. And I've got quite a few girl---friends as well.

I'd agree with you there, my sister has a majority of male friends for the same reason.

Umm... you don't think it is a bit simplistic to say "Men aren't like women ergo women are better because that is what I think"?

I don't know what you mean.

 

[chiefohara]

Let me first say I dont appreciate the Irish stariotyping...

And it discribeds me in only a few ways. I do talk about certint things that can be considered "emotional". But overall I dont realy see what he says being all that true. Everyone I know has at least a few close friends that they talk about feelings with.

The Article is from an Irish Newspaper.

 

[Tucker154]

Let me first say I dont appreciate the Irish stariotyping...

And it discribeds me in only a few ways. I do talk about certint things that can be considered "emotional". But overall I dont realy see what he says being all that true. Everyone I know has at least a few close friends that they talk about feelings with.

The Article is from an Irish Newspaper.

That kind of explains why I dont know anyone that is completely like that then.

 

[Chester41585]

I have more female friends than male friends. These female friends always say they hate being friends with females. Apparently, females are emotionally murderous harpies. /shrug.
My guy friends are generally battle buddies. I trust them further than I trust my parents in most cases.

 

[Eponet]

I think it's been explained before that a man being a close friend with another man is different than a women having a close relationship with another woman. Both sexes use the same type of relationship for different purposes, generally speaking.

That said, I can't really judge. I have no real life friends whatsoever, so even if I wanted to talk about my emotions, I wouldn't have anyone to talk about them.

Making generalizations based on someones sex is not sexist you say? Okay, sorry for my other posts.

It's almost as much of a fact as that women have vaginas and men have penises.

Fact is, men and women are different on certain physical grounds, this includes certain behavioural patterns (as they, obviously, also originate from your body). One is being sexist if they equal those difference to being worse than the other sex.

Except that obvious physical differences can be disproved at a glance if they're untrue, while those who do not fit 'normal' behavior will still be expected to act in a certain way. True or not, there's a lot more to be gained from avoiding any pre-conceived social expectations than there is to gain from placing them on people.

 

[nuba km]

snip

I think that men make better friends I find that a lot of women I know often backstab and have arguments with there best friend. I do think though that Irish men have problems showing emotions most not even shaking your hand when they meet you I was born I Germany and me and my friends greeted each other with a hug but in my group of friends I am the one how everyone trusts with their secrets going pretty deep into things which most people would only tell to their psychiatrist. my friends and me are close if one of use would backstab one of use we would not easily accept them back. I have seen women fall out because they wore the same dress to a big event (that doesn't considerate around either of them). I to also think it is harder for guys to accept new friends because they haven't shown they are trust worthy. this is one thing that makes men seem like people that are less friendly I think another thing is that guys need time alone other wise they start building stress and that as we all know is not a good thing. that is one of the reasons why being a parent stress out a man another is that in most relation ships they are the ones that earn money so they now need to work harder to make more money to support the child so they need to work harder at work then they go home and need to help around the house then they need to spend time with the child and then they have one or two hours before going to sleep then they get up and go to work so you can see how having a child physically drains a man to under stand how it drains them emotionally you need to be a father which I'm not so I'm not even going to take a guess. but this shows my third point about why men are believed to be less emotional then a women they don't spend time with the kids. the thing is women and men are both equally emotional except a women is faster and more likely to react to her emotions while a man normally sets his emotions aside to make a clearer decision. I don't know how to wrap this up so I am just going to end this here.

 

[Booze Zombie]

A FEW WEEKS ago I was talking to a male friend, who I meet several times a month for coffee. We?ve known each other on and off for about 10 years. He works in the private sector. When we meet we generally chat about current affairs, or sport or perhaps a brief update on our relationships. But that?s as far as it goes. I have no idea how he feels about his life. I don?t know if he is content, or what his insecurities are or how he is coping emotionally.

Strange, then, that I have an internet friend (only a short bus-ride away), who tells me how he's feeling and I tell him how I'm feeling, we play games, I've actually learnt how to take insults jokingly with him around and we do talk about things, serious or minor.

We're both male, by the way.

But I think overall, it's less to do with gender and more to do with what we're told and shown is appropriate in regards to other people.
I never had much of a worry of people thinking me "gay", so I just talk to people, any people, really.

If you approach people like you want to keep them at arms length because you're afraid of being called gay, you relationship with a person can only go so far...